More Legs chapter three - the one where there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread. Can’t believe I’ve got to three.

It’s a good chance I think that they’ll stick together, happy or not. They’ve given away absolutely everything (although she still sees her children) so they do need each other don’t they.

I have my fingers crossed for the marriage certificate tomorrow. I really believe he thinks I wouldn’t go ahead with it. I also think it might prompt a flurry of messages asking what he’s supposed to do. Bloody pay a solicitor that’s what you can do.

I think of the two of us I will come out the other side better than him. I have the support of his family, all the DC, and you wonderful women. He has her and that’s it. I don’t know about her family and I’m sure as can be that the pair of them have created yet another lie as the backstory to how they met. Can’t exactly tell the truth can they. ANC in a few short years he’ll be 70. Yuk.

It still doesn’t feel like I’ll be better off at the end but I’m hoping that feeling will come.

If anyone knows how to link this thread to the old one can you let me know please?

x

Well done legs. 😘

Well done Legs. I hope you managed to get some sleep in the end.

Well done MoreLegs. You must be exhausted after so much stress. I hope you managed to get some rest.

You are not responsible for H's reaction to the petition. If he's upset by it he has only himself to blame. I'd say: "Did he expect you to sit around waiting for him forever?" only he probably did.

I really doubt he hates you. But he took you and the security you gave him entirely for granted, and utterly failed to respect you as an individual with thoughts and feelings of her own. He may well be angry and upset that you've stepped out of the compartment he allotted you and acted on your own account. Well, that's his problem, not yours.

Try to take it easy. It's been an emotional upheaval for you and that's bound to take its toll.

I also hope the DC are ok. But I think they'll have been expecting it. And, let's face it, they've got the parent who did, and does, the parenting.

Take care.

Why would he be surprised or hate you particularly for this though? Surely he must expect it - he can't expect everyone to go on like this permanently.

If he gets angry I would just say "What on earth did you expect to happen??". If he asks what he should do - lawyer up son!

I have come back to say that if he does act like he hates you @MoreLegsThanMe, it is probably really a projection of how he really feels about himself. He can’t bear to acknowledge that truth as it’s far, far, far too painful, so he’ll turn it around and blame you. Stiff shit, STBXH.

Well done for issuing. I hope you feel better about it soon, I understand it's a crush blow for you.
I think a day to the lovely garden is a brilliant idea. a days distraction with a friend - please go and enjoy yourself

This would be a good time to treat yourself as you would treat someone else in your situation. You deserve treats- kindness- love- friendship and plenty of distractions.

Thank you x

Oh my army, you are the wisest women I have ever known. I wish we could all meet up in person.

I told DD1 tonight. She told me that she loved me and thought I was very brave ( she knows I’ve got no RL support excepting her and her siblings. And now you of course! ). I don’t think I’m brave in the slightest. I really don’t. I’m telling FIL tomorrow when DD3 is out of the house at work. I’ll ask him not to mention it to STBXH ( that’s the first time I’ve said that isn’t it) but I very much doubt they’re even speaking.

Im telling SIL tonight in an email and BIL tomorrow too. I have no idea why I should feel ashamed of the conversations to come, but I do.

Walk is arranged for 11.00am next Wednesday. It’ll be nice to just wander about a bit. He’s a nice guy- the sort you can happily have silences with but without feeling you have to fill them. It still feels the weirdest thing ever to be doing. It feels like cheating. How STBXH does what he does with her is totally alien to me.

Hopefully now it’s sunk in a bit I may feel a bit happier tomorrow..

x

Comfortable silence with a friend is very healing @MoreLegsThanMe. I think this might be just what you need right now. I’m proud of you for telling your family. They need to hear this from you, and not STBXH. (His version of events would be convoluted and undoubtedly full of lies painting him to be the victim.) Perhaps you could expand a bit and tell them about his history of cheating. (You don’t need to go there about the ED, but I feel like it may have been an excuse until it because a genuine problem for him.)

🌸🌺🌹🌷

Hi Legs, you actually sound more possitive today, more calm, do you have any sense of relief ? if only by setting the wheels in motion.

As I said you are in control and now you can speak the truth, keeping painful emotions and secrets can be exhausting. Try to take things easy this week, and gather your support from family, they sound very much in your corner and you should take as much sucour from them as possible.

I'm so pleased you accepted the lovely garden day out, it's just what you need, a friend who is relaxed enough to give you space to find your confidence and you will Legs, find your confidence.

You can do whatever you want now, and you don't have to give any consideration to anybody (other than the children) you are free to invite who you like and be invited where you like.
It takes a bit of getting used to but I don't want to hear of any guilt, feel free to live, you deserve it.

I hope everyday you will become stronger.
xx

Well done legs, things are sounding much more positive today.

I hope you are looking forward to your walk, It will be lovely, there are so many places close to you I want to visit but it’s such a trek from here we just always end up booking somewhere else.

That's brilliant Legs, well done! You are doing so well, you are stronger than you think you know.

Oh yes, you are brave MoreLegs. Real bravery is when you feel sick and wobbly about doing something but you grit your teeth and do it anyway because it's the right thing to do.

Please try not to feel ashamed. That's just your own, far too harsh, inner critic speaking. It's got nothing to do with reality because you have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about.

I am so pleased you accepted the invitation for the garden outing. A friendly companion you can have restful silences with, instead of feeling the need to chatter sounds just the ticket. Hopefully you'll come back with some interesting ideas for your garden too.

You sound more at peace now. I hope that's the case. Take care.

Morning legs, how long will it take for him to get the notice?

Hope things went well with fil and everyone else and that you are feeling relaxed.

Thinking of you Legs, hope all is well

Thank you x.

I typed a response and it’s disappeared on me - it’s late now so will do it again tomorrow (today)

X

Well done for issuing. I know how hard that is.

But go for your walk. Just hold hands. I did and 3 years later I've realised that I'll never quite recover, it changes you, but that I'm happy.

I went for your coffee/on a walk and it gave me a man than I think I may love

Legs, I wonder if you're feeling like me...... agitated and frustrated as you've issued but don't know if he's received it yet and you haven't heard anything??
It's not a nice place to be. I can't concentrate on anything and NEED this new phase to start so badly.
My situation is I've been waiting for bailiff to serve all week and apparently they tried at home address yesterday but he wasn't there and they have to speak to him to confirm he lives there. I now have to wait till Monday, aaaarrrgggghhhhh😫
Maybe you know already he has received it and you've had a reaction?
Keep strong, we know the reaction won't be what we want as they never cease to surprise us with their indifference to this whole shocking mess..... it is so frustrating.
Thinking of you xx

Thinking of you MoreLegs and hoping all is well and you have nice weather to potter in the garden.

Thank you x I’m back.

Spend most of the day cutting the grass etc as weather supposed to be really wet tomorrow. I ache in places I didn’t know I had.

@Perinono I do feel a bit like you yes. I’m not expecting him to be served for a couple of weeks yet. Courts here are desperately slow right now and they’ll confirm to me that all’s okay before it’s posted out. They have no idea two fat white envelopes will be plopping onto the doormat soon do they. I imagine he’ll have one of three reactions. Complete indifference, white-hot anger, or the one I think most likely, no actual idea what to do, so he’ll ask me… as usual, Legs will know what to do.

You’ll see from the time I’m back to sleeping terribly. The birds have started singing too and it’s really annoying…

x

Bet your garden looks incredible though, it’s always worth the odd ache here and there.

I guess your sleeping is down to that interim anxiety not knowing what his reaction will be. I think there is some kind of poetic justice the petition just dropping without warning on his door step, but 2 weeks with interrupted sleep because you are anxiously awaiting a reaction is not good and you would be better to just let him know by text. I don’t know, maybe see how you feel in a couple of days is it improving for you?

He doesn’t deserve the respect of forewarning but neither does he deserve the respect of any space in your head, and if by letting him know gets it out so you can relax, it’s worth it.

The birds are singing as a foretelling… it’s all going to be going your way. disclaimer: I’m as psychic as a rock. One that’s been under the sea. Under the ground. *I’m not remotely woo-woo. I just want this to work out in your favour because he’s patently a moron

I can't recall, @MoreLegsThanMe, whether you do any meditation or yoga? Either see what classes are available in person or online, or see what apps are available. You may find these useful, whilst you are waiting for your envelope(s) to drop, that these techniques will help you to mentally relax and centre your emotions enough to put you in a better place when you get whatever response your Ex comes back on.

Expect the worse from him and prepare, mentally, accordingly so you are better placed to cope with the reactions.

Also consider not picking upon his calls, leaning towards written communications (WhatsApp, email) as often as is feasible, thereby having an indisputable audit trail.

Always take a deep cleansing breath before dealing with him and don't let his responses rattle you. You can do this - you sound like a strong person - just detach whenever you need to. 🌹