My partner has just threatened to throw a weight at me ....

[Tamrastarr]

A pretty heavy one. He instead threw two of them at the wall and left large dents. He said "Move out of my way or I will throw this at you" and he then said that I made him act this way. I was having a discussion with him , I was not raising my voice, but I think he reacted this way because he knew he was wrong. Twenty minutes later he brought me some dinner and asked if I was ok. When I said "no", he said I was exaggerating things. What do you think??

Leave immediately if you can. If you can’t leave immediately please plan to leave as soon as possible. That is appalling behaviour on his part and I don’t think he is safe to be around.

Leave.

Leave him.

Threatens you with violence, gaslight you, has already broke holes through your wall as an intimidation tactic.

Just get away from him.
This one is a no brainer.
He is escalating.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Does he have firm? Is this out of the blue?

Sorry lovely but it's a LTB from me!

Get the fuck out of there immediately before he seriously injures you or kills you. He is a very dangerous man. Call the police if you need to.

Leave him silly cunt thinking he can intimidate you and then gaslight. What a charmer. This won't be the last time if you stay, u know what to do.

If you stay things may improve for a few weeks but the next incident will be worse and his violence will escalate.
He wants you to forget what happened.
You really have no choice but to leave because he is a dangerous man.

Leave.

Next time it might not be the wall.

Lots of physical abusive relationships don’t start with being punched in the face. They start with them slamming doors, breaking things, punching walls and eventually, punching you.

A reasonable human being wouldn't do that.

A reasonable human being also would not allow someone to treat them like that in a relationship.

Leave.

You deserve better.

Leave him. This is abusive behaviour and language. Whatever he says, he won't change. You are at risk.

He's testing you. Leave, you won't regret it.

Yes - he is testing you and instilling fear to gain control.

No one normal throws weights around.
No one who respects their partner seriously threatens to throw heavy things at them.
He immediately said it was your fault (classic - you're responsible for his violence).
He later tried to make you think it was not a big deal, minimised his actions and invalidated your feelings about it (gaslighting you).

If you accept this behaviour he will know he can get away with it, and will start to ramp it up. Not straight away, and maybe very slowly, but if you stay you will be the frog sitting in the warm water which is slowly slowly getting hotter and you won't notice until it's boiling and it's too late.

Leave him now.

@username34512875

Lots of physical abusive relationships don’t start with being punched in the face. They start with them slamming doors, breaking things, punching walls and eventually, punching you.

^ that. It’s not normal behaviour.

This is one of the red flags of abuse, stay alert

Leave, this is abuse :(

"You made me do it" seems to be a common line amongst abusers. They won't take responsibility for their own actions.

Do you have DC together.
Who owns the property you live in.
He can pay for the damage to the wall.

Another vote for get yourself out of this situation! This is not safe, he will escalate. He has not only physically threatened you, but he has started to emotionally manipulate you with gaslighting.

@Ninibest

This is one of the red flags of abuse, stay alert

Haha that's like saying Hitler was a little bit shitty.

Seriously op, ruuuuun.
And never be persuaded to take him back.
Ideally get out and then never speak to him again.

Get out and stay away

He's an abusive gaslighter.
He will get more violent.
Do you have somewhere else to go?
You need to save yourself and your DC if you have any, from years of misery.

So he threatened you with serious physical violence. Then he caused significant physical damage right next to you. And then he gaslit you about it. You're not safe. Please get out of there.

I think you should already have left him. There's nothing to debate here.

Bully, bully, bully. No you are not exagerating and his behaviour is out of order. Please think long and hard about your future with him if that's how he's behaving now it will only get worse. Not acceptable.