John learns to adult

[R0SEMARY]

Thread 2 - many thanks to @GAHgamel for the thread title. And to everyone else who has supported and advised me thus far.

Is it bad that I'm hoping that it's chucking it down and that his boxes and any additional furniture are getting soaked as they transfer between the garage and the van and then the van to the new house? (Those things that are going to his new house as opposed to being fly tipped the dump )

He’s away, removal men are away and my garage is 95 per cent empty.

I was at work at 7am this morning so managed to avoid him for most of the day and even when I did see him the men were there so he was ok.

Sorry to disappoint you @prettybird but it’s hot and sunny here

It’s been a very long and stressful few days but it’s another step towards getting him out the house.

Did I mention that yesterday he emptied the joint account ( the one that pays the household bills ) ? Fortunately everything is paid for this months as they come off on 1st. You will recall that his draft speech to the kids stated that he would pay the utilities / local tax instead of the chided support due.

So thats another thing to tackle with him next week. Sigh. He has no way around it as he is salaried and I know how much he earns.

Oh and I saved the lawnmower and power washer @Twisique, thanks for the tip.

Had you had a chance to take your half of the joint account out before he robbed his own children helped himself.

Gosh he doesn't disappoint, does he!

Prince amongst men.

Claimbxms on Monday. He doesn't get to decide how he supports his dc financially..
And legally he can be forced to give you 50 % back from the account..

Yes, contact cms on Monday, it'll cost you £20 to go through them but it will stop all the messing around. Might take a month or so before he starts paying so the sooner you contact them the better.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Had you had a chance to take your half of the joint account out before he robbed his own children helped himself.

And if any of your own money goes into the joint account, open a new account of your own and get the money paid into that. You don't want him coming back for second helpings.

Clearing out that account needs to become part of the financial settlement. I'd document it and ask for half of that amount over and above what your share actually is.

Now you need to move all his crap out of the house and into the garage. I know it'll make the garage a mess again, but at least then you can change the house locks with good conscience and tell him that from now on he can pick up his crap from the garage without entering the house.

Still behaving like a tit I see...

Emptying the joint account will reflect quite badly on him when the lawyers bring it up during divorce proceedings... I'd mellowly mention it in passing.

Another step closer to freedom.
Hope you're home relaxing with a glass of wine.

I am indeed relaxing with a glass or two of wine @SheilaWilcox.

@Ellie56 @lastcall @AcrossthePond55 @sueelleker

Ive stopped all my money going into the joint house account but I will need to come up with a new plan before all the direct debits bounce at the beginning of July. Fortunately Ive got time. If he had thought more carefully he would have done it on 30 June .

There wasn’t much of “ my” money in it and I own some other matrimonial assets that can be set off against it. But it’s interesting to see how long his promise lasted ( that would be 72 hours). Much like all his other promises.

I assume this is punishment for not being nice to him over the last few days. Ive not been rude or mean, just business like. Eg he handed me back a box of mine which he had taken by mistake. I said thank you and walked away.

I didn’t say “ oh gosh thank you so much, that’s really important items that I would have missed, how kind of you to bring them back. How is your new house ? Do come in for a coffee and tell me all about it. “

I dont answer his phone calls so he has to text me. He's smart enough not to send abusive texts.

However badly he has behaved in the past, Ive always had to get over it very quickly and start being nice to him again . Otherwise the fall out was horrendous for me and the kids. Now he’s not living here he will need to find new ways of punishing me.

I assume it will be money first and the kids second.

Keep you head held high. His true colours will show to others too eventually.x.

My goodness, that sounds so much like my first husband! Constant need for praise and gratitude.

In fact, I used to have to provide an audience of one whenever he did a diy job so he got the 'oohs and ahhs' he needed to complete the task. He'd say "I need your help" but my 'help' consisted of sitting on the ground/chair and just watching. If I tried to leave he'd say "No, no I'm going to need you in just a minute". Then he'd proceed with the job with many groans, cusswords, and complaints about how impossible it was and that he'd have to call in a professional only to succeed in the end by his magnificent skills and comments on how much money he'd saved us. Cue praise and gratitude. It was exhausting.

But if I dared to ask for a little help with something you'd have thought I was asking him to perform the labours of Hercules! Not to mention the loss of his very valuable time!

That marriage only lasted about 5 years. Felt like 50.

@R0SEMARY
I raise my glass to you this evening. 🍷
I have followed both your threads with ever increasing optimism, especially 'john learns to adult' 😂
You are MIGHTY....you really should start some kind of blog from this (if you have time). More people would love to hear of your (& the fuckwit John's) escapades!
Well done that lady. 👍😁

cheers

@R0SEMARY as far as the direct debits go, in the short term it's probably easier to cancel any that you've set up for the sake of convenience (eg Council tax) rather than those you're contractually obliged to pay that way (eg because DDs get you a preferential tariff on your gas/electricity). This is because the council/company direct debit processing usually builds in a bit of a time lag when you authorise payments from a new account so they can check you haven't screwed up the bank account details, whereas if you've got internet banking you can just put through a "faster payments" transfer a day or so before, so you don't need so much leeway. Sometimes you can even do it on the day itself, although that doesn't seem to work with things like paying off credit cards, so giving yourself a bit of leeway is advisable. Personally I prefer to pay things by standing order anyway if possible, as it means I can schedule payments to go out a couple of days after payday, which gives me a better idea of how much disposable income I have.

While we're on the subject of Council Tax, I can't remember, now that John's gone are you the only recognised adult in the household? If so you'll be eligible for the 25% single occupancy discount on your council tax, so you'd need to change your installments too, and councils often give you a new council tax reference when you change the named people on the bill, so you'd probably need to cancel that DD anyway. The discount may also apply depending on the circumstances of the kids, but check the .gov.uk website for details. Apologies if you've already got this all in hand and I'm teaching you to suck eggs here

@GAHgamel thanks for that, all really useful info and no, I didn't know all that.

I’ve applied for the local tax discount as I’m the only adult now and I’ve changed over the utility supplies to my name, so that now I can change the bank account details.

He truly is a piece of work, emptying out the joint account is low. Your update re the 2 sets of movers tickled me, his interpretation of the world is comical. At least all of his shit is gone out of the garage
He does remind me a little of my first husband
I divorced him for his lazy and selfish behaviour. Plus he had an affair with a friend of mine

I was able to close the joint accounts I had with my ex over the phone in a few mins. He had been telling me we needed to fill in forms and go into a branch.

Ah he is either reading this or got advice from someone. Because he has just put a payment equivalent to the legal minimum monthly child support payment into the house joint account.

So if you are here John - where is my half of all the money you withdrew on Friday ?

And BTW, you are really REALLY bad in bed. I know you think you are great but you are terrible.

HTH

And BTW, you are really REALLY bad in bed. I know you think you are great but you are terrible

This might be a surprise to John but not to us

@BruceAndNosh - how did you guess?