John learns to adult

[R0SEMARY]

Thread 2 - many thanks to @GAHgamel for the thread title. And to everyone else who has supported and advised me thus far.

ROSEMARY I had a similar manchild go a few years ago. Dc used to go to his flat and report that there was a mountain of shirts and glass jars from where he didn't know where to find a charity shop (his town has about a dozen within walking distance of his flat) or a bottle bank. The dc loved eating on the floor for the first three months because it took him that long to buy a table and then started to refuse to go because in four months he hadn't bought a toilet brush. He took great pride in telling me he had found a shop called Robert Dyas and Argos sold loads of homeware things.

Anyway to the subject of John. May he forget to remove tissues from all his pockets.

" It’s not really up to me to approve his contractors."

But if they do do anything untoward, you don't want anything to be traceable back to you.

I do hope you've bought a packet of prawns so you can pop the odd one in a pocket for him. Better still, sew into various hems.

My total arsehole ex demanded to take all the antiques so I emptied a big tin of live woodworm into the container before the storage men closed it. They gave me a big round of applause.

@AmandaHoldensLips

I do hope you've bought a packet of prawns so you can pop the odd one in a pocket for him. Better still, sew into various hems.

My total arsehole ex demanded to take all the antiques so I emptied a big tin of live woodworm into the container before the storage men closed it. They gave me a big round of applause.

Just out of interest, where (and why)can you buy live woodworm?

and I don’t want to start being too difficult about it. It’s not really up to me to approve his contractors

No I agree it’s not, but neither do you want a hefty fly tipping fine because he’s been an arsehole and landed you in it. 💐

Just out of interest, where (and why)can you buy live woodworm?

I'd be interested to know this too.

(Asking for a friend, obviously )

@Billybagpuss

and I don’t want to start being too difficult about it. It’s not really up to me to approve his contractors

No I agree it’s not, but neither do you want a hefty fly tipping fine because he’s been an arsehole and landed you in it. 💐

No I don’t. But I think that trying to vet his choice of contractors could well be seen as controlling. I will get all their details when they are here on Saturday , I’ll take photos of them and their vehicle and that’s all I think I can do.

He is paying them, they work for him taking things to his house - their contract is with him and not me.

I appreciate all your concern and know that you are looking out for my interests.

BTW - the previous comment about this being your life, and not to get carried away on a wave of LTB-Euphoria is a good one (sorry - can't remember who posted it and somehow can't find it again).

I've enjoyed both your threads and think that you are an inspiration on taking the time to line up your ducks and make sure you are properly sorted financially, but I know how sometimes threads such as these can take on a life of their own - nobody's fault, they just gain momentum - and you may want to keep some info to yourself.

You seem very sensible and are weighing things up and making sensible decisions, but if you feel you don't want to post more* don't worry about putting yourself before us.

prays ROSEMARY* will keep posting

These revenge things, the prawns and the woodworm I get why people want to do this, the bastard totally deserves it, but I still wouldn't.
They are all loose ends, stray threads which will potentially encourage him to get revenge on you for the revenge you took on him, the best thing is if you can completely drop off of his radar, be completely uninteresting to him.

@QioiioiioQ

These revenge things, the prawns and the woodworm I get why people want to do this, the bastard totally deserves it, but I still wouldn't. They are all loose ends, stray threads which will potentially encourage him to get revenge on you for the revenge you took on him, the best thing is if you can completely drop off of his radar, be completely uninteresting to him.

Agree.

Plus I think it's much more satisfying for all his future troubles to be of his own making. Of which there will be many.

Revenge (like prawn hems and live woodworm) are all very satisfying to read about... but I can't imagine feeling good about them for long in real life.

Go for the 'life well lived' cliché instead and enjoy it forever.

(Isn't it a Chinese proverb that promises all you need to do to an enemy is sit by the river and his body will float past eventually.)

Totally!
No need to trouble yourself with the effort required to carry out these mischievous schemes, just await the bits of news which will waft back to you like soft little feathers whispering and giggling about the clusterfuck that his life has become

@1WayOrAnother2

Revenge (like prawn hems and live woodworm) are all very satisfying to read about... but I can't imagine feeling good about them for long in real life.

Go for the 'life well lived' cliché instead and enjoy it forever.

(Isn't it a Chinese proverb that promises all you need to do to an enemy is sit by the river and his body will float past eventually.)

@R0SEMARY is much too sensible to actually do those things, but it sure is fun to imagine them

Fear not, I won’t be carrying out any of these creative revenge suggestions. I read them as amusing things to fantasise about in dark moments and not as instructions to carry out.

Same as the ring tones - it doesn’t hurt anyone and it gives me a laugh.

I have always tried to behave reasonably and fairly with John, despite that not being reciprocated. I plan to continue to do so over the next few days / weeks until I get him out of the house.

Right now I’m caught up in the stressful logistics of it all and his laziness, inefficiency and sense of entitlement are driving me crazy. But that will pass.

As they say, living well is the best revenge.

I think @R0SEMARY can have all the fun of imagining inventive ways to get revenge, without needing to carry them out - I think that’s the best idea.

And of course the best revenge will be living a happy, fun filled life with her lovely children.

Best to think about prawns and woodworms, I personally came to the point where I couldn't bring myself to spend money on prawns and live woodworm, or glitter bombs
When the useless ex moved out to be with someone else, he told me in wonderment that when they got to the end of a packet or botle or whatever they went out and bought another.....well, not sure how he thinks I got to that age without knowing that but it is notable that we never run out of anything before he left and I've not run out of anything after he left. But I did get the impression that new woman waits till things have actually run out, he was late to a divorce meeting because her car had failed the MOT. Not an old banger either, quite a new one, so must have needed work doing on it, so does she have it regularly serviced - this was in the days when if you took it along for MOT within a month of the old one running out you could use it until the original certificate ran out, so if you took it along to have it done right when you could, take it and still have it run out on the original date, and if it failed drastically you had time to either sort it out or look for a new one. Or that the reason that it didn't fail was that I had it looked at before taking it there to see if there was anything to worry about and to have it serviced. Simple as putting the date in the diary every year after the MOT I'd have thought, a bit like the date the tax is due or when you should start looking around for car insurance quotes so you don't end up discovering you have automatically renewed cos you ignored all those letters from Morethan, etc. Did you do his car stuff?

I had the abuse by possessions too, and wore myself out packing up his stuff, and then, in the end, the 'joint stuff' which he had agreed we would divide up towards the end, he said he didn't want anything so had to sort all that out which broke me. But I did prioritise getting rid of his precious heirlooms which again he didn't want, well they were pretty big, tables, chairs etc

I have always tried to behave reasonably and fairly with John, despite that not being reciprocated. I plan to continue to do so over the next few days / weeks until I get him out of the house.

Good. I spend a fair amount of time in legal proceedings and being very obviously the reasonable one is really important. It's also much better for feeling good later on as well.

I agree with others here, it's okay to fantasize but presumably at the end of this whole wretched process, you'll want no stains on your soul, just the knowledge that you handled this ethically and fairly.

Of course, that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the schadenfreude of your ex making all his mistakes!

And having mentioned car insurance/tax etc, is that something else you dealt with? I do hope he forgets about them as well.

I did like the suggestion upthread "May all his laundry have a tissue left in the pocket"

@R0SEMARY

Fear not, I won’t be carrying out any of these creative revenge suggestions. I read them as amusing things to fantasise about in dark moments and not as instructions to carry out.

Same as the ring tones - it doesn’t hurt anyone and it gives me a laugh.

I have always tried to behave reasonably and fairly with John, despite that not being reciprocated. I plan to continue to do so over the next few days / weeks until I get him out of the house.

Right now I’m caught up in the stressful logistics of it all and his laziness, inefficiency and sense of entitlement are driving me crazy. But that will pass.

As they say, living well is the best revenge.

It's always best to take the high road (unfortunately, sigh).

Eventually you'll be at the end of this seemingly endless journey and it will be satisfying to look back and know that whilst you may have gotten in a few jabs and zaps here and there, by and large you kept your dignity and didn't give him any 'ammo' to disparage you to others.

Although I do recommend getting a voodoo doll to stick pins in when things get really frustrating. BFF's ex was really a shit and she not only made a voodoo doll, but she dressed it to look like him and burnt it in the fireplace when the divorce was finalized. These days you can get them on Amazon.

The live woodworm was kindly donated by a furniture restorer in the village who had an infested table sealed in polythene awaiting treatment.

Small victories, and all that...

@AmandaHoldensLips it sounds as if a whole village needed to revenge this one - he must have been vile!

He was (and remains) an utter bastard, universally hated by everyone who gets to know him. Took me years to extricate myself from the marriage. In the meantime, I took my small acts of revenge wherever I could. I once fed him a home-made pie lovingly made with dog food. That felt pretty good.