DH bought valentines card for another woman

[Peebles81]

I cannot decide if I overreacted to DH buying a valentines card for another woman or not. I was eight months pregnant at the time so may have been hormonal. I would like to see other mums views on this.

@Bluntness100 that's what I was saying it's more motive than just being nice and it's weird i personally wouldnt let it drop I would have to get to the bottom of it , he might of just sent the card to c what her reaction was , just because he sent a card dosnt mean he is definitely cheating hopefully the ow shut it down and let him know it wasnt right and she let him know she isnt interested I'd also still be questioning my relationshipand because it is wrong . I would never do anything like that I'm my relationship no one comes close to my partner he is the love of my life and has been for the last 10 years

Oh cmon I know you’re being kind, but what bloke in this thirties sends a Valentine’s Day card to a woman in her mid twenties just to see her reaction. Assuming he’s neurotypical it’s clear they are having a relationship. I get that’s hard for the op to hear, but blokes in this age range don’t send valentines for a reaction.

From bloke's POV, all I can say is this is just wrong.

He is taking you for a ride

@OrchestraOfWankery

I'm betting this woman wasn't 60 year old Barbara with the dodgy knee......

Exactly !!

He might of sent the card to see what her reaction was meaning
He might of been unsure to make a move or not so he tested the water by sending a valentines card

If she loved it and flirted bk he would then make a move on her
If she rejected it then he knew she wasnt interested
On the other had
He could be having an affair and is it is physical and the card was a romantic gesture to his bit on the side

Either way it is wrong and hes up to no good that's why I said if my partner done something like I wouldnt just let it go and I'd be seriously re thinking my relationship

@Peebles81

The thing that hurts the most is imagining him going into the card shop presumably with the intention of buying two cards.

I do not want to sound too blunt but I think you might be minimising this? I personally would not believe his story.

Definitely more to it that him feeling sorry for her!

@Newbie202012

I mean, the move was the card. I don't much care if my husband tries or succeeds in fucking another woman, the trying (giving a fucking valentines day card) would mean he was out of my life.

Not sure it should matter much if he is having an affair or trying to have one. I think it's pretty clear it's either one or the other. And the difference is only on the other woman. On his part, he's already cheating.

Is there any chance that she got dumped horrible a few days before VD and your OH bought her a card as a bit of a lighthearted cheer up because she has said something along the lines of "that'll be me not getting anything again" or something?

Well you clearly need to address it now. And properly. Don't let him fob you off.

He genuinelly doesn't see anything wrong with this. All I can think about is him being in the shop choosing a card for me then at the same time choosing a card for her when I'm about to give birth to his first child.

Thats not entirely true is it...if he genuinely didn't see anything wrong with this he wouldn't have lied and said it fmwas for his sister in the first instance

@JesusIsAnyNameFree like I said in my earlier post either way sending the card is wrong and hes up to no good

@Newbie202012

But you're also minimising it, saying that he might not be cheating yet. Trying to cheat is cheating and the relationship would be over, for me anyway.

What a bastard, whilst you are carrying his child he has the ordacity to send another younger woman a valentine's card.

Valentine's cards are symbolic of love not pity, how dare he try to sweep this under the carpet.
Have you told family that this event trigered your early labour, because it did.
He deserves to be shamed about this at the very least if you are staying together.
Ffs if he can't manage to be a caring, kind partner at this time for you, it doesn't bode well does it.

I'm afraid you owe this man no loyalty.
Proceed how you wish, with no guilt.

@JesusIsAnyNameFree what because I'm not going to sit here n tell op her husband is sleeping with this ow when I dont know if he is or not I am not going to cause the op anymore anzayity saying that when I dont know if infact it is true
Again in my previous comments I said either way sending that card is wrong he is up to no good and if it was in me that situation I wouldnt let it go , I'd get to the bottom of it and i would be seriously rethinking my relationship

My 'D'M bought 2 valentines cards one year. One for her DH and one for a fella round the corner. She wasn't being nice to a single man she felt sorry for. Her DH was terminally ill and she was already trying to line up husband no.5.

Grown adults don't buy valentines cards for other grown ups they feel sorry for. He's spinning you a line.

@Newbie202012

No. I haven't said he's sleeping with her, I haven't a clue. What I do know is, he bought another woman a Valentine's day card and lied about it. If my husband did that, I would count it as cheating.

I think you mean well newbie but your explanations are mind bogglingly unlikely.

I would definitely have this come to mind sometimes/or be on my mind often 3 months later BTW. 3 months is nothing, especially as you've had other stuff going on.

Have you brought it back up yet?

My goal in posting about this was to see how other mums would have reacted and I'm so grateful for all the responses because I felt so unsure of myself. Only one person on this forum viewed it in the way DH has tried to present it. Basically, that it was just jokey banter, nothing in it.
I did ask him about it and I'm ashamed to say he managed to derail me. He had that look on his face like utter disbelief that I was even bothering about it and he made me feel in that moment like I was a crazy woman. I didn't pursue it and I think I might even have apologised for raising it. I can't really remember as he made me feel quite small actually for asking him.
The crazy thing is, she's not his type at all, physically. I'd be surprised if he found her sexually attractive. I'm guessing she has an extrovert, playful personality and maybe there was some mutual ego massage in the form of flirting?
I'm starting to see him properly now, through his pretence, and I don't really like that sort of person who would deliberately use family funds as some pp said however small the amount, for some nonsense banter, when that money could (should) be kept within our little family.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do OP

Plenty of models and footballer wives get cheated on with very average ow, it’s not always a hotter woman . Think Jude law and sienna miller