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Original poster

Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

994 replies

Dancerinthemoonlight · 29/05/2021 21:38

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 10/06/2021 20:19

And thanks onwards....x

Shayelle2009 · 10/06/2021 20:21

I get you @bangheadhere40 … I get days like that.. not that often but sometimes.. X

Shayelle2009 · 10/06/2021 20:21

You just need something to perk you up thats all ☺️

bangheadhere40 · 10/06/2021 20:24

You are right shayelle, all friends are coupled up mainly though...I do enjoy swimming in the Lakes though so I may start doing that more often.

Weird isn't it, I'm fine mkst days but today I've felt a little low x

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 10/06/2021 20:25

@bangheadhere40

And thanks onwards....x
@banghead you're very welcome. ❤️😘
Isitreallyme77 · 10/06/2021 20:25

@SpringlikeBunk

Yeh some people are really good with words and chatty - but talk is cheap.

I can Mumsnet loads whilst I’m doing other things it’s no time investment at all!

Just be wary he might be probing/building up rapport/waiting till you’re feeling a bit vulnerable and then you might agree to something you regret later...

(nothing wrong with casual but if you’re clear you don’t want it then might be best to retreat a bit. He knows what you want - if he wants to ask you on a date he can)

@SpringlikeBunk yes I think he is one of those people. I don't half pick them, Computer Geek was the same
OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 10/06/2021 20:26

[quote Shayelle2009]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards glad you have bounced back ☺️👍👍

@bangheadhere40 ahh It is disheartening. How about just looking to see if there is a new hobby or activity you can start, to get out and about, focus on, new people/thing to think about, change of scene?? Some sport, walking, I dont know, anything 🙂 just a suggestion.

@VanGoghsDog and Onwards I feel sorry for our HR dept its the volume of issues and stuff they have to deal with and omg everything’s so time consuming!!! 🤯🤯

I’m super excited a good pal of mine has said we’re going clubbing in July. I am SOOOO excited!! Already planning my outfit!! Can’t even remember the last time I went out out!![/quote]
@Shayelle2009 thank you. I've had a rough couple of days, but feeling much better today! ❤️

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 10/06/2021 20:31

I feel sorry for HR at the moment too. was having a conversation with Mr. HR the other day about it. He says it was chaos last year at his work. (He works for a retail company) apparently 20% of their business had to go into isolation. ❤️

Shayelle2009 · 10/06/2021 20:32

I completely get you @bangheadhere40. You’ll feel brighter tomorrow 💗💗 i’m in the same boat you’re not alone 😬

Ahhhh that’s good @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sometimes the raw and real advice on here hits a nerve but actually in the long run it’s always good, well meaning and helpful x

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 10/06/2021 20:34

@Shayelle2009

I completely get you *@bangheadhere40*. You’ll feel brighter tomorrow 💗💗 i’m in the same boat you’re not alone 😬

Ahhhh that’s good @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sometimes the raw and real advice on here hits a nerve but actually in the long run it’s always good, well meaning and helpful x

@Shayelle2009 indeed ❤️
WeWantTheFinestWines · 10/06/2021 20:43

Haven't completely caught up, just wanted to jump on to ask if anyone has any experience with Elite Singles? I need someone solvent and intelligent and I'm just getting potatoes on Tinder. I've decided I'll pay if that's what it takes to meet someone who doesn't live with their mum. But if it's just bitter men holding fancier fish I won't bother.

I've been so burnt by financially supporting a dreamer for years, I'd rather be single forever than getting sucked into that vortex again...

BelladiMamma · 10/06/2021 20:44

@bangheadhere40

I'm feeling rather crappy today 😕

I haven't spent a long time on the apps as I find it mainly pointless. It's kind of hitting home though I might not meet anyone I like ever again.

Hope you're ok 💜
SpringlikeBunk · 10/06/2021 20:44

@Isitreallyme77

No I agree it’s so easy to get sucked in with chat and think there’s this sense of intimacy when there isn’t

(or you think as the guy is sending so many messages he “must be into you” or “think you’re special”).

But some people are just naturally fast and witty messagers (I can speed read and write and reply ). It means nothing.

When I first got WhatsApp a few years ago I got really sucked in with frequent funny daily messages from someone I vaguely knew.

I was in his city and thought as we had “such a connection” he’d make time to go out on dates, be considerate etc.

There was some flirtation but a lot of
chat about daily life, non sex things, he “acted hurt” if I criticised him or pulled away. I was lonely at the time and he was like my best friend.

It turned out in person he just wanted me to quickly invite him to my hotel room for a 30 minute sex session in his work break 😬🤦🏽‍♀️😑

Looking back I was very naive - I’d had a poor few years with my MH and he picked up the vulnerability signals and was manipulating me.

but I remember sitting waiting for the transport home absolutely gutted wondering what the hell I’d done or said wrong! As the sense of intimacy had been so strong.

So I’ve definitely learned the hard way to just focus on meeting and not put too much energy or investment into chats.

BelladiMamma · 10/06/2021 20:46

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Haven't completely caught up, just wanted to jump on to ask if anyone has any experience with Elite Singles? I need someone solvent and intelligent and I'm just getting potatoes on Tinder. I've decided I'll pay if that's what it takes to meet someone who doesn't live with their mum. But if it's just bitter men holding fancier fish I won't bother.

I've been so burnt by financially supporting a dreamer for years, I'd rather be single forever than getting sucked into that vortex again...

Bitter men holding fancier fish

Well, whatever it is that's been happening to you out there on the apps, you haven't lost your sense of humour 😁

BelladiMamma · 10/06/2021 20:48

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@Isitreallyme77

No I agree it’s so easy to get sucked in with chat and think there’s this sense of intimacy when there isn’t

(or you think as the guy is sending so many messages he “must be into you” or “think you’re special”).

But some people are just naturally fast and witty messagers (I can speed read and write and reply ). It means nothing.

When I first got WhatsApp a few years ago I got really sucked in with frequent funny daily messages from someone I vaguely knew.

I was in his city and thought as we had “such a connection” he’d make time to go out on dates, be considerate etc.

There was some flirtation but a lot of
chat about daily life, non sex things, he “acted hurt” if I criticised him or pulled away. I was lonely at the time and he was like my best friend.

It turned out in person he just wanted me to quickly invite him to my hotel room for a 30 minute sex session in his work break 😬🤦🏽‍♀️😑

Looking back I was very naive - I’d had a poor few years with my MH and he picked up the vulnerability signals and was manipulating me.

but I remember sitting waiting for the transport home absolutely gutted wondering what the hell I’d done or said wrong! As the sense of intimacy had been so strong.

So I’ve definitely learned the hard way to just focus on meeting and not put too much energy or investment into chats.[/quote]
I had to go through about 4 of these to realise that it was just total wastes time and energy. If they don't want to meet they're fakes and time wasters or worse, they're looking for virtual or casual sex without being honest about it.

Shayelle2009 · 10/06/2021 20:57

I agree @SpringlikeBunk it means nothing!!!

Eesha · 10/06/2021 21:00

@Isitreallyme77 personally i would cut my losses and move on. He's made it clear what he wants and all you are doing is getting sucked into a virtual relationship of sorts with him. If you slept with him, he would bin you off saying he told you what he was like all along. You seem to have invested so much time in Mr CG who i still think is a fake of sorts ie somehow still married etc who used your kindness and took advantage of this. You should be focussing on people who are genuinely more available to you than these ones. Your posts should be about new, available irons, not these prats who certainly don't deserve your attention.

Shayelle2009 · 10/06/2021 21:07

I’m having sparkly funny witty chats with a cute polish builder. He’s much more interesting so far that any of the mono syllable english ones thus far

Isitreallyme77 · 10/06/2021 21:18

@SpringlikeBunk I turned into Computer Geeks agony aunt, in fairness though he was a total mess and needed someone to talk to. I think in his case he found someone he could confide in who wasn't going to judge him, even when he told me he cheated on his ex I was actually quite understanding (I don't agree with what he did but he is paying for it and he was completely broken). He made a comment to me after we met, it was good to meet even just to prove we both existed. It was his comments later in the week that caused us to fall out as they hurt like hell (I was just someone he had met was one of them) after listening to his problems for 5 months whilst my own life and mental health was going to shit they really stung and that row turned heated.

You're right it is so easy to think there is more to something than there is.

Isitreallyme77 · 10/06/2021 21:21

@Eesha I think you are absolutely right, Mr Confused needs binning off pretty damn smartish otherwise I'll just be a mess again and I don't want that.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 10/06/2021 21:21

[quote Isitreallyme77]@SpringlikeBunk I turned into Computer Geeks agony aunt, in fairness though he was a total mess and needed someone to talk to. I think in his case he found someone he could confide in who wasn't going to judge him, even when he told me he cheated on his ex I was actually quite understanding (I don't agree with what he did but he is paying for it and he was completely broken). He made a comment to me after we met, it was good to meet even just to prove we both existed. It was his comments later in the week that caused us to fall out as they hurt like hell (I was just someone he had met was one of them) after listening to his problems for 5 months whilst my own life and mental health was going to shit they really stung and that row turned heated.

You're right it is so easy to think there is more to something than there is.[/quote]
I went though the same with my very first iron so I totally get this 👍🏻

SpringlikeBunk · 10/06/2021 21:35

Hope things lighten up soon @bangheadhere40

I think it’s the human condition to have down day’s even if everything is ok overall.

I have to keep reminding myself that going on tinder/messaging dodgy ex irons isn’t the way to make myself feel better! Grin

Like @BelladiMamma said earlier just a couple of things can break the routine a bit - go phone free for a day, have a day trip to look forward to etc.

I’ve found there’s no “one magic bullet” to sort out my MH but more a portfolio of things like exercise, clearing things away, less phone and screen time

Shayelle2009 · 10/06/2021 21:43

I do find that if I feel a bit lonely or isolated (occupational hazard of living alone and wfh) going out for a walk twice a day helps me connect into humanity and nature.. seeing locals, dog walkers, looking at bees, birds, flowers, trees and plants.. don’t know if this works for anyone else but I highly recommend it

Eesha · 10/06/2021 21:50

@Isitreallyme77 the reason im saying this is i have a friend who is similar to how you seem and she has wasted literally YEARS of her life on weird virtual relationships with men who are unsuitable or not interested or playing her somehow. Don't be like her. She's a great person and I've no doubt she's been a great sounding board for these men but she has nothing to show for it.

Isitreallyme77 · 10/06/2021 21:52

I'm off shopping tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. Last time I went I had a meltdown, virtually ran back to my car, went home and cried. Tomorrow the only men I will chat to will be the guys in the gym, my gym instructor, my parents cat, my ex most likely (it's Friday after all) and Mr Cricket (who is now firmly in the friend zone and has an important match on Saturday). No Tinder chats, no Mr Confused.