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Original poster

Anyone not fancy their husband at first ?

169 replies

ROZ12 · 27/05/2021 23:53

Hi all

anyone grew to fancy their Hubbie and looked beyond the looks ?

OP posts:
SilverOtter · 28/05/2021 15:16

[quote ROZ12]@SilverOtter

But is he good looking ?[/quote]
Although I didn't actively fancy him when we first met, I would've still said that objectively he's a good looking man: tall, dark haired, green eyed, smiley. I did come to fancy him just before we got together.
I still sometimes look at him after 26 years together and think 'Damn, you're fit'🥰

Donitta · 28/05/2021 15:18

Donitta But did that get In way sexually ? Not fancying him ?
Yeah but like I said you can’t have everything. I just close my eyes and put up with it once a week. It’s a small price to pay for having a decent lifestyle and a good partner who I can trust and rely on.

Original poster
ROZ12 · 28/05/2021 15:23

@Donitta

That’s sad

OP posts:
Original poster
ROZ12 · 28/05/2021 15:24

@SilverOtter

Ok as this guy isn’t !

OP posts:
Eeek31 · 28/05/2021 15:29

Hey Roz

I think it's okay not to be sexually attracted from the get go or even know whether you are/aren't. A huge deciding factor has to be his personality and the chemistry between you both beyond the sexual attraction...If that makes sense...

Veryverycalmnow · 28/05/2021 15:30

I fancied DH for his personality. He is not my 'type' looks- wise but he is really lovely and he makes me laugh several times a day and that's very important to me! I still fancy him for the same reasons.

lightand · 28/05/2021 15:31

Didnt fancy him. Didnt even like him.
But he liked me. I told him he had to change some major things if we were going to go out together more than twice. He agreed.
Been married many years.
He isnt perfect, who is, but he did stop his worse traits. He knew he had to!!
I wouldnt necessarily advise this for everyone though. A bit risky!

Peachesarepeach · 28/05/2021 15:34

Yup I didn't fancy mine, but we have have a connection that was almost instantaneous where I just felt like he got me and I got him in a way I've never had before.

I think he's really attractive now (helps I've styled him!). I'm aware he's still not conventionally gorgeous but neither am I.

He's my favourite favourite person in the world.

WalkthisWayUK · 28/05/2021 15:35

Yes my soon to be Ex has not the most attractive head. Thin lips, winkles, big ears, gaunt looking. Skinny and tall.

At the time I was quite attractive, slim and much more ‘traditionally’ good looking.

However I’d found my confidence sexually in my 30s, when we met, and I immediately knew that he was pretty damn sexy! He had something in the way he walked and moved. Not cocky, or masculine or anything so obvious. But definitely something... it was a strange attraction, it grew very slowly. However as attraction is about the sexual spark, I knew that was going to be OK.

It was so stark the difference in us that my friends all commented on it, which I thought was a bit rude! I thought that I’d got the perfect man and that because he wasn’t so good looking, that I wouldn’t have to worry about his ego or him being a player.

My previous boyfriend had been stunning, tall, dark handsome and he really knew it. So I was keen to get away from men who loved themselves! I was really pleased as I thought, only I know how sexy he is, only I can see! And also I thought he’d be pleased with me as I was a nice person, independent, kind and funny and attractive - sorry I know that sounds egotistic but I thought I’d be able to have some security in the relationship because I thought he’d value me for both having good qualities in a wife, and also seeing qualities in him that no-one else did. Iyswim.

I later found out that he had a string of very good looking girlfriends before me, and he was very good sexually, and that he really did love himself.

He cheated on me with several good looking women!

Original poster
ROZ12 · 28/05/2021 15:42

@Peachesarepeach

Very helpful as we have a connection and can talk for hours ,

OP posts:
inmyslippers · 28/05/2021 15:43

I dated a lovely man but didn't find him attractive. It was such a relief to finally separate after 2 years. I really tried but I hated him touching me, it would make me recoil. We both deserved soo much better.

GreyTS · 28/05/2021 15:50

@Babdoc

When I met DH, my first night at uni, he had hair down to his shoulders, NHS specs, an unkempt beard and moustache (in the days before woke bros made them fashionable) and was wearing a tatty t shirt and a disreputable old parka! Friends called him Catweazle, after the wizard in the children’s story. A particularly bitchy neighbour on my hall of residence corridor remarked that he “wasn’t much visually”. But I adored DH from the start. He had a sexy voice and a twinkly smile and we moved in together 3 days later. He was an illegal resident in my room for 2 years. And it was amazing the transformation a haircut, new specs and new clothes made! I loved him to bits til the day he died, and still miss him thirty years later.
Oh god, that's lovely but sad, I'm glad you had all that but sorry he's gone 💔
Mooloolabababy · 28/05/2021 15:50

Nope, didn't even really like him when I first met him Blush. We became friends and then started dating but I was on the rebound so didn't think it would last. We've now been together for 23 years and married for 10!!

LeafCutterAnt · 28/05/2021 15:51

No I didn't as I wasn't over the previous one who was good looking but not that nice. I thought late dh was "too nice" and that it wouldn't last. Luckily I came to my senses and realised being nice was a good thing and led to a much happier life. A couple of months later I fell for him and grew to love him to bits. So glad I married him and wish we'd had longer than 20 years together when he died. Lovely kids too.

Susannahmoody · 28/05/2021 15:56

In the end, it's personality that counts. My husband is very good looking but a shit unfortunately. So I don't fancy him at all.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 28/05/2021 16:10

My first boyfriend, I really, really fancied him. He treated me like dirt so from then on I had boyfriends who I didn’t fancy but I was attracted to their other qualities.
I would always get a bit a fed up of them and sex was never mind blowing.
I met my husband and I’ve honestly never found anyone as attractive before. I thought I’d have a summer fling but the intensity of my feelings grew.
I have friends who don’t fancy (and never have) their husbands and don’t have much of a sex life with them. They seem happy with that though so fair play to them.

PinotPony · 28/05/2021 16:25

I didn't fancy my ex when I first knew him as a friend. But I liked his kind nature and it was obvious he'd be a great partner and father.

Fast forward 20 years and the lack of attraction killed the relationship. We were effectively housemates and co-parents. Now we're divorced, he's still my best friend.

Current DP is no oil painting but I fancy the arse off him. Can't keep my hands off him. We met online and I liked his humour and flirting.

I don't think you can ever tell how things will pan out. Your first instinct isn't always correct. Attraction can grow and wane over time.

miltonj · 28/05/2021 16:25

I was just drawn to him as someone I felt happy, safe, comfortable and fun with. I loved him from very early on, and with those things comes the desire. I can't say I've ever really just looked at someone and wanted to shag them at first sight! For me and for a lot of people it comes with spending time with them.

Original poster
ROZ12 · 28/05/2021 17:05

@miltonj

That helps me a lot to think clearly .

OP posts:
Original poster
ROZ12 · 28/05/2021 17:06

@PinotPony

Thanks for this as I love this guys humour too and have to see beyond the face !

OP posts:
Original poster
ROZ12 · 28/05/2021 17:07

@LeafCutterAnt

So sad

OP posts:
eandz13 · 28/05/2021 17:11

@LovelyLaura62 ha! You sound like me Grin

Sittingonabench · 28/05/2021 17:25

My ex wasn’t the most attractive man and I wasn’t interested at all but he persevered and we went out for a while. As time went on I found him very attractive and the chemistry came with intimacy. We didn’t last, too young and on very different paths. My DH is conventionally very handsome (would have people telling me how handsome and ‘fishy’ he was), but again his looks didn’t really attract me - more his personality, kindness and our differences (cultural and upbringing) meant he was so interesting. Now I see all of his handsome traits and can’t see any negatives. All of the attractiveness of personality and traits never go away but looks will fade so personally I think that’s the way to go. Chemistry is important too but I think that developed with intimacy.

Sittingonabench · 28/05/2021 17:26

Dishy not fishy!

Onelifeonly · 28/05/2021 17:56

I did fancy my DH when I met him, his looks were the main attraction to start with. How I see him now depends on how warm I feel towards him (sometimes not at all).

With a previous boyfriend the attraction was far more based on personality and the chemistry between us. I was more attracted to him in some ways than to DH later, but he could never be called good looking and was already losing his hair in his 20s. But the feelings when we kissed or touched, however slightly, were electric. I fell madly in love but it didn't last and the sexual attraction then waned. Still hold a candle for him though, for some reason.