Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH bought valentines card for another woman

155 replies

Peebles81 · 24/05/2021 09:36

I cannot decide if I overreacted to DH buying a valentines card for another woman or not. I was eight months pregnant at the time so may have been hormonal. I would like to see other mums views on this.

OP posts:
OrchestraOfWankery · 24/05/2021 09:53

he admitted that he'd bought it for someone he saw through work as he felt sorry for her because she didn't have a partner.

Yeah cos single women crave Valentine's cards from married men with a pregnant wife.

Dyrne · 24/05/2021 09:53

That doesn’t even make sense.

I can just about get my head around buying one for a friend as an in-joke; so a card with a bad pun or a lockdown one or something. Buying a card for someone at work because you “feel sorry for them” is rubbish, and (at absolute best) a bit creepy.

Did he mean for you to see the second card or did you see it by accident?

DustyMaiden · 24/05/2021 09:54

What did it say? A joke? Romance?innuendo?

Herja · 24/05/2021 09:54

Think about what he's claimed a bit more: how would you feel if you were single and a bloke a work (just a friend) bought you a Valentine's card because they felt sorry for you? You'd feel shit. Far worse than no card (which is a non issue, surely?). That's not a kind act from a friend; it's just not something that happens.

He's lying. He's either fucking her, was then or wants to.

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 24/05/2021 09:56

No, I would be extremely unhappy at this.

Especially as his first response to explain was to lie to you!

Original poster
Peebles81 · 24/05/2021 09:57

I never saw the card, just the receipt which showed two cards were purchased. The mini descriptions you get on receipts about what type of card they were didn't show whether they were joke or romance - just general valentines cards.
I feel so stupid and gullible.

OP posts:
DariaMorgendorffer · 24/05/2021 09:59

You under reacted op. Don't let him convince you otherwise!

MintyMabel · 24/05/2021 10:02

Why is this only coming to a head 3 months later?

To the point you register with Mumsnet to ask about it?

Anydreamwilldo12 · 24/05/2021 10:02

If it was all as innocent as he is making out then he wouldn't have lied ti you initially saying it was for his sister
I'm sorry OP, he's a liar.

BlackElephant · 24/05/2021 10:20

@OrchestraOfWankery

I'm betting this woman wasn't 60 year old Barbara with the dodgy knee......
Because no-one could find a 60 year old woman attractive
OrchestraOfWankery · 24/05/2021 10:24

Because no-one could find a 60 year old woman attractive

Not usually to someone 30ish years their junior, no.

Blankspace101 · 24/05/2021 10:25

This is weird. Did he try to hide the card from you? How did you find it?

BlackElephant · 24/05/2021 10:30

@OrchestraOfWankery

Because no-one could find a 60 year old woman attractive

Not usually to someone 30ish years their junior, no.

The OP does not say how old he is

Ageism alive and kicking plus the derogatory use of the name Brenda (all 60 year old women are called Brenda of course)

shockthemonkey · 24/05/2021 10:38

Elephant, I think the name used was Barbara.

OP has just had a baby - the husband is likely to be young. Significantly younger than 60.

Some people are desperate to find offence.

messybun101 · 24/05/2021 10:42

Wait, you went into premature labour?
That's why it's not been resolved yet?

Ffs. I really hope he/this was not the cause for your labour starting 4/6 weeks early.

He's had three months with no reaction from you, his behaviour is shocking but he probably thinks it's fine because you've not addressed it

Until now

Don't let him make a fool of you again. Bastard.

toocold54 · 24/05/2021 10:42

I think a text would be fine but buying a card is too much for me. Even if he has no feelings for her he would know he’s giving her false hope. But I do believe he has feelings for her.

messybun101 · 24/05/2021 10:44

A text is not fine. He has a wife!

bookworm20 · 24/05/2021 10:46

If my DP bought a valentines card for another woman at work, I'd be seriously 'overreacting' too.
Not OK.

Only time this would ever be even remotely 'ok' is if they were long time friends, had a history of joking around, you knew all about her and the joking around they do and he had FIRST told you his plan to send a joke valentines card to her, and also SHOWED you the joke card before he sent it.
Even then, i'd raise an eyebrow.

But sorry, he bought a card secretly, told you it was for his sister when you found the receipt, and now has admitted it was for a collegue and the only reason he could think to explain it to you was because she was single?
Time to have a wee look at his phone I think.
Nope. He'd be out the door. I'm so sorry.

BinocularVision · 24/05/2021 10:51

Well, his rationale is deeply odd and condescending does he know, for instance, that this woman is sad to be single, and would welcome a card from a married colleague, or whether she would see it as a joke at her expense? but DH (though we weren't married then) has certainly given female friends things on Valentine's Day. I vaguely remember when we were all students someone flogging individual roses on campus and him buying them for female friends, though I somehow doubt it was out of pity at their single status. I, on the other hand, don't do Valentine's Day at all.

Brainwave89 · 24/05/2021 10:54

No that is weird. Think about how you would feel if you got a VC from a married co worker. Justifiably I would think it was inappropriate and I would tell them so. In some cultures, VCs are sent to friends as well as love interests, but I doubt there is any confusion here.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 24/05/2021 10:54

I don’t think it’s ageist to suggest the woman in question probably isn’t twice his age. She may well be but what that particular poster is aiming at is the fact he probably bought it for an attractive young single woman in the office. It’s sleazy, I don’t think single women want or need a Valentine’s Day card from a married bloke at work. I also don’t think anyone would be happy about this and I’m not sure how he can justify it. He clearly fancies her if nothing else and he’s majorly crossed the line.

Original poster
Peebles81 · 24/05/2021 11:05

@messybun101

Wait, you went into premature labour? That's why it's not been resolved yet?

Ffs. I really hope he/this was not the cause for your labour starting 4/6 weeks early.

He's had three months with no reaction from you, his behaviour is shocking but he probably thinks it's fine because you've not addressed it

Until now

Don't let him make a fool of you again. Bastard.

I had a partial rupture of the membrane later the evening I found the receipt and I cannot help thinking it was linked to me getting upset.

The thing that hurts the most is imagining him going into the card shop presumably with the intention of buying two cards. I would have hoped for a husband who would cherish his wife enough that the only card he would even contemplate buying would be one card for his special partner.

OP posts:
numpty01 · 24/05/2021 11:07

Love how he used being single on Valentine's Day like it's a valid reason to pity someone. He sounds so full of shit. I was single on Valentine's Day for decades and wouldn't have wanted a card unless it was from a genuine admirer, not a married father to be. I think you need to come down like a tonne of bricks. Defo not overreacting. Hope he feels riddled with guilt, especially after you went into preterm labour.

Original poster
Peebles81 · 24/05/2021 11:08

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

I don’t think it’s ageist to suggest the woman in question probably isn’t twice his age. She may well be but what that particular poster is aiming at is the fact he probably bought it for an attractive young single woman in the office. It’s sleazy, I don’t think single women want or need a Valentine’s Day card from a married bloke at work. I also don’t think anyone would be happy about this and I’m not sure how he can justify it. He clearly fancies her if nothing else and he’s majorly crossed the line.
DH early 30s, she's probably three to six years younger by the look of her.
OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 24/05/2021 11:11

So what are you going to do op?