Has anyone never been hugged by their mother?

[cucumberella]

If so, what is your relationship like with her? I've never ever been hugged by my Mom as far as I'm aware, and I get that not everyone is a hugger or affectionate, but just on a whole she really is so cold and unloving and I'm jealous of those amazing mother daughter relationships I at least believe are out there.

Very rarely and I'm ok with that. She's a loving mum in other ways. I think hugs are totally OTT and overrated sometimes. I just can't wait for them to finish when someone gives me one!

@CustardySergeant

Neither of my parents ever hugged me, nor did my grandparents. I was a "mistake" and was treated as if it was my fault I was born. I was an extremely quiet and obedient child as I felt guilty just for existing and costing money to feed and clothe and have always felt worthless. My mother died just before her 99th birthday in 2019 never having shown me any affection whatsoever. Unsurprisingly, I lived on my own from the age of 16. I'm 67 now.

OMG that's heartbreaking. Sadly, I believe you are not alone, and many people were brought up feeling 'unwanted,' as they were not planned. OR they were the 'wrong' gender. I know many a woman who is 50+, whose parents wanted a boy, and she was always second best to any brother(s) or just mostly ignored if there were no brothers.

Such a horrible cruel way to treat a child, and as I say, many people, especially moreso born pre 1970s have been subjected to this. (Being treated like shit because they were unplanned/ unwanted.) Not everyone 'unplanned' was treated this way of course, but there were many more 'back in the day' who were treated like shit because they were unplanned, than now, I believe. (Or the wrong gender.)

In many families, the boys could do no wrong, and were encouraged to excel and be high achievers, whilst the girls were just encouraged to get married, and have children. And whilst they still lived at home, they helped with the grunt work and drudgery, whilst the boys took part in sports and extra curricular activities, and further/higher education.

The life goal for many girls/young women was to find a husband. Especially in the working classes/lower working classes.

There was little else offered. Apart from a lifetime of living with mum and dad, and working in a factory from the age of 16. Subsequently, many girls married in haste, had children young, and ended up either divorced by the age of 35-40, or have been married for 35 years to a man they have never loved. At the time, any man who had his own hair and teeth, (and a job,) would do for some women.

My mother never gave me a hug ever, I ruined her life when she fell pregnant with me ,I learnt that I was a mistake ,funnily enough she went on to have three more children who she loved and was always hugging ,just me she hated . If she was alive now would I want a hug off her,no way, my father is the same,,can't ever remember when I was hugged by him either.

Never.

My mum never hugged me or my sister or told us she loved us

My sister is now the same, doesnt like to be hugged or say/told I love you. Where as I absolutely love hugging and tell my children every day that I love them.

We used to before she died. Usually on meeting and leaving but every now and then just for affection!

I definitely don't remember being hugged by my mother. I have fairly few memories of childhood though so it's possible I just don't remember them.

In some ways we have a close relationship and in others, not so much. Intellectually we can have a good conversation, but she can be very quick to criticise so I deliberately keep things on a mostly superficial level to avoid getting hurt. I see her own mother was cold, self-absorbed and deliberately cruel at times (some of which generational, but certainly not all), and I recognise that my mother tried very hard to build a much better relationship with us.

She did hug me once as an adult - soon after DC2 was born when DC1 was struggling - and it felt weird and I was grateful but also really not comforted because it was too weird!

I didn't grow up feeling loved or loveable, but again I feel reticent to put too much weight on that with so few memories to draw on. I was an adult who had been through one abusive relationship before I paid much attention to this vague notion of myself as prickly and unlovable - I'm pretty sure it was the way I saw myself already, but the waters are very muddied.

I'm quite a cautious hugger generally which may relate to a less tactile childhood but also I think relates to many years of actual/perceived/internalised homophobia. I have had to really deliberately learn to hug "naturally" and I know some friends still perceive me as someone who doesn't want to be touched. I really do! I'm just rubbish at it.

I'm shocked at how many people don't hug! I thought that was normal. Get a hug from my mum and dad everything I see them. Once when I get there and another when saying cheerio. I see them every month or 6 weeks. My DP always gets a hug off my mum and a handshake from my dad! Is that weird?! Hahah! I've never even thought of it!

I havent read all the posts on here, so im not sure if someone has commented about themselves being a mum and not hugging their children.

I have 3 children 10, 9 and 3, the youngest is with another man...im single.

I dont ever remember being hugged much as a child, my mum passed away when I was 21 and my dad never hugged me and we dont talk now.

I was very cuddly when my first was born, then when her brother was born I seemed to cuddle my daughter abit less, then when my third was born he seems to get more cuddles...theres 5 yrs difference between him and my second child. Im not an overly huggy person, I think it may be because I was never hugged
I still hug my youngest alot but not my other 2, and I really feel bad for it. I think the only time i cuddle them is bedtime and when they start and finish school. Does that make me a bad mum?
I wish I hugged them more and I will make it a point to be more cuddly. I love them all the same I just dont hug them

I have a couple of memories of being shown physical affection as a child by DM. Once when she was unwell and she called my younger sibling and I to her bedside to give us cuddles. The other memory is when I was unwell and she placed me in her lap. I may have been about 6. Thankfully DF was affectionate and kind.

When I was about 16 I told DM that my friends can talk to their mothers about anything and I feel unable to. She was very upset and it was a turning point for her. Things improved more when I got married and moved away. I think DM had overcome her difficult menopause years and mellowed - she was no longer snappy and shouty. So when I visited every few months or she came to me we shared hugs. My older sibling feels unable to be physically affectionate to their children at all and is sad about it. It's how we were brought up but I hug and kiss my dc alot so I'm not sure how we behave differently in that regard.

Never been hugs by my mum. Never been told my parents love me ether. We have a good relationship and I know they love me by actions and a great childhood. I used to get very upset by it as a child though. As an adult I understand they don’t have the tools to show love via hugging, but they do in their own way.

Never been hugged by my parents nor have they ever told me they love me. They aren't my favourite people in the world. I tell my children I love them and I hug them every day.

My mum has never hugged me. She's very cold with affection. Hides behind humour. Gets uncomfortable with other mums and daughters showing affection. Can't stand to see people writing how much they love their children and things on Facebook. Doesn't like to see people saying their kids are beautiful. She's had four daughters. She is ok with us. Chats and can sit with her and get along. But emotionally she has starved me. I am now early 30s and I don't feel like a woman around her. Rather an awkward misfit that isn't allowed to behave like a grown woman. She sometimes mocks the way I speak to my children. She definitely judges my realtionship with my own kids because I am softer and loved the baby years. She would never say I'm smart or switched on etc. She finds it easier to remind you how as a teenager you was embarassed and made a fuss. She never was able to stop cleaning to comfort me if I ever dared cry or express emotion. She just made me feel small.

I don't know if others notice but she is very judgemental and Facebook has made her voice her opinions. She doesn't like it if we do things she never did with us. I remember her thinking i was mad for taking a four month old baby and 3 year old to the coast for a week. She never did stuff like that.

I'm sure I was as a child but as a teenager and adult no I can't remember ever hugging or exchanging I love yous, same with sister.
I have a good relationship with her.

My mum gives me a hug and we get on better since I had my son . My step dad on the other hand is an arse and there’s no love lost there . I do find it very odd that they never spend time with their grandkids very odd.

She probably hugged me last when I was about 8 or 10. She did tell me once she was proud of me. I remember it well, it was a Wednesday in the summer of 1999.
She even put her hand in my shoulder once about 7/8 years ago. I’m reply to her question about why I had always been terrified of my late father, I explained and she briefly put her hand on my shoulder.

We didn't use to hug, but I have lived abroad for the last few decades and we do hug now when I arrive for a visit. I hug the kids more often. Say "Love you" once in a blue moon - it feels a bit artificial but I give it a go!

@samthebordercollie lovely that you have that to remember.

My mum had a difficult upbringing, abusive and unloving father and not affectionate mother so she is not either. No hugs or I love yous or proud of you and I’m 38. This did have a massive impact on me and I ended up too in an abusive marriage as I had no concept of what love is. I tell mine I love them and hug them even when we argue. I don’t want them to get in the mess I did.

@ravenmum yes, I live in France and she had what we call a cancer foudroyant...she was fine and then all of a sudden not fine and died 2 weeks later. I'm so pleased I was able to see her before she passed away. It was in February 2020 just before Covid, so I was really lucky in that respect.

My Mum isn't the least bit tactile. I actually don't think my Mum has ever said she loves me. I once went in for a hug and she literally went rigid.

However I know she does love me and is incredibly supportive and would drop everything to be there if I needed her. She just doesn't feel comfortable with expressing emotions.

The best thing my mum ever did for our terrible relationship was pass away. The weight of what our relationship could’ve been, should’ve been, was lifted, and I could finally appreciate and miss the good bits(there were some).