Strange unannounced visit

[santamarga]

Can I ask what you would have done or would do in this situation?

I dropped in unannounced into my husband's place of work (he owns it) with our children as we were in the area and thought it might be nice to pop in. Everything was nice, children having a chat with their dad, and a couple of male colleagues.

Suddenly this woman comes in, strides basically between where we were all standing chatting, and plonks her bag and some papers on DH's desk. The conversation between us all stopped, as I was looking at the woman, waiting for someone to speak.

It suddenly felt really awkward, DH said nothing, just stood there, and the woman was kind of waiting at the desk, as if she had an appointment and just assumed me and the children were customers so was waiting for us to finish.

One of the colleagues said to her something like 'it's a family conference here' in a jokey kind of way.

She then looks up, never once looked at me, looked the children up and down, and asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting'.

Then she picks up her bag and said something, I don't know what, and proceeds to walk out. It just felt so awkward, and DH said nothing during this.

Apparently she was a rep who had called in unannounced.

Would you have concerns about this?

In regard to the comment on DC's age I wonder if it might have gone like this.

Clearly she's very familiar with walking in there. Perhaps she regularly calls when she's in the area for a chat and a coffee [had plenty of reps like this in my time in small offices]. So when she realised she looked over-familiar in front of husband's family she just blurted the first thing that came into her head. Then hi-tailed it because she'd embarrassed herself.

Is she a friend or a colleague of the sales rep who used to have lunch with your DH when your baby was born? Maybe it is this other women who is having the affair but she knows about it and was therefore acting awkward around you.

I'm not one to usually be over dramatic but this is really strange.

I have never worked in an office where sales reps/colleagues etc tossed a bag on someone's desk unless there is a personal connection.

Also, does he work in an area where he would need to have face to face meetings with a sales rep (i.e. to review a physical item/product) because we have stopped all outside visitors due to Covid on gov recommendation so all meetings are done virtually unless absolutely necessary.

I agree. Very off. Why did your husband not say anything?

@santamarga

And she's not even pretty. Sorry, i know that shouldnt make a difference.

Well I think we can safely say she was annoyed at seeing you and felt intimidated by your looks.

This came out as anger, whether she is just an over flirtatious rep or more she is used to monopolising your husbands time, whatevers going on at least she knows now boss man has an attractive wife and beautiful children in the background.
Who'd have thought it.

So I assumed this is a recent event but that OP is airing her questions here prior to asking DH about it?

Thanks for that. OP, can you confirm?

Have you raised this with your DH at all since it happened?

They had an affair during which he told her you wouldn't have sex with him and you all were "essentially separated".
She asks DS age and does the calculations, realizes he was lying.

She's too comfortable there.
The office knew and tried to warn her with the family comment.
Your DH said nothing because his brain wouldn't function while getting caught.

Asking the age of the child was pointedly calling your DH out on a lie of some sort between them

Which is why I thought he had trotted out the sexless marriage line.

I have attended thousands of client meetings and have never once put my bag on someone's desk.

Have you ever asked him why he takes these random women to lunch?

I'm just hoping your not the poster who pops up every few months, owns a business with her partner and whose husband is a serial cheat. If it is you sack him off already!

It's dodgy.

I take the 'it's a family conference' as another way actually- as a pointer that the woman was closer than just a sales rep.

Sorry OP.

I for sure see the family comment as a warning, all the men knew. Your husband would of dismissed a sales rep or said be with you in a few minutes. I don't think your wrong on this unfortunately. You need to dig and find out.

I imagine a few things could put a stop to anything or put your mind at rest:

Dnephew does some work experience there
You help out there more or take in healthy lunch get chatting to receptionist/ admin lady
Thank you lunch for colleagues

You lot are absolutely bonkers! A woman came into your husband's office and was a bit awkward. That's all. The rest is pure fantasy and it's actually hilarious.

Maybe op doesn't want to disclose that information as it may have happened quite a while ago and she has been gaslighted to accepting the situation from her husband.

It doesn't matter op how long ago it was, it was an incident that happened even if years ago that never sat right with you.

Posters can help more knowing if it is a historical event, not just a present event.

Tell DH it was a bit disconcerting and has shadowed your thoughts and put a fly in your tea.
Could he arrange another seemingly accidental meetup between you, he and the sales rep lady, so that you will be able to change the experience to a positive vibe. We all have off days and she might have had one - say .

Unless you have serious misgivings and bad feelings about it all, in which case maybe act on whichever advice other posters have given which appeals to you.

@Onthedunes

Her anger or annoyance then basically storming out would for me be the key thing here. If she was there on work buisness solely she would have waited to be seen.

Your presence annoyed her.

I agree except for one thing - I think DS's presence annoyed her.

Not because of him, obviously. But because his age doesn't tally with what she has been told.

@Diverseopinions

Tell DH it was a bit disconcerting and has shadowed your thoughts and put a fly in your tea. Could he arrange another seemingly accidental meetup between you, he and the sales rep lady, so that you will be able to change the experience to a positive vibe. We all have off days and she might have had one - say .

Unless you have serious misgivings and bad feelings about it all, in which case maybe act on whichever advice other posters have given which appeals to you.

I don't think it's a good idea to set up a meeting. If they had been cheating then between them they would surely agree a scenario to persuade the OP that it was all innocent? And if they hadn't been cheating, setting up a staged meeting would be unfair on the sales rep woman and the OP would probably not be able to be herself anyway.

It's obvious isn't it? He was having an affair with her.

But why is she annoyed at DS's age (about 10 - 12) but doesn't ask DD's age (who is a bit older)?

Rrading between the lines of this, her approach into the room means she is obviously over familiar with the place and not acting like someone who rarely visits. Also the silence of your husband actually says a lot. Why not just introduce you all? And the person who said it was a family conference was obviously the quit witted one while your husband was floundering and signalling to this woman who you and the kids were. Almost like a code....dont say so and so this is his family. Her questioning your son was off. She obviously wanted an answer to a question and went for the innocent child to answer. My spidey senses would be going off in all directions. Does he not have photos at his desk of you all for a start, for her to be so surprised by you all?

Alrighty. I'm out.

Hope you get what you want from this thread, OP!

Whether or not there's something as serious as an affair behind this, I'd be uncomfortable if a sales rep barged in like she owned the place, tossed her bag on my husband's desk, and then pointedly ignored me. All while my husband stood there like the cat got his tongue and he didn't know what to say. I'd expect some sort of introduction or explanation after she'd left. It's strange behaviour on both their parts. Then there's the awkward near-silence from everyone else who works there.

His history of being at least somewhat inappropriate with a sales rep would most definitely figure into my mental calculations. I'd be watching him closely, at the very least.

@santamarga

And she's not even pretty. Sorry, i know that shouldnt make a difference.

That means nothing to be honest. Men would fuck anyone.

Thinking out loud here. I agree that either she is socially inept (there are people like that in this world…I work with a few) or your DS’s age struck a chord.

This might not be evidence of infidelity though. Something similar happened to a friend of mine whose husband told a potential OW (who had tried to pursue a relationship with him) that his children were too young to leave. Didn’t mention anything about loyalty to his wife but had mentioned the children and used them as the reason he couldn’t pursue a relationship with her. I don’t know why some men seem to struggle with saying ‘I’m married’ or ‘On balance I choose my wife’ …maybe they find it emasculating and it is easier for them to say they are staying for their children…

Forgetting about how this sales rep behaved - the worst thing is your husband’s silence - That rings alarm bells to me. Why was he silent in his own office? Have you asked him? Why didn’t he introduce you? Did this happen this week? Can you access his emails at all? Something definitely isn’t right. If you had an immediate gut instinct - trust it. Good luck