Just popping in to say Hi to anyone who is still around.
I’m doing much better, probably because I’ve not had to deal with John for weeks now. He has stopped phoning me as I never pick up.
I will answer texts about for the children but that’s all. I deal with legal / financial matters by email.
The children are all remarkably settled. The oldest has been to his house once in the two month since he left.
The middle child has stayed overnight twice but doesn't like it . He’s been over a couple of times to watch the sport as ( naturally ) John has a huge TV and all the sports channel subscriptions.
Youngest has been a couple for times for dinner and that’s it.
John never phones any of them except to ask if they want to come over to his to watch something.
I’ve been really surprised at how little effort he’s made with any of them.
I don’t know why I’m shocked because he’s made little effort for the last 20 years. I suppose I thought he would realise NOW was a good time to start trying with his kids. It’s kind of his last chance.
But no.
He rarely answers the phone if they call him so they’ve given up. I suspect he’s with his affair partner ( still have no proof but I don’t really care TBH).
When they first found out that John was going, DC1 immediately said “ it will made no difference to me anyway, all I ever see is the back of his head “ [ on his desktop or watching tv]
Last week DC3 said to me that it’s made no difference to their lives. He said “ At first I was worried about how we would manage for money but now I can see we are ok “. ( good swan impression from mum here ) .
I just think it’s so so sad. I can’t imagine how I would feel if my kids ever said that about me.
I wish I had chosen a better father for them. He looked promising at the time, but it was all smoke and mirrors.
Thankfully I’ve not heard a word from Helen and Kate. I doubt I will ever see them again TBH. It’s not as if my kids are close to them so they wont be at 18th birthdays / graduations etc. Of course my kids can invite them if they want - but they won’t.
I’ve not heard from any of John’s very large family either , although I didn’t expect to. It’s odd how you can spend 20 years of your life treating these people as your family - keeping in touch, sending cards and gifts, hosting then in your home and visiting them.
So much of my time and energy has gone into them. It’s there at the back of my mind all the time - oh we ‘ve not heard from SIL / BIL recently, I wonder if she’s heard yet about a date for her op, I must ring her.
Oh I hope BIL is keeping better, I’ll send him a card from us all.
When is Nieces baby due ? I must text SIL to ask. Oh nephews baby must be one soon - must remember to send gift.
It’s our turn to have the whole family from X town over soon.
So many years of emotional labour, treating them as my own family.
And they just all disappear overnight . Like they never existed.
I changed my job in the last year - before that, John and I worked together. So no one I work with even knows that I was married, let alone have met him. Which is great , no awkward questions.
My friends and ( very small ) family are all very tactful and no one mentions him. So for most of the time it’s like he never existed.
It’s just so weird how your whole life for 20 years ( most of my adult life ) can be all about one person . He was so controlling and dominating (in a non physical way). Everything revolved around him and his needs.
I couldn’t make a plan for anything simple , like going to the hairdressers, without checking it was ok with him. He frequently forced me to change plans at the last minute to suit him.
Now he’s gone and there’s not vacuum . There’s just a big sense of freedom and space for us all to grow into.
I can wear what I want, have my hair I like it. Buy the kind of food I like , eat what and when I like.
We can have the house how we like. We are even going on holiday again without consulting him or having to seek his approval.
On holiday I will do what I like THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME.