More Legs chapter three - the one where there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread. Can’t believe I’ve got to three.

It’s a good chance I think that they’ll stick together, happy or not. They’ve given away absolutely everything (although she still sees her children) so they do need each other don’t they.

I have my fingers crossed for the marriage certificate tomorrow. I really believe he thinks I wouldn’t go ahead with it. I also think it might prompt a flurry of messages asking what he’s supposed to do. Bloody pay a solicitor that’s what you can do.

I think of the two of us I will come out the other side better than him. I have the support of his family, all the DC, and you wonderful women. He has her and that’s it. I don’t know about her family and I’m sure as can be that the pair of them have created yet another lie as the backstory to how they met. Can’t exactly tell the truth can they. ANC in a few short years he’ll be 70. Yuk.

It still doesn’t feel like I’ll be better off at the end but I’m hoping that feeling will come.

If anyone knows how to link this thread to the old one can you let me know please?

x

Of course it doesn't make you a loser! If anything it makes you a winner because keeping things on a platonic friendship basis right now is the best thing you can do for yourself.

FWB has never been a thing I did. Friends were friends and lovers were lovers and never the twain met.

I’m sorry

It’s nearly 2.30 and I can’t sleep. It’s all crowding on on me. I don’t want to be strong any more.

I don’t think I can do this you know. I just feel like the worlds biggest most pathetic idiot and it’s too late to go back and start over.

I’m so sorry to you all - literally there’s nobody else I can tell.

My throats hurting from forcing myself not to cry.

I’ll have to get up with my smiley face on. It all feels like a lie.

Sorry

x

I’m normally just a lurker but I didn’t like to think of you alone and upset in the middle of the night.

Remember, it’s normal to still feel upset at times. You’ve come so far already but it would be strange if you didn’t wobble at times. What you’re doing is bloody hard, it’s ok to acknowledge that.

When you feel like you can’t go on, just tell yourself “this too will pass”. Concentrate on getting through each second, then each minute, and each hour. Step by step you will continue to inch forward.

You have this, and we have you. You’re not alone xx

Are you ok Legs?

Have a good cry, get it out, I'm up if you want to talk. It sounds as though you're having a panic attack.

Get up and make a drink, hot milk or something, take a painkiller it may take the edge off it.

Try to relax and breath, it will pass, maybe you are going down with something, loads of people I know have been testing possitive for covid and along with it brings depression.

I hope you feel better tommorow, remember ...

'any major dude will tell you my friend, any minor world that falls apart falls together again. When the demon is at your door, in the morning he won't be there no more....'

Any major dude will tell you.

xx

Hoping you’ve got back to sleep Legs

Hello, @MoreLegsThanMe, I haven't read all of this thread but I saw your post and wanted to say that everything really does feel more dreadful at night, and then often so much better in the morning.

There is a poem called 'Things' by Fleur Adcock that I often think of when I'm awake in the middle of the night reliving old horrors. It goes:

There are worse things than having behaved foolishly in public.
There are worse things than these miniature betrayals,
committed or endured or suspected; there are worse things
than not being able to sleep for thinking about them.
It is 5 a.m. All the worse things come stalking in
and stand icily about the bed looking worse and worse and worse.

Please ignore this post if quoting poetry is too wanky! Hoping that in the morning all the worse things that you're dealing with fade and you feel brighter

It's a bad night Legs, which hopefully means you'll have a good day or two.

Hope you got some sleep last night legs.

What was worrying you, your new friendship or the divorce and fil?

My guess with fil would be something to do with his will or his affairs. If it was something xh had asked for, he’d have given it to him, if it was something they’d been talking about he would surely have asked him, not you. It’s best filed under the ‘weird but none of my business’ section in your brain and not let it worry you.

As for the night away enjoy it. I think you’d feel more comfortable in separate rooms at the moment but you may find them difficult to find this year, so twin would be ok. It’s been so long since you had intimacy due to the ED you’re going to feel nervous anyway almost like back to losing your virginity again. So take your time, just enjoy his company.

Oh dear, dear MoreLegs don't be sorry, lovely. You're very, very tired and you've been through a lot of stress in the past couple of weeks.

Think, you've had all the worry of waiting for the petition to be delivered, you were on tenterhooks about the response to it, had a nasty, anonymous text, STBXH's flood of "I'm so hard done by," messages and your outings with 'D' - which were nice but bound to be exhausting because you've had no choice but to live very quietly during the pandemic. Now FIL is being all Secret Squirrel and you don't have the energy for it.

It's no wonder you've crashed. And everyone doubts themselves in the small hours when all their worries come crowding in. It's a blip, a bad patch, a sign to take extra care of yourself. You're not an idiot and you're never pathetic.

You've been doing this for months now and you keep getting better at it. The blips are, sadly, to be expected but you've got through all the others. You will get through this one too.

I hope you managed to get some rest and the world is looking less bleak. Take care, dear MoreLegs. Be kind to yourself.

@MoreLegsThanMe - Urgh. That’s the WORST time of the night for processing stuff. None of it is ‘processable’ and your brain does not function. Here’s hoping for a better night tonight.

My first time away with my new man (I’m 50s and out of an abusive 20+yr marriage) was in an Air B&B in separate rooms. We slept separately, but then joined each other for early morning tea, a discussion about how to put the world to rights. Then a hug 😊.

New man knew my situation, and was quite happy to give me space… and still is.

You don't have to apologise to us for anything. We're here cheering you on, but also to hold your hand when everything becomes too much.

I think you should tell FIL to call STBXH get him to ask him himself, ffs. Stop facilitating everyone’s contact. It’s not your place anymore. Bloody ridiculous men. FIL probably taught STBXH everything about how to “drive” women anyway. Step back and out of the picture.

A good case of the 'midnight blues', eh? It happens to all of us at one time or another. And no one has to be strong 24/7, there's nothing wrong with letting yourself go once in a while. It doesn't make you 'weak', it makes you human.

You'll get your strength back and probably be all the better for letting yourself grieve for a few hours, or even a night. "Weeping endureth for a night, but joy cometh in the morning".

Nights can be bad Legs. Hope you are feeling a bit better. Why FIL is involving you in 'sending documents' to his own son .. don't men have any clue at all, seriously. No wonder you feel overcome.

Don't feel rushed into doing anything with your new friend, take it as it comes. Most importantly, do what YOU want, either way.
Ps and you never have to say sorry to anyone here. Ever.
Keep on being amazing Legs x

@Justilou1

I think you should tell FIL to call STBXH get him to ask him himself, ffs. Stop facilitating everyone’s contact. It’s not your place anymore. Bloody ridiculous men. FIL probably taught STBXH everything about how to “drive” women anyway. Step back and out of the picture.

I fully agree with this.

Hope you're OK, Legs. You sounded very down in your last message. Night time really is the worst.

You're not alone - you've always got your army right here beside you x

You're just wonderful. Delurking to say that.

Hi Legs, I hope you are feeling a little better today, I agree with @Justilou1, you really don't need to be involved in your FIL's contact arrangements.

We are still here.

xx

In all honesty, I doubt your FIL will ever really disown him. I can't imagine ever disowning my DS no matter what he did (except for something like murder).
STBXH has treated you appallingly, but he will always be his son, and FIL will undoubtedly be disappointed/disgusted with him, but they will move on from it.
I'm not suggesting cutting contact with FIL, but I'd beat this in mind to save you any more potential hurt going forward.

Hopefully the last couple of days are being kind to you

*bear this in mind

Thank you so so much. I felt terrible I really did. I have RA and I’ve enough painkillers in the house to bring down an elephant. It’s hard to explain. I felt like I just didn’t want any more of this pain and stress and fear and worry, but I knew I couldn’t do anything because of the DC.

I feel better today and pretty ashamed of my last outburst so I’m sorry.

Sometimes I just want someone to scoop me up, put me to bed, and just get in and hold me. Like I did with the DC when they were little and poorly or upset. Instead I’m chief in charge of everything. Every bloody thing. It’s so hard. I can’t imagine how single parents of you children manage. They’re saints.

I’ve not heard any more from STBXH. I wonder if those “documents” have arrived and put the wind up him.

I’m scared of this day out with D but you know I think whatever happens we’ll have a nice day in a nice part of the country. He’s been celibate for ten years, so I imagine any attempt at sexual shenanigans would be extremely unlikely!

He’s a nice guy. I’ve decided I can do as I please now which I’ve never ever done since I was twenty . Is that selfish? Part of me says yes, the other no……

Thank you again for stepping in and saving me from myself. Honestly, so self indulgent and stupid.

x

*single parents of young children I meant.

Spelling has gone to hell too x

Oh @MoreLegsThanMe I'm glad to see you back and sorry to hear you were feeling so down.

Please don't apologise to us though! We're here for you, to help you through whatever you need us to help with.

Enjoy your time with D, in whatever shape or form that takes.

X

Ah, no… if anything’s going to make him über floppy, it’s proof of rejection. 🤏🤜🤛🙀😸

@MoreLegsThanMe - Everyone is ok to have an off day, put it all behind you, today onwards are new days.

Don't be scared of your trip away with D, you don't have to do anything you are not comfortable with. If you feel overcome ask for separate rooms, he sounds a very thoughtful man and will understand. He is probably very nervous too.

Regards STBXH give yourself a break from thinking about him and his low life tart.

Hope today is a better day for you 🌻