Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well - Mr Air came to me for lunch -it was lovely - let's see what happens - I'm keen and he seems to be too but who knows?

@Letthefunandgamesstart

Well - Mr Air came to me for lunch -it was lovely - let's see what happens - I'm keen and he seems to be too but who knows?

@Letthefunandgamesstart 🤞🏻❤️

Date with MrTall tonight. Was originally a drink, outside, but we've changed to a meal - just having a drink when you can't drink always feels a bit pointless. Especially on a Friday night. Especially now some of the restrictions are eased.

Anyway, it's about half way between us, I booked it. Looking forward to eating out and to seeing him. He's been just the right amount of attentive by text.

I'll need to make a difficult decision after this date I expect. Maybe not, maybe he'll decide he's not interested.

@kerkyra I'm surrounded by autism too as exh has it, ds is awaiting assessment, and I'm pretty sure dd does too. It's little things like not putting x on the end of messages, not complimenting me much, not reading body language particularly well (so I have to ask!). But, on the positive, it also feels very straightforward and no game playing. We wanted to see each other again so we did. I don't feel anxious or insecure. Which is a bit how it felt with exh at the start. We'll see

Hope your date goes well @VanGoghsDog - why the difficult decision?

It's pouring down here and I'm away with the dc. is needed!

I'm yet to catch up on the thread but wanted to thank you guys for the support, especially @BelladiMamma whose post I have screeshotted as it spoke to me so deeply!
@Onesmallstep67 I miss the comfort of the familiar and the physical contact.
I'm also desperate to see that he was who I thought he was all along and not this weird, cold, callous twat that he's become.
He messaged yesterday and I can see now that he was saying what I wanted to hear in order to get the info he wanted from me, then poof vanished again.
I think I need to take a leaf out of @bangheadhere40 book and block. I'm in awe of you, well done!!

vangoghdog! - mr air is also very tall 6'5'' - hope he's not the same one !!

Oh goodness heartbeat I'm nothing to be in awe of, quite the opposite. This one is cold and callous too but has been in and out of my life for 18 months.

I'm not going back on it now no matter how much I want to 😔 I was very close to it before but then thought no. This weekend is going to be difficult, I've been busy all week...hope I can stay strong.

@Heartbeats0708

I'm yet to catch up on the thread but wanted to thank you guys for the support, especially *@BelladiMamma* whose post I have screeshotted as it spoke to me so deeply! *@Onesmallstep67* I miss the comfort of the familiar and the physical contact. I'm also desperate to see that he was who I thought he was all along and not this weird, cold, callous twat that he's become. He messaged yesterday and I can see now that he was saying what I wanted to hear in order to get the info he wanted from me, then poof vanished again. I think I need to take a leaf out of *@bangheadhere40* book and block. I'm in awe of you, well done!!

Oh 🤗 I was worried it was a bit harsh but it was from the ♥️

Hope you're feeling ok (as much as you can)

@Eesha yaaaay so happy for you!! 🥳🥳 congratulations 🎉 🥂🥂

@bangheadhere40 just keep him out don't go back there!! Nothing to be strong about, you have 100% done the right thing!

@bangheadhere40 it might not feel like it now but every moment that passes is a win, that's what I've been telling myself today when I've been itching to message Mr O. I can't remember who asked- @Naimee87 possibly?- brief history is Mr O and I have been on/off but mainly on for the majority of the last two years. Things starting going badly and I asked for some time to think things through. Then he did the same. We were meant to have a chat about where we wanted things to go and he's basically ghosted me.
Not harsh at all @BelladiMamma and just what I needed to hear as I was already getting exhausted by it all and it was starting to consume me. I needed some perspective! And you were so right, the only person doing well in the situation was him.

MrC is pissed in my opinion.

ISO = Isolation
March = May

Was slightly tempted to send a paggro reply

but he’s always been very reliable sociably so I won’t cut my nose off to spite my face and lose a friend/possible summer lover

@Letthefunandgamesstart - does he sail by any chance ? Two daughters ?

@Letthefunandgamesstart

vangoghdog! - mr air is also very tall 6'5'' - hope he's not the same one !!

He is 6'5" but so was my ex, so there's clearly more than one of them!

Date went well, few silences, but the restaurant was really noisy and I'm at that age.........it had poor accoustics, there was a very loud group of men, and the music was too loud. But the food was lovely, service really good.

When it came to the end he pulled the bill towards him, looked at it, declared it "not bad at all" (we had the set menu so there were no surprises on the bill), put his hand over it and said "so, are we going to see each other again?".

I loathe being put on the spot like that, I think it's really unfair. So I said "it's irrelevant, I'm paying my share" on the basis it sounded like he was going to base his payment decision on whether I agreed to see him again. He said "oh no, I'll pay!".
So I say no, I'm paying my share. So he agreed then said something about taking his beer off, so I said oh no, don't worry about that. But I had no cash so I asked him if he would pay the tip and he paid £10 which was generous.

So, we got past that. Walked me to my car and had a mini snog. Eek. I can't recall when I last had a snog after a date, or a snog in the street!!

Anyway, he texted something about "amazing kiss" (overstating things somewhat I think). So I replied we'd have to try it again some time and he said "can I make you promise?". So now I feel a bit pressurised. But I suppose this is "banter"?

Anyway, MrWG is apparently coming Sunday. I'm working on the basis that our infrequent meet ups are a casual thing, even though he has suddenly seemed more enthusiastic.

If I had a choice, I'd have a relationship with MrWG. I'm properly in the feels with him. But if he doesn't want one I'm only going to get fed up with him.

MrT wants a relationship, but I'm not as into him by far. I feel like if I see him again I'll need to stop seeing MrWG.

Or maybe I need to ask MrWG where things are headed........anyone got any words for that?

Then there's the decorator who still texts every day and who didn't come today because I told him I was going out and he said I'd be wanting to get ready for my "hot date". I didn't say it wasn't a date but I didn't confirm it was either.

He asked he again when he's going to be invited round and I told him not to hold his breath.

@VanGoghsDog sounds like all your irons have sensed the competition and are heating up a bit

@VanGoghsDog, it’s always good to have options 😉 but from what you write I’d say you sound rather lukewarm about Mr Tall so not sure if that would be enough for you to solely focus on him. Much like Mr Neck kisser I think you are going to have to either accept the texts testing the water from Mr Decorator or put him out of his misery and make it clear that yes you are on dates. As for Mr WG I think if he’s not making his intentions clear you either live with the ambiguity, treat it like a FWB scenario or bite the bullet and ask him what he is offering. That is if you feel you want clarity with any of these irons. You may be happy to continue to plate spin them all for the time being.

@VanGoghsDog

I agree with @Onesmallstep67 - decorator has no manners or comms skills and you're not attracted to him - unlikely to improve?

So as long as your hallway is done detach.

So you're down to two then.

I'd continue with MrTall if you're not unattracted as if he's Ok it seems a shame to waste this contact.

and consider asking with MrWG when it feels appropriate.

Review in a few weeks maybe?

Although if MrWG has already been clear/upfront that he's fairly "ambivalent" about a relationship I'd tread fairly carefully .

As he might come up with something ambiguous but if you have the feels then it might be misinterpreted?

I've never found this whole "starting off casual, adding a side of monogamy and getting to a relationship" thing really works effectively .

(though with my ASD maybe I'm just not socially skilled enough to negotiate and my dating experience will improve over time)

Decorator hasn't asked me on a date so no idea why he would think I'm dating him. Literally had a walk then watched a film at his house, weeks ago.
He's back tomorrow to finish the current bits of the hall but there's a bit that can't be done until the bathroom has been done end of July, and he also quoted for the second bedroom which can't be done until after the bathroom either.

But I'm happy to tell him it's business only!

His comms are banal in the extent, if that isn't a contradiction. And I can't spend much time with someone who "won't have a word said against Boris" - I'd never be able to speak!

Agree re the other two, I think I have a couple more weeks to start worrying.

MrWG hasn't said he doesn't want a relationship, his Tinder profile last year wasn't for FWB. It's possible he's being as cautious as me and thinks this is what I prefer. When he asked about seeing me tonight I just said "no, got plans". So you might be right that he senses competition!

MrT - yes, a bit lukewarm but not totally off him, it's only second date and the first one was a walk where we got poured on. And wasn't really a date. He did seem a bit nervous tonight.

The 7yo puts me off a bit. He's a teacher, he had his daughter all of half term, so he said he'd "not really had any time off". What, like a parent then? I mean, he was off work!

Btw, I was diagnosed autistic last year!

MrWG and I didn't really "start casual", we started as friends from real life, hanging out, walking etc.

My last LTR started as FB from Fab and lasted seven years. Admittedly obviously it ended but it was OK for quite a while. In that case it was him who pushed for more.

@VanGoghsDog

Is it awful that I'm just thinking prioritise getting the painting done then block/detach from MrDecorator?

I'd just be thinking any upheaval now and you might have half finished DIY work or he'll do it badly to punish you! I'm not sure how easy it is to find good reliable painters in your area. That said, I'd be more worried about pissing off a builder or a plumber as painting isn't essential really.

I'm in the same frame of mind re decorator. It's hard to get any trades here. All booked up for months. Got no reply from previous decorator about a date. I've been talking to the plumber since April and he might fit me in end of July. Meanwhile my bath and bathroom sink don't drain, it's disgusting to use the bathroom like that and I'm ashamed to have guests.

MrWG would happily do my decorating though!

So Mr Cricket is just like the others it seems, I messaged him last night, he read and hasn't responded. His excuse seemed plausible for cancelling our date but his actions after cancelling seem to show he has no intentions of rescheduling. At least Computer Geek had the decency to answer messages after he cancelled. I honestly didn't see Mr Cricket as a ghoster but how wrong I was.

Thought I’d give a bit of an update on my dating adventures too.

So mr a&e who seemed so promising has basically dropped off the face of the earth (funnily enough, after date 5 when I finally slept with him) he hasn’t blocked or ghosted, but communication is so patchy that I just cba. Seemed a shame as I liked that one.

However I had an amazing date on Wednesday with Mr Lorry (HGV driver) we only went for lunch and a walk but it was the best first date I’ve ever been on. Next date was arranged for Sunday (tomorrow, and was planned before we even met for the first date 🤦‍♂️😂) but actually we’ve seen each other very briefly both days since - he drove 1 hour 45 minutes out of his way yesterday just to see me for 40 minutes and have coffee 😍😍 I’m going to his area Sunday for the day and he says he’s got lots of fun stuff planned for us. He’s very open and communicative, so overall we like this one very much.

I’m a 32 year old responsible woman with my own business and my shit together - but he makes me all silly like a teenager with their first crush 😳😳🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Someone hit me in the face with a spade pronto 🤦‍♂️😂

@VanGoghsDog mr wg is clearly your no 1 choice so if it were me I think I'd need to have a chat to see if he sees it going anywhere/establish what he's looking for as I prefer certainty

@Isitreallyme77 sorry mr cricket turned out to be like so many of the time wasters on old. I have no objection to anyone not wanting a further date but wish they would just say so and not string people along and then cancel and ghost 😡

@Iamclearlyamug sounds like a good connection with mr lorry - enjoy the teenage feels i say 😁

As for me, was thrown a bit last night, on facetime mr hair apologised for calling a bit later but said he had to be honest and say that his ex had messaged him yesterday morning and then after finding out she was "in a bad place" (too outing to go into detail but if true very bad) he facetimed her. I think he was genuinely being honest with me and not doing it to make me do some pick me dance but if that turns out to be the intention it will not work as I won't chase- I didn't even do the pick me dance for my ex who was love of my life 🤷‍♀️ i don't know how they've left it and whether contact with increase now or whether a one off but will wait and see

@Slothmomma thank you. I'm the same I have no problem with him not wanting a second date but he could have had the balls to say thanks but no thanks (my gym instructor could do it when I asked him out last year so I know men can do it) and not let me get excited. But to agree then cancel then ghost is just pathetic.

Does Mr Hair have children? Will his ex's illness impact his life?