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Original poster

Should I just unmatch this guy or what?

135 replies

Sarz1991 · 12/06/2021 10:49

Hey everyone, so I posted on this thread already about this guy that messaged me first on tinder, and he seemed nice asking me a lot of questions, and then 2 days later he asked me out on a date, so we went for the date which consisted of a walk that was 3 hours long and then at the end he asked me did I want to get a tea or ice cream in the cafe, but it was closed, so we both walked over to my car, his was parked near mine, now bear in mind I made absolutely no attempt to try get a hug or kiss off him and I was actually backing away from him so it might have seemed that I was not interested, so we both said we had a nice time and he said he would message again, which he did that night, but he didn't ask me out on a second date, he said he had a nice time alright, he messaged me again the next day asking asking how I was, of I had any plans for the week etc, I was vague but did say that I was going for walks and meeting my friend, he still didn't ask me out, so that was Monday night , and I had thought was it but he messaged me again on Thursday evening, asking how I was and how my week was, I was a bit pissed off so I didn't text him again until yesterday evening and answered him and asked him how he was, he said work was manic and he was home late Tuesday and Wednesday night and he was wrecked (he is a manager of a couple of museums in out city) and he again asked if I had any plans so I said I didn't really just cleaning in the morning and and walk, BUT he still didn't ask me out on a date, we texted a bit after that, I was a bit short and didn't asked him anything but he still asks me things that he remembered I've said to him over the past 2 weeks, so sorry for the essay but my room mates are telling me he's not interested, he is just stringing me along, he should have asked for my number already etc or is it just that he wants me to ask him for a second date because he did it first or am I just being hopeful and just need to unmatcg him on tinder so he doesn't keep wrecking my head? Just for the clarification the date did go quite well, he did laugh a lot at funny things I said, he did seem quite nervous but I probably looked at him more than he did, but he make eye contact a handful of times, he didn't pay much compliments only that I'm fit out because I told him I do a lot of walking

OP posts:
LawnFever · 13/06/2021 09:48

If you want his number instead of messaging on tinder just ask him, stop thinking he has to ask you out/ask for your number etc.

Dontsayyouloveme · 13/06/2021 10:06

This is so painful to read…. Can’t imagine what it’s like in real life 😩

Onelifeonly · 13/06/2021 10:14

It's a long time since I dated but my approach was to make clear I was up for it if I liked them and to make endless excuses if I didn't (because saying I don't fancy you seemed too blunt). Simples.

cocoloco987 · 13/06/2021 10:42

Why does him being nervous put you off but it's fine for you to be nervous? That's a weird double standard. Re wanting a kiss you need to have a think about more open body language. Faffing in your bag and your keys and presumably not making any eye contact is basically sending out back off vibes and your non committal comment about maybe doing it again was in the same tone as all your other cool exchanges. Stand close, smile, make eye contact. Say 'let's do this again soon'. I think at this stage showering loads of compliments is over the top anyway and it's not something I'd want or expect, especially from someone who appears a little nervous. Also agree with other posters. Please introduce full stops in to your writing, especially in longer posts. It makes for a difficult read!

Original poster
Sarz1991 · 13/06/2021 11:24

OK, thanks for your constructive replies. Yeah I will work on putting full stops. I am just rushing typing the post, but yes I understand it is probably harder to understand. So will I message him first saying I had a good time? He has not messaged me yet, but maybe I don't blame him, I was just so nervous!

OP posts:
LawnFever · 13/06/2021 11:43

If you want to message him just do it, don’t expect him to do all the work and don’t play games purposely waiting ages to reply, just be yourself and be honest with him.

CoopsMalloops · 13/06/2021 12:40

Message him and suggest moving to phone numbers instead of tinder.
Very gentlemanly of him to pay for the evening and I think you need to pull down the wall and appreciate he is thinking the same as you, he’s nervous, obviously likes you so just relax and enjoy it!
Overthinking is clearly killing the vibe so stop doing it and be straight up!

ChristmasFluff · 13/06/2021 13:30

You've had loads of terrible, well-meaning bad advice on this thread.

This is how women end up in those relationships where they are the ones driving it, and their partner is just passively reciprocating. Long-term this is soul destroying, because you don't feel wanted and cherished. If this is the sort of man you want - if this seems better to you than being single - go for it. Keep making all the moves.

Or leave it up to him, get dating other people so your head isn't so focussed on one person, and listen more to your flatmates.

Regularsizedrudy · 13/06/2021 14:01

Fgs just ask him out and stop playing silly games. How old are you

CoopsMalloops · 13/06/2021 14:21

@ChristmasFluff

You've had loads of terrible, well-meaning bad advice on this thread.

This is how women end up in those relationships where they are the ones driving it, and their partner is just passively reciprocating. Long-term this is soul destroying, because you don't feel wanted and cherished. If this is the sort of man you want - if this seems better to you than being single - go for it. Keep making all the moves.

Or leave it up to him, get dating other people so your head isn't so focussed on one person, and listen more to your flatmates.

Hmmm….good point actually 🤔
cocoloco987 · 13/06/2021 15:11

@CoopsMalloops I'd agree with you if OP had been sending all the right signals but she's been actively cold and short during times where he might ask. Not suggesting she does all the work all the time but she needs to be more open to progress past where they are at the moment

ThursdayWeld · 13/06/2021 15:29

@ChristmasFluff

You've had loads of terrible, well-meaning bad advice on this thread.

This is how women end up in those relationships where they are the ones driving it, and their partner is just passively reciprocating. Long-term this is soul destroying, because you don't feel wanted and cherished. If this is the sort of man you want - if this seems better to you than being single - go for it. Keep making all the moves.

Or leave it up to him, get dating other people so your head isn't so focussed on one person, and listen more to your flatmates.

Yes, you're right. Women are precious vessels to be chased and adored by men! And we all know that those types of relationship never go wrong, don't we Hmm
JustAnotherOldMan · 13/06/2021 18:24

Reading this, if I was the guy, I probably wouldn’t ask for another date, you sounded a bit nervous and insecure (comments about compliments) and non-committal,
He asked you about next weekend ( asked you out), and the answer sounded pretty vague,. And the whole keys thing somehow sounds like you could get indoors fast enough
TBH, I would probably read from this that you weren’t very interested, sorry.
But hopefully it works out for you

Peach01 · 13/06/2021 19:14

It's hard to read people sometimes when you're getting to know them. I wouldn't dwell on the compliments, if he was nervous he might not have felt comfortable. I would message him for sure. He's shown plenty of interest, you've been on 2 dates already. I'm the kind of person who holds back with initiating contact, as would definitely do it. What's to gain from sitting here wondering. He could be doing the exact same thing and hesitating.

Lozzerbmc · 13/06/2021 19:43

I think he’s not sure if you like him and so I think he’s being careful - I think he likes you. Try to relax and enjoy it- dating is meant to be fun after all!

Milkandhoney888 · 13/06/2021 20:01

Stop listening to your room mates would be my first piece of advise. I asked my partner out on a second date. He was really shy and i know i can come across as cold if i don't know you well, ( not one for hugging or kissing stranger's) we've been together now 2 year's. If you like him just ask him out lol

Original poster
Sarz1991 · 13/06/2021 20:25

OK thanks again for the replies. So I sent him a message at midday, asking him how he was etc. He didn't reply until this evening, he asked me the same, and that he was at his parents out the back because the weather was so nice, and if I was getting up to anything exciting etc. I replied saying I got sunburnt, and then I went onto apologise about rushing out of the car because I am just not used to dates. He replied back to another question I asked but ignored my apology, and at the end he asked if I have any plans for the week? I found it odd that he didn't acknowledge my apology but is the "Have you any plans for the week?" sort of asking me out or what?

OP posts:
coronaway · 13/06/2021 20:43

What did he say when you asked him out?

Peach01 · 13/06/2021 21:28

It would've been good had he acknowledged it and said don't worry or something but I'd just concentrate on his next move. Him asking your plans could be a way of finding out if you're free rather than coming straight out with asking you on another date.
What did you say to that?

Original poster
Sarz1991 · 13/06/2021 21:35

He texted within minutes and said "yeah I can do later, where to?" I also had to ask him to collect me because he suggested a time that was way too early to meet in town, and he replied with "Yeah no problem, just give me your address?"

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarz1991 · 13/06/2021 21:37

@Peach01

It would've been good had he acknowledged it and said don't worry or something but I'd just concentrate on his next move. Him asking your plans could be a way of finding out if you're free rather than coming straight out with asking you on another date. What did you say to that?
I said I don't have any plans this week, do you? I initiated the last date which was last night so I'm not going to initiate the next one!
OP posts:
user1471442488 · 13/06/2021 21:40

Jesus, stop making things so difficult

Peach01 · 13/06/2021 21:44

That's good, he knows you're free. Lets see what his move is Smile please update what happens next.
You're quite right. I wouldn't either. If you were to keep asking you wouldn't know if he was going to.

rosabug · 13/06/2021 21:49

@Sarz1991

OK thanks for that answer, but my roommates who have been on a lot of dates ( I haven't, not long out of a 8 year relationship) keep telling me that if a guy doesn't ask you out on a second date right away or if he doesn't ask you for your number right away then he's not interested!! So yeah I would like to ask him out for lunch but it's just a case of that I'm not sure he's not too interested
For crying out loud - stop being so passive and boringly girly. "Waiting" for the guy to perform to a set of cliched gender limiting rules.

Ask him, if he doesn't want to go - deal with it. And stop listening to your boring flatmates.

SamW98 · 13/06/2021 22:00

OP - please stop overthinking, listening to other people and just go with the flow

It doesn't have to be this complicated

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