Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I tend to do more video calls these days so always in glasses, no makeup. I feel much happier that way

@Misty9, no I would say that's definitely not on. When the dynamics change early on I believe it's usually down to one of you changing your mind somewhat about the other. It's easy to say but I would try not to sit around waiting for the phone to go. And if he does ring try to listen very carefully to what he has to say, don't do all the talking.

Congratulations Cat on the brill job news. Hope you have a good date tonight. I used to work front of house when "Miss Saigon" was originally in the West End. Hope your story has a happier ending

@Eesha and @TheCatWithTheHat nothing like good job news to put a spring in your step ♥️

@Misty9 I thought you and Mr F triggered something in each other so you agreed not to continue dating.

Who asked for this chat/meet and what were the reasons for it?

If you'd agreed not to date anymore then I wouldn't expect him to do a good morming text but woukd expect him to acknowledge your text last night.

@Eesha - I don’t think I previously congratulated you too on the new job - remiss of me - many congratulations, so exciting

@GaraMedouar Thank you!

No, we hadn't had that conversation yet. He suggested talking again tonight as it was hurried yesterday and other reasons. But he's messaged now and it's done. And so am I with OLD for a while.

@Mayzee

Hmmm....Although it kind of seems that I have a two bloke situation

Overall I’d still say both MrC and MrPM are more “light interests” and I want to stay in touch, but don’t think things will go further than a meet or so without me “over functioning”.

Which I don’t want to do. So I’ll just sort of loosely stay in touch and maybe pick up some other dates end of this month?

They’re both good guys (so far) and I’m glad to know them and find them attractive, but I don’t fancy spending the summer organising one of them or trying to push things further?

They’re both nice and have been gentlemen but fairly “self centred” as in they’re clearly putting their own needs first.

I’m at a critical work stage and don’t really fancy doing the mental load to try to push one into the boyfriend category. So just play it by ear really

kind of wouldn’t mind some sex but that makes things too heavy

@Naimee87

It’s always an interesting discussion doing profiles!

My current policy is just to go minimal - a few flattering recent photographs including full length shot (that’s why I do selfies - I don’t have a big social life so no one takes recent photos of me!) and hardly any text, maybe one random line?

I assume that people start with the photos, chat and get to know things when they match?

If I was a smoker or had children I’d probably mention it.

I don’t really think things like music taste or hobbies are that relevant and I worry if I put (say) that I like fitness and opera and art the guy might think he has to be an athlete or be into the same lifestyle as me to match!

Whereas obviously if someone looks ok, is polite and intelligent in chat, has a mainstream job, then they’re fine to meet?

That’s my strategy so far and overall seems to throw up enough reciprocated interest.

But I guess it’s just staying flexible and seeing what works for your dating demographic really?

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@Mayzee

Hmmm....Although it kind of seems that I have a two bloke situation

Overall I’d still say both MrC and MrPM are more “light interests” and I want to stay in touch, but don’t think things will go further than a meet or so without me “over functioning”.

Which I don’t want to do. So I’ll just sort of loosely stay in touch and maybe pick up some other dates end of this month?

They’re both good guys (so far) and I’m glad to know them and find them attractive, but I don’t fancy spending the summer organising one of them or trying to push things further?

They’re both nice and have been gentlemen but fairly “self centred” as in they’re clearly putting their own needs first.

I’m at a critical work stage and don’t really fancy doing the mental load to try to push one into the boyfriend category. So just play it by ear really

kind of wouldn’t mind some sex but that makes things too heavy [/quote]
"Over functioning". Hello you just described my usual dating state of affairs. Such a relief that MrBear is a geek and loves organising

Sounds good with @BelladiMamma

When I was younger I didn’t mind organising around the “big man’s” life and job if that makes sense?

But now I’m vaguely heading in the work direction I want to be I don’t want to be spending loads of energy and time so some dude I’m dating can have nice weekends and leisure time organised by moi (and then six months later he’s got the promotion and moved forward in life and I’m “frazzled” from trying to “progress the relationship”)

Lucky @BelladiMamma... a man who likes organising?? 😍 where’d you find him ☺️☺️

@Shayelle2009

Lucky *@BelladiMamma*... a man who likes organising?? 😍 where’d you find him ☺️☺️

In the geek aisle on Hinge

@SpringlikeBunk

Sounds good with *@BelladiMamma*

When I was younger I didn’t mind organising around the “big man’s” life and job if that makes sense?

But now I’m vaguely heading in the work direction I want to be I don’t want to be spending loads of energy and time so some dude I’m dating can have nice weekends and leisure time organised by moi (and then six months later he’s got the promotion and moved forward in life and I’m “frazzled” from trying to “progress the relationship”)

I didn't actively go looking for this new situation and type of guy but when it happened ... I wasn't about to say no! He's such a cutie as well 😊

I've always done that too in the mistaken belief that somehow what he was doing had more value, even though I was often in a more senior role. I used to kid myself that it would be better for us in the long run. Ah, if only I'd been more cynical ...

Chatting to Mr Confused tonight, someone told him he should try a swingers site if he wants no strings female company but doesn't want to date. He won't meet me as he doesn't want to date and thinks we'll get on too well, and I won't just do the sex thing as I actually want to date. 🤷‍♀️🤣

Hi all,

Just to let you know that I really appreciated all the replies to my post that I received this morning.

I've just come back from a long session at college, so I'll reply to everyone probably tomorrow.

PS @Eesha- good luck in your new job. I hope it goes well for you ❤️

@TheCatWithTheHat- well done on your work news as well, and the best of luck with Miss Seigon. She sounds really nice ❤️

*properly. This is what talking about grievances for three hours does to you! 😂😂😂

@Isitreallyme77 I mean the person isn't wrong but what they didn't mention was that there are usually 100men to every woman so women have their pick.

Unless he's really good looking or has a great package then he may not get many meets unless his area is low on men.

Men on swingers sites are always moaning about not getting meets.

you can plaster on make up, put on a girly dress but if it isn't you it will show eventually.

Yes, but you have to attract people on websites with a photo, that's how it works. I just look gawky and unnatural in photos. I honestly don't look like that in real life. But putting make up on won't help, I'd just look gawky and unnatural in (badly applied) make up! So I don't because I so rarely wear it in real life.

MrTall has texted to try to change the venue tomorrow to where he thinks is nearer to me, but it's the same distance just in the opposite direction, so much further for him. I suspect he's trying to a) find somewhere I don't have to drive so he can get me drunk and/or b) find somewhere close to me so I can invite him back (which I won't be doing no matter what).
Anyway, I've pointed out that I don't live where he thinks I do so that doesn't make any sense.

I don't really want him to come to my village.

@SortingItOut he just messaged to say he has had a look, saw a super hot 23 year old on there. Think he has friend zoned me😂 . I would actually meet him but I actually want to meet him somewhere and he sees that as a date.

Just got back from my second date with Mr Tea and Cake. It's a no from me.
He took crazy golf way to seriously with a proper golfers stance. We then went for food. He chose again and it was what he wanted to do.
Over dinner he tried to psychoanalyze me. Told me the physiological things he thinks is important to create a lasting relationship. He went on and on. Then also said he age which is 37 so 3 years older than it says on hinge and double checked my age. By that point I was so fed up with him talking I couldn't be bothered to question him. He likes the sound of his own voice far too much.

I have a few other chats on the go but no more dates planned at the moment.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

*properly. This is what talking about grievances for three hours does to you! 😂😂😂

I've been working on two massive grievances over the past few weeks - I'm also in HR!

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Just got back from my second date with Mr Tea and Cake. It's a no from me. He took crazy golf way to seriously with a proper golfers stance. We then went for food. He chose again and it was what he wanted to do. Over dinner he tried to psychoanalyze me. Told me the physiological things he thinks is important to create a lasting relationship. He went on and on. Then also said he age which is 37 so 3 years older than it says on hinge and double checked my age. By that point I was so fed up with him talking I couldn't be bothered to question him. He likes the sound of his own voice far too much.

I have a few other chats on the go but no more dates planned at the moment.

@Dancer he sounds awful! I hope you're feeling okay. You're better off without that kind of thing in your life ❤️

I hate being psychoanalysed, it makes me shut down totally. And get really grumpy.