Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

More Legs chapter three - the one where there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel

999 replies

MoreLegsThanMe · 25/05/2021 22:41

New thread. Can’t believe I’ve got to three.

It’s a good chance I think that they’ll stick together, happy or not. They’ve given away absolutely everything (although she still sees her children) so they do need each other don’t they.

I have my fingers crossed for the marriage certificate tomorrow. I really believe he thinks I wouldn’t go ahead with it. I also think it might prompt a flurry of messages asking what he’s supposed to do. Bloody pay a solicitor that’s what you can do.

I think of the two of us I will come out the other side better than him. I have the support of his family, all the DC, and you wonderful women. He has her and that’s it. I don’t know about her family and I’m sure as can be that the pair of them have created yet another lie as the backstory to how they met. Can’t exactly tell the truth can they. ANC in a few short years he’ll be 70. Yuk.

It still doesn’t feel like I’ll be better off at the end but I’m hoping that feeling will come.

If anyone knows how to link this thread to the old one can you let me know please?

x

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 10/07/2021 13:43

I'd tell him that any 'chatting' about money should now be done in either a mediator's or solicitor's office. Or he can put his 'chat' in writing and submit it that way.

BIUB, that's a good one!

ByeByeMissAmericanPie · 10/07/2021 17:24

Yup. Keep it in writing. Don’t rely on his words. They mean nothing.

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 10/07/2021 22:27

Thank you x

A couple more pity messages telling me how he never stops thinking about the DC and DGC and that will continue.

Then one saying he’d messaged DDs3 and 5 and would I tell them to check their phones. Delete, delete,delete.

DD4 had seen the message and deleted it without reading it. I’m not telling any of the DC to look at their phones at his bidding. I think he’s asking me because he can’t bear not to hear from them. Maybe the slightest bit of guilt/missing them is manifesting itself. Good. I hope it hurts.

There’s no way he’s coming here.Nope. If he’s so worried about money engage a solicitor (he won’t),

I feel as though I have the tiniest bit of power over him and you know what - I like it!

x

OP posts:
Justilou1 · 10/07/2021 22:37

He is a pathetic excuse for a man and the worst kind of person to call himself a father! What does he expect???

Justilou1 · 10/07/2021 22:38

I’m pleased you like it and feel empowered @MoreLegsThanMe! This is great!

QueenBee52 · 10/07/2021 22:56

Quite right Legs... 🎉

Onthedunes · 10/07/2021 22:59

That's the spirit Legs.

Why do you think he is frantically trying to get in touch with the kids and profess his love for them ? To prepare them for the excuses when he states he doesn't want to pay child maintenance?

It's not looking good for him is it, his reputation is going down faster than Matt Hancocks, ignor, ignor, ignor Legs.

Your children have their own minds and he can no longer expect you to make him look like the good guy with no effort ,as he used to do.

Grow up Mr Ex Legs.

xx

Justilou1 · 11/07/2021 02:00

Because he’s just discovered that the kids might actually have a say in where they get to stay in court, which affects how much maintenance he’s going to have to pay.

SpringCrocus · 11/07/2021 03:26

Don't delete, just hide.
Cos those messages are going to be SO useful, for your settlement.

Justilou1 · 11/07/2021 03:55

ABSOLUTELY! FGS don’t delete anything!!!

Billybagpuss · 11/07/2021 08:31

I agree delete nothing

It’s so good to see your strength developing and the turmoil finally leaving

CatChant · 11/07/2021 11:14

Good to hear you sounding so bright and perky MoreLegs and lovely that you had a thoroughly well-deserved nice day out.

I agree about saving and hiding messages, rather than deleting them. Remember this man does not have your best interests at heart and his relationship with the truth is very tenuous, to put it mildly. It would be good to have the evidence to hand to contradict his wilder claims.

And no, he has no right to pop round to your home to discuss the kids and money. It is not his home any longer and he is not welcome. How dare he suggest it after the turmoil he's put you through?

Keep it civil and keep it formal. But I'm sure we have no need to tell you that.

Take care of yourself. You're doing so, so well.

1WayOrAnother2 · 11/07/2021 19:09

You are right to ingnore this Legs. His relationship with the DCs is his to deal with. (A bed he made for himself.)

Glowbuggy · 11/07/2021 21:40

Block his number. Tell him to contact you by email for important information only. Check once a week. There is no reason for you to interact with him about the children and listen to his woes. He made his bed.

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 11/07/2021 22:14

Thank you everyone x

I think the messages are because he wants to see the DC and he thought it’d just be a matter of WA’ing them or something to make arrangements. I honestly believe he thought his relationships with everyone except me wouldn’t change. The depths of his delusion!

I question myself - probably too often - if I’m coaching them or suggesting they don’t keep in touch with him, but genuinely I’m not. Also they’re clearly all of an age where they have their own morals and principles. I couldn’t change that even if I wanted to.

It’s as if he takes no responsibility for the fact that everyone in his family utterly despises him, and he doesn’t know why. Looking back, he never took responsibility for anything did he. Everything was always someone else’s fault.

If he does think about them and care for them and think about them every day then I pity him.

On the other hand, OW has gone back to work and he’s bored and has time to send messages. She needs to be careful because the next thing is he’ll be bored so it’ll be back on his favourite websites. Maybe the same for her too.

He’s going to end up alone and with nothing isn’t he?

x

OP posts:
CliffsofMohair · 11/07/2021 22:48

She needs to be careful because the next thing is he’ll be bored so it’ll be back on his favourite websites

Truth. Would you want to be living like that.

fliss444 · 12/07/2021 00:01

I have followed your threads from day one.
I truly believe you will have your day. I'm loathe to say ''last laugh/winner ''as it's not a competition.
I have experienced infedelity by someone I loved very much and thought loved me and from personal experience and by many others you will emerge as the happiest.

QueenBee52 · 12/07/2021 01:06

@CliffsofMohair

She needs to be careful because the next thing is he’ll be bored so it’ll be back on his favourite websites

Truth. Would you want to be living like that.

I bet he already is Flowers
Onthedunes · 12/07/2021 01:32

" What others feel about you is not important until it coincides with what you feel about yourself"

Quite an apt quote for Mr Limp Biscuit I think.

He's deluded Legs, give him and no one else excuses for his behaviour, you do not have to justify how your children respond to him.

This is all for him to learn, finally.
Enjoy the lesson and don't water it down for him.

xx

1WayOrAnother2 · 12/07/2021 13:10

Once a cheater - always a cheater.

Justilou1 · 12/07/2021 14:06

I don’t know if it’s an Aussie saying, but we say that “A Leopard Never Changes It’s Spots.” Luckily his spots are her problem.

billy1966 · 12/07/2021 14:27

How far you have come after so little time.

Huge congratulations.
Flowers

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 13/07/2021 21:39

Thank you so much. I sometimes feel I’ve come far then at other times I feel right back there in those first days where I could barely breathe.

I had a bit of a strange conversation with my FIL yesterday. He asked for STBXH’s address because he has some ‘documents’ to send him. He quite obviously wasn’t going to elaborate and I felt it wasn’t my place to question him. Can you think what he meant by it?

D and I have fallen into an admittedly very nice routine of messaging at night and then again in the mornings before we each go about our daily business. As you know, the coast trip didn’t materialise so he’s asked me again on the 23rd (when I’ll have no school taxi services to be running for six whole weeks!). He’s gone so far as to ask me to stay if anywhere is available. Twin beds or adjoining rooms, really whatever I’m comfortable with.

In all the years we were together STBXH never took me anywhere and certainly I’ve never spent a night away from any of the DC. But you know what? I think I want to do this. I’m not stupid, and I know it’s as mates. Having said that I know many (most?) people would happily have sex where they in that position. I really don’t think I am yet. Does that make me a loser do you think…

Questions, questions

x

OP posts:
Thatnameistaken · 13/07/2021 22:33

Wanting to enjoy a friendship as just that doesn't make you a loser. You deserve to enjoy yourself with someone who treats you with respect, go for it and see where this path takes you.

theweedonkeyfella · 13/07/2021 23:15

Perhaps the documents are photos of your DC and DGC if he's been bleating on and playing the sympathy card about missing them to FIL?

And you're not a loser for not feeling ready for sex with anyone else yet at all! Good for you not feeling you have to be rushing into anything.