Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Isitreallyme77

I feel rubbish this evening, went to go for a walk by the river earlier, the drive there and back was great but I couldn't get parked as it was heaving so gave up then had a little cry on the drive home(I thought I was past all that) because I can't seem to get a man to go on a date with me. All I want is a nice man, I know it sounds boring but I want someone nice and reliable. I don't want to be single forever and I'm scared I will be. My friend is constantly going on about her issues with her husband and I just want to shout at least you've got someone who loves you. I wasn't going to let this cancelled date get to me but I honestly thought Mr Cricket was a nice guy who wouldn't agree to something then change his mind, I honestly thought he was someone who would say thanks but no thanks. He seemed pretty genuine to me.

Sending you virtual 🤗. And 😘 and a little cry along with you.

Also some

@Isitreallyme77 also sending you some hugs and kisses 🤗😘🤗😘🤗😘🤗😘🤗😘

isitreallyme77 I think a lot of us feel this way sometimes - I know I do - I fluctuate between being happily single and wishing to find someone to settle down with. I'm having a hospital procedure next week and will need a babysitter for 24 hours after - my children are doing it but would be so nice to have partner to do it instead - sending hugs

that's a shame isitreally 😕 hate it when thst happens....

I've had a busy week so haven't really been on the apps and I'm not missing them.

I feel slightly proud of myself - not sure if anyone remembers my 3 month wonder iron who broke my heart last year, but he randomly gets in touch still. He doesn't want to meet, feels like he just likes keeping tabs on me and check I'm still there should he ever decide. Well I told him very nicely I don't want to speak to him anymore and blocked him. I can't believe I did it 😬

I've always felt he likes me there as an option should he have no luck elsewhere, I don't want to feel like that anymore - I want to be a first choice.

I have not done OLD but joined to look through some profiles to see who is out there. I have been off the scene for 20 years so don’t know if it is me or the modern dating pool is just like this. Lots of seriously immature men, 90% of the profiles reminded me of my sons (11,14). ‘I like marvel comics, gaming’ there were even a couple into Lego. A real turn off, are other women attracted to men that like Spider-Man and PlayStation?? I found it quite bizarre.

@bangheadhere40 well done, must feel good having taken control and shut the door on that one!! You are definitely not an ‘option’!

Lol @QueenVikki... no, men who are into lego and marvel comics don’t really give me the fanny gallops either!

@bangheadhere40 well done you! I bet you feel lighter, if not immediately then soon.

@Letthefunandgamesstart i can relate to this as well, it's the times where you need to have someone there for emotional support and who is with the kids because they love them so you can fully immerse yourself in what you need too knowing the kids are happy and properly taken care of. It just adds a little more to the stress of having the procedure which i hope goes well and you have a speedy recovery too.
@Isitreallyme77 i've also been this low at times too but it does sometimes take getting to the 'lowest' place before you can really pick yourself up. I have a lot of friends who are also so quick to moan about husbands/bf's and i just think like you at least you have a 'go-to' person that even if you've had a fight if something serious was to happen that would be forgotten (or i hope it would be) ... i'm not sure how long you have been single but with the 'lock-down' easing it will be so much better to be able to meet people IRL. I don't feel cut out for OLD i think i get too emotionally invested to soon and have my hopes disappointed. And the men that do it skip off merrily into the arms of someone else. But definitely wanted to send you a and as it's too early for and

naimee87 Thank you. My children are grown up with families of their own - I think I'm older than most here (63). They are looking after me afterwards but it doesn't seem right somehow.

Thanks...I'm having major doubts now- did I do the right think by blocking him ? Seems very immature. ☹

I was fine with us just being mates but I don't just want a pen pal and he had no plans to ever actually see me in person again.

Thank you again everyone I don't want to keep moaning to my friends as they have their own issues and I feel the fact that I can't get a date seems slightly trivial next to theirs and I should be happy single (which 75% of the time I am).

@Letthefunandgamesstart I hope it goes well next week.

@Naimee87 I've been single for nearly 4 years after a 14 year relationship. Other people seem to find someone no problem but I can't and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Everyone says I'm nice, I'm friendly, sociable, I'm not needy, I work, have my own place, I volunteer, I have interests and hobbies, I go to the gym, no weird psycho ex and yet I'm struggling to find that one thing I really want. I also don't think OLD is for me as like you I get too emotionally invested.

@bangheadhere40 well done on blocking him, I wish I had the courage to do that with Computer Geek. You should never be someone's back up option, you deserve to be their first and only choice.

Thanks...believe me I've not had the courage for 18 months but he's swanned in and out of my life since.

I feel a bit of a bitch now as he hadn't actually done anything bad this time...I was very drunk with my friend the other night and she just said block this twat so I did.

In a sober frame of mind though I feel bad about it now. He's had so long to meet up again though even as mates....and all he wants to do is text and text.

Never thought I would do this, there's no point me back tracking as he would ignore me / be rightfully annoyed with me.

Oh no 😢

Should I have told him why does anyone think?

@bangheadhere40 I would think he knows why you've done it, don't feel bad.

@bangheadhere40

I like the sound of your friend.

This twat was holding you back, you were clinging onto a small hope and with luck you can now gradually let that go and be emotionally available.

@bangheadhere40, don’t feel guilty. Obviously we’ve discussed many times on here how to politely disengage from a chat but this guy sounds very much like he’d only be in touch if he needed a bit of attention etc. If it was going to be any more than that it would have been by now. He’s not a friend in the truest sense and now your mind won’t keep getting dragged back to the negatives attached to him every time he messages and you wonder what he wants this time.

Thank you everyone...it helps to get some outside perspective.

onesmallstep yes it very much felt like if he was bored, lonely or needed some attention he would come to me ( he's still on dating sites). As I say I don't mind if we could have been proper friends but surely friends meet up occasionally!

He would have probably got rid of me anyway when he met someone new. 😔

I think it probably was holding me back a bit, not as much as it used to but definitely slightly.

Oh well it's done now ☹

@Heartbeats0708, how are you doing? I’m sorry to hear that things with Mr O are in such an uncomfortable and confusing position. Do you know what you are missing the most that he brought to your life? At one time I might have had similar feelings about Mr Cocky but I feel far enough removed from him now that I almost don’t crave his company anymore. Similar to banghead’s returning iron , being in touch with someone you know it’s never going to progress with just keeps you stuck experiencing the same cycle of mixed emotions but always ending with sadness and disappointment. As someone said yesterday take control of this back. It may be the only way x

@Isitreallyme77 i genuinely don't think others find people so easily. You can see even on this thread how quickly things go pearshaped. I think so many people out there have their own shit going on and it's really hard to find someone who has their stuff together and emotionally available.

Just to give you an example : I had a date last night with a very hot, smart man who is clearly inundated with options. But we talked a lot and clearly he was quite a damaged soul underneath and i could see that dating him would have meant a lot of uncertainty, anxiety etc for me. But this same man has so many options from women who may never know about the stuff underneath. It got me thinking a bit.

Better news, i got a job, starting next week! And family friendly!! woohooooooo!!

@eesha congratulations on the new job 💐🍾🍾

@Isitreallyme77 i couldn’t be more similar really. I know a friend who got divorced, found someone within a few months, she’s moved in with him and their engaged. I’ve been to a few weddings, all my younger cousins, most of my friends are onto baby nr2 as well... and like you i’m pretty well set up. sometimes an this may sound wishy and all a bit spiritual ( i have a very ‘zen’ friend whose all about energy) she thinks the energy we give off either shows we seem too independent scaring men off or we seem too ‘desperate’ not saying this is you at all.But it’s certainly made me think about how i come across. My friends have all told me to calm down, lay off the search be content with my life and someone will apparently waltz in! Haha... this has yet to happen. But i finally feel calm and i’m willing to settle into my single life (for now) the online dating just knocked my confidence and stole time from me. We’ll have our success stories this i’m sure of, patience is the hardest thing to have but ultimately in many other areas of my life it’s paid off!

@bangheadhere40 it's done now so move along.

@Eesha yay on the job