Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@springlikebunk I forget that I am still considered young as I see so many of my age group and people I went school with getting married or having children or both that I worry I'm being left behind.
I think I do need to get better about not being so swept up in the first rush of an iron liking me.
I always worry about offending people if I pull back when I'm uncomfortable but then that's the people pleaser in me

Brilliant advice as always from @SpringlikeBunk

‘maybe think more about emotionally pacing yourself/not rushing into things/setting boundaries/knowing how to pull back if you’re uncomfortable?’

This needs to be a mantra, at any age and any stage of dating!!

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Obviously it varies between social groups and individual people

but I’d say a reasonable chunk of guys your age will be prioritising buying a flat, being financially and career stable and having “ticked boxes” like travelling and “finding themselves” before settling down with someone?

I’m naturally biased being mid thirties

but I grew up with a “35 is old and all the decent men will be gone” mentality

but I haven’t found that at all tbh?

In fact the guys I was with in my twenties who were “keen for commitment to pin a relationship down” had serious issues and didn’t contribute much to my life.

Soooo I messaged Mr Gwen at lunch checking if we’re on for a time tomorrow. No reply as yet...

@Dancer just want to say that I feel the same way as you regarding finding a man. A lot of my friends have moved on as well. ❤️

You're not alone 😘😘

@Shayelle2009 I hope he replies soon. I'm in the same boat. I messaged Mr Cricket earlier about Friday and just waiting for him to reply.

@Eesha @oprahwindfuryy so glad i am not alone! I'll do my best to give 'nice' a go too. That is if i ever get another chance feeling the most single i've felt in a long while. The last man i saw was late April (then swiftly ghosted) sounds recent but still getting over him and not been easy.
@Dancerinthemoonlight at least military men are often thought of as fit, my last fling was with a truck driver, he drove the HUGE ones and this was for me such a turn on. I've had to let someone down gently when i realised he didn't have a driving license... (this is quite outing actually so perhaps i won't be anonymous for much longer! oops!) Now i'm checking out all the truck drivers i see, not the sexiest of men really though are they I get a lot of stares back from really old, overweight men or very questionable looking women (hope that isn't too offensive to post...)

I had another video call with the match with the 3 year old son and I just hung up on him, reported him to tinder and unmatched.
In the space of 3 minutes he said he wanted to fuck me 5 times and told me to show him properly what I look like.
I said you don't tell me what to do, hung up and reported+unmatched.

I'm going to go on the meeting tomorrow and just see what he is like in person. If I want to see him again then I will but if I don't then I won't. I think it's a good time to meet aswell as he is going on exercises next week

@Isitreallyme77 what are you two going to do? Going out for a drink? ☺️
If Mr gwen lets me down it will be the 4th time I’ve unmatched him 😂

@Shayelle2009 we are going for drinks this time. I messaged earlier to say I'm happy to go over his way as he came mine last time. I'm sure Mr Gwen will get back to you. 🤞

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I had another video call with the match with the 3 year old son and I just hung up on him, reported him to tinder and unmatched. In the space of 3 minutes he said he wanted to fuck me 5 times and told me to show him properly what I look like. I said you don't tell me what to do, hung up and reported+unmatched.

I'm going to go on the meeting tomorrow and just see what he is like in person. If I want to see him again then I will but if I don't then I won't. I think it's a good time to meet aswell as he is going on exercises next week

@Dancerinthemoonlight that's horrible! What a tosser 😡😡 really glad to hear you blocked him ❤️

Hope you're ok

Why these men can't ring a sex line or watch Babestation to get their kicks, I don't know.

@Letthefunandgamesstart

He doesn't know what it was for and no contact at all - I'd given him a special WA tone as well (does anyone else do this or is it just me)!!

I do that! I'm in so many boring WA groups that I need to know whether to bother checking the message so give irons special notification sounds 😁

That’s lovely @Isitreallyme77 about drinkies. Be nice to get tipsy and flirty!! With your new dress on!

So mr gwen replied but I feel irritated. He knows im in his city tomorrow meeting a family member and the plan was for us to meet for a coffee before i go off to meet said family member. And he’s just said why dont we meet in the park over my way as hes working here tomorrow? I replied i cant because im meeting family member at 11am?
Like why do that? He knows I have plans and its just really irritated me??
Besides that why would I want to meet up in a bloody park? Urgh it’s already feeling like hard work and not even met the guy.... should I even bother...!!!!

@Shayelle2009 yes I think get a bit tipsy have a little flirt and it could be fun. I just have to put my negative thoughts aside.

So what are you going to do now? Still meet him?

Haha @Isitreallyme77 I cant wait to hear the tale if your Friday night!! I hope there’s a good update after 😬😬

I dont know now. I said i cant do that suggestion, and nothing more’s been said!! Already feeling like i cant be arsed with it!

I have cancelled tomorrows date from a lack of effort on his part.
Not only did he want me to travel to him (30 mins so not too bad) but also pick him up and he wasn't going to book a table so just play it by ear.
I sent him a nice we are looking for different things and not a good match message. Wished him luck in his search. Didn't go down well as he thinks we are a good match. So he is now unmatched and blocked on WhatsApp and my phone. Already got a missed call on my phone from him.

I don't think there is any problem with wanting an effort to be made by booking somewhere and getting there on your own.

Oh my gosh what is wrong with these idiots at the minute. Where exactly do they keep churning out from?!?

That’s mental @Dancerinthemoonlight

picking a stranger up on a first meet doesn’t sound very safe

and it might even be he’s just angling for you to “not find anywhere to go to”, then buy a few beers and take him straight back to yours! 🤮

I had a quick match who suggested coming to mine after I mentioned lockdown situation

so just blocked him with no explanation.

I’m not on the apps now till work project completed but really not looking forward to trawling through everyone and all the weirdness and micro aggressions!

Sooo my update, coffee not happening now. Crossed wires and he said he’d organised his work around my way tomorrow, because he thought that’s where we would meet. Think I made it clear I was in his city tomorrow, maybe he didnt’t pick up on it. but anyway. Not meeting.

Reading all these stories makes me wonder why some men complain about not being able to get dates etc. Most of the issues written here by women are so easily solvable by the men - don’t be too sexual, don’t ask to come back on the first date, reply on time etc. Are (some of) the men really this incapable and clueless?

@CrapAtThis

It is mental isn’t it?

I think part of it is that meeting using apps is so “artificial” and some people genuinely don’t know what the etiquette is - like they might make great partners if you just got together naturally at work or uni or through friends but don’t know how to “date strangers”.

Also tbf some women are comfortable with home dates early on which is fine and their choice. I recall an episode of First dates where the woman wanted a home second meet and the guy wanted a day out date!

I’m just finding the whole communication and screening thing wearisome right now (after lockdown I want to just look forward to doing stuff not exchange fifty messages organising with someone who might flake!)

It’s certainly stressful and you have to be in the right headspace for it. Also take everything with a huge pinch of salt...

However if you do view it as bit of a laugh, accept there are mostly dickheads and freaks but with a few gems to be found over time, then it can be quite fun.. and it does help you meet new people.