Anyone not fancy their husband at first ?

[ROZ12]

Hi all

anyone grew to fancy their Hubbie and looked beyond the looks ?

Been thinking about what the attraction was... he was very socially confident, very interested in me as a person, openly admired me and was very witty - the sort of person who made everyone laugh at social gatherings.

@Onelifeonly

Why did is fade away ?

Not only did I not really fancy him - I didn't even like him!
14 years later we're still going strong. I was persuaded to give him a chance and get to know him and I'm so grateful I did.

@Neron

Wow so the attraction just came ? How long did it take ?

@ROZ12 took a good couple of months before I saw him differently. Half of my reluctance was because he wasn't 'my type' in looks, body shape, interests etc. I wrote him off instantly, which looking back now I know him, wasn't good of me especially as I am no looker!

@neron

Then that’s exactly what I’m thinking give him a chance .

Nope I didn't. We became friends and i started to fancy him a few years into that.

Not really no to be honest.
He was really funny and just has a great vibe. He had/has a lot of female attention but just wasn't my "type" much smaller, and fairer. He just didn't give me that instant tingle feeling.
We got together as he made me really happy and I've always been so comfortable and feel safe with him. Not sure if that explains correctly?
It took a few months of getting to know each other physically until it was good and then it just clicked. I adore him.

I would let him go to find someone who does find him physically attractive. Don't rip him off.

I wasn’t exactly bowled over - he was a bit drunk and tired after after a heavy day at a rugby international with his mates. I was with my mates and we all went out ended up having a great laugh. We were engaged six weeks later (so stupid when I think back) so I must have found him attractive fairly quickly! That was 27 years ago.

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

No but I was 18 and blinded by my utter shit of a boyfriend. He was equally blinded by his utter shit of a girlfriend. Some years later I looked at him and thought "Oooh". Two decades later, here we are. :)

That's really funny as underneath your quote there was a picture of two women in summer dresses!

love is more than looks - but sounds like you met a nice guy who doesnt mind that you have a kid - and your settling for that. and you want confirmation.

No, he wasn't my type at all. I loved the tall, blonde, surfer dude kind of look. He is shorter than I am with dark curly hair but he was persistent for a date, so I gave in. He made me feel like I was the only woman in the world and still does. And he's funny, always making me laugh. My attraction for him grew and now I think he's gorgeous. Been together since we were 18, going strong 20 years.

I had the thunderbolt as soon as I met my husband. I still get that same feeling now. But if he was ugly on the inside I never would have followed through. I've met men in the past that have been overweight not very good looking but their personality made me crazy about them. And I had a pick of a lot of good looking men at the time. It works both ways. Some of the best looking men I've been out with have been repulsive to me after getting to know them.

I found him attractive but a lot of it has to be personality for me too. I wouldn't have taken it further if there was no sexual attraction at all though as I think it's important. So yes I fancied him at first sight a little, but over the years I fancy him more and more.

My last relationship, we met online and through messages and phone calls seemed to have a brilliant connection. Then we met and I felt nothing. Found him not my type at all and no spark. But, gave it another chance and, after we had sex the attraction definitely grew as it was so good! But, as time wore on, the other compromises became evident and because the initial physical attraction wasn't there, what had built waned. If that makes sense. I broke it off because it just didn't feel right. I was married and ended that so I wasn't about to settle after all that.

What does your gut say? I've learnt to listen to mine...

prepared to take on my dd as a step dad

Makes your daughter sound like a burden or undertaking ... Like you should be grateful, and perhaps so should she.

Why do you seem to be casting yourself as a charity case who should consider marrying aman you're not even attracted to because he seems like above person who's prepared to take you on with a child.

Why do have to be in a couple, why do you have to be married?

You are a family as you are.

You can't even live with him before you marry because of your culture .. which if you don't do for a couple of years at least,you don't really know someone. It takes a lot of time and exposure to know someone. Your daughter's welfare should've absolutely paramount. Stepfathers are quite common abusers of all kinds.

There's nothing wrong with being single or just dating until your DD is a young adult and much less vulnerable.

*seems like a nice person

@MarshmallowAra

She is 18, We have been a family me and her for 16 yrs - I put her first all these years instead of men .

This whole thing seems to reflect values that should be outdated in our society (whatever the cultural background) that a woman has to be in a relationship/couple she has to be married, she's not a family on her own with her children if she's widowed, separated or divorced, the situation is not "complete". Why?

If we don't have to be financially dependant on a man anymore, why?

Introducing a man into a household as a step father is statistically often a negative thing for children, their welfare may in many cases be better protected by staying alone parent and just dating if you want company etc.

People will always say "my child really likes him" .. yeah well children are innocent and can be easily won over, they're not in a position to judge at all.

If she is 18 I don't understand the "prepared to take on my DD" thing.

How is he taking her in if she's probably going to uni and possibly moving out in the near future?

@Misty9

Gut says meet him and see .

*taking her on

@MarshmallowAra
We can’t date! Also my dd doesn’t want me to be alone anymore she sees how everyone has moved on but me just so I could concentrate on her. Her dad got married quick and she hated it and that’s why I didn’t . Also I’m lonely I want to grow old with somome and want company .

@MarshmallowAra

Well she will be part of his life as there are holidays and she will move back .