Anyone not fancy their husband at first ?

[ROZ12]

Hi all

anyone grew to fancy their Hubbie and looked beyond the looks ?

A bit sneaky but might help - if you have a favourite aftershave, buy him some and persuade him to wear it so that he smells sexy. If enough of your other senses are on board, the visuals might not matter as much!

@DysmalRadius

omg love this !! Anything else ?

[quote ROZ12]@maskface212

Sexual attraction is important , he has fallen for me on basis of personality and adores me now ! But who knows if that will last . I’m not sure I can give him back what he sees in me. He seems sexually charged and talks about us together in that way - that makes me attracted to him it’s just the face ![/quote]
It sounds like he deserves better.

I once ended up dating someone who I really didn't fancy at all when I first met him, saw him looking at me with a group of others - my first thought was " you've no chance mate".
After being friends for 6 months, I ended up seeing beyond that and liking him for his personality, and even fancying him I think.
But, being a partner is different to being a friend, and in the end I lost respect for him because of some of his behaviour, so after that was gone, there was nothing else to glue us together, as I stopped seeing the attraction.
Last BF, instant attraction, he's perfect for me looks-wise, but still I had to end it over questionable things he did, so the rest was not there. Still fancy him, but avoiding him now as been on/off a couple of times, just because of strong chemistry I think, though we would make for good friends if he wasn't so damn attractive to me.
So, the ideal would be a combo of both, but, if you like a person for who they are, and they are able to maintain your respect, it's totally ok to go with that as, ultimately, respecting them is what counts and is enough on its own to hold it together. If you still respect each other years down the line, that's a precious thing.

I didn't not fancy my husband. I asked him to come down the pub to save me from being gooseberry to the two people I'd arranged a blind date for.

He said he'd come to the pub and changed from the shorts he was wearing into a pair of trousers.

We stood at the bar of the pub with the blind daters sitting at a table outside. We left them to it. He talked to me at the pub with the kind of interesting voice like he wanted me to really listen. That got my attention.

We've admitted to each other that we didn't not fancy each other at the beginning.

However, I've gone out with guys who, whilst good looking, are actually two dimensional. Their good looks have made them that way.

It's not as if my, 'pub guy' was a total rank outsider looks wise. I was flattered that he wanted my undivided attention at the pub and also when we got back to the house where one of the blind daters lived because he also lived in that shared house. No one had ever massaged my feet before. I thought, hmmm, what else can you do with all of my body. I gave him my phone number before I left and the rest is history.

I didn't fancy DH at first, I friend zoned him because his younger brother was prettier and I liked the look of him. He was an arsehole though and his personality was far uglier than his face was pretty. DH asked me out on a date and I went because he was kind and I was trying to regain some agency after leaving an abusive relationship, I thought I could have a fling and all would be well. Went home with him one night and never really left - I realised that he was a kind and honest man, and his looks grew on me (like mould). He definitely improved with age and lifestyle, I look back at early photos of us and he had a tragic hair style (so did I though). He was definitely my person.

[quote ROZ12]@maskface212

Sexual attraction is important , he has fallen for me on basis of personality and adores me now ! But who knows if that will last . I’m not sure I can give him back what he sees in me. He seems sexually charged and talks about us together in that way - that makes me attracted to him it’s just the face ![/quote]
It sounds like you’re really not that into him - he deserves better so please don’t string him along

Not a husband but the last person i was seeing I didn’t really fancy him visually. He had nice eyes but there was a lot about his appearance that wasn’t for me. However he always had a very sexy personality to me and when we connected in that way it was dynamite so he became more physically attractive to me.

That’s the upside. If i’m being brutally honest he also behaved in some questionable ways which flipped that attraction back off for me and I ended up not being physically attracted to him at all PLUS really not being attracted to him as a person. So now even though I clearly recall outstanding sex with him the thought of doing it again is definitely an ‘ick’ feeling.

Guess what i’m trying to say is attraction and fancying someone really can have a lot of complex factors to it - not just looks.

Yes definitely. I was friends with DH before dating, and didn't fancy him for ages. He is actually nice looking but I've always found it difficult to fancy people based on looks. Then after I'd known him awhile I started fancying his personality. Luckily in time I began to find him physically attractive too. Didn't sleep together until marriage either, which is handy as you've plenty of time to sort out whether you fancy them before you get in too deep!

I think it's actually a better way to start, tbh. I'd much rather be with someone who chose me for my personality than whether I happen to have nice teeth or something, which is completely irrelevant. External beauty fades.

No. Not at all for the first year we knew each other.

We were very close friends. And he really fancied me a lot and was always making it very clear he'd like to go out with me.

But I'd just got out of a relationship and didn't want another.

But then after a year or so we had to have some time part as he went travelling.

I missed him loads and worried he'd be meeting beautiful foreign girls.

Once he was back that was it. As soon as I saw him again it was like I hadn't really noticed how handsome he was before then.

He was very surprised in my change of heart. That was 18 years ago.

Now he's WAY better looking than me! Totally getting better with age. Thankfully he still fancies me the same as when were teenagers even after pregnancy and breastfeeding and weight gain and stretch marks.

I knew DH from going to the pub, I was engaged to someone else and DH wasn't on my radar as being attractive. It wasn't because I was loved up either, my relationship was in the death throes and I wanted out
7 months after I split up with my ex DH appeared at my door and asked me out. I honestly couldn't take my eyes off him, I thought he was gorgeous. I'm not sure what happened

@im no beauty ! Aging , grey hair , gained weight, age spots, flaws on my body ! I don’t understand why I deserve a stunner ?

@maskface212

But don’t you think I should give him a chance like other posters have with their partners ?

Definitely did not fancy my partner at first, or even for a while after first getting together. Now I think he’s the cutest thing and I’m super attracted. He’s also gotten more objectively attractive with time but some of it is definitely from falling in love. ❤️

I never fancy anyone until I get to know them. When I met my husband, we were both dating other people, but we really connected on a friendship level. I felt like I had known him all my life, every time we met we just talked and talked.
Both our respective relationships split, but we stated friends. A couple of months later I started to realise I felt more than friendship for him. Happily, the feeling was mutual!

I wasn't initially attracted to my DH. Met at work. Became friends. He wanted more and I just wasn't attracted to him and we drifted apart. Didn't talk for about 18 months as I changed jobs. Then he commented on a status on Facebook 9 years ago and we arranged to go on a very specific 'not a date' drink....the moment I met him I had butterflies. I was immediately attracted to him (although he hadn't changed) and we ended up in a relationship that night. Engaged 3 months later. Married a year after that. Been together since that night and married 8 years this year. We are very happy with 2 children and I adore him and find him attractive. Very strange how things work out!

@00deed1988

Lucky you got butterflies

@SilverOtter

But is he good looking ?

It so hard isn't it?!
I just posted a really similar thread OP.
I've been on a few dates with a really lovely & funny guy. Perfect on paper & I actually think he's a good looking guy.... there's just no "spark" and I don't know if im expecting too much.

Don't want to miss out on a great guy just because I'm not getting butterflies but on the other hand if I don't feel like I want to sleep with him now it's only going to go downhill....or could it develop?

@kiddo5467

Yes it’s so hard isn’t it - like I will find anyone else ?

I'm caught between not wanting to settle (after years of a miserable marriage and doing a lot of work on myself) and giving up something potentially great as I'm putting too much focus on fireworks and butterflies

Met online , in the days of pc's not having a camera . Then had a few phone calls ( pre android, still no cameras ) Spoke for about 3 months before meeting up , and even though it's crazy to say by then I had started to get feelings for him and likewise for him.
Met up , he wasn't the person I had imagined looks wise , but here we are still together many years later.

@kiddo5467

Same !

@Rainbow321

Oh ok that’s what I have feelings through personality and not looks

I would never ever date anyone I wasn’t instantly floored by again. I dated someone for 2.5 years in the hopes it would grow into something more, something deeper, and ultimately it was just a waste of time.
When I met my DH it was instantaneous for both of us and has never wavered. I still get the absolute fanny gallops just thinking about him 6 years later. He is delicious 🤤