Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I think it's tricky with chats sometimes there just seem to be sex mad men on, other times there are some decent ones. I've got two chats (my maximum) on atm with two really nice guys but that's been impossible with previous efforts for the chats to last more than a couple of weeks without red flags being flown.
I think sticking to your boundaries is always popular advice on here so don't force a flirt if you're not feeling it and maybe try to arrange a meet up (again, hard to not appear too keen 🤦‍♀️) so if your chat style is unpopular, maybe once they've met you they will be less likely to misconstrue messages you send, if that's an issue?

With one guy we had the best chats, it was like we'd known each other for ages and felt so easy. It wasn't all too flirty but there were little hints that it was going in that direction. But when we met IRL there was NO connection at all. He was so super reserved and quiet and not at all like his messages, could have been two different people completely. We were happy to part ways with one another. I try not to go too long with a chat/txt and meet them as soon as i can to avoid the building hopes up and getting disppointed.

Thank you for your replies.
I must admit when I first started on the apps, I read these threads and took on board the not chatting for too long and asking for a date early on. I haven’t done that for ages though, I definitely think I’ve lost my confidence.
And I can flirt easily in person but in text I find it really embarrassing

@Chidjireta - just wondering how old you are? I’m early fifties - so probably older than you - my chats are never flirty. I wouldn’t know how to flirt I don’t think. But sometimes I click over text with someone other times it’s hard work. When it clicks it’s just easy, slightly funny but never flirty - just be you.
Maybe younger chaps expect more flirtation I don’t know. I don’t swipe younger than 45!

I have no idea how to flirt by text or otherwise!

Maybe I do it a bit because I know when I'm not interested in someone I'm more careful about what I say and how I come across, in case they get ideas.

GaraMedouar I’m 48 so we’re near enough the same age
I would say the same, I just don’t seem to be able to keep them in the chat long enough to click with. I suppose that tells me everything I need to know about them though, thinking about it.

VanGoghsDog yes! This definitely I am so cautious about sending the wrong signals. I won’t even message after ten in case of the dreaded dick pic

@Shayelle2009

I’m not minding the addition of the tinder entertainment in my life at the mo. However I’ve not allowed myself to get close to anyone or give anyone much of a chance (avoidant) so probably forgotten about how it can hurt. Not expecting to meet anyone decent on it - but it happens!

@Isitreallyme77 don’t be down on yourself! Keep the dress, go out with a friend for drinks instead and wear it! You may still meet up with mr cricket, chin up 💐

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards
glad you are chatting with mr HR still ☺️

@Shayelle2009 😊❤️

@Chidjireta, how quickly does the exchange of messages dry up ? I know there's been quite a mixed strike rate on the thread recently with posters assuming that post lockdown people would be keen to get out and meet etc. I've not been on a site for over a year so I can't comment but we do help each other out with profile reviews if you feel that might help ? And said with affection for our male friends on this thread - men do like to talk about themselves so wondering if you are picking up on things from their profiles to get the conversation moving ?

@Isitreallyme77

Thank you *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* I'm picking my dress up today(missed the postman yesterday) so I may just keep it. I bought new sandals too yesterday! Good luck with Mr HR!

@Eesha thank you. I suppose he could be telling the truth, I'll just have to wait and see what happens today, he did apologise for letting me down though. I have to remember not every man is like Mr CG, full of bull and self pity after all and he seems like a genuine guy who wouldn't have said yes if he wasn't interested.

@Isitreallyme77 sounds wonderful! 🙂 I'd definitely keep the dress 👗 Thank you ❤️

@Onesmallstep67 there’s been two in the last two nights. They were both about five messages. The first one I asked him about his job and his hobbies and he asked me nothing in return.
The second one described himself as shy so I just tried to keep that chat a little more general.

My profile does need updating at the moment, I admit that. I’ll spend a bit of time on it over the weekend. I would appreciate some feedback on it after I’ve done it.

I always ask for a phone chat after a couple of weeks chatting, sooner if the texts have been flowing easily. If that goes well, I'll ask to meet quickly so try to avoid over investing. With the one I got princessy with yesterday, I'll call him Mr Air, we had great texts for a week and several long phone calls - I was worried we'd over done it but luckily we hit it off in person too. It's very tricky finding the right balance.

I hate talking on the phone. I've only spoken on the phone to MrWG once and that was because he texted a question while I was driving and couldn't text back, it was about half a minute!

It was only ever the last man that i could get super flirty with on text because he was SO good to sleep with and it kept our spark alive. We lived quite far from each other . But I never ever was able to get into the 'sexting' not sure this is what your referring to but not my thing until i met that man ( my Mr S)
Its a real turn off for me actually when the men immediately ask for more photo's or 'full-length' ones... it instantly makes me thing their after one thing. If we exchange numbers and have 'learned' a bit about each other then i will but if the second or third message is 'send more photo's' i generally don't get back to them again.

Thanks everyone, I don't feel too disheartened today. The deletion of his Tinder account threw me but he said he was going to do it last week so I shouldn't have been too surprised. In fact I've been thinking the same for a while (something we chatted about when we met). His excuse is very plausible too.

I was looking forward to going on a date but Mr Cricket does seem like one of the good ones so maybe I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now. I suggested doing something next week so maybe I'll wait to see what happens.

I think cancelling is one thing, but he should be immediately suggesting another date he can do. To be honest, if he's not all over a new date he's probably not that bothered.

After Mr HT stood me up last night
(6 months of knowing each other, staying at each other's houses FWB and then that yes). I'm taking a break.

He said daughter issues after I rang and messaged worried sick (he's never gone awol before). I call bullshit, he's shut down and cowering behind a wall. I've walked away from his wall now. No further response needed. I told him he could have let me know.

It was deeply triggering, I had tears of abandonment, hurt, frustration, disappointment and sheer waste. How can something that feels so good be wasted? How can there be so little respect?

Today I have to work and I just want to sleep it away.
I've not told many people, I really can't be arsed hearing the 'I told you so'.
Miss Jam cuddled the life out of me and Mr Bear talked to me for hours on the phone.

@cravingthelook

After Mr HT stood me up last night (6 months of knowing each other, staying at each other's houses FWB and then that yes). I'm taking a break.

He said daughter issues after I rang and messaged worried sick (he's never gone awol before). I call bullshit, he's shut down and cowering behind a wall. I've walked away from his wall now. No further response needed. I told him he could have let me know.

It was deeply triggering, I had tears of abandonment, hurt, frustration, disappointment and sheer waste. How can something that feels so good be wasted? How can there be so little respect?

Today I have to work and I just want to sleep it away.
I've not told many people, I really can't be arsed hearing the 'I told you so'.
Miss Jam cuddled the life out of me and Mr Bear talked to me for hours on the phone.

So sorry that's happened, @craving ❤️❤️

@VanGoghsDog i agree, @Isitreallyme77 he should be arranging a new date otherwise isn't too fussed. Keep swiping so you don't have your eggs in one basket. Its annoying but true

Tinder is showing me men who live at the other end of the country but are only 20 miles away. Took me this long to clock that they're obviously on holiday for half term. Pointless, going incognito.

Sorry craving. Time to go completely NC with Mr HT and protect yourself.

Craving, please stop opening yourself up to such hurt from Mr HT. He's done this or at least similar to you several times. You have always been such a strong advocate for boundaries and self worth on these threads, boosting and picking up others but it seems maybe not always able to apply it fully to your own choices. Mr Shipwreck was another example of this.

@cravingthelookving Why do you think you let Mr HT get away with such poor behaviour?

I know you really like him but he is treating you terribly and despite promises to change he never has.
Why can't you walk away from him?

I'm not asking you to answer publically but would hopefully give you something to think about.

I'm so sorry to hear that @cravingthelook. It bloody hurts and this It was deeply triggering, I had tears of abandonment, hurt, frustration, disappointment and sheer waste. How can something that feels so good be wasted? How can there be so little respect? Perfectly sums up how I feel about Mr O. I think I'm currently experiencing "hoovering" and I can't seem to stop it. Drop me a line if you've still got my number and need an ear.
I've got rid of his stuff, deleted everything and keep trying to forget it. Then a message pings through saying let's talk it over..but it never materialises. I'm desperate for closure but I don't feel I'm ever going to get it.
I'm going to be hanging around here for a hand hold through this if that's okay.

@Onesmallstep67 I'm confused I've never had a Mr Shipwreck

@SortingItOut he's never stood me up before (yes he's done other stuff but this was a first for this behaviour and I am genuinely shocked that he did it)

I have a capacity for care and love and affection and I saw a man that saw many great things in me, but not so many good things in himself. So I cared for him and I gave him support. Because I don't want to see a soul that broken.

This time though, in his self sabotage I became a casualty... so this time is the time I leave him to it. He's never directly hurt me with his self attacking before. This time he did.
I've not messaged, I've not explained, I've just walked and deleted and gone NC.