More Legs chapter three - the one where there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread. Can’t believe I’ve got to three.

It’s a good chance I think that they’ll stick together, happy or not. They’ve given away absolutely everything (although she still sees her children) so they do need each other don’t they.

I have my fingers crossed for the marriage certificate tomorrow. I really believe he thinks I wouldn’t go ahead with it. I also think it might prompt a flurry of messages asking what he’s supposed to do. Bloody pay a solicitor that’s what you can do.

I think of the two of us I will come out the other side better than him. I have the support of his family, all the DC, and you wonderful women. He has her and that’s it. I don’t know about her family and I’m sure as can be that the pair of them have created yet another lie as the backstory to how they met. Can’t exactly tell the truth can they. ANC in a few short years he’ll be 70. Yuk.

It still doesn’t feel like I’ll be better off at the end but I’m hoping that feeling will come.

If anyone knows how to link this thread to the old one can you let me know please?

x

So glad you are feeling a bit better please all take your time and be kind to yourselves over your recovery speed.

@MoreLegsThanMe

I’ve decided to apply for Decree Absolute tomorrow. It’s preying on my mind and no doubt once it arrives I’ll be upset once again, but dragging it out won’t help will it?

Excellent thought, OP. That's one more positive step forward. I know it's a tough thing to do, but better to take this hard step than have it constantly worrying away at the back of your mind, dragging you down.

Glad you are all feeling a bit better. 🌹

Welcome back to the land of the living legs. Glad you’re feeling better.

You are definitely over romanticising his relationship with fanny fishwife and forgetting several things:
He has tried to get in touch with the dc, they have refused
It’s this time last year he came crawling back
He has no relationship with any of his family, this does not make him happy you have the text as proof of this
He doesn’t like her kids, he’s a selfish man who is not going to do things to ingratiate himself to them, they therefore probably don’t like him either. This will not improve as they hit teenage years, it will get a million times worse. Read some of the step parents threads on here, this will be his future, awful for the kids but you can be forgiven for being a bit smug.
He has a blow up dick. I think you are also overestimating how often they use it.

The decree absolute is the best thing you can do for your own mental health. it ties up the last loose end. It will help massively and whilst it’s nice keeping up with you and I hope we’ve helped I think by April when spring is in full swing you won’t need us anymore.

Have a great Christmas with your lovely dc. You will feel stronger by the day now.

Hello Legs, I hope you're still on the mend, it's no wonder you became ill, you've had such a demanding year but now you're back.

Try to take it as easy as you can this Christmas, delegate some of the jobs to the children and try to push that idiot out of your mind with some relaxing telly and good food to build you back up.

I think the pp's are right, it must be awful in their home at the moment, I feel sorry for her kids, such a selfish man, it's hard to quantify how much damage he's/they have done, he clearly has no concience.
I can start to see the pity party from him now though this Cristmas, it's taken a while but could it be possible that he's beggining to see how he's lost not only you but his whole family.

Take men a while, doesn't it ?

You on the other hand have no guilt, your concience is clear, you've been dignified and supportive to the children, just a great parent. I wouldn't swap places with him for the world.

His world just sounds so fake.

Take care Legs, continue to mend and I hope you have a lovely Christmas Day with your family.

I suspect ex feels guilty and knows that if he did contact you or the kids he’d get very short shrift and is too chicken to risk it.
I’m pleased that you and NM are starting off on more honest and level footing and makes me feel like this relationship has for want of a better description - legs. (No pun intended!)

Thank you x

I did it! I applied for Decree Absolute tonight (well, last night now). I just decided I wasn’t going to overthink it, just do it. And I did. He’ll soon be free to remarry if he likes.

DD1 told me earlier that he’d messaged her asking for her bank details so he could send some money. She told him not to bother. I didn’t tell her that I thought her response was fabulous.

I don’t know if I’ll ever move on from the hating him stage, but hating him is keeping me going right now. I’ve managed to sort us out a Christmas of sorts, and presents, and all without him. I just need to concentrate on other things so he doesn’t worm his way back into my head.

It was a year ago today he came back from the “trial separation”, and while he was driving back that whore contacted DD2 via Facebook, and sent me those horrible messages and disgusting photos. Imagine. A whole year. It doesn’t seem real. I wonder if he’s thought about it today. Knowing them, they’ve probably laughed about it.

I know I’ll win in time. It still seems like I’m climbing up the mountain and can’t see over the top yet, but I’m still here. There have been times I thought I may not be, especially when Covid came calling.

Website says I should have my Decree Absolute within twenty-four hours, so I’ll report back tomorrow. I want to send him a message when it arrives, but I don’t know how to word it. I want it to be the last time I ever contact him, so if I do it, it has to be right. Any ideas?

x

I’d probably just steal from Douglas Adams and send

‘So long and thanks for all the fish’

But that’s me. I do however think if you send anything it needs to be dismissive, don’t get into detail pouring out what an arse he’s been and how your year has been. It would be too easy to give him strength in your pain. Which actually is why the h2g quote is perfect as the dolphins sent the message to the human race as they moved on to somewhere better and safer.

Well done for applying, how do you feel, like a weight has been released or anticlimactic.

I have no ideas on the message, hopefully somebody more articulate will.
But 👏🏼

I don’t think you should send a message, Legs. It won’t have the impact that silence does.

Silence conveys you don’t give a fuck about him.

He will be feeling that enormously at this time of year. His kids hate him, you don’t speak to him.

It will be weighing him down.

Let him be notified about the absolute and let him hit him like a tonne of bricks, with nothing but dignified silence from you.

You’ve been a rockstar through this.

Merry Christmas, Legs.

@PorpoiseWithPurpose

I don’t think you should send a message, Legs. It won’t have the impact that silence does.

Silence conveys you don’t give a fuck about him.

He will be feeling that enormously at this time of year. His kids hate him, you don’t speak to him.

It will be weighing him down.

Let him be notified about the absolute and let him hit him like a tonne of bricks, with nothing but dignified silence from you.

You’ve been a rockstar through this.

Merry Christmas, Legs.

I did it! I applied for Decree Absolute tonight (well, last night now). I just decided I wasn’t going to overthink it, just do it. And I did. He’ll soon be free to remarry if he likes.

WooHoo OP! One step closer to a better life without this vampire in it

Totally agree with the above poster too. ^. Your personal silence will really get under his skin. Maybe mute/block/delete him on your phone/SM if not already done and continue to build a better life without him in it.

Cheers 🍷 to you (later!!) and your children. 🌹

Well done, that must have been hard to do. I agree that silence is a good option, very dignified

Maybe just put a photo on social media of you and the kids toasting (appropriate beverages) and a copy of the certificate with his name blanked out by a turd emoji.

It’s interesting that you assume they’re having a wonderful life @MoreLegsThanMe. Given your ex’s health issues and the fact that they are two disgusting people without morals/standards/conscience, I would expect their lives to be under the karma train as it rolls slowly along. Maybe it’s time to reframe your thoughts, that life is gone and cannot be changed. They are what they are and will not be understood by kind people so dismiss them as unworthy of you when these thoughts come creeping. You deserve better, much better than thinking they may be laughing - they won’t be. Look to your bright future, send him nothing but icy silence and forget about them in their pit of nothingness. Redirect your thoughts every time on to how far YOU have come, and what joys await. Wishing you and your family a healthy, peaceful and happy Christmas - and may your future be fabulous!

I bet she’s resentful about having him under her feet all the time. Also that he was employed when they met and that now they can’t afford anything because of you and YOUR kids. (Not his, of course…) Then from his POV, he will be all sookylahlah because he can’t mention your name or his kids without her going off like a frog in a sock. Her kids will be under his feet with expectations and entitlement. He will be expected to play father dearest and compensate for their ACTUAL father’s perceived weaknesses and shortcomings. If not, he will be compared to him continually. The kids will be whiny and either fighting or playing them off against each other.

Legs, you are doing superbly well! Totally agree with the dignified silence approach. He’s a vile specimen of sub humanity and is not deserving of your time or headspace. And as for her, how any woman can shag a “man” who treats his wife and children so appallingly, I will NEVER know. That kind of behaviour would staple my legs shut!!
Hold your head high, you’ve made it through the most bastarding year and done it with class and style. Next year will be better, we are all cheering you on xxx

Agree on the silence legs. It speaks for itself. And keep on climbing, you are very near to the top now x

I think I would have sent a message

"So long, see you next lifetime, from all of us"

But I agree it's better if you go with the silence, much more powerful.

OP you have something so much more valuable than ANYTHING that pair of arseholes have, the unfailing love and respect of your wonderful children.

Congratulations to you and you alone for raising and nurturing your family who obviously know that you are their lynchpin.

You are the winner here. Merry Christmas to you all, and here's to your new start ❤️

Thank you x

Decree Absolute arrived at 10.09 this morning. I think the time is burned into my brain already. Seeing it in black and white just really upset me. Over half my life wasted.

I haven’t sent any message to him at all. I decided silence was best because I could never say all that I want to say to him. So nothing.

DD2 told me she had something from him for Christmas. As we know, DD1 told him to bog off. I’m not sure about DD3. She’s very touchy if he’s mentioned so I’ve said nothing. DD4 and DS have nothing from him. His behaviour never changes does it.

At least now that I have the Absolute I can start next year afresh. So much has happened this year I sometimes wonder just how I’ve coped.

I just need to get through these next few days don’t I. And then of course January 10th, when he finally fucked off.

Sometimes I think I just can’t do this another day, but then I always do.

I just want to get rid of 2021 forever.

x

Well done Legs, you got through with grace and dignity. I hope you have a lovely Christmas and that 22 is the start of a wonderful new chapter for you and yours.

Not wasted Legs, you got your lovely DC out of it at least, who are absolutely a credit to you. And now you’re free to have a wonderful future without him, once you’ve grieved what you need to and are ready for it.

Not wasted at all morelegs. I didnt message ExDH when my decree absolut was announced - I did however, message my NM and just announced he was no longer sleeping with a married woman!! A bit crass really, but we did laugh, and we celebrated as it was a huge chapter in my life closed.

I don't think I heard anything about it from ExH at all, until 7.5 years later when he decided to take me to court for access to the kids (which incidentally came only weeks after I got remarried to NM and the judge laughed at because I've never withheld contact since the day he left....)

You're stronger than you realise morelegs, and you've definitely got this xx

I want to congratulate you on your massive weightloss @MoreLegsThanMe. The weight of carrying that barnacle and his harridan. You are now free to move on with a clear conscience. You have handled yourself impeccably and can and bloody well should hold your head high. Don’t drown yourself in guilt or remorse. Be proud of the wife and mother you were. You have been loving and faithful and dedicated. I have complete faith that you will be again to someone that returns the favour as well.

Well done legs, there was a bouncing ball analogy ages ago in your threads, the ball has been quite active in the run up to Christmas but get Saturday gone, then hopefully the weather won’t be too bad get out and start building your strength back up post covid, lots of countryside and fresh air he will be taking up far less space in your head by the day.

I will be raising a glass to you @MoreLegsThanMe for your total awesomeness in dealing with everything life has thrown at you over the past year. You are one fabulous woman who will be starting 2022 in a position of power and strength. You are truly inspirational and a total role model for your family. Wishing you all a very merry Christmas and the best new year ever.