I need a hand hold

[iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto]

After almost two years of bullshit I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm booked into a refuge through women's aid.

So why do I feel guilty? I feel deceitful. I feel like a terrible person.

Anything you can put in a large handbag, ricksack?

What about the fun of treating them to some new/ pre loved toys when the time comes

There is a lot to be sad about
But

Your life will be amazing free from abuse
And the support workers and refuge staff will help you every step of the way

Do not go back to this piece of scum
Xxxxxxx

@iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto

Women's aid are calling me in the morning to confirm I'm still coming. They don't want to hold the flat unless I'm definitely coming. They won't tel me the address yet. They're meeting me at a nearby supermarket.

I'm upset I won't be able to take any of the girls toys

Think how sweet your little girl was drawing with one piece of chalk, such a gorgeous little note on the floor.

She doesn't need loads of toys right away. She needs her mum, safe in a suitable environment.

You've got this

I don't understand about the car. It's technically his, but surely you can drive it tomorrow to meet the Women's Aid people, or your parents. Would your mum or dad drive it back to yours and leave the keys there? Or lock it up and put the keys through his front door? I wouldn't take it with me if it's in his name. Just use it to get away and then give it to someone to bring back.

@iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto

Once again. You're all incredible. Thank you so so much for the support. I will need you all tomorrow evening. Desperately. This is what stops me. The aftermath makes me feel sick with anxiety. I need help to cope

I'll be around tomorrow evening to tell you I'm proud of you! You must, must, must not falter - for your girls' sakes

Thankyou

Hello OP
I just wanted to say how amazing & strong you are.
You are doing something incredible for you & the girls & you're absolutely doing the right thing.
I worked in a refuge a few years back.
You will be supported & you will be safe.
All the best for your new chapter. 💐

Personally speaking
My top tip would be act as normal tomorrow

Do not tell him any of your plans

You got this 🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I'm doing my very best to act normal. My anxiety is through the roof though. I just hope and hope hope he doesn't insist he comes in the school run tomorrow. So should I leave the car or not?

I'm tempted to take it for a couple weeks but don't want to end up legally screwed

I have sent you a PM with the car info.

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow. I know you feel like your about to do this awful thing to him, please don’t feel that way because what your about to do is the most awesome and wonderful thing for you and your children and that’s so so much more important.

It’s going to take a little while for the adrenaline to calm down but once you and your girls are safe and free and you can be just you in your own space everything is going to be so much better!!!

I’ll be checking in tomorrow, to see how you are. X

@Lillygolightly thankyou so very much x

What is most important is that you leave, so if that means going without the car....GO leave the car, honestly there will be ways to sort that out after.

@Lillygolightly

What is most important is that you leave, so if that means going without the car....GO leave the car, honestly there will be ways to sort that out after.

This x

I've been on this app for years. Can't believe this is me

OP good luck tomorrow you are doing the right thing stay calm one step at a time

I took the car (I didn’t realise he’d changed it into his name). I managed to get away by saying I was taking my children to a playground. Drove to a refuge. Later left the car in a field at my parents’ so he couldn’t report it as stolen.

It was the only time he’d let me out by myself in a year.

Don’t worry about what to take. I couldn’t take anything at all and we managed. New birth certificates cost me £7, for example.

If you can, take lots of food!

Good luck op,hope to hear from you later that you’re safely there

Ooo, my one tip is to change your number or block his calls immediately. You don’t want the stress of him ringing and leaving horrid messages. He won’t have anything sensible to say!

I listened to all my answering machine messages from my ex after about a week in the refuge. I’d recovered myself a bit by then so it was almost funny as the first 50 were wondering where I was, then we had the pretend suicide attempt then angry threats.

You don’t need to hear anything he has to say.

I'll be thinking of you today. How incredibly brave you are and definitely a mum your girls will be so so proud of. I'll check in later as well

Thinking of you today - you can do this

Thinking of you today! How incredibly brave you are! Your girls will thank you one day ❤️

Thinking of you today, stay strong, you and your girls will be so much better off in the long run, even if the next few days are hard. You can do it

Thankyou everyone. Feeling awful this morning and guilty. Questioning myself over it all.

Good luck op you can do this x

Good morning! Thinking of you today.