Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

And just as I posted that Mr Cricket messaged and apologised for not replying but he has had some personal issues (I do kind of get that as he works in the travel industry which is currently going to shit).

@Isitreallyme77 I would still be wary of mr cricket at this stage

As for mr hair, yes he had kids but it isn't their mother that has contacted him but the ex inbetween so no kids together

@Isitreallyme77, on the positive side Mr Cricket isn’t ghosting you and totally agree that it’s much better to get a ‘ thanks but no thanks’ than no clarity or someone who drifts away. I think after his cancelling of your second date though I would be expecting a more proactive approach to rescheduling. Wasn’t it last night he should have had his daughter? You gave Mr CG lots of your time and headspace, just be careful not to let Mr Cricket put you into the same place, waiting and wondering. I think if he’s not made a suggestion for date 2 in the next couple of days I would be definitely getting myself back on the apps.

@Isitreallyme77 sorry to hear this. At least its early that he has shown his cards.

@Slothmomma it sounds plausible as why would someone actually spell out those details to you as he could have easily made something up!

@VanGoghsDog i agree with pp, you seem to have a favourite so see where that takes you first.

Thanks everyone for your well wishes, new job should be starting next week and im excited. The people seem really lovely so far. I have a few irons i have met who are on the go but no one i would name yet.

[quote Slothmomma]@VanGoghsDog mr wg is clearly your no 1 choice so if it were me I think I'd need to have a chat to see if he sees it going anywhere/establish what he's looking for as I prefer certainty

@Isitreallyme77 sorry mr cricket turned out to be like so many of the time wasters on old. I have no objection to anyone not wanting a further date but wish they would just say so and not string people along and then cancel and ghost 😡

@Iamclearlyamug sounds like a good connection with mr lorry - enjoy the teenage feels i say 😁

As for me, was thrown a bit last night, on facetime mr hair apologised for calling a bit later but said he had to be honest and say that his ex had messaged him yesterday morning and then after finding out she was "in a bad place" (too outing to go into detail but if true very bad) he facetimed her. I think he was genuinely being honest with me and not doing it to make me do some pick me dance but if that turns out to be the intention it will not work as I won't chase- I didn't even do the pick me dance for my ex who was love of my life 🤷‍♀️ i don't know how they've left it and whether contact with increase now or whether a one off but will wait and see[/quote]
@Slothmomma this reminds me of an early iron situation with MrItalian who seemed quite enmeshed with his ex and I drew back date wise but kept in touch. We somehow managed to do in quite a light hearted way which we both appreciated and message every now and then just to say hi

@Iamclearlyamug

Thought I’d give a bit of an update on my dating adventures too.

So mr a&e who seemed so promising has basically dropped off the face of the earth (funnily enough, after date 5 when I finally slept with him) he hasn’t blocked or ghosted, but communication is so patchy that I just cba. Seemed a shame as I liked that one.

However I had an amazing date on Wednesday with Mr Lorry (HGV driver) we only went for lunch and a walk but it was the best first date I’ve ever been on. Next date was arranged for Sunday (tomorrow, and was planned before we even met for the first date 🤦‍♂️😂) but actually we’ve seen each other very briefly both days since - he drove 1 hour 45 minutes out of his way yesterday just to see me for 40 minutes and have coffee 😍😍 I’m going to his area Sunday for the day and he says he’s got lots of fun stuff planned for us. He’s very open and communicative, so overall we like this one very much.

I’m a 32 year old responsible woman with my own business and my shit together - but he makes me all silly like a teenager with their first crush 😳😳🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Someone hit me in the face with a spade pronto 🤦‍♂️😂

I love the sound of you and MrLorry! So cute. This is why meeting up is so important early in as you figure out if you're going to click or not 🤞🏽♥️🤞🏽

@BelladiMamma I'm hoping they won't be enmeshed as that will make me back off

@VanGoghsDog

Decorator hasn't asked me on a date so no idea why he would think I'm dating him. Literally had a walk then watched a film at his house, weeks ago. He's back tomorrow to finish the current bits of the hall but there's a bit that can't be done until the bathroom has been done end of July, and he also quoted for the second bedroom which can't be done until after the bathroom either. But I'm happy to tell him it's business only! His comms are banal in the extent, if that isn't a contradiction. And I can't spend much time with someone who "won't have a word said against Boris" - I'd never be able to speak!

Agree re the other two, I think I have a couple more weeks to start worrying.

MrWG hasn't said he doesn't want a relationship, his Tinder profile last year wasn't for FWB. It's possible he's being as cautious as me and thinks this is what I prefer. When he asked about seeing me tonight I just said "no, got plans". So you might be right that he senses competition!

MrT - yes, a bit lukewarm but not totally off him, it's only second date and the first one was a walk where we got poured on. And wasn't really a date. He did seem a bit nervous tonight.

The 7yo puts me off a bit. He's a teacher, he had his daughter all of half term, so he said he'd "not really had any time off". What, like a parent then? I mean, he was off work!

I just wrote a very long answer to this which was deleted by one of my dogs coming over to give me a hearty snog in the kitchen. Brings a new meaning to the dog ate my homework ...

Essentially it's all down to what WG brings you.
How much energy is he adding / taking away.
This is the kind of thing that makes a difference to my life and my decision making process nowadays - thanks in so small part to the excellent guidance on maintains boundaries that I've received here!

How sweet of Mr Lorry 🚚😍 - just shows you that men willing to make the effort do live among us....somewhere 🤣

Just see how it goes with Mr Cricket isitreally but his like of lustre would annoy me too I think, keep swiping.

It's the whole lack of effort isn't it, that's why I blocked my old iron....could text all day but wouldn't meet up - what's the point ? As someone said it's not a friend in the truest sense of the word, you see friends. It's still bloomin hard though...I'm trying to keep my boundaries and confidence up and not be too down about it all. As someone else said he probably has no clue why I did what I did which bothered me. I have previously explained though and got nowhere / excuses.

Aahhh...why am I thinking about this so much!

Had a swipe but can't see any decent ones on the apps anywhere near where I live.

[quote Slothmomma]@BelladiMamma I'm hoping they won't be enmeshed as that will make me back off[/quote]
Totally - it's very unattractive. I'm sure I was guilty of it in my 20's with an ex and in some ways, if a potential iron had questioned it or pushed a but more it would have forced me to do something about it. But my ex h seemed to like the idea of a triangle which should have been a nice big fat red flag right there... as he kept finding other ones to create once I'd stopped being so enmeshed with my ex boyfriend...

Some very wise and accurate observations there @BelladiMamma - definitely good to just “suss out the energy levels” of interactions.

It’s hard to know who to pick or focus on or not - especially with the social choice apps give us. But feelings are the best guide.

Plus agree any dating situations which immediately are turning into triangulation/drama situations need to be backed away from.

Early dating should be having fun (not necessarily sex) not worrying about fighting over your dates attention (or your date wanting to fight over you!)

@SpringlikeBunk

Some very wise and accurate observations there *@BelladiMamma* - definitely good to just “suss out the energy levels” of interactions.

It’s hard to know who to pick or focus on or not - especially with the social choice apps give us. But feelings are the best guide.

Plus agree any dating situations which immediately are turning into triangulation/drama situations need to be backed away from.

Early dating should be having fun (not necessarily sex) not worrying about fighting over your dates attention (or your date wanting to fight over you!)

There's that great thread which is pinned in relationships and the original post is so good, the 'listen up everybody'. I sometimes go back to have a look at it when I start to blame myself about what went wrong with ex h. I'd never been in a relationship like that and I never will be again. It just takes a while to detox afterwards and remember what's real and what isn't

@Iamclearlyamug - ooh sounds promising with Mr Lorry 🚛 - enjoy your dates

@Isitreallyme77 - my first date Mr S agreed to a second then couldn’t make it, messed me around and slowly faded me. I was fingers crossed that Mr Cricket wasn’t the same. Mr S also had personal issues - with his DS - so I was being very understanding but would have just liked a flat no.

As for me, after date 2 with Mr Close we messaged a couple of times after but now no messages for a few days which I am very glad about. So obviously mutual. I don’t think he likes being told to ‘stop moaning’ by me on the last date. He moaned he was too cold, about Covid (on and on) - I want to come away feeling smiley not exhausted.

I have a new iron , Mr Jujitsu I will call him. We matched off tinder. Have been messaging lots and get on really well. He’s a little further away than preferred - around an hour drive from me, but not horrendous. (But I felt a great connection with Mr S - so someone slap me round the chops and don’t let me get carried away.) I made Mr Jujitsu watch ‘the Masked Dancer’ last night with me - I was watching with my DD. He doesn’t normally watch stuff like that but he said he quite enjoyed it! So we were having a laugh about the contestants . He’s very chatty. And there’s a little bit of flirting going on - which is a first for me. He sent a flurry of messages last night which I missed as my DD came into my bedroom late in the evening and we fell asleep - so I didn’t see the messages til the morning. He was worried he’d been too cheeky and I’d blocked him. We'd joked about dick pics and I’d said if ever I received one it’d be an instant block. He hasn’t sent a pic of course, we were just chatting and messing about.

So I replied this morning , at 5.30am and woke him up as he’d forgotten to put his phone on silent! Oops but then we had another couple of chats.

We have a virtual text date tonight watching the Masked Dancer final
I do so hope it translates into something IRL.

[quote GaraMedouar]@Iamclearlyamug - ooh sounds promising with Mr Lorry 🚛 - enjoy your dates

@Isitreallyme77 - my first date Mr S agreed to a second then couldn’t make it, messed me around and slowly faded me. I was fingers crossed that Mr Cricket wasn’t the same. Mr S also had personal issues - with his DS - so I was being very understanding but would have just liked a flat no.

As for me, after date 2 with Mr Close we messaged a couple of times after but now no messages for a few days which I am very glad about. So obviously mutual. I don’t think he likes being told to ‘stop moaning’ by me on the last date. He moaned he was too cold, about Covid (on and on) - I want to come away feeling smiley not exhausted.

I have a new iron , Mr Jujitsu I will call him. We matched off tinder. Have been messaging lots and get on really well. He’s a little further away than preferred - around an hour drive from me, but not horrendous. (But I felt a great connection with Mr S - so someone slap me round the chops and don’t let me get carried away.) I made Mr Jujitsu watch ‘the Masked Dancer’ last night with me - I was watching with my DD. He doesn’t normally watch stuff like that but he said he quite enjoyed it! So we were having a laugh about the contestants . He’s very chatty. And there’s a little bit of flirting going on - which is a first for me. He sent a flurry of messages last night which I missed as my DD came into my bedroom late in the evening and we fell asleep - so I didn’t see the messages til the morning. He was worried he’d been too cheeky and I’d blocked him. We'd joked about dick pics and I’d said if ever I received one it’d be an instant block. He hasn’t sent a pic of course, we were just chatting and messing about.

So I replied this morning , at 5.30am and woke him up as he’d forgotten to put his phone on silent! Oops but then we had another couple of chats.

We have a virtual text date tonight watching the Masked Dancer final
I do so hope it translates into something IRL.[/quote]
Fingers crossed for you and Mr. Jujutsu, @Gara. Sounds really promising! 🙂❤️😘

We have a virtual text date tonight watching the Masked Dancer final

I don't watch those sorts of things but it sounds like a fun date!

Messaging has been as normal and mr hair is being as lovely as ever so I think he was just being honest and ùpfront with me and I think in cold light of day i don't need to be concerned. I don't blame him for calling her back after the message she sent but just hope she isn't going to try and use him as some sort of emotional crutch - but if she does i have no doubt he'll at least be honest about it with me

I've had messages from MrT this morning. MrWG not responded to a text a few hours ago but he's working today so I'll let him off.

Decorator has been, came an hour earlier than he said he would so I had to rush and get dressed. He's done a bit of filling and will come back in the week to go over it. He's also going to bring me a pump thing to help try and clear my drains - it won't work (I've had four plumbers look at it, the sink and bath don't drain for hours) but it can't make it worse and it's kind of him.

[quote GaraMedouar]@Iamclearlyamug - ooh sounds promising with Mr Lorry 🚛 - enjoy your dates

@Isitreallyme77 - my first date Mr S agreed to a second then couldn’t make it, messed me around and slowly faded me. I was fingers crossed that Mr Cricket wasn’t the same. Mr S also had personal issues - with his DS - so I was being very understanding but would have just liked a flat no.

As for me, after date 2 with Mr Close we messaged a couple of times after but now no messages for a few days which I am very glad about. So obviously mutual. I don’t think he likes being told to ‘stop moaning’ by me on the last date. He moaned he was too cold, about Covid (on and on) - I want to come away feeling smiley not exhausted.

I have a new iron , Mr Jujitsu I will call him. We matched off tinder. Have been messaging lots and get on really well. He’s a little further away than preferred - around an hour drive from me, but not horrendous. (But I felt a great connection with Mr S - so someone slap me round the chops and don’t let me get carried away.) I made Mr Jujitsu watch ‘the Masked Dancer’ last night with me - I was watching with my DD. He doesn’t normally watch stuff like that but he said he quite enjoyed it! So we were having a laugh about the contestants . He’s very chatty. And there’s a little bit of flirting going on - which is a first for me. He sent a flurry of messages last night which I missed as my DD came into my bedroom late in the evening and we fell asleep - so I didn’t see the messages til the morning. He was worried he’d been too cheeky and I’d blocked him. We'd joked about dick pics and I’d said if ever I received one it’d be an instant block. He hasn’t sent a pic of course, we were just chatting and messing about.

So I replied this morning , at 5.30am and woke him up as he’d forgotten to put his phone on silent! Oops but then we had another couple of chats.

We have a virtual text date tonight watching the Masked Dancer final
I do so hope it translates into something IRL.[/quote]
MrJujitsu sounds promising 😃

Have you tried a plumbers snake to unblock your drains VGD? Worked on mine. One of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done.

Just catching up (i hope!) on the thread after a hectic few days!

@Iamclearlyamug absolutely love feeling like a teenager gushy feelings ❤️ enjoy!!

@VanGoghsDog I was going to suggest a snake for your drains too

My date with Mr Tea and Cake was a bit meh. He was nice enough and nice to talk to we just didn't have much common ground to talk about. He did feel the need to fill every silence and when he didn't have something to say he would just say jah (ponsy way of saying yes) over and over until he thought of something. It got to the point of me thinking say jah one more time and I will stab you with my fork. Id see him again just to make sure it's a no as it was quite nice evening. Big of an awquard bye, no hug or kiss. No physical interaction. He left it with an I will drop you a message. Still haven't exchanged numbers so I'm not expecting anything. Best date I have had in awhile so taking that as a positive from the evening.

@DudeFromThatLondon

Have you tried a plumbers snake to unblock your drains VGD? Worked on mine. One of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done.

I've had the waterboard, two plumbers and a Dyno rod type person out to try and clear it. Cameras, the lot.

I've no idea what a snake is but I suspect it won't go down my plug if it's one of those things you dangle and it pulls up hair etc. I have a chain thing I bought but there's no way to get it down the plug. But the Dyno rod guy did all that anyway.

This isn't sluggish draining, it literally fills up just cleaning my teeth and takes four hours to drain. The bath fills up while I'm in the shower and takes all day to drain. It's depressing!

Yes, Googled it, that's like the thing I got and because the plugs are those pop up ones there's no way to get it down them.

Thank you for the suggestion though!

@VanGoghsDog have you tried Mr Muscle sink and drain gel? When my bathroom sink was blocked, nothing would shift it not even plunging(that just made the sink leak), then I used that and it cleared. It's my go to for the blocked bath too.

@Dancerinthemoonlight

My date with Mr Tea and Cake was a bit meh. He was nice enough and nice to talk to we just didn't have much common ground to talk about. He did feel the need to fill every silence and when he didn't have something to say he would just say jah (ponsy way of saying yes) over and over until he thought of something. It got to the point of me thinking say jah one more time and I will stab you with my fork. Id see him again just to make sure it's a no as it was quite nice evening. Big of an awquard bye, no hug or kiss. No physical interaction. He left it with an I will drop you a message. Still haven't exchanged numbers so I'm not expecting anything. Best date I have had in awhile so taking that as a positive from the evening.

@Dancerinthemoonlight Oh yes the ‘jah’ thing would have irritated me. I am just imagining like in a film where the person imagines say attacking them and stabbing them with the fork but you think it’s real and then it snaps back to reality and you realise it’s all just a dark fantasy in their head! glad you are taking it as a positive though.

And I had date with Mr Jujitsu (virtual date watching The Masked Dancer). Great fun. And drum roll…….. I guessed Squirrel was …..actually could be a spoiler if anyone here was waiting to watch it - but the celebs didn’t even guess Squirrel - so I was preening myself. We (my DD and I plus Mr Jujitsu) all guessed Carwash too.
Such a silly show but great family fun.

Anyway we texted loads. Really looking forward to meet up for real but once again it’s all quite scary as we’re now at the stage where we ‘fancy’ each other virtually. Big mistake. He’s very fit and lean and I’m not - yikes . I thought that last night as I was scoffing onion bhajis and drinking cider! Diet starts this morning?

As for Mr Close he did actually send a closure message which was nice saying ‘it’s not you it’s me - I’m not yet ready - need to focus on my DD’ which I thought was really sweet actually. And we’ve sort of left it open for possible keep in touch - but I won’t but it was quite a nice message really so I responded in kind.

I have to be honest, so far I’ve been awfully lucky - not of course met ‘the one’ but the ones I have met (total of 3!) have all been gentlemanly and respectful if not quite right.
Fingers crossed for number 4 - Mr Jujitsu.

@VanGoghsDog - so annoying about your plumbing - wish I had a suggestion. I do hope you get it sorted.