Strange unannounced visit

[santamarga]

Can I ask what you would have done or would do in this situation?

I dropped in unannounced into my husband's place of work (he owns it) with our children as we were in the area and thought it might be nice to pop in. Everything was nice, children having a chat with their dad, and a couple of male colleagues.

Suddenly this woman comes in, strides basically between where we were all standing chatting, and plonks her bag and some papers on DH's desk. The conversation between us all stopped, as I was looking at the woman, waiting for someone to speak.

It suddenly felt really awkward, DH said nothing, just stood there, and the woman was kind of waiting at the desk, as if she had an appointment and just assumed me and the children were customers so was waiting for us to finish.

One of the colleagues said to her something like 'it's a family conference here' in a jokey kind of way.

She then looks up, never once looked at me, looked the children up and down, and asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting'.

Then she picks up her bag and said something, I don't know what, and proceeds to walk out. It just felt so awkward, and DH said nothing during this.

Apparently she was a rep who had called in unannounced.

Would you have concerns about this?

It's the fact that your DH didn't say anything. He could have introduced you both and either told you he had a meeting or her that she needed to wait outside. Not stand there like a lemon.

I met the OW when I popped in on my exH at work and they were having lunch together. My spidey senses were tingling a little as he sort of fudged the situation and said he’d had lunch but could have a quick word with me and kind of ushered her off (she knew he was married but believed we weren’t together any more). That night I had a call (on the home line- this was over 15 years ago) from an upset woman who then hung up. I think it was her trying to find out if we lived together as she asked for him and I said he wasn’t home yet.

It wasn’t til around 9 months later that I found out that she was indeed the OW.

Trust your instinct @santamarga she’s the other woman for sure. And your husbands colleague was giving her the heads up.

Also, I am incensed by people on this thread who think they know what has being going on when there could be a dozen explanations. Just ask your husband and go from there

Yes, because if he is having an affair, he will immediately fess up. There's no way he would lie to cover his arse.

If you want to know what's going on hire a PI and you'll know.
What about a week so he won't suspect anything. They'd probably be able to find out in a day.

@isthismylifenow

I really hope there is an innocent explanation to this OP, but from what I am reading, I would be quite concerned.

Has he ever mentioned her before?

I don't think I would be able to keep quiet about it, I would be asking a whole lot of questions.

He had never mentioned her up to this point. I had seen and paid bills from the organisation she represents though prior to this happening.

I checked out her SM and she does indeed work for the organisation I was told she was from.

Maybe she is just an awkward woman, doesn't explain why the men looked awkward though.

OP, I think you've got as much help as you can from this thread - only your husband can give you the answers you need. Not one person here knows what - if anything - is going on.

Good luck, I hope you sort this out.

Her question to your ds could be because your dh has said they’re too young to leave. Or they’re just coming up to gcse or a level. As your son is 10/12 he’s neither of these things.
Very proprietary dumping her bag on his desk. Colleague knows somethings up so said ‘family conference’ line.
And your weren’t introduced or indeed even looked at or spoken to. I’d be suspicious too.

x-post with OP. When did this happen, OP? Have you talked it though properly with your DH?

Or the seemingly pointed question about your DS' age.
Nor your husband's awkward silence,

OP.
The bag on the desk
The warning that is is a ‘family conference’
The other men awkward and foot shuffling
The shifty behaviour and non introduction from your husband
Her ignoring you
The sarcastic ‘how interesting’ in relation to your child’s age and then her abruptly leaving
She is not just an odd woman.

@santamarga lots of people have affairs with people they work with including people from external organisations. That alone means nothing.

Her h won't give her the answers though.

The while thing does I deed sound v suspicious.

She sounds like she thinks his office/desk is her space, you have to wonder why.

Combined with her question & attitude , combined with the colleagues awkwardness and tension co.bonecwitb your h's uncharacteristic silence ....

You're going to have to research, dig and do everything you can to get some more information.

I think I'd ask dh to come home for lunch otherwise you are going to be fretting about it until this evening.

It sounds like he's been involved with her ... Reps don't walk in places and casually chuck their bag on the owner's/boss's desk FFS.

Did she ask the question to your youngest child?

@CaraherEIL

OP. The bag on the desk The warning that is is a ‘family conference’ The other men awkward and foot shuffling The shifty behaviour and non introduction from your husband Her ignoring you The sarcastic ‘how interesting’ in relation to your child’s age and then her abruptly leaving She is not just an odd woman.

It doesn't look good, OP. When this happened did your DH come home on time? And was he contactable in the office later that day? (I imagine this women could well have had a few things to say to him. )

I would suspect that it's a current affair. The work colleagues warned her that you were his family. She looked only at your kids. Strange. A normal person would look/ address the wife too.

I suspect she has been told that he is staying for the kids. You say they look older than they are. That's why she asked your Ds's age. She has been told he's staying until he is finished primary school etc.

Act normal to your DH but keep digging. The office are all obviously aware of the affair.

Maybe it's because she's usually like that. She just railroads your DH and he allows that to happen. She acts like she owns him and can come in to talk whenever she likes. And he just puts up with it.
Does your DH 'need' her for his business to run well?
Maybe your DH is a bit of a pushover when it comes to controlling women.

@PhillipPhillop

I think I'd ask dh to come home for lunch otherwise you are going to be fretting about it until this evening.

I wouldn't be giving DH a heads up about anything until I'd had a chance to try to snoop .. If you give him a heads up he'll delete anything incrimminating and coach the rep/possible ow.

(If she can be coached and doesn't stop him in it).

I'm asking again, as I know things get lost in long threads, but when did this happen, and how did the convo go with your DH if you've spoken with him about it?

Always trust your gut OP. Get digging.

Argh, I'd have to agree that her behaviour does indicate that there is more to this than you realise - the territorial nature in which she behaved to start with, as though this is her space and you are the interloper, despite her not even working there, does seem to indicate it.

As for the rest, well yeah, it does rather sound like she's "involved" with your husband.

I hope you find out more and I hope there is a somehow innocent explanation.

It is peculiar too that your DH didn't introduce you. Usually someone would say 'oh hi Samantha this is my wife, Julie. The kids were off so they came in to say hello'.
That'd be the normal thing.

If I was to guess, and it’s complete speculation, I’d say...

She may not be shagging your husband (so colleagues weren’t acting awkwardly around you) but knows someone who is and “interesting” was because she knows how long your husband has been telling her friend/colleague that you’ve had separate rooms.

Complete speculation, as I’ve said. You need to speak to your husband.

@sadie9

Maybe it's because she's usually like that. She just railroads your DH and he allows that to happen. She acts like she owns him and can come in to talk whenever she likes. And he just puts up with it. Does your DH 'need' her for his business to run well? Maybe your DH is a bit of a pushover when it comes to controlling women.

Not impossible but unlikely.

The vast majority of the time the dynamic would not be like that between a business owner and rep. She sounds likes she's extremely familiar with him and his office and treats it like a home (straight in, throwing bag in his desk).. more so than any purely working relationship.

And it doesn't account for the colleagues attitudes and what one said.

It sound DD more like an "oh fuck" caught out moment of extreme tension for him and colleagues.

Wow the way she walked in and owned the room, putting her bag on the table etc shows she's done this many times before