Anyone not fancy their husband at first ?

[ROZ12]

Hi all

anyone grew to fancy their Hubbie and looked beyond the looks ?

[quote ROZ12]@lightitup2

Complicated as I’m Muslim and don’t do any of that before marriage .[/quote]
Fair enough, that does rule out my method!

I met DP when we were 15/16. I was the better looking one, he was overweight and baby faced. I didn’t fancy him. Now he’s a strapping 32 year old, in great shape, 6’1 and bearded. Total role reversal because I look like shit now.

Attraction definitely can grow over time for sure, you don't necessarily have to have the 'wow he's sex on legs' reaction to have a great relationship, I've had both personally. However current DH was lust at first sight, and after 8 years I still think he's the most fanciable man I've ever set eyes on. But I will say, if his personality and all round decent human being-ness hadn't also matched, the looks wouldn't have been enough on their own.

🙋‍♀️

When I first met him, I thought he was a bit odd and nerdy and he was 100% not my type. I actually had my eyes on someone else at the time.

The more I got to know him, the more I realised he's incredible, not odd or nerdy at all.
He's incredibly intelligent, generous, loving and pretty perfect tbh and I find him extremely attractive now.

Why do you ask, OP? Is this your situation?

A lot of couples have a slow-burn attraction but you can’t force it. FWIW, I was much more attracted to my DH’s personality than his looks, initially. As others have said, the more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to spend with him and the sexier he got (in my eyes).

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

I’ve met someone and the attraction is not there looks wise but personality is . I’m 44 divorced with kid , I’m aging not stunning myself but still think I can get George clooney ! What do I do?

Didn’t fancy my husband when I met him and don’t fancy him now tbh. But he’s reliable, kind, respectable, intelligent, supportive, hard working, talented - everything except handsome. I can’t complain, you can’t have everything and I could have done a lot worse.

[quote ROZ12]@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

I’ve met someone and the attraction is not there looks wise but personality is . I’m 44 divorced with kid , I’m aging not stunning myself but still think I can get George clooney ! What do I do?[/quote]
I’d give it a chance if you feel like there’s potential there. If after however long the sexual attraction doesn’t start to develop for you then you can always call it a day. What’ve you got to lose?

I realise that kissing and sex to test the chemistry are out for you for religious reasons but I’m assuming that (given you’ve met someone) that dating is doable?

I didn't fancy my husband at first. I didn't even think of him in that way at all until my friend pointed out that he was a bit of a dark horse. We have been together over 20 years now and I love him more now that I ever have. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

No not at all. I would have characterised him as physically unattractive if asked!

But years of friendship later with a connection I couldn't deny, we finally kissed and it was electric! My attraction to him went way above physical.

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

Yes it is within boundaries

@myfuckingfreezer
That’s lovely , giving me hope

@Geneticsbunny

Thanks for the insight

@Donitta

But did that get In way sexually ? Not fancying him ?

[quote ROZ12]@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

Yes it is within boundaries[/quote]
Unless there’s some reason you can think of not to, I’d give it a chance.

you can’t have everything

Is really good advice OP. What are you looking for in a relationship? There are no right or wrong answers here, it depends on you and what you want in your life.

Is sexual attraction important? Some people have no interest in sex and are happy in more of a friendship relationship, than sexual.

If sexual attraction is important, then you have a problem if you don't fancy him.

In order for sexual attraction to arise (as it were) there needs to be something else there for that intimacy to grow. A good, decent, kind, man with a great sense of humour and sense of adventure, may mean you click on many different levels that lead to sexual attraction developing over time.

I'm attracted to humour. If I find someone funny, even if I don't find them immediately attractive, I'm half way there. If they are into anything creative eg art, writing, music - I'm another step forwards. Throw in kindness and I'm batting my lashes.

If there is nothing else OP and you don't find him attractive, then it's a lost cause. You're better off alone that lonely in a relationship with someone you wouldn't touch with a bargepole.

In answer to your question, yes attraction can grow if there are other elements there.

I've only really fancied a couple of people. And they turned out to be not very nice. My husband is not what you call conventionally good looking (though we were in our late 40s when we met and have both gone to seed slightly) I've seen pics and he was very cute in his 20s though. We have a wonderful happy relationship, with a good sex life, and the thing is, we really like each other. And that's how it started. It seems to be continuing that way.
I definitely think attraction can grow, but equally I don't think you need to be wanting to rip their clothes off every second of the day.
What you don't want though, is the ick feeling when you look at them. Not sure anything can grow from that.

Cross posted with @maskface212 and I agree totally!

When I met DH, my first night at uni, he had hair down to his shoulders, NHS specs, an unkempt beard and moustache (in the days before woke bros made them fashionable) and was wearing a tatty t shirt and a disreputable old parka! Friends called him Catweazle, after the wizard in the children’s story.
A particularly bitchy neighbour on my hall of residence corridor remarked that he “wasn’t much visually”.
But I adored DH from the start. He had a sexy voice and a twinkly smile and we moved in together 3 days later. He was an illegal resident in my room for 2 years. And it was amazing the transformation a haircut, new specs and new clothes made!
I loved him to bits til the day he died, and still miss him thirty years later.

@maskface212

He is funny , caring , loves travel and much better than my good looking ex in that way.

@Babdoc
So sorry to hear that. Thanks for sharing .

I didn't fancy my husband when I first met him, but I did like him personality - wise from the off and the attraction grew steadily once I actually started thinking of him as a dating prospect. He's actually changed a lot since then, looks wise, but I fancy him as much as ever, if not more!

@maskface212

Sexual attraction is important , he has fallen for me on basis of personality and adores me now ! But who knows if that will last . I’m not sure I can give him back what he sees in me. He seems sexually charged and talks about us together in that way - that makes me attracted to him it’s just the face !

@DysmalRadius

Awh that’s so nice to hear