Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I guess I'm just sick of people talking about Mr. Bookworm as if he's some kind of honourable man. He's not. I gave him my time and he totally abused it.

@bangheadhere40 yep definitely dated my phone for quite some time. Have you ever seen click? its an awful adam sandler film where he gets a remote he can use to forward through his life. He ends up hating it but whenever he tries to put it down or away it ends up right back in his hand...
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards i think we seem sort of similiar in being too trusting too soon and maybe guilty of overthinking things. Very hard to stay cool though when you do really like someone. I'm not so up to speed on the BookWorm shenanigans so can't comment on that but think we need to higher our standards and be less available!

@Misty9 i just don't know why they do it. Hope the chat goes ok with him...

@onwardseverstridingonwards the way I see it is at least he told you he was interested and met someone else who he wanted to focus on. All you were doing was talking with the intention of meeting. He didn't string you along after he decided he wanted to focus on someone else and he didn't ghost you.

That's why we are all saying to meet sooner/asap as then there isn't the false intimacy built up like there was with Mr Bookworm

naimee nope not seen it but I will check it out 😁

I don't like that others have to go through this nonsense but it's slightly comforting it's not just me that's too trusting/ naive ( a fool).

We will find someone who appreciates us.....one day

@Dancerinthemoonlight he did string me along though. He made clear he wanted to date me and then told me about the other woman, who was in the background the entire time.

Then he tried to placate me with complements, which I think is one of the worst things you can do when you've upset and hurt someone badly.

He was a user, and he's not worth my time and attention anymore.

[quote Naimee87]@bangheadhere40 yep definitely dated my phone for quite some time. Have you ever seen click? its an awful adam sandler film where he gets a remote he can use to forward through his life. He ends up hating it but whenever he tries to put it down or away it ends up right back in his hand...
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards i think we seem sort of similiar in being too trusting too soon and maybe guilty of overthinking things. Very hard to stay cool though when you do really like someone. I'm not so up to speed on the BookWorm shenanigans so can't comment on that but think we need to higher our standards and be less available![/quote]
@Naimee87 you don't want to know about him. He was horrible. ❤️

[quote Naimee87]@Misty9 i just don't know why they do it. Hope the chat goes ok with him...[/quote]
Me too, @Misty9 ❤️

@onwardseverstridingonwards you said yourself that you hadn't discussed if you were only talking to each other. He probably assumed you had other chats on the go aswell.
Most people online dating have multiple chats of not dates on the go at one time until they find someone they want to focus on.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@onwardseverstridingonwards you said yourself that you hadn't discussed if you were only talking to each other. He probably assumed you had other chats on the go aswell.
Most people online dating have multiple chats of not dates on the go at one time until they find someone they want to focus on.[/quote]
@Dancerinthemoonlight I understand that. He did use me though.

For example he once asked about the kind of things I liked in the bedroom (which I found uncomfortable that he was discussing in a video call and then made a comment like 'I'll change that for you' or words to that effect.

He was talking about having sex with me, and he already had feelings for the other woman. ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards to me it sounds like he was just flirting with you and others but then decided he wanted to follow up with her. He might have even met her by then too. Ive been there and the guy has said he met someone else, its fine and just happens that way sometimes.

I'm not sure he even had feelings for her, he Probably just thought she would be easier to get into bed. A Bullet dodged.

Some men really are wolves in sheep's clothing! I never used to be so cynical but I'm completely jaded now.

MrC has suggested he can walk me back from my vaccination

(though he’s still in isolation from work abroad so that plan is stymied)

Ooh all manly

Not sure if we’re friendzoning each other or what really but I guess just see if the chance to meet comes up

[quote Eesha]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards to me it sounds like he was just flirting with you and others but then decided he wanted to follow up with her. He might have even met her by then too. Ive been there and the guy has said he met someone else, its fine and just happens that way sometimes.[/quote]
@Eesha he was definitely talking about having sex with me. I'm afraid that to me that's not 'fine' because it implies something quite serious if you're chatting to someone within a prolonged period.

@SpringlikeBunk

MrC has suggested he can walk me back from my vaccination

(though he’s still in isolation from work abroad so that plan is stymied)

Ooh all manly

Not sure if we’re friendzoning each other or what really but I guess just see if the chance to meet comes up

@SpringlikeBunk 👍🏻❤️

@onwardseverstridingonwards unfortunately talking about sex means nothing to most men. I wouldn't have answered what I like during sex unless I had met him and was at that stage with him.
You never have to answer a question if it makes you feel uncomfortable

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I think you really need to reassess before you continue online dating.

Just talking/texting stage can include all kinds of conversations, including those about sex (however if you aren't comfortable, say so an don't engage in the conversation, it's up to you what you talk about) I and many many people including men use this talking time to find out about the person and judge compatibility.

He decided he was more compatible with the other chat in question and told you so.
I would and have done the same. There is nothing wrong in that. It's very common place in dating.

Just because someone is chatting to you and talking about sex ... no matter how long or how much they are chatting, they owe you nothing. Just as you owe them nothing. They can't expect anything from you.

He told you the truth... that's decent and respectful in my book.

I realised this too as dancer says. I had conversations about this with my old iron so presumed we were close.

It honestly means shit to most of them I've found.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@onwardseverstridingonwards unfortunately talking about sex means nothing to most men. I wouldn't have answered what I like during sex unless I had met him and was at that stage with him.
You never have to answer a question if it makes you feel uncomfortable[/quote]
@Dancerinthemoonlight I'm sensitive when talking about sex with men, due to personal reasons.

I did say that he had made me uncomfortable and that I was embarrassed.

I completely agree with you that it shouldn't be discussed until a relationship is at that particular stage ❤️

MrPM just messaged too.

insert shit joke about too much seamen etc etc

You've done nothing wrong onwards at all....I was you up until recently, very trusting etc.

All we are saying is that you seem like a lovely person and we don't want you to get taken for a ride like most of us on here unfortunately have.

I felt so at ease with my last iron talking about sex etc...he enjoyed that but had no intention of being with me like he said, just said what I wanted to hear.

[quote cravingthelook]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I think you really need to reassess before you continue online dating.

Just talking/texting stage can include all kinds of conversations, including those about sex (however if you aren't comfortable, say so an don't engage in the conversation, it's up to you what you talk about) I and many many people including men use this talking time to find out about the person and judge compatibility.

He decided he was more compatible with the other chat in question and told you so.
I would and have done the same. There is nothing wrong in that. It's very common place in dating.

Just because someone is chatting to you and talking about sex ... no matter how long or how much they are chatting, they owe you nothing. Just as you owe them nothing. They can't expect anything from you.

He told you the truth... that's decent and respectful in my book. [/quote]
@cravingthelook thank you for your post. I would disagree with you that he was respectful and decent, though. A respectful and decent person just doesn't behave like he did.

I think i've got to lay it on the line now.

Without wanting to get into arguments and disagreements which is the very last thing I want to do, I've been badly hurt in the past by someone I really loved, (not Mr. Bookworm) which is the catalyst for all this and I've never got over it. This is why i've become like this.

I don't know if this will ever change or improve. I hope it'll change when I get to know someone.

I'm sensitive to talking about things like sex, for my own reasons. I can't engage in sexual banter and I find it uncomfortable.

I find it hard to imagine going on a date myself with anyone at the moment, because I just feel like 'why would they want me? this won't last.' And I just feel like I'm going to get all prettied up to go on a date and then disappoint them or have them be disappointed in me.

My viewpoint is 'why don't they just talk to her over there? She'll be a lot better.'

This is what Mr. Bookworm did of course. he talked to someone 'over there.' And she was a lot better.

That's why I'm enjoying talking to Mr. HR because it's just what it is. We haven't talked about going on a date or anything like that. It's just very relaxed.

I know this post probably won't make any sense, but just writing this down is just helping me get my feelings out in the open ❤️

@bangheadhere40

You've done nothing wrong onwards at all....I was you up until recently, very trusting etc.

All we are saying is that you seem like a lovely person and we don't want you to get taken for a ride like most of us on here unfortunately have.

I felt so at ease with my last iron talking about sex etc...he enjoyed that but had no intention of being with me like he said, just said what I wanted to hear.

@banghead thank you 🙂 I completely get that. It's just so horrible when people start taking that way and it means nothing to them ❤️

*talking

I understand @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards
But we can agree to disagree re Mr Bookworm.

I also understand you aren't in a great place, please do not continue to talk to men re potential dating. You don't sound like you are ready to date and irons will pick up on this and as you say ... will go off and talk to someone else. It will then continue to hurt you over and over. It's like you are setting them up to do this and prove to yourself you aren't good enough.

You are the kind of person that I get annoyed with online, if you aren't ready to date don't match with me/talk to me.

I'm in therapy for my traumas and it's the best thing I ever did. Perhaps you want to consider it for yourself. Or you'll never be able to move on. You really need a boost of self esteem.