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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I need a hand hold

377 replies

iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 18:38

After almost two years of bullshit I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm booked into a refuge through women's aid.

So why do I feel guilty? I feel deceitful. I feel like a terrible person.

OP posts:
Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 22:50

If I falter**

OP posts:
Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 22:52

If anyone is willing to chat to me tomorrow evening I would be so so greatful. Part of the fear for me is the immediate aftermath and hating myself for doing something wrong. I'm meeting the staff near to the refuge at 4:30 tomorrow x

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/05/2021 22:54

@iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto

If anyone is willing to chat to me tomorrow evening I would be so so greatful. Part of the fear for me is the immediate aftermath and hating myself for doing something wrong. I'm meeting the staff near to the refuge at 4:30 tomorrow x
I've just set myself an alarm to check this thread at 5 tomorrow in case you do want a pep talk when it's done. I don't know you but I'll be very proud of you and very relieved for your daughters, you have to do this and follow through - there's no other choice that's fair on your little girls Thanks
Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 22:59

@youvegottenminuteslynn thank you. What a lovely person you are. I'm not sure what will happen but they did mention on the phone they will want to spend some time settling me into the flat. I will get on here as soon as I can though. My dad is driving me there. It is quite a way away. Going to pick the kids up from school and leave. I plan to change my number on route. I need strength and reassurance. I hate that I need the support but I do. This needs to happen. I can't tolerate this anymore. I want to be relaxed. I keep saying it but it's been dreadful for so long. I just want my body to be mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 23:04

Does anyone have any advice for things not to forget. My gorgeous little doggy is going to stay with my best friend till I'm sorted. Will take the birth certs, al official documents like birth certificates etc with me

OP posts:
Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 23:05

Has anyone here gone to a refuge before? Do I need to take food for the children? At least until I can get to a supermarket on Saturday?

OP posts:
cat8986 · 26/05/2021 23:07

@iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto

Thanks *@youvegottenminuteslynn* you're right. As you've seen my previous posts you'll know how much I've struggled with this. I'm finding it so hard tonight just pretending all is ok. He's talking about stuff happening at the weekend etc and it's making me feel worse.

There is no other way. It has to be this way.

Just need to figure out how to leave tomorrow while still leaving my car on the drive (my car, I pay for it, have paid thousands but it's in his name). Don't know how I will get by without a car

Please don’t leave your car. Even if it’s in his name, he doesn’t legally own it if you’re the main driver and pay everything towards it.

Here is a link with info but please do some research before you leave your car.

www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q743.htm

Good luck x

HollowTalk · 26/05/2021 23:08

You are being so strong, OP.

Just thinking about your car - could you take the car and get someone to bring it back? It sounds as though it would be difficult to leave without transport. If he's working from home, how are you thinking of doing it?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/05/2021 23:09

If it means getting out tomorrow OP then do leave the car and work with the womens aid officer and the police to get it back to you if it's yours. At this stage, the important thing is you and the girls leaving safely and quickly x

trevthecat · 26/05/2021 23:10

I have no advice but I just wanted to offer my support and tell you that I think you are incredible. You can do this.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/05/2021 23:11

[quote iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto]@youvegottenminuteslynn thank you. What a lovely person you are. I'm not sure what will happen but they did mention on the phone they will want to spend some time settling me into the flat. I will get on here as soon as I can though. My dad is driving me there. It is quite a way away. Going to pick the kids up from school and leave. I plan to change my number on route. I need strength and reassurance. I hate that I need the support but I do. This needs to happen. I can't tolerate this anymore. I want to be relaxed. I keep saying it but it's been dreadful for so long. I just want my body to be mine.[/quote]
Remember to let your girls' school know what's happening to so they can keep a quiet eye out for them if they are feeling unsettled. It sounds like they will be thrilled to be shot of him and excited to have their mum getting back to herself! But even good change can be unsettling so best to give the school a heads up.

Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 23:12

It's not legally mine. It's on finance. I took the car on because he wanted something sporty. Mine is a family car. I pay close to £400 a month for it. I've been paying for it since July. Surely
He could report me for theft if I took it. And even if he didn't.... then what?

OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 26/05/2021 23:13

Hello

You sound incredible

So very brave

I have been there with a small newborn
You got this

Please DM me
More than happy to help in any way
And much love to all the kind MN help who have helped me and many other innocent women and kids in these situations

Please please ensure you are all safe and block him as soon as you are out

Do not contact him
Let it happen through solicitors
He will beg for you all to return
Please don't xxxxxxxx

Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 23:13

The police wouldn't be interested in the car because it's financed and not in my name

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 26/05/2021 23:13

I wouldn't take the car in case he reports it stolen 😭

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/05/2021 23:15

[quote iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto]@youvegottenminuteslynn thank you. What a lovely person you are. I'm not sure what will happen but they did mention on the phone they will want to spend some time settling me into the flat. I will get on here as soon as I can though. My dad is driving me there. It is quite a way away. Going to pick the kids up from school and leave. I plan to change my number on route. I need strength and reassurance. I hate that I need the support but I do. This needs to happen. I can't tolerate this anymore. I want to be relaxed. I keep saying it but it's been dreadful for so long. I just want my body to be mine.[/quote]
No problem at all. And no rush at all to get on here if you're settling in and finding your feet, or just having a sit on the sofa and taking a bloody big breath out and thinking oh my god nobody is going to touch me tonight. I'm so excited for you. Will be here to say well done whenever you let us know you're out tomorrow Thanks

Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 23:15

@youvegottenminuteslynn it's half term
Here next week. I'm going to make them
Aware and ask for home
Schooling packs since it's so close to the end of term. The refuge said they will help me with that. The alternative is they join a
School in the new city and I don't want that.
They attend an excellent school currently.

OP posts:
Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 23:16

Once again @youvegottenminuteslynn thankyou. I feel like I'm going to cry.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/05/2021 23:16

@iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto

The police wouldn't be interested in the car because it's financed and not in my name
I would definitely take the car out of the equation with regards to tomorrow as getting yourself into a panic about that could cause you to stall again and decide not to leave if you aren't sure what to do about the car. Don't let that happen!
Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 23:16

@notapizzaeater precisely.

OP posts:
MarkRuffaloCrumble · 26/05/2021 23:16

Just want to say I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow and will no doubt be around tomorrow evening if you need a chat! Well done for taking this first brave step to freedom. Your DDs will thank you for it - and also importantly - you’ll thank yourself Flowers

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 26/05/2021 23:17

@notapizzaeater

I wouldn't take the car in case he reports it stolen 😭
Not sure it's a laughing matter
Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 23:17

So I should just leave the car!? He's asleep now. What can I put in my car

OP posts:
Original poster
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 23:18

I will be going to my mums in the morning to drop stuff off. He thinks I'm going out for the day for a walk with the dogs and a coffee

OP posts:
AlmostSummer21 · 26/05/2021 23:18

Don't forget the girls favourite teddies/clothes/photos

I think you should look into taking your car. Check out the link above.

You CAN do it.