More Legs chapter three - the one where there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread. Can’t believe I’ve got to three.

It’s a good chance I think that they’ll stick together, happy or not. They’ve given away absolutely everything (although she still sees her children) so they do need each other don’t they.

I have my fingers crossed for the marriage certificate tomorrow. I really believe he thinks I wouldn’t go ahead with it. I also think it might prompt a flurry of messages asking what he’s supposed to do. Bloody pay a solicitor that’s what you can do.

I think of the two of us I will come out the other side better than him. I have the support of his family, all the DC, and you wonderful women. He has her and that’s it. I don’t know about her family and I’m sure as can be that the pair of them have created yet another lie as the backstory to how they met. Can’t exactly tell the truth can they. ANC in a few short years he’ll be 70. Yuk.

It still doesn’t feel like I’ll be better off at the end but I’m hoping that feeling will come.

If anyone knows how to link this thread to the old one can you let me know please?

x

Thank you x

I’m so sorry to whine. Just sometimes it still all builds up in my head til I just want a hug and tell someone how I feel.

I sometimes just wish I wasn’t here. That I could just disappear and I’d be peaceful. I’m not suicidal, it’s hard to explain, but I do wish the DC, the house, money, you name it, weren’t my responsibility all the time. While STBXH swans around his Beautiful Home without a care in the world. Why does bad stuff never happen to people like them? What gives them the right to destroy lives left, right and centre?

I hate them.

I can’t think of anything else he could do to me, except perhaps get her pregnant. Although that would be more funny than anything else.

I just need to keep going don’t I. There’s no alternative. I really do feel like I’ve spent my whole life giving, giving, giving.

x

You're not whining. This is your thread, for your support and you can say whatever you like here. If it helps you even a little bit then this thread is fulfilling its purpose. We can't, sadly, hug you in real life but we are all willing you on as hard as we possibly can.

You sound so terribly tired MoreLegs . You have been through so much that it's not surprising that you feel ground down and wish that you could put down the burden of being the sensible, responsible grown-up one. It won't always feel like that.

"When you going through hell, keep going." I have clung to that saying more than once in my life and it's true. The bad times do come to an end.

Look after yourself, lovely. It will be ok.

You're not whining. He's the whiner. You are venting and that's different. We all need to get things off our chests at time. Doing so releases tension and often helps us see them 'from the outside'.

And you know what....his is not a 'Beautiful Home'. His is a house full of ugliness and dishonesty, built on betrayal and pain. It could be Buckingham Palace and it would still be an ugly, ugly house. And never ever a home.

YOURS is the 'Beautiful Home'. It is a place full of love and truth, rebuilt by you on honesty and strength. It could be a hovel in a forest and it would still be a beautiful, beautiful house. And always a home.

My cousin lives in a 'simple' older tract home. Her ex lives in a 2 story large home with a pool with the OW, now his wife. It took her quite some time to realize that she actually got the better end of the deal. She has peace, calm and 'things done her way'. The OW has his moods, tempers and demands. The now adult children love spending time in her home and rarely see their dad.

Give yourself time. Things will become clear and 'your future so bright you gotta wear shades'.

Would it be smart (manipulative) to send a message to SIL and FIL that STBEX has decided to stop paying the mortgage and has made only token efforts to remain in contact with his kids, throwing all responsibility for their relationship their way, and this is very easily proved - as you have kept all messages, call logs and birthday cards, etc… so that they know what is going to come out of the woodwork when it goes to court.

I will gently point out that all is not well at Knobhead HQ. He's lost his job, his children don't want to know him, and he's having to go cap in hand to her for cash. That is in no way perfect!

You are doing so well, and don't really winge. Even if you did you would be entitled to because it's your thread

Do we believe he’s lost his job? Are we sure? Can someone go there and find out???

Sorry - posted too soon. He DOES have form for lying.

@Justilou1

Do we believe he’s lost his job? Are we sure? Can someone go there and find out???

I don't believe it, but these days you never really know. People here who thought they had secure jobs are finding themselves unemployed.

You’re looking at his life through rose tinted glasses again.

He’s lost his job (maybe)
Ow will be having to support him
He has a blow up dick
His dc pocket the money and bin the card
You’ve been his support for years, now you’re not.
You say you are having to handle everything alone, but realistically that’s what you’ve been doing for most of your married life anyway.

Think of the good things that have happened to you this year, your garden, your new man, even the breaking the solitude with the previous new man. You are learning to discover you, you have done things you have never dreamed possible, and you’ve enjoyed them. Yes it’s baby steps, but you are blossoming, when you have happy days, I bet you’ve felt more joy than you have done in a long time.

I also feel that all is not well in Pumper Dick Hotel .......

Get ready for more excuses and don't fall for them.

He's failing at everything, oh dear.

I wasn’t feeling well today so I was able to read from the very VERY beginning… every single post.

You know those nature shows that show a flower blooming in fast time? That is what it has been like to read everything…You are blooming!

No surprise he’s not giving any money. He seems to think that his responsibilities hinges on how loving everyone acts. Seems to think he is still head of household or a somebody… He’s about to get a plastic wrapped cake iced with reality. What a pathetic nobody.

He thought himself so great, and has found that he is actually just a sad reminder of a cliche… one that ultimately doesn’t end well for him…. Cue the sad violin as he heats up canned stew in his little apartment where he is all alone but finally knows it. Step back and really appreciate… this man has willingly made himself a joke of a cliche!

LOL at his sex life! I’m about the age of the OW and can tell you it takes years of love and memories to find that blow up penis even remotely sexy. She’s used to men right now (yes I said it! Men plural, your ex was not her first rodeo on the illicit encounters site … I’d bet money on it) getting ummm things working because of their desire. This will chip away at her self esteem and she’s already so messy. You need genuine longtime love for that…

Once COVID is sorted or whatever and she starts meeting up with friends… do you think they won’t titter at this older man? He’s not even in touch with his children which means he has not even a thread to connect him to modern times. He will use the wrong words, he will wear the wrong things, he will feel a fool. Her whole circle or even passing friends will laugh at her. Here she thought she had a prize! Do you think she’s told the girls about his health problems? The titters or her secret shame at his feebleness… I cackle at the thought!

My goodness what a stupid piece of unwanted posted cookie move is it to suppose you’d want to talk to him at your home.

All is definitely not well in their home. He’s getting sad, weepy, and desperate for your validation and sympathy. She’s not up to the task I guess…

Long rant but I am hoping you continue to update because you’re an inspiration, especially due to your discussion of the ups and downs. And to call back to his McDonald’s crap offer…. Witnessing you get your power back? I’m lovin’ it ! (Might just be in American commercials lol)

Thank you so much x

I’m feeling better today. I had my mini meltdown over money late last week but I know now I’ll manage. There’s no other option really.

Mr New Man has been busy work-wise but we chatted over WA tonight. It’s still really hard to believe a man could be so different to STBXH. It’s hard to believe I’ve met someone like this, let alone slept with him…

The rollercoaster seems to be slowing down. I spend more time not thinking of him/them than I used to. So far the DC have come through completely unscathed, which was my only priority.

I don’t know how long the CMS take to get going - will they contact him with forms etc, does anyone know? He’s a despicable nothing for me to have gone down this road. He could easily have sent money direct to my account every month without any need to speak to me. Instead he’s totally cut himself off from all of us. His own children for fucks sake.

Pardon my language.I know I keep asking this and there’s no answer, but why??

OW has four children of her own that originally he despised. Maybe now he thinks of himself that he has a new family - who knows.

Still a bit ranty tonight aren’t I. But I’ve been worse…

x

Maybe he's got wind of the new man on the scene Legs, have you thought of that.

That's gonna hurt if he thinks your children may get to know your friend at some point.

There really is no other term for him but a fool who threw everthing away, at some point I should imagine you'll begin to pity him, what a dissapointment to everyone he is.

And soon that dissapointment will will reach his little bubble as @JustKittenAround so rightly pointed out that it is only a matter of time before Mrs Fishwife starts to be embarrased by him.

I mean it it takes someone who is quite deluded to invade a young person's world when you are decades older and feel comfortable within it.

Oh the comments with lockdown ending "is that your dad , is that grandad" etc etc, he's going to feel quite humiliated.

You've been there all his life Legs to support and help him when he falls, but you can't help him now Legs from himself, he took himself down.

What a shame about Mr ExLegs.

x

Just like @Onthedunes she’s a fishwife drama monger. An “us against the world!” type. That $hit wears real thin really quick… especially because you’ve washed your hands of the drama. You no longer provide fuel for their dumpster fire.

He may -like her- get some sick satisfaction cucking her younger ex. Oh yes, he’s thinking he’s won a prize after all… feeding his delusions of him reclaiming his youth. He’d only play family man to rub it in men’s faces It’s sick, because it’s another wronged man children and he’s not been the big man himself to show up for his family.

Think of his panic…. When he has more health trouble (he will) and she has more time to have her own fun… that’ll age him. The nagging worry because he’s not a truly intact man, his increasing alienation from those who he’s spent so much time with sharing memories, him realizing he can’t keep up with the new cheating opportunities his younger woman will have at her fingertips… he can’t even keep up.

Her circle will make fun of him and she’ll bring him around less… eyebrows eyebrows nudge nudge …. Or he’ll try to put the down hammer on her and try to exert control. Now she has a new dad, and he’s mean! Cue more fights and cheating. Seriously, I’d be uncomfortable with him around if a friend of mine ever showed up with his type. It’s way suspicious and guy could be our dad. Don’t even get me started on the stigma she will face from women for leaving her children…

He’s blown up his whole life. Everything. Stay strong because at his worst he’ll come crawling and his other options will be bleak. Show the world that wronged women are not obligated to carry in the same trash they already kicked to the curb. Society kinda expects that you will and we all need to say no.

I’m glad you’re thinking of him less. You’re doing the right thing requesting payment. He, like every selfish egotistic person, wants control and he want access to you.

He’s thinking how DARE she not whither away? How DARE she thrive? I’ll show her! I’ll show all of them! How can they possibly think they can be happy without me!?! Ha!

Get that money girl, YOU earned it and then some! Be prepared for both of them raging at you when this all goes down. Money makes mean people meaner.

Also… super excited for you dating and such! You’ve been caged and unappreciated for far too long!

Ps… you’ve never been ranty.. see my post above for rants lol

Just super fired up to see you live your best life! It’s like you’re my sister and I just want you to see him for what he really is without you lifting him up.. a walking cliche who is a joke of a man.

He played himself.

@JustKittenAround

I do wish you had used the word "said"

Oh crap! I am so sorry! I was ranting and raving!

My face is actually red from my error!

Feel free to call me a fish monger! LOL

@Onthedunes

@JustKittenAround

No worries

Thankfully it's the first time I've been called a fishwife drama monger

Long time lurker here. Legs you have come sooooo far, you're amazing.

I saw a meme the other day and thougt of you instantly. Can't find the meme itself, but the caption read:

If you love someone, set them free.
If they come back to you, no-one else liked them. Set them free again.

That’s even better than the other meme…”If you love someone, Set them free. If they don’t come back, Hunt them down and kill them.” Certainly wouldn’t bother with Mr Flopsy.

Thank you x

Mr Flopsy. I like that!

I am seeing Mr New Man again this weekend and I’ve decided that, if he wants to, I will have sex with him. It somehow seems a natural progression. The thought is pretty terrifying though. No sex at all for eight years and only very sporadically for the two years before that….any tips? I hope it’s normal to be scared.

I’m thinking of STBXH less and less. I think of them in bed and it isn’t like a knife in me anymore. I really only feel pity for his blow up dick, and general hatred of the pair of them. I’m hoping this is the last stage of going through all the emotions of this. They really are welcome to each other.

The CMS woman said that they are linked to HMRC so can check his salary and track it in real time, so he can’t pretend he’s not working if he is. I was really pleased to hear that because, were he asked, he’d have no problem lying through his teeth about what he earns/doesn’t earn.

I never had a penny towards uniform. Selfish bastard.

You’re all so right that when they start socialising together people will wonder. 60 year old with a 37 year old. People will be asking her why she’s with someone so many years older. Lord only knows what her family think of her - she was on that disgusting website too but I doubt she’ll tell them how they met. She’s left her husband and children too. I’d be utterly sickened if she were my daughter. They’ll need to concoct yet another lie, this time about how they met. Everything is a lie isn’t it. They can never ever be honest about how they came to be a “couple”.

Thank you all so, so much for staying with me since January. Honestly, if I could reach through and hug each and every one of you I would. You really are my army and we are still marching on, yes?

x

Your doing so well OP. I don't think I'd be so calm regarding uniform. As for the sex thing be honest with new man and take it slow.

Honestly @MoreLegsThanMe, I think that between you and new man, neither of you either hurry sex or think too much about it. It should happen because you both want it in the moment and you feel safe, valued and nurtured - and both want it. It will feel natural and easy on one hand but probably also a little bit awkward, because it always is with new people, no matter what stage of life you’re in, etc. Everyone’s got baggage.

@MoreLegsThanMe
You’re in the same (erm..!) position as I was about 4 months ago. Excuse the pun, but it’s like riding a bike. You’ve not forgotten, and if it feels right, then go for it. 😁

All present and correct, Legs. Your army marches on. You’ve come such a long way. Onwards! X