Has anyone never been hugged by their mother?

[cucumberella]

If so, what is your relationship like with her? I've never ever been hugged by my Mom as far as I'm aware, and I get that not everyone is a hugger or affectionate, but just on a whole she really is so cold and unloving and I'm jealous of those amazing mother daughter relationships I at least believe are out there.

We don't hug as a family- a cheek to cheek kind of kiss and possibly a hand on the shoulder but no hugs! It makes me a bit sad that I will probably end up that way with my own children though, I love snuggling them.

Place marking for the morning when I'm sober and can hopefully start to formulate a sentence.

@Domoresteps

Is it a generation thing? I’m in my 50s and we never hug in my family (parents/siblings) but we might give a kiss on the cheek on a birthday. I wouldn’t be surprised if none of my friends’ families hug either.

I am wondering this too.

I could be wrong, but I am willing to bet younger people (born post 1980) have been hugged a lot more by their mother than people born before the 1970s.

Affection, love, and tactile-ness, was not much of a thing for many people were born pre 1980s... And as for people born pre-mid 1960s, many of them probably never knew what hugs and affection were.

I don’t hug/get hugged by my parents but we are very close. Don’t really know why not, probably just not hug types. Don’t think it equates to not caring.

My mum physically recoils if going in for a hug or a peck on the cheek! But that's with anyone, so not personal

Not huggers in our family but very close and loving. I give my mum an air kiss and sometimes slap my dad on the back but that’s it 😂 I hug my own children loads and often wonder whether I’ll just stop doing it when they’re older.

My mum died aged 82 and never hugged or kissed me. She never said she loved me or said anything positive. When she was 80 she fell and broke her hip, she recovered but was housebound. I saw her everyday and started kissing her on her forehead when I left. At 82 she fell but was okay and in hospital. She was going to be discharged, as I left after visiting I kissed her on the head and she gave me a surprise kiss on my cheek. I said ‘ooo a sloppy wetty’ and she laughed. That night she went into a coma and died the next day. I was there at her side. She must have known. I have always kissed, hugged and been affectionate to my children.

Nope, never been hugged to my recollection. As for how our relationship is, it ain’t good.

I’m so sorry to all those commenting on this thread, it never even crossed my mind that some peoples relationships were like this.

I have loads of childhood memories of cuddling my Mum, snuggling up in bed with her (special treat when my Dad was away, getting to sleep in their King size bed with Mum!)

Even now as a 28 year old we will cuddle up watching a movie, or hug goodbye.

I think my mum would probably like to hug me, as she is a loving, affectionate woman. But she doesn’t, because she knows I’d hate it. My reluctance to hug my mum is no reflection of my feelings for her, though. I love her, I adore her. I enjoy her company, I feel at ease with her. I honestly can’t think of anything negative to say about the woman. I just cannot bear to be touched.

I was never hugged. I mostly remember total contempt & annoyance that I existed. Went NC after she crossed a line & told me I was a millstone round her neck. This was after my Dad passing when I was 20. I spent hours on end supporting her, house hunted with her as we had to move , found her a part time job to get her out of the house & was her company: before she dropped me like a hot brick for a twice divorced 73 year old. ( She was 51). During all that I still handed in 3,000 word essays 6weekly & eventually got my Teaching degree. I've needed years of therapy to get over feeling worthless & unloveable & I've spent years being attracted to men who treat me with the same contempt as that's a norm to me.

I knew I was loved, my childhood was secure, functional and fun...but it definitely lacked emotional connection. Neither parents were affectionate, gave praise or said they loved us.

It was only when I became a parent myself, that I realised how absolutely bizarre it was...but I realise it was learnt behaviour from their own upbringings. Sad really.

I hug my kids all the time and tell them I love them daily!

My mum and I are close, she hugs me a lot actually. I don’t like it though. It feels like if I succumb to the hug entirely, I might just break. I revert to feelings of dependent child again!
I hug my children constantly though.

Neither of my parents ever hugged me, nor did my grandparents. I was a "mistake" and was treated as if it was my fault I was born. I was an extremely quiet and obedient child as I felt guilty just for existing and costing money to feed and clothe and have always felt worthless.
My mother died just before her 99th birthday in 2019 never having shown me any affection whatsoever. Unsurprisingly, I lived on my own from the age of 16. I'm 67 now.

@BunnyRuddington

Place marking for the morning when I'm sober and can hopefully start to formulate a sentence.

Place marking for the morning when I'm sober and can hopefully start to formulate a sentence

To be fair, that was an impressive enough one..considering you're drunk!!

If it were up to me I would never touch anyone unless I was shagging them or it was absolutely necessary. I don't mind hugging overmuch so I do it when people like including my mum. I last hugged my Dad (who I get on great with) when I left home at 18 and it felt super weird then.

I think there are other ways to show familial and platonic love.

I can't remember my DM ever initiating a hug. My sister and I have hugged her but we always initiate it and she just stands there. We're not close! I hug my sister and my DDs. My late DH's family are big huggers and it took me a while to get used to it when I first met them!

@Orphlids

I think my mum would probably like to hug me, as she is a loving, affectionate woman. But she doesn’t, because she knows I’d hate it. My reluctance to hug my mum is no reflection of my feelings for her, though. I love her, I adore her. I enjoy her company, I feel at ease with her. I honestly can’t think of anything negative to say about the woman. I just cannot bear to be touched.

Have you ever thought why this is? I'm not being critical I feel the same

Never, but my adult DS just left me with a hug which he offered and hadn’t occurred to me , probably because I was never hugged.

I was intensely grateful

Im close to my Mum, but we dont hug- she would but Im not a hugger.
Think the last time we hugged was maybe 10yrs ago.
As a child, I was always hugged.
I hug my younger Dc (The teenagers not for a while- They arn't huggers now)
My mother hugs the grandkids all the time and they her.
I dont hug my siblings or father either - None of us hug.

I cannot think of a time my mother has ever hugged me although I’m sure she must have when I was little. Who knows?

We’re very close. She’s a lovely person but not really a hugger and I despise being touched so it works for us.

My mum tries to hug me all the time and I could do without it to be honest... hugs don't mean a good relationship.

@CustardySergeant

Neither of my parents ever hugged me, nor did my grandparents. I was a "mistake" and was treated as if it was my fault I was born. I was an extremely quiet and obedient child as I felt guilty just for existing and costing money to feed and clothe and have always felt worthless. My mother died just before her 99th birthday in 2019 never having shown me any affection whatsoever. Unsurprisingly, I lived on my own from the age of 16. I'm 67 now.

Wow, that's really heartbreaking. I hope you're okay!

My Mum hugs me and my siblings frequently and is lovely with her grandchildren too.

My Dad doesn't do hugs though or saying 'I love you' but I think my Mum makes up for it!

I’m 16yrs NC with my mother and was never hugged by her or my late gran, very cold horrible people.
I hug my own DC and tell them they’re loved, the only thing my mother taught me was how not to be a mother.