Strange unannounced visit

[santamarga]

Can I ask what you would have done or would do in this situation?

I dropped in unannounced into my husband's place of work (he owns it) with our children as we were in the area and thought it might be nice to pop in. Everything was nice, children having a chat with their dad, and a couple of male colleagues.

Suddenly this woman comes in, strides basically between where we were all standing chatting, and plonks her bag and some papers on DH's desk. The conversation between us all stopped, as I was looking at the woman, waiting for someone to speak.

It suddenly felt really awkward, DH said nothing, just stood there, and the woman was kind of waiting at the desk, as if she had an appointment and just assumed me and the children were customers so was waiting for us to finish.

One of the colleagues said to her something like 'it's a family conference here' in a jokey kind of way.

She then looks up, never once looked at me, looked the children up and down, and asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting'.

Then she picks up her bag and said something, I don't know what, and proceeds to walk out. It just felt so awkward, and DH said nothing during this.

Apparently she was a rep who had called in unannounced.

Would you have concerns about this?

She wasn't a sales rep. Why did the other employee have to alert a sales rep to who you are?

She is probably a new employee who has started working there and he is now sleeping with. She obviously carries some clout by the way people were around her and her body language.

And yes I get the kids angle OP. The one thing that caused me to lose my shit was when my ex lied about the kids.

I think I'd start by commenting to DH about "the strange woman who stomped into the office while I was there" I mean that would surely be a natural reaction?

She is probably a new employee who has started working there ..

Op confirmed she's a rel for the company she was told he works for .. RTT.

*rep

My thought on this is that she asked the son his age because she walked in, saw you and thought your children were "too old" for you be his wife, but knows he's got a ten year old son for example. So when he said ten she was surprised... does sound like they're shagging though to me and I am not usually one to say that.

(she works for)

I'd give it a couple of weeks before digging in case something is afoot and your DH is on guard. Sorry but it does sound suss!

@Embracelife

Dh should have said

Let me introduce my wife xxx and my dc

Exactly what I thought. Seems strange he didn’t. That’s the red flag for me.

If she is an OW then it's put her in a professional as well as personal predicament. Your DH is a client of the business she works for, so if she goes in guns blazing due to say, him feeding her lies, her job could be at stake there too.

They were both stunned it seems - him by her walking in and her by the presence of your children.

So, lets assume she knows he's married. He's spun her some sob story there, so you are of no curiosity to her, maybe he's told her that you'll take half the business in a divorce or something. To me, the question about the child's age is pointing to a current affair where he's told her that he'll be leaving when youngest is X age. Asking the age of the child was pointedly calling your DH out on a lie of some sort between them. And a sales rep who is only a sales rep wouldn't do that.

If it was a decades-ago fling, neither of them would have been so shocked, nor would colleague have clumsily jumped in with the warning comment either.

Sorry to say I agree that you should say nothing and discreetly find out more.

Yeah the DS comment is the one that does it. He probably gave her the same recycled line "we dont have sex, we dont get on, I'm leaving when they are older"

Some people are just rude though, without the comment to your DS I would have thought oh shes a bit brazen.

@Drinkingallthewine

If she is an OW then it's put her in a professional as well as personal predicament. Your DH is a client of the business she works for, so if she goes in guns blazing due to say, him feeding her lies, her job could be at stake there too.

They were both stunned it seems - him by her walking in and her by the presence of your children.

So, lets assume she knows he's married. He's spun her some sob story there, so you are of no curiosity to her, maybe he's told her that you'll take half the business in a divorce or something. To me, the question about the child's age is pointing to a current affair where he's told her that he'll be leaving when youngest is X age. Asking the age of the child was pointedly calling your DH out on a lie of some sort between them. And a sales rep who is only a sales rep wouldn't do that.

If it was a decades-ago fling, neither of them would have been so shocked, nor would colleague have clumsily jumped in with the warning comment either.

Sorry to say I agree that you should say nothing and discreetly find out more.

I hadn't thought of it like that but it makes more sense.

If this is a long-standing affair, there's no way she doesn't know who you are and what you look like, and probably your kids, too.

Doesn't sound very profesional does it.

You are right to be wary, this woman was overly confident and hugely disrespectful to you and the children.
Its very difficult to deal with when your husband is surrounded by all his sychophants who are in need of their jobs, you won't get the truth.

You either talk to your husband but my guess he is at the moment going into damage limitation and incredibly annoyed you have found out about this woman or you keep quiet and secretly find out the situation.

All under the guise of work, its always the case.

@LobotomisedIceSkatingFan

If this is a long-standing affair, there's no way she doesn't know who you are and what you look like, and probably your kids, too.

Good point. I hadn't thought about that.

What made you drop in? Was it really just by chance or have you had a gut feeling?
Am only saying this because it happened to me once and I was right.
Drinkingallthewine has articulated better than I could.

Gosh. When everyone puts it like this, I see what you’re saying. I agree with looking into this clandestinely. Can you monitor the office? Maybe same time next week for example.

santamarga Hi OP, when did this happen and how have the conversations with you gone since?

I've asked a few times, I know things get lost on a long thread, so I'm asking again as your convos with your DH when you've spoken about it are obviously going to shed some light for the people trying to help you.

What did you ask him? What did he say? How long ago was all this?

@augustusglupe

What made you drop in? Was it really just by chance or have you had a gut feeling? Am only saying this because it happened to me once and I was right. Drinkingallthewine has articulated better than I could.

We dropped in just because we were nearby and we thought it would be nice to see him. It's not like we regularly did it, nor was it a one-off visit. So I didn't go in because I had a gut feeling, no.

@CaraherEIL

OP. The bag on the desk The warning that is is a ‘family conference’ The other men awkward and foot shuffling The shifty behaviour and non introduction from your husband Her ignoring you The sarcastic ‘how interesting’ in relation to your child’s age and then her abruptly leaving She is not just an odd woman.

This.

Obviously it's easy to jump to conclusions but from what you've said I'd be really wary.

Could he get away with saying she was a rep, if she isn't one? Would you be likely to be able to find out via the records and receipts of the companies he deals with? Are there many companies he buys from, or few?

If it's inappropriate, it is very identifying to tell you she is a rep, if she is actually one, and you would be able to find out more about her working on that information.
The thing that's odd, is that many employees wouldn't be comfortable with a brazen affair openly conducted by their boss, in their office. Have any loyal receptionists/other members of staff quit lately?

She could be a very confident woman, perhaps one in a well-paid role, who isn't a rep, but rather a client, and is flirting inappropriately with DH and he doesn't know what to do about it, or is just ignoring it. Her assertiveness might mean she is self-regarding, socially confident - perhaps a high-earner or wealthy with private money. She could be asking the age of your son to find out the closeness between you and DH: that part doesn't have to be entirely rational, as she was caught on the hop, and thought of something to ask. It wasn't a TV show where everybody speaks scripted lines and thinks of pertinent things to say. The bag bit means she is flirting at least, but it might not have gone further.

Well, it may well be nothing more than an awkward interaction but I really do think you should listen to your instinct OP. Eveytime in my life that I've regretted something it's because I deliberately ignored my instinct.

I think someone above said to keep quiet and keep digging - I second this!

My most optimistic take on this is that perhaps as a sales rep she conducts herself in a flirtatious way with male clients and that's her standard operating procedure. So she may have a flirtatious dynamic with your DH and when she belatedly realised who you are she was thrown and didn't adjust her behaviour well. The awkward questioning of your son might be an example of her covering for feeling flustered. I have no idea but it's a possibility maybe?

Agree all sounds very suspicious, especially the "family conference" comment - employee warning her about who you were

Diverseopinions The OP said the following in her post at 11.54.52
*"He had never mentioned her up to this point. I had seen and paid bills from the organisation she represents though prior to this happening.

I checked out her SM and she does indeed work for the organisation I was told she was from."*

So she IS a rep.

@bubblybubbly00

I was a sales rep in the bar/restaurant industry which is male dominated....used to have meals with a lot of the male owners/managers at their restaurant for lunch and develop a more casual relationship with them. I wouldn't be happy with my partner doing that with other women...maybe that's because of my experience tho.

I think he was uncomfortable that his two separate worlds have collided. It does sound fishy - not necessarily that he's cheating but maybe they have a flirtatious business relationship and he played down his family.....

I think you should check his personal phone, work phone records, messages, emails, social media and see if you see anything.

Then speak to him!

This

The company, I assume you you are part owner and own the building too?

Well I know what I'd be doing, and it wouldn't be sitting outside waiting for her next visit.

Keep cool let him think he's 'got away' with it and start buying some presents off the internet.