Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Wonder what's changed with MrWG @VanGoghsDog ?!

Horny?
Something has shifted a bit I think.

[quote Shayelle2009]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards good on you for being strong today and already dusting yourself off. It’s admirable!!

I’m still chatting with Mr Gwen and we’re meeting up for a morning coffee on Thursday. I’ve unmatched him twice before, over the last year 🙈 but he is still pleased to hear from me and said he's looking forward to our date. I’ve unmatched him previously thinking he’s come across as sleazy but I think I over reacted at the time and just need to take him with a pinch of salt. I’m actually really looking forward to this date, I really like the look of him. But then I thought Mr India looked nice and he turned out to be a complete wanker!! If that date taught me anything though it’s that you should meet someone in person and not look too much into their messaging style!! (What you’ve all been saying for months!!) I am going to just get out there a lot more now!! Be an outgoing Shay!! 💃🏽[/quote]
@Shayelle2009 ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, it’s going to take a little time for you to get the worm out of your mind because it’s clear that you had begun to invest in the potential that he seemed to offer you. And I know I was guilty of encouraging some of the hope that you and he would meet and everything would match up to expectations. This is a really important reminder that until meeting FTF take nothing for granted. Which is sad but true. I think an earlier poster commented that at least he didn’t ghost you or send a text to tell you what he told you in the video call. I know I prefer closure with things however it comes. Yesterday was a shock because it was so unexpected. But like so many will have felt at times in these situations it’s not great that it happened but put it behind you and on to the next chapter , hopefully it’s got a much better ending 👍

[quote Onesmallstep67]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, it’s going to take a little time for you to get the worm out of your mind because it’s clear that you had begun to invest in the potential that he seemed to offer you. And I know I was guilty of encouraging some of the hope that you and he would meet and everything would match up to expectations. This is a really important reminder that until meeting FTF take nothing for granted. Which is sad but true. I think an earlier poster commented that at least he didn’t ghost you or send a text to tell you what he told you in the video call. I know I prefer closure with things however it comes. Yesterday was a shock because it was so unexpected. But like so many will have felt at times in these situations it’s not great that it happened but put it behind you and on to the next chapter , hopefully it’s got a much better ending 👍[/quote]
@Onesmallstep67 thank you for your message 🙂 Please don't feel guilty! He said and did a lot of things but didn't deliver. This is his mess.

I know it will take time, and I completely agree with you on that. I think I just need to take some time and go slowly, and one day I will learn to trust again with someone decent ❤️😘

@Clovertoast it is not being needy to want a good morning text even if he has his kids and parents over. I'm sure he can spare 30 seconds to type good morning.
It sounds like Mr P has compartmentalised his life, so you are one part which only involves you going to his house and not going out and the other part is his kids/family and friends.

Mr K and I have done good morning/night texts since about 1 month in.
Even if he has his son he still does these 2 messages, if I get more its great but if I don't I know he's probably busy.

Last week Mr K was away with friends and I didn't get a good night text for the first time in about 18mths, the next morning he messaged and it appears there was some hard drinking done so I think he was too drunk to text. I have to admit to being slightly miffed.

You also mention bring far too accessible to him. How are you getting on with passing your driving test? What about friends and hobbies?

Why do you think you can't say what's troubling you?
I can't remember if you ever had counselling for the effects of your marriage.

@Onesmallstep67 yes i did it was so awkward... an he lives in my town so chances are i‘ll bump into him at some point. We never messaged much after i think he was also mortified at his performance or lack thereof . It‘s so hard to know when to sleep with them and when not to my judgement could not be more wrong. I fall for the ‚we‘ve got such an amazing connection‘ ‚ i never met anyone like you before’ super keen even after sleeping together there are always a few dates, txts and i think we’re headed in the right direction together, then before i know it there he is off making ‚amaaaazing connections‘ with someone else. So i thought lets invest time in someone i genuinely like, so many positive qualities and lets give it time then we (tried) to dtd and its a massive let down and i have moved on swiftly! It‘s so good to post on here! Just hearing other opinions and stories realising you’re not alone is a goood feeling!
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards definitely sounds better you are rid of him. Think its people like him that are actually at odds with themselves an then project and hurt others rather than dealing with their own issues instead. I wish i had some super helpful advice but like i said in my other post my judgement of characters could not be worse! Which is why i’m trying to date the ones i don’t initially get drawn to but even that isn’t working out...

[quote Naimee87]@Onesmallstep67 yes i did it was so awkward... an he lives in my town so chances are i‘ll bump into him at some point. We never messaged much after i think he was also mortified at his performance or lack thereof . It‘s so hard to know when to sleep with them and when not to my judgement could not be more wrong. I fall for the ‚we‘ve got such an amazing connection‘ ‚ i never met anyone like you before’ super keen even after sleeping together there are always a few dates, txts and i think we’re headed in the right direction together, then before i know it there he is off making ‚amaaaazing connections‘ with someone else. So i thought lets invest time in someone i genuinely like, so many positive qualities and lets give it time then we (tried) to dtd and its a massive let down and i have moved on swiftly! It‘s so good to post on here! Just hearing other opinions and stories realising you’re not alone is a goood feeling!
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards definitely sounds better you are rid of him. Think its people like him that are actually at odds with themselves an then project and hurt others rather than dealing with their own issues instead. I wish i had some super helpful advice but like i said in my other post my judgement of characters could not be worse! Which is why i’m trying to date the ones i don’t initially get drawn to but even that isn’t working out...[/quote]
@Naimee87 I know the feeling 😊

@Clovertoast you're not needy at all. I'm sure he can spare the time to wish you good morning. I don't like people making excuses about why they can't do that.

You're doing nothing wrong here ❤️

@Naimee87, I think it sounds like you gave the situation and him a fair amount of time and attention. Hopefully you don’t bump into him too often !

In terms of levels of communication I think if you consider yourself to be actively dating someone or in a relationship with them then you should be in contact every day. Mr V and I don’t do much texting as we talk instead. If I didn’t hear from him I would naturally assume that there was an issue because it’s outside of our norm. But we have routines that allow for this and no young DC who need our attention. Daily, regular contact helps me to feel connected with Mr V. We only usually see each other 2 or at most 3 times a week so the chats in between are important to me/us.

clovertoast I too would feel a bit put out that he couldn't find 10 seconds to type a quick hello...

So my date zero with Mr Easy was lovely, with a beer garden pint, a sunny coastal walk and non-stop chatting. I didn't feel any chemistry though, and didn't fancy him - short, and a proper corblimey Londoner, which is fun but not sexy...

He sent me a message that it was great chatting. I said it had been fun but neither of us mentioned another meet. I think the lack of chemistry was mutual, but we did have a laugh. So decent date, but no future.

@Heartbeats0708, I keep meaning to comment on the Mr O situation but the threads rattle along so quickly. Has there been a bit of a shift in how you feel about Mr O? Are you missing him for the friends or benefits ? I miss Mr Cocky mostly on a friend level now. But I am nearly 3 months NC and as each week passes it feels less likely that I will resume any regular contact. Still might send the ‘ hope you are okay’ msg and the explanation as to why I have disappeared from his life. But it would have to be when I was feeling super strong about Mr V because it would be easy to slip back into old routines that really weren’t the best for me. Maybe you’re missing what Mr O represented and the connection that took time to build isn’t instantly there with new contacts - well a different connection may be.

Thanks for your thoughts @Onesmallstep67 I do miss the fwb side of things and also the familiarity and comfort. When we were together he treated me very well and I worry about what has gone. I'm not sure if my feelings have changed or if I fear being alone. However the way he's been the last couple of weeks is outweighing that, I can't tell if it's just his way of managing. But he's being a prick to be honest. Still no idea what's going on!
I appreciate your reluctance to contact Mr Cocky. Definitely pick your moment

Hi everyone.

After last months revelation from MrTall that he still lives with his exW, I ignored all your advice and gave him a chance. I have strong feelings for him and I feel like I am at war between head and heart.
It doesn't help that when I am with him I feel like the centre of his world, even when we're not together, he is always checking in and available to speak to if I ring etc... nothing over the top, just the perfect amount. I can't fault him.
That is, except for the fact he still lives with his ex

I did try and end things, and he was totally understanding and respectful, but I couldn't go through with it.
Now I'm in this limbo where I have feelings for a man but at the same time feel in limbo. I feel like the other woman.

I think it's compounded by him having a bbq with his parents and his ex today. He said they weren't supposed to go but her family let her down so him and his parents didn't want the food to go to waste.... Which I suspect is BS.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. Just needed to vent somewhere.

@30somethingandstillsingle, what Mr Tall has told you today is an example of the kind of things that you are now going to have on your mind. I don’t think anyone can tell you what you should feel or do about seeing him.There is obviously a strong connection with him and he clearly makes you feel great when you are together. I guess the feeling from the thread last time was about the complicated nature of his home life. Have you got yourself into a situation with no short term solution? So many practical things like finances and arrangements with DC - if he has any. And while he takes steps to properly leave the marital home you are going to have live with with the uncertainty of what happens there when he’s not with you.

Ooops, I didn't even see there was a new thread.

@30somethingandstillsingle Since Mr Tall admitted the truth to you what has he said about his living situation?
Is he or his ex actively looking to move out in to their own place?
If neither are can you honestly say that they have definitely split?

@30somethingandstillsingle i feel for you because you can tell reading your post how torn you feel. Ultimately you need to decide what you can tolerate. I could not tolerate the whole family barbeque thing personally plus it seems like there is no end in sight for their living arrangements. He has form for lying before to you, and sounds like he readily accepted you wanting to split too. I don't think he is being truthful.

He's said realistically it's going to be 4/5 months before either can move out due to financial reasons.
I don't think I can carry on like this for that long. I'm not an insecure or jealous person generally, but this is bringing out the worst in me.

He didn't readily accept when I tried to end things, he was very upset, I could see that. But he didn't use that as emotional blackmail- but ultimately it was my choice not to end things.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - sorry to hear what happened with you and Mr Booksnake. I'll just agree with all that it's all too common and really nothing is certain until you've met and probably known someone for a few months. Even then folks can change their minds (happened to me). I don't even think people particularly mean it, often they're just careless because others are available and it's easy to discard people if the main point of contact is whatsapp. You sound like you're handling it really well!

@30somethingandstillsingle - agree with @Eesha and that barbecue story is a bit off. The dog will be eating his divorce forms next.

@30somethingandstillsingle Could you take a step back for 4/5 months and see where he is then.

Its hard not to ask about his finances as its not your business but has he said why and what needs to be done.

I think the BBQ with the ex is very odd and almost like his parents don't know they have split.

Are you sure he's not with his wife and is 'allowed' girlfriends on the side?

Morning everyone, so I have a bit of good news. Egged on by my friend and probably a bottle of wine, I asked Mr Cricket if he fancied going for a drink this week. I didn't read his reply until this morning as I had way too much wine and I put my phone away when I do (no drunk messages to people that way), he said yes and he could do Friday. I was so scared he was going to say no, so when I read it was a yes you could imagine my reaction. now I have to think about what to wear.

[quote DudeFromThatLondon]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - sorry to hear what happened with you and Mr Booksnake. I'll just agree with all that it's all too common and really nothing is certain until you've met and probably known someone for a few months. Even then folks can change their minds (happened to me). I don't even think people particularly mean it, often they're just careless because others are available and it's easy to discard people if the main point of contact is whatsapp. You sound like you're handling it really well![/quote]
@DudeFromThatLondon thank you. 🙂 I completely agree with you.

I'm sorry to hear that the same thing has happened to you. My ex changed his mind about our relationship too, and it really affected me so I know how it feels ❤️

@Isitreallyme77

Morning everyone, so I have a bit of good news. Egged on by my friend and probably a bottle of wine, I asked Mr Cricket if he fancied going for a drink this week. I didn't read his reply until this morning as I had way too much wine and I put my phone away when I do (no drunk messages to people that way), he said yes and he could do Friday. I was so scared he was going to say no, so when I read it was a yes you could imagine my reaction. now I have to think about what to wear.

That's great news, @Isitreallyme77! Hope it goes well. 🙂

I'd go for a light summer dress or a light top with trousers or shorts ❤️

@Onesmallstep67 Yea he was great and will really make a good boyfriend for someone else for sure.
I see what you mean and I just haven't managed to get the nice routine going like you seem to have. It's always so full on at the start with lovely txts and constant check-ins, then it just tales off usually on their end. Is this what 'love-bombing' is? It's just so hard after to get used to silence and not what to write to them. This is why i have made a decision not to get swept up into the over-texting at the beginning anymore. I think it was said on here too that the longer you go with messaging without actually meeting or with only meeting rarely then a really 'good' but actually false connection happens. And sometimes the person on text just doesn't appeal as much IRL...