More Legs chapter three - the one where there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread. Can’t believe I’ve got to three.

It’s a good chance I think that they’ll stick together, happy or not. They’ve given away absolutely everything (although she still sees her children) so they do need each other don’t they.

I have my fingers crossed for the marriage certificate tomorrow. I really believe he thinks I wouldn’t go ahead with it. I also think it might prompt a flurry of messages asking what he’s supposed to do. Bloody pay a solicitor that’s what you can do.

I think of the two of us I will come out the other side better than him. I have the support of his family, all the DC, and you wonderful women. He has her and that’s it. I don’t know about her family and I’m sure as can be that the pair of them have created yet another lie as the backstory to how they met. Can’t exactly tell the truth can they. ANC in a few short years he’ll be 70. Yuk.

It still doesn’t feel like I’ll be better off at the end but I’m hoping that feeling will come.

If anyone knows how to link this thread to the old one can you let me know please?

x

Great news, back to health. @CatChant is right you have coped so well this year and kept your head held high.

I hope the withdrawl goes well with the tablets, I'm sure if you take it steady and allow for little blips it will be ok, and by the sounds of it you are opening up to others and new friendships so that shows you how far you have come.

Have a lovely walk with your friend.

xx

I hope he doesn’t remember your anniversary @MoreLegsThanMe. It would be inappropriate. He’s been issued with a petition now. Anything referring to your wedding or marriage would be cruel and manipulative. (Not out of character for a liar though.) I’d be more inclined to wonder if he will remember DD4’s birthday.
As for the antidepressants, have you discussed with your gp that you wish to go off them? Are you gradually lowering the dose or just stopping? (Worried that just stopping could make you crash.)

Keep on marching OP you are doing amazing! Stay busy for your anniversary, maybe you could do something nice with your kids ? Xx

Legs, I hope your walk goes well.
You'll get through the anniversary. I'm sure it will be an emotional day for you, but you will make it through.
Take care when coming off the antidepressants. Are you cutting down first, or is that not necessary with what you are on? Anyway you never put a step wrong so I know you'll be fine. No shame if you need them again later on either. Hang in there Legs, we're here for you.

Thank you x

It was yesterday. I made sure I was really busy but I had a little wobble at 3.00pm which was the actual time. Few more wobbles through the rest of the day then it was over. Affected me more than I thought it would to be honest.

It’s so stupid but I thought he might’ve used yesterday to apologise or explain or something but of course he didn’t. Why would he?? I think I’m doing okay then I think stupid thoughts like that.

I’m not sure how much is a low dose -v- high dose of Citalopram. I take 30mgs? My doctor is speaking to me at the end of the month about stopping them. I think last time we spoke he said I should have no problems just stopping at that dosage, but I could try taking on alternate days for a week or so first? I may have just made all that up but I think the conversation was along those lines. He’s been very kind and sympathetic.more than I deserve probably.

I’ve been getting uniform sorted for September. Can’t believe next year is DS’s GCSE year and that DD4 will be getting her university applications in. It seems just yesterday that they were born..

No word about offering help with the uniform costs. I’d not be surprised if he was helping that poisonous fishwife clothe her DC. Well fuck the pair of them.

Saturday is looming but I’m more excited than scared I think. I’m not under any illusions but it will be an afternoon out if nothing else.

Seven months in and I’m still here. Thank you all SO much.

x

Well done on getting through the day so well, Legs. Wobbles are inevitable, but you got through it.

He couldn't contact you to explain because there's no way to explain what he's done. He has to stick with it now, see it out, try and prove to himself that he hasn't made the biggest fuck up of all time.

You, however, don't have to prove anything to anyone. You can hold your head high and move on with your life. You have things to look forward to

I'm so glad you're feeling excited rather than scared about Saturday. I'm feeling excited for you. Who knows where your life is going? Onwards and upwards, that's for sure!

He wouldn’t THINK to offer to share the cost of uniforms. You’ve always done the thinking part of the relationship. Send him the bill and advise him to transfer half the amount.

Saturday will be great, whether it works as a long term friendship doesn’t matter it will just be fun going somewhere different with someone new to talk to. The hardest thing about the last 7 months for you has been the unprecedented problem of only having the 4 walls and mn to confide in as it’s unfair to burden the kids. Not that you’ll be confiding in anyone else it’s just new and different conversation.

I agree with @Justilou1 xdh will not think to offer for the uniform as he’s never done it, as far as he’s concerned the uniform fairy appeared by magic every year on September 1st. The only way he’ll be aware of her DC’s uniform is if she makes him go along too (you can have some fun imagining that scenario, him waiting completely bemused in the queue in the uniform shop) but from what you’ve said she is the nrp too so may not even get involved in that! That’s a thought that makes you realise your respect levels for someone actually could get lower than rock bottom.

So don’t sit there waiting, send him the bill for 50% he honestly will not know to offer.

Oh well done MoreLegs. To get through the anniversary with only a few small wobbles is a big achievement. You have come such a long way this year.

Do send him a bill for half the uniform. I also doubt it has ever occurred to him that school uniform needs to be a) acquired and b) paid for. Time to disabuse him. Paying half is the very, very least of his responsibilities towards his DC. He can damn well do that if nothing else.

I'm glad your GP is kind and sympathetic. And yes, that is what you deserve.

I hope you have a nice day out on Saturday. As you say, just getting out and about is a pleasant break.

How's the garden going? I wish I could spend all day in mine but everyday chores will insist on getting in the way.

Take care, lovely.

I am also wondering if he has ever contributed to his own children’s uniform costs anyway? Why on earth would it occur to him to start now unless given a firm (legally binding) reminder of his obligations? Right now, he doesn’t have to think about the humans he helped you produce unless someone asks him about them, and then he’s obliged to put on a big song and dance and virtue-signal lest anyone get a real clue that he’s feckless.

I hope Saturday went well Legs.

Another friend for conversation and comfort.

Take care.
x

Thank you x

Saturday went brilliantly. We just walked and walked, and talked. I felt I was having more notice taken of me than in years!

We have arranged another. He wants to cook. I’m not sure what happens after the eating, but I’m just going to take it as it comes. I’ll either leave then, or stay. It’s scary to think about, but he’s just a really nice guy.

I’m still waiting for uniform to be delivered and I forgot about all the various PE trainers DS needs. It’s a lot of money on footwear for a one-hour lesson a week but it’s the rules so…

No contact for the DC from him. I’m slowly starting to think of him as irrelevant. I just don’t really care anymore. Is that bad? He gave me all of a few cells of his body and from then on it was me looking after all the DC. He’s definitely not the Disney dad he’ll no doubt portray himself as.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this, but DD4 got the weekend job. She has to take ID etc in tomorrow morning, and they’ll give her a start date then. She’s also chosen the universities and courses she wants. Work has started on her personal statement too. This time next year she may well have already left home!

As ever, thank you so much. Even though it’s been months now, I still look forward to your advice and unending support.

x

MoreLegs it's lovely to hear Saturday went so well, and taking things as they come is very sensible of you.

I have just lashed out on new outdoor trainers, indoor trainers, rugby boots and school shoes for my DS and I have a nasty suspicion they'll need to be replaced in a couple of months because he's growing like a weed. But, as you say, it's the rules and there's not a lot one can do apart from muttering under one's breath...

STBXH has made himself irrelevant and has only himself to blame. If you don't really care any more that's not only understandable, it's good news because he's lost his power to hurt you.

And I don't think anyone who's read your threads could ever have thought his contribution to parenting the DC measured up to all the effort you have put in to bringing them up. Some DNA is about the size of it.

Congratulations to DD4 on the weekend job and the best of luck to her putting together the personal statement.

Sleep tight, lovely. You're doing so well.

So pleased your date went well, legs.

I had my first date just at the end of lockdown. We couldn’t get a table at the pub, so we sat outside the pub area on common land and had a picnic. The next date was an outside pub supper so both of us driving so not much drinking. It was so cold I was wearing 7 layers!
We must have had 3 or 4 dates before there was much….err….personal touching beyond kissing and hugging.

Don’t be rushed into anything you don’t want to do. I don’t drink much, which also helped with the late night decisions. If he’s worth it, he’ll respect your boundaries.

Sorry. My post sounded rather serious Legs.

HAVE FUN 🙃🙂 whichever way round you’re facing!

Lovely update re. date - so happy for you! And great news about your DD's job

@MoreLegsThanMe - this is great to read. Look how far you have come since your very first post.

You and your kids should be so proud of you. You have had ups and downs along the journey but you are getting there 💪🏼

Keep on moving forward 🌻

"Saturday went brilliantly"

Well you can't get better than that Legs, can you.

Marvellous news, walking, talking, attention and he can cook !

Exciting times.
xx

Sounds promising! A man that can cook is such a treat.

Thank you so much x

I feel so much more happy I’m myself since Saturday. It was as though someone was listening to me and just to have a proper conversation.. I’m not reading anything into anything though. We’ve both been round the block and have our baggage, so I’m not expecting anything of him. He is do nice though, so taking it one date at a time. I don’t know whether I’d stay the night or not. The old me wouldn’t have dared even if I wanted to. This me just might, if it feels okay. That shows me just how far I’ve come.

Is it awful if me to think that as my life goes up a bit, I hope his goes down…?

x

You sound FABULOUS @MoreLegsThanMe! I’m so happy for you. (I would also be waiting to hear the ace fall on STBXH’s life too, but unfortunately I gave up believing in karma years ago.) Happily Ever After is great revenge though

KoKo Morelegs
Hope the new man is what you need. I would take it slow and let him do things for me. You're not used to it and allowing someone to look after you is a big step.
Don't feel pressured into anything though. No matter how many dinners he cooks you, you don't owe him anything.
Try to take it at face value and enjoy his company

Thank you x

No, I expect nothing at all from him and if he wants to look after me bring it on!!

It’s just such a change to be spoken to respectfully and to speak to someone who is listening…

Thought about applying for Decree Nisi today. It’s the next step and I need to do it. Not sure what’s stopping me. I definitely don’t think STBXH will beg forgiveness now. Even if he were to, it’s much much too late. So what’s stopping me clicking that button??

I’m thinking of cutting down on the Citalopram. Maybe take on alternate days. I’m still not convinced what I feel is depression.

No word from him to any of the DC. You must be thoroughly bored of hearing that. I wonder if it’s fair to say that’s in now, the relationships he had with them are over. He’s their father but no longer their dad…

x

@MoreLegsThanMe

Thought about applying for Decree Nisi today. It’s the next step and I need to do it. Not sure what’s stopping me. I definitely don’t think STBXH will beg forgiveness now. Even if he were to, it’s much much too late. So what’s stopping me clicking that button??

How do you think you'll feel WHEN you go to the nisi stage, OP? Maybe writing down your thoughts might clarify how you are feeling about the next stage and bring more logic and less emotion for the next bit? 🌹