John learns to adult

[R0SEMARY]

Thread 2 - many thanks to @GAHgamel for the thread title. And to everyone else who has supported and advised me thus far.

Oh this is music to my ears!! Freedom is priceless, you sound so very very together, swan legs or not. You are fabulous.

Thanks for the update @R0SEMARY, and I'm so glad you're doing so well, even if there is a "swan" element to the handling of the finances. But I suspect even that is easier to deal with without having to deal with John dragging you down. Onwards and upwards!

I agree with everyone!

Your post just sounds so much more confident and strong. You survived John and you and your DC will now flourish.

Keep on keeping on (especially with ignoring his calls, only answering texts re: the DC and keeping recording everything via email).

Some for you

Rosemary, you sound reflective and wistful, which is to be expected now things have started to settle down after the previous high drama stage.

I know what you mean about the in laws and extended family disappearing from your life. It makes you feel like all that care and investment in these people was pointless and unappreciated. My marriage was much shorter than yours, I never carried the same mental load that you describe plus I am in a different country from them but I was still so disappointed in how they handled it. Especially as he had an affair which seemed so out of character for him, and they knew how shocked and hurt I was. I honestly but maybe naively thought they would stay in touch, keep me in their lives in some way, at the very least check up occasionally to see how I was, maybe a Christmas card or the the odd Facebook post, but after the initial surprise and sympathy, nothing. I know some of them were ashamed of his behaviour but felt awkward with me given he was their relative and I wasn't. I still feel it was selfish and pathetic to just 'drop me' though.

I hope you can see all the effort and investment you put into those relationships as a reflection on you being a good and loving person, even if they didn't reciprocate in the same way in the end.

But you also sound so positive and absolutely revelling in the freedom to do what you like when you like too! And your children sound more settled and happy. It's the beginning of a new FUCKING life!

Hello from a long time Pom-Pom waving lurker. What a lovely sentiment, well expressed: he hasn’t left a vacuum. He’s left a space for you to grow into. Beautiful

I'm so pleased for you.
My ex of 30 yes had an affair about the same time as your marriage ended and there's been so many similarities it's quite scary. They're still together and I'm alone. But I'm not lonely.

This has made me smile sooo wide!! Freedom tastes so good doesn't it?

Up up and away you fly!!!

Lovely to hear from you @R0SEMARY

So glad to hear you are growing into that space

Oh hello - THERE you are, dear @R0SEMARY. So lovely to hear the bounce in you! You sound positively "Tiggerish"! 🌹

Oh the freedom! Its amazing isnt it?! Suddenly realising that everything was all about this selfish prick and then....it isnt!

I am going on holiday with my youngest DD and my sister, and we do not have to worry about making sure that the greedy selifsh fuck is happy all the time. We can just chill, and we will!

Very glad to hear you and the children are doing well. You're rebuilding your life and that's awesome.

Fantastic update Rosemary! Enjoy your space and freedom, god knows you deserve it

incredible read ... Im amazed by your resilience 🌸

I haven't read this whole thread, but I'm absolutely loving the last 2 pages! Beautiful.

@ItsNotUnusualToBe

Hello from a long time Pom-Pom waving lurker. What a lovely sentiment, well expressed: he hasn’t left a vacuum. He’s left a space for you to grow into. Beautiful

Beautifully put 💕

Thank you all. It’s a beautiful day here and I am sitting in the garden while the bone ass idle teenagers sleep.

The house is messy but I don’t care, I can tidy it if and when I want. I don’t have to get it done so he doesn't complain. I don’t need to drag the teens out of bed so he doesn't complain .

I don’t have to make him a cooked breakfast and then listen to him complain because it isn’t quite right - he wanted different sausages and the OJ with bits. And how it’s my fault that DC2 has drunk it all. And why didn’t I think to pop out to the shops ( a 10 min drive away ) to get some.

Yes I will have do some work ( my job ) later but I don’t care. I can do it my way and in my time.

I hadn’t realised how stressful it was living with him until it stopped. None of us did.

Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words.

I'm so glad you're seeing how sweet freedom is. This is what you deserve. It's only going to get better.

Blimey I just can't imagine what it is like having put up with such a miserable person for so long!

I hadn’t realised how stressful it was living with him until it stopped

Within the hour of my ex leaving the air in the house completely changed, it was astounding. I had a huge amount of recovering to do, as many will understand, but that feeling of lightness was quite palpable.

De-lurking to say I'm loving the updates. You sound so much brighter, like a different person.
Waving pom-poms here for you

Good for you , Rosemary, how did you put up with all that for so long? Enjoy your freedom!

Sounds wonderful to me @R0SEMARY 🎉

This was one of my favourite songs when I began to 'see clearly'.

Sweet freedom - enjoy!

Reading your latest posts and comparing them with the posts you made in your first thread is astounding. You sounded so worn down and defeated and now you sound like a completely different person. You sound chilled, assured and like a "I take no shit from anyone" kinda gal. You are utterly superb Op.