Strange unannounced visit

[santamarga]

Can I ask what you would have done or would do in this situation?

I dropped in unannounced into my husband's place of work (he owns it) with our children as we were in the area and thought it might be nice to pop in. Everything was nice, children having a chat with their dad, and a couple of male colleagues.

Suddenly this woman comes in, strides basically between where we were all standing chatting, and plonks her bag and some papers on DH's desk. The conversation between us all stopped, as I was looking at the woman, waiting for someone to speak.

It suddenly felt really awkward, DH said nothing, just stood there, and the woman was kind of waiting at the desk, as if she had an appointment and just assumed me and the children were customers so was waiting for us to finish.

One of the colleagues said to her something like 'it's a family conference here' in a jokey kind of way.

She then looks up, never once looked at me, looked the children up and down, and asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting'.

Then she picks up her bag and said something, I don't know what, and proceeds to walk out. It just felt so awkward, and DH said nothing during this.

Apparently she was a rep who had called in unannounced.

Would you have concerns about this?

My most optimistic take on this is that perhaps as a sales rep she conducts herself in a flirtatious way with male clients and that's her standard operating procedure. So she may have a flirtatious dynamic with your DH and when she belatedly realised who you are she was thrown and didn't adjust her behaviour well. The awkward questioning of your son might be an example of her covering for feeling flustered. I have no idea but it's a possibility maybe?

Agree.

As an outside possibility.

@PussGirl

Agree all sounds very suspicious, especially the "family conference" comment - employee warning her about who you were

Agree with this. They were letting her know. I'd be so suspicious about this, and I'd be digging while hope there was another explanation that wouldn't make me hate my husband for being a twat.

@Rainbunny

Well, it may well be nothing more than an awkward interaction but I really do think you should listen to your instinct OP. Eveytime in my life that I've regretted something it's because I deliberately ignored my instinct.

I think someone above said to keep quiet and keep digging - I second this!

My most optimistic take on this is that perhaps as a sales rep she conducts herself in a flirtatious way with male clients and that's her standard operating procedure. So she may have a flirtatious dynamic with your DH and when she belatedly realised who you are she was thrown and didn't adjust her behaviour well. The awkward questioning of your son might be an example of her covering for feeling flustered. I have no idea but it's a possibility maybe?

This .I've seen some female reps really over the top flirt with Male bosses . One would totally ignore any female in the room and act like we didnt exist.

Can you get on his phone/work emails?

I would be doing some digging OP. If only to prove myself wrong.

Have to say it also made me feel awkward for DS and now I feel sad about it for him. As she literally just asked him how old he was, he replied, and there was no further conversation between them and he stood there like a lemon, as I did.
I can imagine a child might be wondering whether there was something he had done to make her respond in such a dismissive way.
There was no follow-up like asking him about his school subjects, nothing like that. And DD was completely ignored by the woman.
Sorry.

OP, could you reply on WHEN this happened? What has your DH said about it since?

And she's not even pretty. Sorry, i know that shouldnt make a difference.

I would think that everyone knew he was hav an affair with her, hence the silence and someone trying to say “the wife is here”. Sorry. Especially if he’s made out he doesn’t have kids or the kids are older/you basically are only together for the kids/aren’t married in any real sense etc.

I'd be taking it up with him, also based on how upset I'd be for the children. If he'd opened his mouth, they would have been less awkward.

He acted like a tool. You don't have anything to say sorry for

Yep strange OH didn't help the kids out in an awkward situation.

No one on here can tell you what's going on but it does sound fishy. Could it be that they have a really flirty (but not affair level) relationship. It would explain the overfamiliarity of plonking the bag down and people in the office being awkward. If it was a full affair I would hope he was discreet enough that his staff wouldn't know therefore wouldn't give off a vibe.

Horrible feelings for you to be having though.

It definitely sounds suspicious and alarm bells would be going off for me. I would find is very strange if I was stood there and my partner didn’t introduce me to someone in that situation. It sounds like the colleague warned her you were his wife. And I agree I don’t think this is a long standing affair as she would have surely known what you looked like. Sounds to me like something is going on there, and by you being there with the kids it’s caught your husband out in a lie that he’s told this other woman - hence her strange questioning and behaviour. I would do some digging but bear in mind if something is going on, he will be planning a tale in his head to tell you incase you do confront him.

Wouldn't the usual conversation be "x, meet y, my wife..."

Very weird. Are you sure it's not the same rep from years ago?

When I was first going out with my DH, his ex came to visit (don't ask, was young & not confident) . The way she flounced in after going somewhere with him in tow sent me screwy. This has that sort of feeling, ownership or one up manship.

Can you cast your message Nd back and think what sort of papers these were? Was the bag a handbag? Big enought for samples ? Was there a laptop for taking orders?

If it is a shop - and bringing the whole family - 2 kids - into a solicitor appointment wouldn't seem normal - then it could be a rep returning to finish an order, taking up the position at the desk where she had been before she went to fetch something from her car.

I think the family conference one is the most obvious thing for a colleague in his position to say and note denoting warning or knowledge of foul play. People in business often like to reference wholesome , relatable family life to spread comfortable vibes before the launch the sales pitch.

Mind bacj

Her anger or annoyance then basically storming out would for me be the key thing here.

If she was there on work buisness solely she would have waited to be seen.

Your presence annoyed her.

@santamarga Whatever the situation - and I can’t judge unless I was there, to be honest - but what a bloody rude woman!

If I’d been there, and my child was addressed like that, I would have stepped in with a terse “And you are??” - well, more likely to have thought of it afterwards, naturally.

I hope you get to the bottom of it, and I hope - even more so - that it’s not as bad as you fear.

OP, I've asked quite a few times and so have other posters. I'm not sure why you're not replying as it's quite a simple yet key point: WHEN did this encounter happen?

What has been said by you, and by your DH since?

You've disclosed much more in your posts - this information is innocuous but would really help to talk about the interaction between you both since it happened.

I've never been an affair partner but surely an AP would immediately look at the wife if she's never seen her before? Just to have a look out of curiosity if nothing else? She'd obviously never seen OP before otherwise the colleague wouldn't have had to point out to the woman that the family were there?

Having said that, all the sales reps I have ever known have been charming and they'll charm both partners, not ignore one if both are present.

Having form for having secret lunches, maybe OP's husband was still carrying on having secret lunches and maybe that was the extent of it.

I diagnose Rude Cow Syndrome. Nothing else to it.

Don't say anything further to him, act like you've forgotten about it, (hard I know) and do some digging.

Find out if he's going to places he says he is.

I would be very angry that she spoke to your ds in such an arrogant and rude way, and your dh stood there and said nothing! He allowed someone to speak to your son like that. Bullshit she is just a rep. She had the balls to brazenly make her presence known and she actually controlled that entire scenario. Horrible that the other colleagues tried to cover it up too.

@GuildfordGal I think the OP has said that when she asked, her DH said something about this woman being a sales rep and turning up without an appointment? OP has since confirmed the woman is who he said she is. So I assumed this is a recent event but that OP is airing her questions here prior to asking DH about it?

I think other people are definitely right, it dose not sound right at all. Sales reps are usually over friendly, doing anything they can to kiss arse to sell their products. They certainly don’t walk into a clients business and make a socially relaxed environment uncomfortable or treat the bosses family like that.

I’d do some more sm digging, check out her check in places, holidays see if any coincide with any trips DH has taken or places he’s visited, stalk her photos. Personally I’d have no problem hiring or borrowing a car and staking out his workplace to see when she turns up or even hiring a PI.

I agree with you, I’d be so angry about lies about my DCs more than an affair itself, I’d also be fuming that he allowed her to make your DS feel so uncomfortable like that while ignoring your DD completely.