Strange unannounced visit

[santamarga]

Can I ask what you would have done or would do in this situation?

I dropped in unannounced into my husband's place of work (he owns it) with our children as we were in the area and thought it might be nice to pop in. Everything was nice, children having a chat with their dad, and a couple of male colleagues.

Suddenly this woman comes in, strides basically between where we were all standing chatting, and plonks her bag and some papers on DH's desk. The conversation between us all stopped, as I was looking at the woman, waiting for someone to speak.

It suddenly felt really awkward, DH said nothing, just stood there, and the woman was kind of waiting at the desk, as if she had an appointment and just assumed me and the children were customers so was waiting for us to finish.

One of the colleagues said to her something like 'it's a family conference here' in a jokey kind of way.

She then looks up, never once looked at me, looked the children up and down, and asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting'.

Then she picks up her bag and said something, I don't know what, and proceeds to walk out. It just felt so awkward, and DH said nothing during this.

Apparently she was a rep who had called in unannounced.

Would you have concerns about this?

I think minds are imagining the worst here, theres no reason to think they are shagging because op felt awkward. Maybe she felt slightly frustrated that she couldn't get on with her work because you've all come in to chat, she probably needed to talk to your dh about something work related but had to wait until you finished chatting got fed up and walked out.

“work wife” or “more than friends...”

She wasn't a sales rep so there is your first lie.

There is no way this is just an ordinary rep. Someone so socially clueless would not last a day in the job.
And you can be shagging someone in a business and still be a rep. So she might genuinely be a rep. But this is not innocent.

His silence is telling too...

Maybe she said it was interesting because he have her the old 'I only stay with my wife for the kids' line and said his kids were very young so he didnt want to leave yet.

Also, maybe she isn't the affair partner but knows he has been up to (perhaps with other reps) and the men in the office were worried she might say something to you. And feeling guilty they were not. Hense the shuffling.

He has form for taking out a different female sales rep to lunch without telling me but no form (that I know of) for anything more than that.

He does does he.

*gave her the old

@seensome if that was true the DP would have said something. And there would have been no strange comment about the child's age.
I have seen people's partners in a work setting act totally clueless about an affair when the signs are glaring. Seeing some of the comments here saying this is all innocent, I now understand that some people are genuinely clueless, or too willing to excuse obvious signs of an affair.

I have worked in professional circumstances all my life and for some reason, this raises my heckles. It sounded like the colleague was raising the warning flag to alert the woman to who you were.
How close are you to the team? Could any of the other senior people be having an affair with her? I have seen that other guys cover for eah other but it might not have been for your husband.
There's something weird about this.

He has form for taking out a different female sales rep to lunch without telling me

Jesus christ OP it's really not looking good, I'm 97.5% sure he's slept with at least her and maybe others at this point.

Have you ever had words with him about these secret lunches?

Whenever this has happened at work (I'm a single woman) the colleague, male or female has always said something along the lines of "Gullible have you met Betty/Fred - my wife/husband/partner? Betty/Fred this is Gullible, she works in Accounts. And these are our children Mabel and Arthur." and I usually respond "Ahh yes, I've heard lots about you, it's lovely to meet you! Did you enjoy your holiday in Skegness/has Arthur recovered from Chicken Pox/how has the housemove been?" or some other inane chit chat that shows that I'm aware my colleague has a great family life and which breaks the ice.

The red flag here is that your husband didn't do any introductions...or even just say "Sorry Val, I'm just having a quick chat with my wife and kids who have come in to say hello. I'll be with you shortly."

The thing about was he shagging her when DS was born - it doesn't make sense because that would have been at least a decade ago if that was the case?

Did people not shag a decade ago?

I'd be thinking the same op, I'm sorry but it doesn't sound great! I'd keep digging for info, if you question him he will likely just spin you a lie at this point.

I also think he's having an affair with her. Everything about this is so dodgy. Especially the colleagues reactions. Time for some digging and a conversation.

@Ragwort

I find it odd that your DH didn't say anything ... surely as a business owner he would say 'good morning name, I'll be with you in ten minutes, why not grab yourself a coffee' ... or similar, the fact that he said nothing is very strange, is he socially awkward or covering something up ?

My DH has his own business, he would just introduce me to whoever it was and make it a three way conversation .

This ^^

If DH owns the business and she was a rep, why didn't he just introduce to you to each other ? I'd be suspicious too , OP.

Trust your gut. I've been there, if something feels off, it usually is off.

Like others have said do a bit of digging. Call in again unannounced around the same time and see if she turns up.

Trust your gut. Get your ducks in a row just in case

Im with Ragwort. I used to occasionally visit my husband's office. He had various colleagues and if anyone entered the office my husband introduced me to them. If I had to leave his office, say he got a business call, Id sit in the waiting area where front reception was. I always received a warm welcome at my husbands work. Im surprised your husband didn't do as Ragwort said. It may be my mistake but the colleague who said something about family conference, was this said to let the woman know you were his wife? As in warning the woman? As it is she sounded very ignorant the way she behaved. I hate to say it, but given the experience in my own husband's office, I think it is strange.

There is something going on with your husband and that women.

He didn’t even introduce which is very strange.

Not sure why the person said family conference for you all? Is she family? Why ask about the age of your DS and not DD? All very odd.. but trust you instincts.

How is your relationship with your husband generally?

Another possibility might be that the tension was between her and another man in the room. Eg: say she slept with one of the other guys and then he ghosted and this is her first time bumping into him and maybe she thinks he and his buddies are all shits. And was just attempting to make any random convo she could but it came out as socially awkward.

But that's a stretch.
And also doesn't explain why your hubby wouldn't introduce her.

This is massively concerning.

You and you OH were making small talk with the kids. You and he are on a level footing , in joint owned property. Not only that but in his office where, I imagine, people would typically knock to Alice themselves before entering. Then a woman comes in, all the confidence in the world, puts her belongings on the business owners desk. That suggests equality and even a level of entitlement. Repeated behaviour. In a normal situation, social convention says the person in charge (your oh, he's the boss) would introduce you both and say something trivial to explain the connection like this is Emma, she works in XX. But instead, your husband, that boss of the entire place, is totally wrong footed and stands shuffling his feet and silent. The woman then also ignores social convention and instead of stepping in and saving your OH from his social faux pas by introducing herself, she instead quizzes your son. Then dismisses you ALL by walking out . As for the family meeting, that is very worrying.

I think your OH is having at the least, a very open flirtation with this woman and at the what, a full blown affair.

The thing is lots of people would be able to explain the situation away for many reasons and I'm one of those posters who say yes people have affairs but don't always let that be the first thought you go to.
But...the thing is we don't know your relationship, your husbands work dynamics etc. So yes, it couldve been all perfectly normal but just awkward, it couldve been one of the scenarios described by pp but in this instance op I think you know you felt something odd. You have posted here because what happened and the way it felt doesn't sit easy with you. Your gut is telling you something was off. So unless you are always highly suspicious, lack trust in your husband or are just one of those people who go to worse case scenario, which from what you've said doesn't sound true then I would go with your gut.
Keep an open mind either way but start doing some low level digging.
Is she on your dh or any of the employees social media, would you recognise her face well enough to look. Does the company have a fb page or any sm sites that you could look though that she may have interacted with., if you could find her name you could look on LinkedIn see what her job title is and maybe any other information about her. I would refrain from asking your dh too many questions at this point, if there is something being hidden he is unlikely to tell you the truth.
I would try and gather some info on her then start asking questions.

Has anyone yet been able to picture an innocent explanation for the woman’s question and reaction to the response? I’m very sorry, OP, but I couldn’t draw any other conclusion from this than that the two of them are having or have had an affair, and your husband has told her you haven’t slept together for (son’s age plus a year) years. Can you envisage any circumstance in which you’d otherwise have that exchange with a strange child?

And the colleague was 100% alerting her to who you were.

Affairs can last for decades. Your husband’s lack of reaction is telling too. You need a very big conversation with him about this.

Apologies if it's already been said but the age thing with the son could be that he's told her your marriage has been dead for a long time and you haven't had sex in 15 years...

"How old are you?"

"I'm 10"

Kind of proves that he's lying, doesn't it?