More Legs chapter three - the one where there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread. Can’t believe I’ve got to three.

It’s a good chance I think that they’ll stick together, happy or not. They’ve given away absolutely everything (although she still sees her children) so they do need each other don’t they.

I have my fingers crossed for the marriage certificate tomorrow. I really believe he thinks I wouldn’t go ahead with it. I also think it might prompt a flurry of messages asking what he’s supposed to do. Bloody pay a solicitor that’s what you can do.

I think of the two of us I will come out the other side better than him. I have the support of his family, all the DC, and you wonderful women. He has her and that’s it. I don’t know about her family and I’m sure as can be that the pair of them have created yet another lie as the backstory to how they met. Can’t exactly tell the truth can they. ANC in a few short years he’ll be 70. Yuk.

It still doesn’t feel like I’ll be better off at the end but I’m hoping that feeling will come.

If anyone knows how to link this thread to the old one can you let me know please?

x

Get well soon, Legs and your wonderful children, too.

We’re still here battling away.

I’ll come back tomorrow to update.

I need a new thread too but no energy to do that tonight…

Thank you again

x

Still thinking of you legs and hoping you're on the mend. Both of my best friends have tested potive this week and another 4 kids in DS class at school. I'm lateral flowing like anything, but still negative. Have three big meetings with work next week and have sent guidance out to all staff to take a lateral flow prior to attending and to wear a mask. I'm in the forgotten sector who isn't allowed to work from home until legislation changes, so I have no choice but to meet face to face.
Not happy about that but there it is.
Not feeling it for Xmas this year, I'm so far behind on where I normally am, but it'll come good I suppose.
Anyway, hoping you and DCs are hanging in there xx

Thank you so much x

It’s getting to everyone isn’t it. Mr NM tested positive two days ago too.

The DC and I are still in bed. I’ve never been in bed this long before, even with flu. I’m still getting fevers daily and that, coupled with the desperate exhaustion and pain trying to breathe, is just awful.

I admit to wishing STBXH and OW get it. I know it’s a cruel thing to say and I probably shouldn’t have admitted it to you, but I do. Knowing them they’ll sail through Christmas completely unscathed.

Mr NM had tickets for us to see Il Divo in Harrogate but the show was cancelled because of illness. Likewise DD1, DD3 and I had tickets for their Wembley show on the 18th. That’s been cancelled too. I’m not going to be well enough to visit DD1 and her family anyway.

Childish to say but everything seems to have been spoiled by this fucking virus. I know I’ve not suffered at all compared to a lot of people, but it just seems like the perfect end to the worst year of my life.

Sorry. I must be a bit stronger if I’m able to whine this much. Sorry!

x

I think venting and raging at Covid is utterly reasonable @MoreLegsThanMe… I do hope that every day gets better and you all feel stronger very soon.

Hope you start to recover soon.

Take some positives from this.

Il divo being cancelled means they’ll rearrange when you won’t lose money for tickets as you have covid.
You are not with stbxh can you imagine suffering like you have been with him still there, mr selfish himself I can for one second imagine him plumping your pillows and making chicken soup, he would have just made you feel guilty and horrid.

Hopefully getting it now means you’ll be clear albeit still weak for Christmas.

Shitty end to a shitty year but 2022 will be awesome, you have nm, even with covid you are in a much stronger place than you were in January.

Get better soon legs then things will really start to improve for you 💐

I hope today you've all turned a corner and feel better. 2022 will be much better for you.

Hope that you and your kids start to feel better very soon legs, in time for Christmas.

Still lateral flowing like a mad thing here, but all still negative which is good.
I've had my last meeting for work this year tonight, so that's me free til 10th January and both DD2 and DS are now on home learning until January.
DD1 has just been told she can also work from home for the foreseeable future, which just leaves DH out at work until lunchtime Xmas Eve.

Hope you're well on the way to recovery morelegs, I do keep thinking about you xxx

Thank you x

I actually got up today, and dressed. Bra and knickers, everything! For the first time in 15 days. It felt so strange.

I could feel myself thinking right I must do this, I must do that, clean this, sort that. So I told myself off and did gentle pottering instead. Sorted a cupboard, washed all my bed linen, and saw to the Asda delivery. Tomorrow I’ll try and put a few decorations up.

DD4 and DS are also turning the corner. DD4 will be back to work on Saturday and will share her shift with her bestie who is back from Uni for Christmas so working in the local store. I can’t remember the last time I drove anywhere so Saturday will be another post-covid first.

I need to apply for Decree Absolute too. Merry bloody Christmas.

I feel like my energy is bouncing back and I feel so much better in myself. Tomorrow DD3 and I should have gone to London. DD1 had also booked a show for us, but luckily managed to get a refund on those and has rebooked the hotel for the overnight stay next year when Il Divo has rescheduled. Their show I was meant to see with Mr NM has been rescheduled too. So really all that was lost was my flight ticket. Could’ve been a lot worse.

Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this Covid nightmare (it really was). I’ll come back tomorrow, maybe I’ll have applied for the Absolute. I just don’t know if I should, or if I should wait until after Christmas..?

x

Blimey Legs, that was a lengthy illness, I'm so pleased you're on the mend.

I blame him personally for making you ill, hard to fight illnesses off when you're drained constantly with the stress of once being married to a piece of ....

Well take it slow, recovery is never a constant, don't push yourself, I know it's Christmas but you can set yourself back.
Stating the bloody obvious now arn't I, but you know what I mean.

Just a reminder to look after yourself.
Take care x

Glad you are all coming out the other side Legs, try not to over do things in these first few days though. Take care 💐

Really good to hear from you Morelegs and glad you're over the worst and on the way up.
As for decree absolut, only you can decide. For me, I'd be applying for it and posting it in the biggest sparkliest Christmas card I could find. But that's just me - you do what you feel is best for you.
So happy you've been able to rearrange things and how NM is on the mend too now.
Keep going, you're doing amazing xx

@MoreLegsThanMe - glad you’re out the other side. What an ordeal…

If it was me, I think I’d file for the Absolute only to get it in ahead of all those who’ll have decided over the Christmas break to file theirs!

Morning legs, glad to read you are recovering. Take small steps and you should achieve more.

I have been in your shoes regards applying for the absolute, I would do it now then it can be crossed off your list. You can then forget about it until it arrives.

Excellent to read you are all coming out the other side of this awful illness.

Chin up and take care x

Glad you have turned the corner!

Please take it easy I was hardly ill at all but the post viral fatigue lasted a few months!

I agree solicitors and courts will be super busy after New Year so I'd file now but if you're not ready it's not an issue to leave it.

So pleased to hear everyone’s feeling better for Christmas!!!

[quote ByeByeMissAmericanPie]@MoreLegsThanMe - glad you’re out the other side. What an ordeal…

If it was me, I think I’d file for the Absolute only to get it in ahead of all those who’ll have decided over the Christmas break to file theirs![/quote]

Hear! Hear! 🌹

So glad to have you back, Legs. Right in time for Christmas. X

Thank you x

I wrote a long post last night but it disappeared - obviously I hit the wrong button.

I’m glad really because it was a bit self-pitying. Just remembering Christmas past when the DC were small and so excited. And feeling like he’s tainted those memories. I don’t know what exactly he was up to during those Christmases. When he said he was working was he really? Was he with someone else? Or poring over his stinking websites. I’ll never know.

Next year’s Il Divo concerts will now of course all be off after the news that one of the group has died. That made me very sad. Hopefully there will be other things to look forward to in 2022.

We are all feeling stronger daily now. Still can’t smell anything or taste anything, and find I’m out of breath if I do anything extreme like load the washing machine. But still feels almost like a novelty to be out of bed, showered and dressed. We’re getting there.

Hoping to put the tree up tomorrow (I’m sure I’ve said that before). I can do maybe one big job like that a day then I’m knackered. Still have wrapping to do but that’s a sitting down job so not so bad.

I got to thinking how sad it is that I’m doing this Christmas alone but then realised even when he was here he did very little!

Not sure if I mentioned he wanted to take DD4 and DS out to a lunch and to give them their Christmas money. They didn’t want to go. I told him not to come to the house with anything but I’m still surprised he hasn’t sent money in the post. He sent them cards which they both binned straightaway.

Why do I give the bastard so much headspace??

x

Because he’s a bad habit, like smoking or biting your nails?! Seriously though it’s hard to break the habit - you’ve thought of him for decades and as you’re finding, it’s not so easy to instantly stop. But it will lessen over time, even a year if you think back to

I did think of you when I saw the Il Divo news. Sorry that's now off for you x

Oh for goodness sake, sorry posted too soon….what I was saying was that if you think about it, you are thinking of him less than you were, blame being ill - lying in bed always give you too much thinking and ‘dwelling’ time! In the run up to my ‘departure’ I changed my will and I was surprised how that made me feel. Much more in control, slightly smug if I’m honest, and stronger and clearer in the way forward.
You’ve been incredibly strong and made it through the worst of times, you’ve had covid to top off the year, yet here you are, still going forward. I’m in sure the coming months, as you regain your strength, will find you rediscovering your joie de vivre, and your new life will be so much happier and filled with real love from the genuine people in your life. 💐

I was thinking similarly. You’ve had a horrible illness that a lot of people died from. You and your kids have been very, very sick. The man you were married to for so long - who promised you the “In sickness and in health” bit, wasn’t there. He didn’t even know. There’s a very good chance that even if he did know, and he WAS there, he would have freaked off and scuttled off somewhere like a cockroach confronted with sunlight. (He wouldn’t have risked his own valuable self!!!) You have realised that you worked your bum off for years trying to feel loved and recognised by someone who wasn’t genuinely involved in a relationship with you, or capable of love at all. (Look at how he has behaved with his own kids!) You tried so very hard to be “worthy” when the reality was that the problem was never you at all, but him. No wonder you feel ripped off.

Thank you x

We are just about a week into recovery and being up and about. Usually we have a real Christmas tree but this year I had no chance of getting to the shop, even though it’s no more than ten minutes away. So I just bought a cheapy fake one online. Finally got it out of the box and put up yesterday, but after that DD4 and I were so wiped out we had to leave the lights and decorations until today. Got them on and it looks much better dressed than bare! But even doing that was hard and I was breathless and sweating at the end, just putting tree decorations on for fuck’s sake and sitting exhausted afterwards.

In a way @Justilou1 I’m glad he wasn’t around. The three of us all kept each other going and I’m proud of DD4 and DS for being so mature about it. I’ll always remember how ill we all were and how we got through it together. We didn’t need STBXH, we did it without him. If he’s still in touch with his own DF he’ll have probably heard from him how sick we were, but there hasn’t been a word from him. Tosser.

Tomorrow DD4 wants me to run her to a couple of friends’ houses to drop off presents. I’m also getting my nails done because they look awful. I missed my usual appointment while I was ill.

I wonder if he even cares that we were poorly and it upsets me to think that if he knows, he probably wouldn’t care. If I knew of three people fully-vaccinated who were bedridden for two weeks I’d be really worried for them and would at least message to check on them. His own children and he just ignored us all.

I’ve decided to apply for Decree Absolute tomorrow. It’s preying on my mind and no doubt once it arrives I’ll be upset once again, but dragging it out won’t help will it? It’ll be another reminder that my life will never be the same and I hate him for that, I really do.

I have a few more presents to wrap and my food delivery came today so that’s Christmas basically sorted. It’ll be quiet and I’ll probably go to bed early and try not to break down. Hopefully next Christmas will be better. This year has been utter shit.

And they’ll spend Christmas tucked up together no doubt making use of his blow up wonder. She’ll probably have all her DC over at some point. I really really hope he takes a little time out to think about his own DC. I don’t think he will though. It’s like they’re in a neat little compartment in his mind that he only opens up when he wants to. The rest of the time they’re just forgotten.

I haven’t seen Mr NM for a while - he caught Covid too and was ill for a couple of days (!), and since his isolation ended he’s been working and visiting family and just generally busy. To be fair I’ve not really been able to go round even if he wanted me to. He’s only twenty-odd miles away but it’s seemed like thousands, the way I’ve been feeling. We probably won’t see each other until the New Year now, but I’m okay with that. I like our relationship as it is. I do feel all the stress and tension leave me when I walk through his front door though. He’s a very calming influence.

I must be feeling better to have written so much tonight. It’s so, so helpful to just get it all out.

Thank you all so much again.

x