Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you seem to place a lot of happiness on a man caring for you. With your previous iron, you really seemed over the moon pre meeting him. The same now with Mr HR. Its like you are craving someone so much and losing sight of yourself. Then they disappoint you because you are putting so many hopes early on. If i were you, i would meet them asap rather than build up hopes virtually. I also think you need to consider working on boosting yourself alone. You need to believe you deserve someone just like we all do.

[quote Eesha]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you seem to place a lot of happiness on a man caring for you. With your previous iron, you really seemed over the moon pre meeting him. The same now with Mr HR. Its like you are craving someone so much and losing sight of yourself. Then they disappoint you because you are putting so many hopes early on. If i were you, i would meet them asap rather than build up hopes virtually. I also think you need to consider working on boosting yourself alone. You need to believe you deserve someone just like we all do.[/quote]
@Eesha I'm sorry, but have you really read my posts?

I'm not placing any hopes on Mr HR at all. I specifically posted today that I think
that 'he'll get bored eventually so I'm not expecting anything from him.' I'm really unsure how that equates to me putting all my hopes on him. Quite the opposite, I would think.

I didn't place any hopes on Mr. Bookworm either. He was the one happily stringing me along, talking about dating and relationships, and what I liked in the bedroom, while planning to be with another woman.

My ex pretended to want to be with me as well. Telling me he wanted to get married and have a family with me, but soon the novelty just wore off and he didn't want to know any more.

There are personal reasons of why I feel like the way I do as well.

If you've never been loved by a man, then you can surely understand how I feel.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards the phrase that came to mind reading your reply to @Eesha is self fulfilling prophecy.
You've already decided Mr HR will get bored with you, so of course that will happen. There's something in your behaviour/communication patterns that is perpetuating this happening. It's probably because you are anticipating it - thus being guarded, thus coming across as not interested or disengaged. Now I'm not for one second suggesting that it's not perfectly normal to be guarded when dating.

We cannot change how others behave or communicate. We can only look at ourselves and the conscious and subconscious messages we are sending.
You are showing us loud and clear that your self esteem is low, perhaps you are showing the irons this too.
I'm saying this in a ... start believing you are fucking awesome way. We all deserve to be treated with kindness, respect and interest and you as much as any of the rest of us do too. You have to believe that.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards i have read your posts from before and could see you were over the moon at Mr Bookworm before meeting him whereas it sounds like he was, like most, who are talking the talk to all irons pre meeting them. In a way, he told you rather than ghost you, that he met someone he clicked more with.

And with this one, you sound overly negative whereas im pretty sure yesterday you were saying how great he was. All im saying is you sound like you are in a bit of a low point in your life and should focus on that rather than irons who you haven't met yet. The tone of your posts seems very despondent.

I say all of that as someone who does think they are awesome whilst fully owning the fact my issue is I can't say no to a Zombie if I liked them or really felt it the first or second or third time around.

It's something I am working through in therapy, I never give up on those I care about, the door is always ajar. I let them come back. I think in someways I believe 'I was right, it is great, even they think so, they came back for me' and that's a hope, rather than the truth, I can't know the motives of others.

@Eesha Mr. Bookworm wasn't that honourable! He blocked me from WhatsApp afterwards, and then thought he could get around me by throwing complements about.

@cravingthelook i completely agree with self-fulfuilling prophecy referring to myself here as i am so guilty of it. When a good think comes a long it's like i'm just waiting for something to go wrong or for him to go off me which is exactly what happens. I think i had to work on my self-worth and really appreciate who i am and what i've achieved. I admit though i do like the 'chase' but there is a fine line between having a fun playful chase with someone who is into you and the chemistry is there and just looking extremely sad and desperate, clinging on to someone who is clearly not interested but keeping you on the back-burner with a cheeky text just when you think he was gone for good. And i'm guilty of giving second/third chances too as i see them as hope... got to be a lot tougher nowadays!

[quote Naimee87]@cravingthelook i completely agree with self-fulfuilling prophecy referring to myself here as i am so guilty of it. When a good think comes a long it's like i'm just waiting for something to go wrong or for him to go off me which is exactly what happens. I think i had to work on my self-worth and really appreciate who i am and what i've achieved. I admit though i do like the 'chase' but there is a fine line between having a fun playful chase with someone who is into you and the chemistry is there and just looking extremely sad and desperate, clinging on to someone who is clearly not interested but keeping you on the back-burner with a cheeky text just when you think he was gone for good. And i'm guilty of giving second/third chances too as i see them as hope... got to be a lot tougher nowadays![/quote]
@Naimee87 yes! that's exactly like it is for me ❤️

I didn't say Mr HR was great either. I said that I really liked him and thought he sounded really clever, and I hoped I could have a career like his. ❤️

Its so helpful to post all this because you can read it back and actually see where you've been going wrong. Plus it's nice that everyone here is so honest even if it isn't what we want to hear sometimes you can't see somone's behaviour for what it is because you've already fallen for them. But everyone else can see right through the BS!!
I'm seriously considering a weekend at my parents place, works been mental, my son has got 'the puberty' apparently which seems to be code for ' i can do whatever i like' and the little dog decided she'll be getting up at 6am for the forseeable future! Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe me at the moment! Yay adulthoood!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards i didn't mean to offend you, i just think your posts sounded very despondent and that you had low self esteem when considering your value versus these irons. If this isn't the case, then apologies.

@Eesha yes, I have low self esteem. As I said, if you've been constantly rejected then you'll know how I feel.

That's why I'm just going with the flow with Mr HR. He doesn't know all that and he doesn't give anything away.

onwards do you think you can have a new rule? I'm going to try and do it if anyone ever replies to me 🤣 as in try and cut back on the messaging and just meet ASAP.

This is how myself and a few of the others got majorly sucked in as it appears they care as they call / text but can't actually be arsed meeting.

It will weed out the time wasters and it really does create false intimacy. You feel close but to them it's just something to do when bored and they can just cut you off if they want.

I wish I'd listened to people on here where I first joined the thread.

So true @bangheadhere40 .... and me too! I can finally see my phone as my friend again. For months i hated the thing!

Me too...at one point I felt like I was dating my phone.

So for me - against all advice I have put all my eggs in one basket - I don’t learn obviously from previously- but meeting Mr Jujitsu next Friday for a walk, and maybe a drink. So a week and a half to wait!
I think if this comes to nothing then I’ll come off the apps for a couple of months.
I have no idea but he may still be messaging others too - I am only messaging him, and have paused my apps. We have really clicked - but won’t know until I meet him whether this will translate into real life.

Haven’t caught up with this thread just got back from long sports weekend (no romance but great time and enjoyed chatting to some elderly MAMIL types )

Going to wait till end of this month and I’ll have done another weekend away, ahead with work, then back on the apps.

I don't feel close to Mr HR yet, I just like him.

We haven't been chatting for very long at all as I've only just got back on Bumble. He's obviously very busy with work as well.

I feel I've probably given people a false impression of our chats! ❤️

@SpringlikeBunk

Haven’t caught up with this thread just got back from long sports weekend (no romance but great time and enjoyed chatting to some elderly MAMIL types )

Going to wait till end of this month and I’ll have done another weekend away, ahead with work, then back on the apps.

Sounds cool, @Spring!

It's quite easy for them really....they can keep you hanging on with fake interest of texts and calls whilst saying how busy they are but can't wait to see you etc....this never happens.

If you query it and suggest you've been led on they can say " we were just texting " blah blah and hit delete with no comeback. You then think you've been OTT and can even apologise to them!!!

An easy way for them to keep some back burner women around just incase they hit a dry spell with minimal investment, just a load of empty promises.

My goodness I'm rather bitter now 😆

@GaraMedouar

So for me - against all advice I have put all my eggs in one basket - I don’t learn obviously from previously- but meeting Mr Jujitsu next Friday for a walk, and maybe a drink. So a week and a half to wait! I think if this comes to nothing then I’ll come off the apps for a couple of months. I have no idea but he may still be messaging others too - I am only messaging him, and have paused my apps. We have really clicked - but won’t know until I meet him whether this will translate into real life.

Good luck @Gara! ❤️

@bangheadhere40

It's quite easy for them really....they can keep you hanging on with fake interest of texts and calls whilst saying how busy they are but can't wait to see you etc....this never happens.

If you query it and suggest you've been led on they can say " we were just texting " blah blah and hit delete with no comeback. You then think you've been OTT and can even apologise to them!!!

An easy way for them to keep some back burner women around just incase they hit a dry spell with minimal investment, just a load of empty promises.

My goodness I'm rather bitter now 😆

@banghead Mr HR isn't like that at all. we just chat about work and tv stuff mostly. He completed the same HR course that I'm doing currently.

I think he's good looking and clever and all that, but can't imagine going on a date with him yet! ❤️

Me again. So you were right, not ghosted but I think it's over. Basically we've both triggered each other with our responses/behaviour and our fledgling whatever likely won't survive that I feel. We're talking tomorrow. Lots more I could say about how it's affected me, but trying to keep it in perspective.

@Misty9

Me again. So you were right, not ghosted but I think it's over. Basically we've both triggered each other with our responses/behaviour and our fledgling whatever likely won't survive that I feel. We're talking tomorrow. Lots more I could say about how it's affected me, but trying to keep it in perspective.

@Misty9 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️