Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Eesha thank you, I do take it all on board. I'm stepping back from Mr Confused. I liked how Mr Cricket wanted to meet soon and kept messaging to a minimum before meeting it was quite refreshing (we message more now and have agreed to meet as friends in the future).

@Isitreallyme77

I think in a way virtual relationships can be more addictive than real ones as we tend to “let our imagination fill in the gaps” and think these guys are perfect!

( when the reality is they are just silver tongued smooth talking flakes or partnered up!)

Then the contrast with the “dull guys who actually want to meet in real life” is there?

But that’s just the dating scene - I’d say I’m attractive and do ok but everything is still fairly slow.

But better slow or nothing happening than wasting time on weirdos without your best interests at heart.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@Isitreallyme77

I think in a way virtual relationships can be more addictive than real ones as we tend to “let our imagination fill in the gaps” and think these guys are perfect!

( when the reality is they are just silver tongued smooth talking flakes or partnered up!)

Then the contrast with the “dull guys who actually want to meet in real life” is there?

But that’s just the dating scene - I’d say I’m attractive and do ok but everything is still fairly slow.

But better slow or nothing happening than wasting time on weirdos without your best interests at heart.[/quote]
Yes - this. Good for you 🥰

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@Isitreallyme77

I think in a way virtual relationships can be more addictive than real ones as we tend to “let our imagination fill in the gaps” and think these guys are perfect!

( when the reality is they are just silver tongued smooth talking flakes or partnered up!)

Then the contrast with the “dull guys who actually want to meet in real life” is there?

But that’s just the dating scene - I’d say I’m attractive and do ok but everything is still fairly slow.

But better slow or nothing happening than wasting time on weirdos without your best interests at heart.[/quote]
@SpringlikeBunk I like your last sentence here I think it is one we all need to hear sometimes.

Yeh having no dates or an empty WhatsApp screen (what’s that.... “your battery is now charged” message ) can make me feel like a lonely insecure teenager again and want a couple of admirers from the Sea of Twats!

But that’s fine, I need to be able to work through that?

Sounds a bit “woo” but being able to sit with and tolerate feelings of loneliness/being uncomfortable without DOING anything is important and something I’m trying to work on

Oh dear. I've just been on Bumble and Mr. Casual has apparently liked me. He just doesn't give up at all, does he? By the looks of it, he's made a new profile to do it, as well.

I can see my only cause of action is to block him.

I actually generally much prefer the fantasy to the real thing. It’s all lovely before you do actually meet them 😂😂🥰
Just unmatched the polish builder unceremoniously. Won’t meet for coffee but wants to go drinking. NOPE

I sent a nice not feeling the chemistry message to Mr Tea and Cake earlier and the feeling was mutual. Wished each other luck so it was quite a nice way to end things.
I have so many chats on the go after diving head first into the sea of twits earlier in the week and a date for Saturday evening.
Meeting halfway between us which isn't far and he is going to book a table at a restaurant which I have been wanting to go to (he suggested the place and I agreed) I think I will call him Mr Finance

@Shayelle2009

I actually generally much prefer the fantasy to the real thing. It’s all lovely before you do actually meet them 😂😂🥰 Just unmatched the polish builder unceremoniously. Won’t meet for coffee but wants to go drinking. NOPE

Hear hear, @Shayelle! ❤️

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I sent a nice not feeling the chemistry message to Mr Tea and Cake earlier and the feeling was mutual. Wished each other luck so it was quite a nice way to end things. I have so many chats on the go after diving head first into the sea of twits earlier in the week and a date for Saturday evening. Meeting halfway between us which isn't far and he is going to book a table at a restaurant which I have been wanting to go to (he suggested the place and I agreed) I think I will call him Mr Finance

That's great @Dancer! Glad things ended smoothly with Mr T & C ❤️

I’m thinking I’m going to hide my profiles over the weekend. Can’t be bothered looking at or talking to these morons/creeps/potatoes/psychos…
Haha jaded much 😹😹

Yay @Shayelle2009

It’s mental how few practical matches there actually are once you’ve whittled down the guys who throw up “little” red flags early on.

I know right @SpringlikeBunk.. im zero tolerance.. which leaves no one.. 😹😹

I think that’s a good viewpoint to have though?

I mean maybe be flexible on things like looks/superfical/lifestyle stuff, but in terms of bad manners/being pushy/flaky/dishonest early on these red flags only get worse over time

@SpringlikeBunk

I think that’s a good viewpoint to have though?

I mean maybe be flexible on things like looks/superfical/lifestyle stuff, but in terms of bad manners/being pushy/flaky/dishonest early on these red flags only get worse over time

@SpringlikeBunk I completely agree with this ❤️

Date with MrTall was nice, not earth shattering. I do feel I have to "entertain" him a bit, he's quite quiet. Not an easy flow of conversation.
Snog at the end was better and slight flutters.

He's asking when we can "drink wine together", which basically means coming to my house and staying the night as his house is a building site. I need to think carefully on this one.

Meanwhile MrWG is in isolation awaiting a PCR result after a positive test somewhere he was working, so he's been bored today and texting loads, which is unlike him.

I don't really feel like chasing him down for a date to meet up again.

So, I'm free Sat night, do I invite one of them over, that's the question!

I can't be shagging two guys at once so I need to make a decision here. MrWG doesn't seem to be up for an actual relationship. MrTall isn't quite doing it for me.

@VanGoghsDog

Are you actually attracted to MrTall enough to spend a night with him or are you feeling it’s something you “ought” to do?

If you’re not physically comfortable enough and want an out date to get to know him next then that’s what you should have?

There’s no “third date sex” rule, do what you like when you like if you’re feeling pressurised don’t!

Can you have one of the irons over for date night (film? Dinner?) without feeling you need to commit to physical intimacy, just have a chat and a chill out evening! Maybe some cuddling etc if that’s the way things go.

@SpringlikeBunk

Yeh having no dates or an empty WhatsApp screen (what’s that.... “your battery is now charged” message ) can make me feel like a lonely insecure teenager again and want a couple of admirers from the Sea of Twats!

But that’s fine, I need to be able to work through that?

Sounds a bit “woo” but being able to sit with and tolerate feelings of loneliness/being uncomfortable without DOING anything is important and something I’m trying to work on

Love waking up to wisdom like this on my phone 💜

@SpringlikeBunk gives amazing advice ☺️☺️

Just checking back in after a little break from here. I was about a few threads ago now and I've had a name change since as well.
Not sure if you remember me but I was with MrPosh who was flakey with contact and would disappear mid conversation for days on end. We started talking together at New year and chatted all through lockdown, then started meeting up for dates once things opened up. Pining him down for dates was like getting blood from a stone as he was so busy, I felt like I was constantly chasing him. So in the end I stopped chasing and I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks, I then asked outright what he wanted and he admitted he didn't feel ready to commit to anything serious. By this point any feelings for him had long gone and I felt a bit relieved if I'm honest. We ended as friends though and we will continue to keep in touch.

I decided to not bother going back on loads of apps and have deleted accounts from most websites, I am just concentrating on bumble for now, but being REALLY choosy about who I swipe on. So after a few weeks of swiping, and swiping right on just a handful, I got a match!

He seems like a lovely guy, very easy to talk to and has a lot of similar interests, lives reasonably local and we are the same age. He doesn't have any kids and is available on weekends for dates (which is a nice change from MrPosh).

I'm excited to see where this one goes, I'll call this iron MrManager.

@Dirtyduck

Just checking back in after a little break from here. I was about a few threads ago now and I've had a name change since as well. Not sure if you remember me but I was with MrPosh who was flakey with contact and would disappear mid conversation for days on end. We started talking together at New year and chatted all through lockdown, then started meeting up for dates once things opened up. Pining him down for dates was like getting blood from a stone as he was so busy, I felt like I was constantly chasing him. So in the end I stopped chasing and I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks, I then asked outright what he wanted and he admitted he didn't feel ready to commit to anything serious. By this point any feelings for him had long gone and I felt a bit relieved if I'm honest. We ended as friends though and we will continue to keep in touch.

I decided to not bother going back on loads of apps and have deleted accounts from most websites, I am just concentrating on bumble for now, but being REALLY choosy about who I swipe on. So after a few weeks of swiping, and swiping right on just a handful, I got a match!

He seems like a lovely guy, very easy to talk to and has a lot of similar interests, lives reasonably local and we are the same age. He doesn't have any kids and is available on weekends for dates (which is a nice change from MrPosh).

I'm excited to see where this one goes, I'll call this iron MrManager.

Good luck 🤞🏽 with Mr Manager. Good call on Mr Posh, I hate these in and out of contact flakes. Just fess up to where you are and then no one feels like they've had their time wasted.

My news is that Mr Bear has now declared himself head over heels and wants to commit to this long term. I feel the same but I told him I wasn't ready to talk about it other than to let him know that I absolutely enjoy every single minute of being together. And that I'm totally up for all conversations and transparency but that I have a tjmetable set by me for all these things. I won't believe in anything whilst we are still high on lots of good sex and the sheer relief of meeting someone normal who's got their shit together.

He's taken this really well and isn't phased by it or emotionally blackmailing me into something more. He's totally cool with the current situation. The only thing he's asked to do is to introduce my dogs to his 10 yo without me there this weekend. He's said it's because his son has seen photos of my dogs and is desperate to meet them. So whilst I'm occupied with something else for half an hour he's going to take son and dogs to the park around the corner.

In my head I want everyone to meet at the same time at the end of the summer, somewhere chilled and easy for us all to get to. I think I'm ok with the dogs thing. He won't do it if I don't want him to or change my mind, he hasn't told his son.

In other news I had my day in court with my ex and the judge struck out all his amendments to our agreement, including the ex asking me to sell the FMH to pay back maintenance when DD is 18 (!).

Ex's response after this was to block me on WhatsApp and ask me not to come to the house to do pick up anymore. He has gone no contact after 20 years of constant emailing, calling, texting. My phone is very quiet.

@BelladiMamma you really seem to have it together, great news about Mr Bear!

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma you really seem to have it together, great news about Mr Bear![/quote]
And I just asked him not to intro the dogs to his son as I know my kids would rather do that, it can be a bonding thing

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma you really seem to have it together, great news about Mr Bear![/quote]
Thank you. It's been a long hard road! ♥️