DH bought valentines card for another woman

[Peebles81]

I cannot decide if I overreacted to DH buying a valentines card for another woman or not. I was eight months pregnant at the time so may have been hormonal. I would like to see other mums views on this.

@Horehound

Why is this only coming to a head 3 months later?

Valentine's Day was in February ?.

Ok so he thinks it’s all been forgotten about. Now it’s time to really find out what’s going on. Don’t let on that you are still upset and do some sleuthing.
Does he have opportunity? Do you know where he is all the time?

@1forAll74

It's just a card. lots of people send secret valentine cards to other men or women.. You perhaps need a sense of humour about such silly things.

Try harder trolly

@1forAll74

It's just a card. lots of people send secret valentine cards to other men or women.. You perhaps need a sense of humour about such silly things.

If it’s just a silly thing that can be easily explained as a joke, her dick of a husband could have, and would have easily explained it to OP in that way. Not lie to her face that it being for his sister, then to say it was actually for a colleague because “he felt sorry for her” because she’s single (what a patronising fuckhead by the way).

This is the problem with playing an edgy little devils advocate, you just look like a nob.

i would be beyond freaked if a married man gave me a valentines card.

What did the card look like? If it was a very bland and generic card, that would make it very slightly less weird and awkward.

Id have liked his reason better if he’d said guess it had just been intended as a harmless joke between him and a couple of male colleagues. Just larking around. That is if he generally has the EQ of a wasp - to leave a Valentines Card for another woman that he bought as a lying around for his pregnant wife to find. I find his stated reason pretty weird.

I guess it comes down to the old age question. - do you trust him?

I am so sorry Op you had such a difficult labour but am glad to read you and baby are doing ok and you are recovering well,Trust is such a fragile thing it is difficult to regain once questioned, The intention of your partner is what worries me most, Working relationships are very different from home relationships and sometimes I would suspect most of us have encountered someone who could turn our heads but we never act on it,Your partner took money,however small the amount out of your family finances to buy something personal for someone. Now whether he really was just dumb or whether he had designs on this woman thats what you don;t know.We can all think that John or Sue in HR are bloody gorgeous in our heads but it stops there,we do not act on it encouraged or not,we move on and count our own blessings of the people we love at home, He went a tiny step further and in doing so stated his interest in this woman and it was very wrong of him, He hurt you,betrayed you and made you question him and everything you knew and what you thought you could rely and depend on,You need to get this out in the open and resolve one way or another,I would hope he realizes what a prat he has been and what his actions have caused and now having the baby here what he could ultimately loose. Could you forgive in time?Should you forgive? Its up to you but it is up to him to step up and be the man you thought he was and he has to want to do that,I dont think this woman was a threat to you its all on him,He has threatened your entire relationship and he has to realize how serious it is.I wish you well going forward,

@thedogtookit

He bought it for her because he's involved with her in some way. Either already sleeping with her or pursuing her. Otherwise it would be very awkward and embarrassing for her (and him) when the married bloke in the office with a pregnant wife presents her with a card.

He's talking absolute shit, and he lied to you initially so he knows it was not ok in any event.

I'm sorry about your premature labour op and I hope you and baby are ok.

This ✅

@shockthemonkey

Elephant, I think the name used was Barbara.

OP has just had a baby - the husband is likely to be young. Significantly younger than 60.

Some people are desperate to find offence.

I think the point is that we can all agree that this was a shitty thing for the OP’s husband to do without having an ageist pop at other women. I’m nearly 60 btw. My aunt was named Barbara. It’s not a common name in my generation. But I guess we’re all the same whether 60 or 90 to some of you?

Barbara is a name that wasn't used much in the 1960s so isn't a name you'd expect someone age 60 to have.
If someone referred to Barbara in the office, I'd probably expect her to be eastern european and youngish.

As regards mothers having raised these nasty men, yes, it probably was the mothers raising them, and saying things like 'Boys will be boys'.

I challenged something which was a bit odd and then i was side tracked by a family emergency and then it seems too small to bring up weeks later but i gave a warning that i would not give benefit of doubt if suspicions aroused again....couple of years later I found more stuff, out the door he went. It was just the tip of the iceberg and had been happening for years all the while pretending to be an attentive, caring husband and father.
I've worked in many jobs mainly with men for nearly 30 years, half that time I've been single, socialised with them marŕied and unmarried, they don't send Valentine's cards, they make a pass at you first as that can be denied. Most of the men I know struggle to get their OH a Valentine's card let alone someone they 'feel sorry for' unless they stand to gain something. Sorry.

I think the point is that we can all agree that this was a shitty thing for the OP’s husband to do without having an ageist pop at other women.
I’m nearly 60 btw. My aunt was named Barbara. It’s not a common name in my generation. But I guess we’re all the same whether 60 or 90 to some of you

Oh cmon, it wasn’t meant that way and you know it. I’m fifty two and took no offence. They just jad a baby so likely younger, and she’s confirmed he’s early thirties and the woman mid twenties, the point the poster was making was it wasn’t benign.

Not everything needs to be a cause for offence, sometimes you need to look for the intent behind it.

Thinking back to when I was single, and thinking of some of the married men I used to work with, had one of them given me a Valentine's card I would have definitely thought he was trying it on. I would also have thought he a total sleaze, especially with him having a heavily pregnant wife.

These men, they think they're being so cool, fanciable, whatever - in fact, who knows wtf they're thinking - but surely they must turn round when they're in their dotage and feel ashamed and full of regret? Surely?!! I bloody well hope so.

Do you know who the woman is who he gave the card to? Could you contact her and ask her about it?

Oh for heaven's sake!

I am in my 60s. I know/have known Barbaras in my peer group. Also Carols, Lindas, Jackies, Sues, Dianes.....

I plucked the name from those I know.

Anyway, it's been established by OP the woman in question was far far younger than 60 - which was my point.

You are underreacting.

Felt sorry for her.. what a load of fucking bollocks.

Everything @bookworm20 said, it's highly suspicious sorry OP.

This is absolutely not ok! I'm so sorry OP!

What a fucking weasel. He’s not a trustworthy man OP.

I really wouldn’t like it. Cards are a big deal to me and my husband.

Sometimes the lies people tell actually paint them in a worse light than if they told the truth

This is one of those times

So the woman is in her 20's?

Yeh something fishy going on.
I wouldn't believe a word he has said.

No man would ever buy a woman a valentines card because they felt sorry for them. Utterly implausible! You haven’t over-reacted. Did he get one back?

I'd be extremely annoyed if my partner sent another woman a valentines card , it doesn't mean he is actually cheating he might of just sent the card to ow to show her he is interested and to c what her reaction was. For all we know it might of made her feel uncomfortable and after that kept her distance from him,
But if they seem to be close I'd be worried

But still sending a valentines card to another woman is weird , sound like more of a motive rather just being nice you should ask him if he sent cards out to every single person he knows

Sorry you've been going through this op if it does turn out hes being cheating drop him cos ppl tike that dont change ,you deserve better you've created the most precious thing in life so just concentrate on your baby and live life the best version of you, I hope everything works out for u 💐💐

A valentines card is a romantic gesture. He’s bought a woman in her twenties a valentines card. He didn’t do it out of pity. In this context it’s something you do in a relationship. I’m sorry.