Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I avoided stabbing him with a fork for the second time. To be honest I stopped listening to him half way through and just made appropriate hmmm and AHH noises where needed.
I also discovered I really hate red wine and as much as I want a man to plan things it's with input from me and getting my approval. Not just going with what he wants

It's times like this that makes me miss old irons like Mr Army where the sexual chemistry was there from the beginning.

Why did you have to drink something you don't like?

But, certainly they should be checking with you re what to do and where to go. Early on surprises or control are unappealing.

That's a personal thing I should get over. I feel the need to finish something I have ordered even if I don't like it as I feel it's wasteful.
Wish I had of stuck to my usual of an unsophisticated spiced rum and coke.

Ah, I sort of thought you meant he had ordered a bottle or something. I think I'd probably finish a drink I'd ordered unless I really hated it.

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Just got back from my second date with Mr Tea and Cake. It's a no from me. He took crazy golf way to seriously with a proper golfers stance. We then went for food. He chose again and it was what he wanted to do. Over dinner he tried to psychoanalyze me. Told me the physiological things he thinks is important to create a lasting relationship. He went on and on. Then also said he age which is 37 so 3 years older than it says on hinge and double checked my age. By that point I was so fed up with him talking I couldn't be bothered to question him. He likes the sound of his own voice far too much.

I have a few other chats on the go but no more dates planned at the moment.

Too right - time to bail. At least you know for sure it's a no and you won't be left thinking what if

@SpringlikeBunk i think my profile is pretty 'tasteful' but not sure it' really catch too many eyes. But honestly i'm taking it easy at the moment. I also realise I have hardly any 'full-length' photo's i don't run in a social circle that takes a lot of photo's. Too old a generation i think. With my friends we're either drinking or completely sweaty and look bedraggled after working out. I've a ton of selfies with me my son and our tiny pug dog but certainly not posting these...
@Dancerinthemoonlight so he said he was 34 but he is 37, why the lie? what does he hope to gain? Is that a big age difference between the two of you? How can you take crazy-gold seriously i think its one of the most fun activities. I love the 'golf stance' comment, have you ever done a bowling date? check out the 'bowling stance' if their an avid bowler this is really really funny! I'm still a side-rails up bowler. I'm sure some more dates are on the horzion...
@Isitreallyme77 is MrConfused someone you have met in real life? or someone you'd have really liked to meet?

@Naimee87 there is a 9 year age difference rather than 6 years. No idea what he hoped to gain. Maybe a pretty young woman on his arm.
I have been on a bowling date but that was really fun, the iron tried to let me win one game and it was a touchy feely date like a good luck kiss before my turn.

Hopefully there will be dates with different potentials soon. I do have an offer for Saturday but it feels like he is slotting me in as he is going to a birthday part. Not sure before or after. If its before he would have already been drinking or afterwards then he would be clock watching to go to the party.

@VanGoghsDog Sometimes they are such a pain. People just bring them for any old stupid reason. Our tutor showed us an article in People Management about people just submitting them for nothing.

Apparently someone once submitted one because someone was eating crisps at the desk when the person they were sitting next to was on a diet 😂😂😂 ❤️

Oh, one I'm dealing with has "she spilled water on my desk"! (Three years ago)
I've had "they made coffee and didn't offer me one" when the person didn't even drink hot drinks so always said no.

And "they used my mug"....

The annoying thing about them is that there is rarely any remedy other than "will the two of yous just grow the fuck up!".

@Naimee87 I would have liked to have met him as I think we would have got on well (he agrees) but he is two months out of a relationship and he isn't looking for anything, he has been honest about that. Think we want different things I want dating he wants a quick shag every so often. Shame really but it is what it is.

That’s good you’re both honest @Isitreallyme77

I actually don’t mind the guys who are upfront that they want casual sex only so you don’t waste time trying to arrange an out date! It’s the ones who try to “sneak it in” who irritate me

Hi everyone,

I'm back. I would like to thank everyone for their support yesterday, especially @GaraMedouar and @Isitreallyme77 for sharing their experiences with me. A big thank you to@Naimee87, @Shayelle2009 and @Heartbeats0708 for being so lovely and supportive too.

When @craving wrote her post to me on Tuesday evening, what she said really hit a nerve and upset me, but it convinced me that I had to be brave and confront who I am.

I don't like the fact I'm a virgin because I always will have to tell men about it and don't want to have to have the wrong impression of me. I don't like them knowing I'm inexperienced. I have had to tell men in the past and have found it really embarrassing.

This includes Mr. Bookworm. We were on a video call and he suddenly asked 'in the bedroom, what do you like?' We didn't normally ask each other questions like this, as we normally kept VC's quite light, so I didn't know that he was going to ask something like this. I froze, not knowing what to say, and then I blurted it out.

This is part of why I feel unconfident about going out with men. Also I probably think that they're going to treat me like my ex boyfriend did.

I think that's why my self esteem has been so low.

I think my anxiety rocketed on Tuesday. (This is partly my fault for posting so much. I need to work on stepping away from the thread when I feel anxious and emotional)

@SpringlikeBunk it is, it's quite refreshing that he said he didn't want to waste my time. I was encouraging him to sign up to a swingers site last night, I said "am I doing myself out of something" and he said "yes you are"🤣🤦‍♀️. As I say he is Mr Confused and I'm getting confused. 🤣

(... sorry pressed post too early. Continued from last post.)

I think I didn't feel like I could articulate why I didn't want to ask Mr HR out either, and all this spiralled into Craving telling me I should consider therapy, that I was the type of person that she didn't like online, which I found really hurtful. I don't think she needed to be so personal towards me.

Mr. Bookworm was brought up as well. I'm trying to forget about what he did and move on.

I think people were saying that I said Mr. HR was great, which I didn't say at all.

With Mr. HR, I do really like him, I admire what he's done in his career and how is got there, and I hope I can do the same. I also like that he seems like a great family man as he spends a lot of time with his nieces and nephews.

So that's it. That covers what I wanted to say.

@VanGoghsDog

Oh, one I'm dealing with has "she spilled water on my desk"! (Three years ago) I've had "they made coffee and didn't offer me one" when the person didn't even drink hot drinks so always said no. And "they used my mug"....

The annoying thing about them is that there is rarely any remedy other than "will the two of yous just grow the fuck up!".

@VanGoghsDog that's hilarious!

Oh, I only wish we could say that. Yesterday we had to talk about what we'd do if two colleagues didn't get on with each other like they used to, and it was making them take time 'off sick'

I wished I could have said 'tell them to grow the hell up.' 😂😂😂

That or to get Tanya Byron to come into the office and give them a stern taking to! ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards if my experience can help one person then it is enough for me. I've put walls up and only a couple of men have got through them (Computer Geek was one and he knows quite a lot). I have always said it will take a special man to get through those walls and for me to let another man in to my life as I don't want to get hurt again.

The right man won't judge you for being a virgin, in fact he will do everything to make you feel comfortable and special. You shouldn't feel ashamed either. ❤

[quote Isitreallyme77]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards if my experience can help one person then it is enough for me. I've put walls up and only a couple of men have got through them (Computer Geek was one and he knows quite a lot). I have always said it will take a special man to get through those walls and for me to let another man in to my life as I don't want to get hurt again.

The right man won't judge you for being a virgin, in fact he will do everything to make you feel comfortable and special. You shouldn't feel ashamed either. ❤[/quote]
@Isitreallyme77 ❤️😘

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I haven't read all your post but thought I would recommend a video to you before I forget. There is a Matthew Hussey video about sex and in it he covers about being a virgin and talking to men about it. That is nothing to be embarrassed about. It might be worth a watch if you want to learn how to approach telling a man in the future. I will look for the name of the video if you would like.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I haven't read all your post but thought I would recommend a video to you before I forget. There is a Matthew Hussey video about sex and in it he covers about being a virgin and talking to men about it. That is nothing to be embarrassed about. It might be worth a watch if you want to learn how to approach telling a man in the future. I will look for the name of the video if you would like.[/quote]
Thank you @Dancer. That would be really helpful ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I have now read the rest of your post.
It's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.
A decent man will take it at your pace when you are ready and make you feel comfortable with what is happening. If he doesn't do that then he isn't worth seeing. No matter how far you are into it you can always say no and change your mind if you start to feel uncomfortable.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I have now read the rest of your post.
It's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.
A decent man will take it at your pace when you are ready and make you feel comfortable with what is happening. If he doesn't do that then he isn't worth seeing. No matter how far you are into it you can always say no and change your mind if you start to feel uncomfortable.[/quote]
@Dancerinthemoonlight indeed 🙂 thank you ❤️

@Dancerinthemoonlight i see, does this make him older or you older? I've never been attracted to men my age i seem to go for 40+ with full on 'dad bod' too. My friends have all tried setting me up with business men! Ugh! So boring, i work in an office (well will go back i assume) and office talk is all i hear, last thing i want is to date someone doing the same thing. I want someone that can just look at a shelf and its up on the wall or that could take me on a trip in his cement-mixer haha! I often do the 'slotting in' for first dates, so if their a disaster i've got my escape plan ready. If it goes well then i think it helps to speed up the next date as the first was so short.
@Isitreallyme77 i think i was duped by the last one who wanted what Mr Confused wanted but decided to string me along pretending it was 'dating' he was after and me being awfully slow and totally head over heels let him carry on for far too long. Suppose he did the decent thing then with the open/honest conversation. Anyone else on the go currently?
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards yea, you sound in better spirits. I wish i'd had this thread or known about it a few weeks ago. I can't wait to read the messages and post my own to see what people have to say. It's just so nice to have people 'outside' of your friends/family who are sometimes too close and are either to sensitive or too harsh, very quick to make judgement and give their opinions. Here its harsh advice but from someone who actually went through the experience so can properly relate rather than someone 'imagining' what it must have been like. Very very different things in my opininon.
@VanGoghsDog is this about 'office' politics or something else... been so long since i've worked with other human-beings it'll feel so odd going back to my old desk. No clue when its planned for. But it seems we'd need a mask for the entire day if we did go back. Think that's a firm 'no' from me (if i get a say)

*meant to type i wish i'd known about the thread a few months/years ago not weeks!

The video is called 'what if I'm a virgin' it was released in 2014 and I found it really helpful when I was dating after my long term relationship ended and hadn't had sex.
Most people couldn't wrap their heads around me having been in an 8 year relationship and not having had sex.

@Dancerinthemoonlight

The video is called 'what if I'm a virgin' it was released in 2014 and I found it really helpful when I was dating after my long term relationship ended and hadn't had sex. Most people couldn't wrap their heads around me having been in an 8 year relationship and not having had sex.

@Dancerinthemoonlight 👍🏻