John learns to adult

[R0SEMARY]

Thread 2 - many thanks to @GAHgamel for the thread title. And to everyone else who has supported and advised me thus far.

He's convinced he's a saint, so everything he does is right. I had a child like that in class once. 'I'm a good boy, therefore even if I do something you told me not to, it must be ok because I'm a good boy.'

for your D.C. an upside though- they will be developing excellent boundaries, and excellent financial acumen as they watch all this.

Difficult for you to make too much of a thing of it with Amazon, even if you could access the "main" Prime account as technically you were abusing it with more than 2 over 16s accessing the account. Under 16s can get limited access as part of the family Prime but can't actually buy anything, iirc.

Technically you can only add one other adult on the Prime account - and they should have been set up as additional family Prime user via their own Amazon account. So if you'd done that, anything you'd ordered via your own account, albeit using John's prime account, should be "yours".

But I suspect that John didn't set it up properly like that so that he could see everything that was ordered as he'd get all the notifications.

I'm the Amazon Prime "owner" in our household - but dh has legitimate access to it via his own Amazon account so I don't see anything he does.

Ds uses "my" account and knows my password but for anything he orders, he uses his own debit card. I always see if he orders something and can track its delivery. He mostly uses it for Prime film/TV (and sports). He now tries, for ethical reasons, to avoid ordering "things" from them although when he smashed his Fitbit2 at the weekend he did order a new Fitbit3 from them as he was desperate I did have to remind him that he could track the progress of his orders by logging into the account as he was bombarding me with messages asking where it was . He apologised, saying he thought it was just by email

You need to call your bank & replace your bank cards, he will do it again, somewhere.
It wasn't a mistake.

@Mix56

You need to call your bank & replace your bank cards, he will do it again, somewhere. It wasn't a mistake.

Yep - absolutely this! I'm guessing he has no access to your Router, Sky, Netflix, etc Accounts if you have them - or maybe just change the passwords anyway just to be safe... 🌹

Wow! He really doesn't get how this is going to look to an outsider does he. I feel so sorry for the kids having to see the kind of person their dad is. Am pleased you all worked as a team to get the situation fixed.

Aside from the nuisance factor, he really has done himself a dis-service here. What a clown.

Keep your chin up @R0SEMARY - you're doing great!

P.S. - I agree with pp that you should get new cards issued in case similar mistakes happen. And also change passwords on accounts/equipment he has access to.

Thanks for all the advice. The kids were on the phone to John first thing this morning to complain about the Amazon account. He now realises now he has over played his hand, so he is backing down and saying it was an accident.

Apparently he was trying to make a new work Amazon account and managed by mistake to

Lock me out of the email account used for registration ( it’s the one we use for family things like school letters so we can both see them )

Change the Amazon account password

Order all these items on my card but to his new address ( they are not linked of course so he would have to select that as an option )

Yeah the kids don’t believe it either.

John has a phase he uses all the time “ Plausible deniability”. He uses it to mean that he can deny all knowledge of or culpability for someone unethical because the other party can’t prove it to his personal standard of proof.

For example, he denies to this day that he had an affair because I can’t prove it.

I can prove he shared a hotel room with his AP on several business trips. I can prove that he got her a job in the same company and fixed the appraisal system to get her a very large pay rise and bonus.

I can prove that she tried to blackmail him and he gave her about £50k of our savings.

I can prove that she was instantly dismissed from her job for very unethical conduct.

But he still says that I can’t prove it was an affair. For him to admit it I’d need a video of him shagging her and several witnesses.

He thinks it’s like in court for serious crime like murder - the other side have to PROVE that you did it beyond any reasonable doubt.

That’s why he thinks that his plan to not pay child maintenance / to pay it to the kids/ to refuse to pay unless I can prove I am giving them the same in cash / to refuse to pay because I don’t need it is a good one.

He thinks that the CSA will get him up in a witness box before a judge and he can argue his case.

He’s going to be furious to discover that he just gets a letter through the post.

My solicitor says “ He’s not a man who is troubled with a lot of self doubt “.

Yep - absolutely this! I'm guessing he has no access to your Router, Sky, Netflix, etc Accounts if you have them - or maybe just change the passwords anyway just to be safe... 🌹

Sadly the sky, Netflix , Now and phone line/ broadband were the first casualties of the money saving exercise that took place earlier this month.

And I’ve already changed all the utilities to a new supplier ( well they will change in a few days ) with a whole new email account. Ditto the council tax ( and applied for discount of course ).

But I’m sure I’ve left something that he will try to fuck up. By “ accident “ of course .

My solicitor says “ He’s not a man who is troubled with a lot of self doubt “.

Haha I like the sound of them!

I've been reading your threads but haven't commented until I read his definition of plausible deniability and I had to laugh out loud, after I'd picked my jaw up off the floor. What an absolutely odious man he is.

Your solicitor has him summed up to a T. I am cheering you on every step of the way!

Wow. Thanks for updating again. I have nothing useful to say but, what a twat.

Your solicitor is correct, the man is something else!

I know things are currently tight but this will be short lived, and your children will be so proud of you in the long run.

I believe your SHL has encountered other Johns...

On the "things you might have missed" any subscriptions, professional fees, kids bank accounts that he may be signatory for, insurance policies.

Ah yes, 'plausible deniability'. The same strategy used by our former POTUS. Very good at putting layers between themselves and the obvious truth are narcs. With them it's actually not that it happened but you can't prove it, it's that if you can't prove it then it did not happen. Subtle difference, but it lets them off the responsibility hook.

An accident, was it? Just like you tripped whilst holding your car keys and they 'accidentally' scraped all down the side of his brand new car. What? There's no video of you deliberately keying? Then better yet, it never happened!!!

You're not married to Matt Hancock by any chance? Plausible deniability and all that

[quote R0SEMARY]@Bluedeblue - sorry to hear of what you’ve been through with your ex. I laughed when I read

He told me that "he shouldn't have to pay Child Maintenance to fund my life style"

That’s exactly what John said - that I just wanted Child maintenance to fund my retirement! And also the “ lifestyle “ comments.

They obviously read the same script.[/quote]
Mine said the same... he didn't intend to "pay me to sit on my arse"...

This thread is not the first time I've been stunned at how some men believe there is nothing to raising the children they have fathered, and that being "Disney Dads" on week-ends whilst leaving the mother who has to care for them day in, day out, with no financial support because they live on air, is the way to go.
Another congratulations, @R0SEMARY, to how you've been dealing with this, and hats off to all of you on this thread who've been through similar and come out smiling the other end.

Ok massive turn around here. Child AND spousal maintenance arrived in my account this morning!!!!! I’m shocked and delighted.

I don’t know what has made the difference to his thinking.

Maybe he’s had legal advice.

Maybe it was the words Tax Return and Deduction of Earnings Order .

Or that very big bonus he’s due in 18 months ( I think he might actually get it later this year as he’s achieved all his targets early ).

Or maybe he’s seen the reaction of his children to his very small petty move on the Amazon account and realised how angry they will be with him if he has to be forced to pay up for them. Two out of the three are barely speaking to him now - they have only seen him once since he left.

Anyway , let’s hope the payments continue 🤞🏼

He has of course asked me to withdraw my CMS claim immediately.

@R0SEMARY I am astounded. I wouldn’t be withdrawing the claim until he puts it in writing through the solicitor though.

Wow, I don’t know all the legal aspects of it but I’d be disinclined to withdraw cms claim until you have an alternative agreement in place that he can’t wriggle out of.

He has of course asked me to withdraw my CMS claim immediately.

Of course you’re not going to though?

Clearly he doesn't want a deductions of earnings order.

That would mean his employer would know - any chance that would reflect very badly on him or he hasn't told them, or both?

@RandomMess

Clearly he doesn't want a deductions of earnings order.

That would mean his employer would know - any chance that would reflect very badly on him or he hasn't told them, or both?

It would reflect VERY a badly on him, due to the nature of his job. His image at work and in his profession is one of the most important things in his life.

But why would you withdraw your claim???

Please don’t withdraw your CMS order. One reads on here all the time of fathers walking out on their families, agreeing in a private arrangement to pay child maintenance and then not doing so.