Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Wow heartbeat 64 matches!

Aye shayelle this drawing board and false starts is getting a little irritating.

Just gotta keep plodding on I guess.

@Heartbeats0708

Morning all, hope everyone has had a good weekend. *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* also pleased to hear things are going well with Mr HR, I dare you to suggest a coffee! If it makes you feel better, go with a "date zero" mentality, where you're just meeting to decide if you want to go on a date. You're feelings towards him are just as important here! *@Isitreallyme77* I know what you mean about Mr cricket. I think there must be a middle ground somewhere between reliable/nice and exciting? In my news, I have managed not to contact Mr O. Dived head first into the SoT on Tinder, 64 matches, multiple chats and I've whittled down to two irons that are name worthy Mr Normal, who is really just that, or appears to be so far! Complimentary but not pushy, asks questions, seems interested in my life, good father and lives locally to boot. Mr Dimples who I actually know vaguely from college. I had a massive crush on him then and he's asked me out for a drink! Also local, no commitments. I tried to do a closure text with Mr O before and it didn't work so I'm just going to leave it. I wondered about doing one to Mr Polo but in hindsight it's pointless, he doesn't need it so I don't want it. Onwards and upwards! Apologies for the epic post..

I love epic posts 😃

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards there's good advice for you here from @Heartbeats0708 - the date zero mentality was a real breakthrough for me & meant I did more coffees and more IRL interaction which helped my confidence and my whittling ...

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I agree with others about the zero date mentality - especially if its just a walk or grabbing a coffee - its much less nerve wracking. Suggest a coffee meet up before getting too invested in him

I've realised I don't usually go for "nice" either and have always gone for very confident sorts who generally then don't treat me very well and turn out to be time wasters or users. Mr hair is definitely nice and yes he may not be very dynamic but he is lovely and treats me well so far and that seems to have me hooked currently. An update re his ex (he has told me everything as doesn't want to keep anything from me - a revelation after how my marriage ended) and she's apologised for reaching out to him and seems to be getting the help she needs now so he doesn't expect to hear any further

Hello! Hope you all had lovely weekends.

You all sound so active with all your matches and chats going on. I love the code names too. I had to laugh when I saw @Eesha with the Mr italian as my Mr S was italian and even though i know it's over with him my heart still skips a tiny beat when i see italian things he just pops into my head... i now have both happy and sad thoughts about us which is progress from just being disappointed/let down/ frustrated. I can see the 'happy times' for what they were...
I think i'll give myself June off from dating, my birthday is next week and i'm looking forward to celebrating with a few friends.
But I think @bangheadhere40 & @ Shayelle i'll be joing you on the drawing board soon!
I had a interesting afternoon with my neighbour the other weekend and its made me see him in a new light. He is single and similar age but i just don't think he is looking to meet anyone, he had two rocky relationships. I'd definitely like to get to know him better though but would be awful to make it awkward given we live IN the SAME building! He's gone from being my neighbour, to being my 'cute' neighbour

I agree too with date zeros - also it really builds your confidence just the fact you’re getting out there, meeting new people, gives you a buzz!!

Ahh @Slothmomma that’s nice and quite reassuring isn’t it 💗

@Naimee87 that sounds promising!
I dated one of my next door neighbours for 4 years 😅

So of all the many apps out there is there any you would reccommend to try? I've tried a fair few (tinder, bumble (personal worst as i hate to instigate chats) & badoo) all were as successful as each other which was not very for me! Haven't been on any for over a year though now except Hinge but only had it active for a month or so as got too busy at work and keeping up with DS's schedule. I'll get some time back though soon with a calmer July on the horizon...

Ooh @Naimee87 - cute neighbour? You’ll have to pop round for a cup of sugar soon

I found tinder best. Same guys on it - many more though.

Imagine how funny that would be you search for years, go on bad dates, waste time with idiots and get ghosted only to find your dream man has been three flights of stairs away the whole time. I'm going to be cautious he seems very nice but i get the impression very content with his drama-free life (no kids, divorce long done with, and on good terms with the ex, loads of friends too) He's offered to take a look at my son's bike as it needs repairing and he is a keen mountain biker but will let him get in touch in case it was just a 'passing comment.'
You'll all be the first to know once Tinder has been downloaded. I really appreciate all these chats, so nice to be able to be so open and compare experiences, just knowing other people can relate makes a huge difference.

It is nice this thread - has certainly helped with all the advice. And I love seeing positive stories.

I’m still texting with Mr Jujitsu and I am very over invested it’s ridiculous. I’m in my fifties , feel stupid , I should know better. Was up til midnight (and then woke at 5.30 and couldn’t get back to sleep) so I’m knackered.
We haven’t even chatted on the phone yet!!!! I need to get a grip. And we do need to meet I know - it’s scary because I felt a real connection with Mr S over text and phone but no chemistry in real life. I’ve just got to get on with date zero I suppose.,I really hope we have chemistry. I’ve got my jab this week though so I need to wait until I’m feeling better. He’s also got his later this week too so don’t want to plan just yet.

Just in case anybody needed this today. It counts for dating situations too!

I reactivated my Tinder account again. Urgh nothing has changed, and I'm seeing the same faces as before (how is that possible when I just hid it??), also I think I must have run out of locals to swipe as I'm getting men 30 miles away.

I feel like I should send Computer Geek a goodbye message and wish him well as he is obviously not coming back, I need to move on and let go and this would be the final thing for me but not sure if it's a good idea.

@BelladiMamma - screenshotted - I like that

@Isitreallyme77 is it you that ended things with him? Mr Computer Geek? What's making you think it isn't a good idea?

@Naimee87 he went off to sort his life out, he said coming to meet me made him realise what he needed to do(I got hurt because he kissed me even though I had said all along that if he wasn't ready we should leave things). He did say he would be back when his head was in a better place but that was in March and it's now June. I'm in a better place now and don't want it all to come back again.

@Isitreallyme77 Yea move on! Definitely don't go backwards, i learnt this the hard way. Not sure its the same but i realised i was just being kept 'waiting in the wings' so that if nothing better came along he'd have me to go back to. I bought so many really lame excuses over the years when i look back i think i was such a soppysap for some of these idiots! Never again!

Thanks @Naimee87 I sent him a message back in April which he read which gave me hope that he might be back. He disappeared back in November/December time too and came back in January once he had moved out. Like you I think I'm being kept as a back up. He reads my message just to keep me with that little bit of hope.

@Isitreallyme77

Thanks *@Naimee87* I sent him a message back in April which he read which gave me hope that he might be back. He disappeared back in November/December time too and came back in January once he had moved out. Like you I think I'm being kept as a back up. He reads my message just to keep me with that little bit of hope.

Radical I know, but if you're ready to move on consider blocking and deleting. Sometimes it's the only way

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for all your lovely comments 😊

We do get on really well I think, but we don't message a lot as he's obviously busy with his work. I know how hectic HR is at the moment so I'm okay with that. I also know from this thread that people have different approaches with messaging.

He's been feeling a bit tired and sunburnt from when he was away last week.

I don't know what he thinks about me. I know if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have kept chatting, so that's a good sign. Also he did message me when he was in Dorset, so that means something.

I'm scared to ask in case I get the wrong idea! ❤️

If you can just block and delete isitreally. I've been kept as a back up for far too long from my last iron until I deleted him last week. It feels awful to do it really does but if not I think he would just keep me in limbo for another 18 months if I let him!

@onwardseverstridingonwards the worst me can say is no and if that happens you just move on.
I always find it easier to meet sooner rather than later as then it stops you building up an idea of them in your mind and stops you building chemistry on the phone which might not be there is person.

Why wouldn't he want to meet you. You are kind, funny, intelligent and give great advice. If he doesn't want to then it's his loss not yours.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@onwardseverstridingonwards the worst me can say is no and if that happens you just move on.
I always find it easier to meet sooner rather than later as then it stops you building up an idea of them in your mind and stops you building chemistry on the phone which might not be there is person.

Why wouldn't he want to meet you. You are kind, funny, intelligent and give great advice. If he doesn't want to then it's his loss not yours.[/quote]
@Dancerinthemoonlight thank you. I really appreciate that 🙂 I will try and build up the conference to ask him! ❤️

@isitreallyme77

^I feel like I should send Computer Geek a goodbye message and wish him well as he is obviously not coming back^

Don’t do it, don’t give him any power. Honestly just delete and block. You will feel so much better when every unexpected ping can’t possibly be him. Reclaim the situation :)

Gosh @Isitreallyme77 our situations couldn't be more similar... really horrible feeling! I hope yours soon starts to fade and you get some head-space back. It's crazy how some people feel they can treat other people. They must have no consciences at all.