Anyone not fancy their husband at first ?

[ROZ12]

Hi all

anyone grew to fancy their Hubbie and looked beyond the looks ?

I think you need to try out the physical part before committing to marriage - despite your religion.

You really don’t want to make a big mistake you’ll regret.

@Twoforthree

I can’t do that

@Twoforthree

Also with my ex the physical was amazing but it fizzled out I went for physical than personality last time and he become unattractive and an abuser .

DH is not conventionally attractive at all and not my type. But there was something about his eyes. They had my belly turning backflips. They still do.

It's a strange thing to say about a young adult. How would he be taking her on?

Prepared to try to build a decent relationshipvwitg your young adult child as part of being your partner/husband .. should've a given.

You still sound like you're casting yourself as a charity case who can't throw away a potential marriage with s man who.seens nice but you're not even attracted to. You don't have to.

[quote ROZ12]@Twoforthree

Also with my ex the physical was amazing but it fizzled out I went for physical than personality last time and he become unattractive and an abuser .[/quote]
No offence but this is black and white, either- or thinking.

There is grey.

You can have attraction and chemistry with someone who's not an abuser, who'll act decently.

[quote ROZ12]@MarshmallowAra

Well she will be part of his life as there are holidays and she will move back .[/quote]
We'll being part of each others lives and building a decent relationship as an adult and young adult related by marriage are not really the same thing as her being "taken on".

We can’t date!

Your definition of dating must be different from mine if you can't date him.

Dating does not have to include a sexual relationship if both people are on the same page about that.

I definitely didn't. Attempted to friendzone him after our first date!

@MarshmallowAra

Well I’ve never been asked out by anyone ever and they are certainly not lining up, I’m 44 on Monday and not getting younger . I’m not a charity case just want be with Someone , I’m only single person left in family and friends and feel left out

I’ve read the whole thread and OP I hope you can see what I’ve seen - there’s a difference between “didn’t notice/didn’t find attractive” and “actively thought was ugly”.

I’ve been able to date more freely than you can and I’ve tried to prioritise personality over looks at times - it doesn’t work. If you find them neutral that’s ok. But you don’t like this guy’s face - that’s a huge deal. I tried to make myself date men I found unattractive but realised quickly it was really unfair on them. How can you be a good partner or wife to someone you don’t love to look at? When my fiancé is grumpy or sick I can still look at him and love his face and the general way he looks. Everyone deserves to be looked at with love by their partner.

When we met I wasn’t sure from photos whether I’d find him attractive or not but he looked a lot nicer in real life and was “attractive” in other ways you can tell without having to get physical: nice voice, polite manners, good body shape, smelt nice, hilarious etc.

You’re actively NOT attracted to this man and I think you should hold out for better for both of you. I know you’re lonely but that doesn’t mean you should say yes to him. You don’t have to hold out for clooney... just someone you find nice looking, interesting and you can grow to love.

[quote ROZ12]@MarshmallowAra

Well I’ve never been asked out by anyone ever and they are certainly not lining up, I’m 44 on Monday and not getting younger . I’m not a charity case just want be with Someone , I’m only single person left in family and friends and feel left out[/quote]
I'm not saying you're a charity case - I'm saying the opposite.

It just felt like you were casting yourself as one - with the talk if him being prepared to take on your daughter etc.

44 is not old,I know women older than that who got into new relationships.

@TheThermalStair

@TheThermalStair

Thank you so I need to meet him , maybe better looking ?

In terms of meeting people - you have to have a very determined, varied, wife spread and changing (if you're not meeting prospective partners) dating strategy with hobbies, interests, activities, outings etc etc to have any opportunities past 20s/30s.

The women I know who met partners layer - one is a really active socialiser who.goee to gigs/bands for middle aged people in hotels on my region and met her now DH through that. She's very outgoing and well.

One dud sailing for years and didn't meet anyone - then started ceili dancing and was approached by a widowers niece who set them up. You won't have opportunities unless you are out and about meeting lots of people and being seen. Easier now your DD is grown up.

If meeting him is doable that’s an obvious first step, yes.

But I never thought my fiancé was unattractive - more “could go either way”! You’ve said outright you don’t think this man is nice looking at all.

If you haven’t met and not been asked out - how have you two come to be in touch?

Yes, didn't particularly fancy him but got on like a house on fire. A month after spending nearly every day together I looked at him and thought 'Cor, actually...'. We got together the next day and have been together happily for 8 years. I think he looks like a classical Roman Handsome.

I didn't!

Went on a date not expecting anything - really wasn't that attracted to him when he showed up.

We ended up having the funniest, most interesting conversation that date. By about the 3rd date I really started being sexually attracted to him because of how much I liked his personality.

So no, initial attraction wasn't there but it followed after our personalities matched so well.

He did go from 18 to 26 though so he's grown into a man while I watched and is now less baby faced. He's also the funniest man ever so laughed me into bed

Why can’t you date?

If you don’t get to know him you could end up worse case - an unattractive abuser!

You need to be sure of his personality and also to see whether he’s physically more attractive in the flesh.

@Twoforthree

We can to an extent and will not marry until I been on a fair few dates

Can’t you at least kiss?

An ex boyfriend chased me for ages before we got together, but I always felt a bit unsure as to whether I really fancied him and whether we had chemistry. We eventually split up. I got with someone else and we were together for several years. After that broke up, I bumped into my ex and we started seeing each other again. It was like a completely different relationship from what we had before. I fancied him so much and the sex was so different to what had before. It was totally addictive. So yes I can think anything's possible!

@Twoforthree

Nothing