Should I just unmatch this guy or what?

[Sarz1991]

Hey everyone, so I posted on this thread already about this guy that messaged me first on tinder, and he seemed nice asking me a lot of questions, and then 2 days later he asked me out on a date, so we went for the date which consisted of a walk that was 3 hours long and then at the end he asked me did I want to get a tea or ice cream in the cafe, but it was closed, so we both walked over to my car, his was parked near mine, now bear in mind I made absolutely no attempt to try get a hug or kiss off him and I was actually backing away from him so it might have seemed that I was not interested, so we both said we had a nice time and he said he would message again, which he did that night, but he didn't ask me out on a second date, he said he had a nice time alright, he messaged me again the next day asking asking how I was, of I had any plans for the week etc, I was vague but did say that I was going for walks and meeting my friend, he still didn't ask me out, so that was Monday night , and I had thought was it but he messaged me again on Thursday evening, asking how I was and how my week was, I was a bit pissed off so I didn't text him again until yesterday evening and answered him and asked him how he was, he said work was manic and he was home late Tuesday and Wednesday night and he was wrecked (he is a manager of a couple of museums in out city) and he again asked if I had any plans so I said I didn't really just cleaning in the morning and and walk, BUT he still didn't ask me out on a date, we texted a bit after that, I was a bit short and didn't asked him anything but he still asks me things that he remembered I've said to him over the past 2 weeks, so sorry for the essay but my room mates are telling me he's not interested, he is just stringing me along, he should have asked for my number already etc or is it just that he wants me to ask him for a second date because he did it first or am I just being hopeful and just need to unmatcg him on tinder so he doesn't keep wrecking my head? Just for the clarification the date did go quite well, he did laugh a lot at funny things I said, he did seem quite nervous but I probably looked at him more than he did, but he make eye contact a handful of times, he didn't pay much compliments only that I'm fit out because I told him I do a lot of walking

Just tell him how you feel and go from there. It's really not as complicated as you're making it. Examine what you want to happen and take the effective action.

The problem with messaging is that if you are in a certain frame of mind you can read messages differently to how they are sent.

He could be rushed at work and rather than ignore your message of "Hi, how are you?" he sent back a "Fine thanks, busy day at work". Thats him saying "If I dont reply straight away its because work is manic" because he doesnt want you to think he is ignoring you but you read it as him setting up his excuse to ignore you for a few hours.

Your expectations are negative, that comes across very strongly. If you had positive expectations then you wouldnt have even started this thread and that is what makes me wonder if you are ready for a new relationship as there appears to be something that is leading you to assume the worst allthe time, which I am guessing is your previous relationship that perhaps you havent fully dealt with. Not to say you are not "over it" but maybe its left you with issues that lead you to be insecure and having trust issues.

I'm a bit wondering why after 2 dates, you still haven't swapped numbers and are chatting through the app. 2 possibilities here, 1)he's not that bothered, 2) He's very backwards in coming forwards. I'm leaning towards 2, so I think maybe you might need to drive this forward yourself to get anywhere. Inconsistent messaging is quite possibly down to still doing it through the app. It's more hassle and involves more effort to check into the app to look for the message.
As it's been a bit like pulling teeth so far, which has left you in doubt and unsure, be the driving force for a bit, it's fine as long as you step back after a bit so you know it's not all coming from you.
Bearing this in mind, just ask him for his number and what messaging app to use. If he won't give it, cut your losses, because that is fishy behaviour.

I wouldn't dwell on what you done on the date because you apologised (you didn't need to) and he didn't acknowledge it. Being a bit nervous and fumbling around with keys isn't disastrous in any way. If that's enough to put him off then don't give him more of your time.
He could've still been a bit distant afterwards even if that didn't happen. This is the thing, you hardly know each other.

I do think if you want to speak to him and you'll keep wondering if you don't give one last attempt, messaged him. Be yourself, try to keep conversation going. If the conversation doesn't flow, if he's being dry or he doesn't do anything to show he's interested then I wouldn't contemplate messaging again. You'll be back to square one.

I'm wondering what he's doing to keep you interested?

You're playing games with the whole waiting a few days to reply to his message. It sounds like you haven't hit the right note at the start (I'm not sure why he needs to pay you compliments though), so I'd cut him loose

I think he's too good for you. And if he's a museum director, he's probably more intelligent than you come across here.

@katy1213
Woke up on the wrong side of the bed did we?
There’s no need for your unhelpful bitchy comments.

@Sarz1991 Tbh I'm not sure why you're even interested in him. He messaged you through Tinder and asked you out. You had a nice date, he messaged you after and would ask what your plans are but never following it up even when he knew you were free. Is he curious? Is it a ploy or him to appear bit more keen? We'll never know. After taking some bad advice from your roommates you rectified that and asked him on a second date and followed it up with a message. The bad advice obviously didn't put him off so don't give that another thought.

Reading your posts back you keep blaming yourself. I didn't try to kiss or hug him, I should've asked him on another date, I was fumbling with keys, I might not have seemed interested, I apologised to him. He didn't try to kiss you, he didn't ask you on another date. He'll not be doing this over every move he made.

You've made as much effort as he has overall. Since your last date he's not made any attempt to show he's interested, you have and that's been the most recent interaction. He's replied to a couple of messages you sent with a general response and that's it. He's not giving much to make you want more.

Thanks for your response - he actually text me last night asking me how I was etc, so he definitely must have more than half an interest in me - but wait for it - my room mate who I adore but I have realised is very nosy, asked me again about him and again her response was "Its going nowhere Sarah, he hasn't even asked you for your phone number!".

So the old me a week ago would have 100% agreed with her but the new me this time just smiled and pretended to agree, but thankfully I didn't listen, I went with my gut and have texted him asking him how he is😊 I really do appreciate all your advice on here so thanks again. But please no bitchy comments again, I believe this is an advice forum so pipe down bitchy people, thanks!

That's great! Trust your gut and don't doubt yourself. I'm pleased he's messaged you.

@Peach01

That's great! Trust your gut and don't doubt yourself. I'm pleased he's messaged you.

Thanks! Yeah I've a feeling there will be a date at the weekend but my gut is telling me that I'm going to suggest it again when he asks if I've any plans, because he probably is still not sure I'm hugely into him seen as I panicked and rushed out of the car!

So yes I'm very thankful for the "go with your gut" advice because it has paid off so far. I will update again😊

You sound awful and very childish. For some reason he clearly likes you but you're playing games. You don't sound mature enough for a relationship.

Go for it! Sometimes holding back is just a way to protect ourselves.

I think he's a bit shy and he's looking for you to lead him into asking for a date.

@Blueskytoday06

I think he's a bit shy and he's looking for you to lead him into asking for a date.

I do agree with this but on the other hand I did suggest the last date after a lot of back and forth texting all day Saturday last, as advised by the other lovely people on here. However we are back and forth texting tonight and tbh, its a lot of chit chat, and correct me if I'm playing games here but should I wait for him to suggest a date this time? Why I'm saying this is because we are still messaging on tinder and still haven't swapped numbers, so that makes me think that he's not as interested in me as I am! Am I wrong?

correct me if I'm playing games here but should I wait for him to suggest a date this time?
You're not playing games, you're being cautious. There's a difference in mindfully messing someone around and being unsure with what foot to put forward.
Honestly, if you want to see him just ask him.

Just ask for his phone number - he's unsure of you as you've given off some quite cold signals so you're probably going to have to do some of the work for now. Hopefully he'l gain confidence as tine goes on

You sound awful

No she fucking doesn't! Her friends were totally unhelpful and op was confusing herself and her gut!

Back off with the name calling.

@lolacola77

You sound awful and very childish. For some reason he clearly likes you but you're playing games. You don't sound mature enough for a relationship.

Where as you sound lovely and very mature!!

OP what do you want to happen next with him?

Thanks for your support, I am just going to ignore the nasty comments! So it ended up at 11pm his last text saying he has to go to bed now but that he will talk to me tomorrow. So I would like another date because I am attracted and he is a really nice guy. I am expecting him to chat a bit more this evening/tonight and hopefully suggest another date. However I have gone up to my parents after work as planned this morning because he didn't suggest the date last night, it is fathers day on Sunday and I haven't seen my parents in 5 weeks. So if he asks to meet tonight or Saturday, how will I put it to him that I'm at my parents but I would like to see him Sunday? I suppose just the way I've said it there😅 I just don't want him thinking that I not interested but I'm not waiting around either. It is a bit like dragging blood out of a stone with him but overall we are 50/50 on initiating messaging and dates, so its not like I'm doing all the work. As one of ye lovely guys said, he probably felt that I was giving him cold vibes so now it's my turn to turn that around! 0h and I do feel we should be swapping numbers at this stage but maybe that's not a deal breaker just yet?

If he asks tell him you're at your parents for fathers day but you'll be back Sunday. Ask him if he's seeing his parents. He might be spending Sunday with his dad. You could ask if he's free in the evening?

I mean this with the greatest kindness but you are massively overthinking. I am prone to this too but it really doesn't help you in any way. You say you feel like you should have swapped numbers by now? So give him your number!
There are no rules about who suggests the next date, you don't have to keep track and take turns so you don't seem desperate. If you'd like to go on another date with him, suggest it!

If he asks for a weekend date just say sorry I'm busy but I'm free Sunday we could meet then. And for the love of god just ask him for his number now 🤣🤣🤣

Hi you lovely lot! The latest update is that he hasn't actually been in contact since Thursday when he finished with "I'll talk to you tomorrow " which should have been yesterday and nothing so far yet today! So what's my next move, will I wait for him to message or will I be brave and message him? I'm thinking maybe he's still thinking that I'm not that interested, so that's why he hasn't put in the effort. Or should I just call it a day and just wait for him to make the next move?

@Sarz1991 Stop blaming yourself. You haven't done anything wrong. He won't think you're not interested, you met him for a date, asked him on a date, initiate contact, respond when he does.

Don't call it a day. Message him, ask him if you want to. If he can't make it and offers no alternative like following week etc then think about calling it a day.