Paying back mother for raising me

[moneyowed]

Hello all, I know this is wrong and all kinds of twisted from my mother but what I'm trying to work out is how much is a fair sum to pay my mother.

My mother is an a abusive narc and I am pretty much NC with her. She has told me all my life that I am an investment and she expects a return on it. When I was a young adult she told me that her investment in me has gone to waste (I won't elaborate why as I don't think it's relevant) and therefore I need to pay her back for raising me. I agreed to this and promised her I would do it, in the hope that this will alleviate me of all guilt and feelings of responsibility towards her so I can break away.

How do I work out a fair starting point for how much I should pay her?

Known a few mothers like this in my life- thankfully none of them mine (although both of my grandmothers were like this). They all use/d money as leverage. It was all bollocks- no amount would ever be enough to shut them up and make them good people (just as no amount would ever cure you of your feelings of guilt and obligation). Go NC and get some therapy. None of this Is on you.

You never asked to be brought into this world.

You owe her nothing. Treat yourself.

You're not her slave NOmoneyowed. She has no right to charge you. If anything she owes you - buckets of love that she never paid up. Live well.

In the nicest way possible op, get a fucking grip!! Please don’t tell me you’re actually thinking about doing this?

OP just wondering is your mother British or originally from a different country. I just know some friends that have parents with similar views of children being an investment. That the children have always been told it is their duty to pay back the parents once adults. So is this just a culture thing?
Saying all that she also sounds less than delightful.

What they all said. You don't owe her anything.

If you feel the need emotionally, for yourself, to "not go back your word", then I suggest you pay her the sum of one penny.

It was traditional when cutting someone out of a will to leave them a bequest of one shilling, to make clear that they hadn't been forgotten and that this was a deliberate statement.

You can do the same.

Don't be tempted to pay more. That would break the symbolism of it.

And remember, you don't actually owe her the penny. You would have just decided to do it as a token.

Cut her off she's an abusive vile woman. Why do u still speak to her?!

Just wow! I had kids because I want that relationship with them. If I wanted an investment i would put my money into stocks and shares. Agree not to pay her. It won't make you feel any better and will likely impact even more on how you feel rejected. Think about how you would treat your own children, whether or not you have them yet. Give yourself permission to grieve but do not feel responsible for her and like she is a debt that has to be paid off x

One penny - it’s all she’s worth

You didn't ask to be born, and the idea of having to pay her back is all kinds of sick.

But please, what they all said: cut her off.

This is actually awful

Tell her its a longterm investment and she needs to wait several more decades for the dividends.

@Cocolapew

I would start and finish with Fuck All

That pretty much sums it up

No matter how much you pay her , she will never be satisfied and it won't rid you of those feelings. Keep your money and spend it on yourself

Cut her off. No money. Use your money to buy counselling and therapy for yourself.

Don't do this, it would be madness. Cut her off.

Wow so many comments thank you!

The guilt comes from not keeping my promise, she never kept promises and I don't want to be like her. I also don't want to ask her how much she wants as it will be an unreasonable number.

The return on investment she expected was not monetary if it makes any difference.

@HollowTalk

How much did she repay her own mother? And yes, "fuck all" is what you should give her.

This!!!

Pay her back by treating her in her old age how she treated you as a child. Don’t pay her any money. Use that for therapy.

The fact that she has demanded this says it all. You owe her nothing . Sending hugs.

@moneyowed

Wow so many comments thank you!

The guilt comes from not keeping my promise, she never kept promises and I don't want to be like her. I also don't want to ask her how much she wants as it will be an unreasonable number.

The return on investment she expected was not monetary if it makes any difference.

There is your starter topic for therapy. Please go and free yourself.