Tell me your horror stories about so called "friends"

[leftout1]

I seem to have real bad luck when it comes to female friends. I had 3 close friends of 20+ years, who didn't so much as phone me when my first marriage broke down. I lived a long way from them at this point, so didn't expect a visit, but to not even phone me really shocked me, and I have found it hard to feel as close to them ever since. The same 3 ladies all knew that my H was cheating on me, and no one told me.

When I moved areas, I made friends with 3 new ladies, mainly through school.

One of them turned out to be a raging alcoholic, and I ended up having to rescue her from so many precarious situations, often caring for her child.

One of them had an affair with my husband, whilst still being friendly with me . He is now obviously an ExH.

One of them attacked me on a night out, because a man she fancied chatted me up, and not her.

I left all those friendships behind when I moved to another area. In new area, I have made some friends. One of them can be a bit moody, and one day a few months ago she was quite rude to me and we haven't spoken since. Then, I see from FB that they've all been out last night and left me out. Also, they will have known I will see the photo's, so that's a bit shit, isn't it?

I'm starting to think that female friendships are a bit shit!

Anyone else got any similar stories, to make me feel that I'm not the only one?

Best friend of 20 years, whenever I was pregnant or had a newborn would just stop talking to me and phase me out, getting back in touch months later. She told me she couldn't get time off to come to my wedding even though she had 2 years notice. She has stopped talking to other friends too after they've had marriage or kids, too. Obviously a sore spot for her but not nice to be treated like that by someone who you thought was your friend.

Best mate took as advantage of my husband having a mental breakdown, convinced him all his family wanted him to be depressed and suicidal. Flirted with him and was all over him in front of the kids.

Then was shagging him behind my back. And told me I was paranoid and making it up.

Turns out 8 was right all along.

Now she's training as a secondary school teacher, has wrecked our lives completely.

Funnily enough me and the kids and his family hate her.

cookiecreampie Wow, she sounds crazy! Are you still friends now?

Sideorderofchips OMG, that's terrible. She sounds very much like my former "friend". Are you still with your H?

Ooft you've had some belters. I think finding a good girl mate is even harder than finding a nice bf tbh.

Had a friend in uni that went full 'single white female' on me. The annoying thing was that after all she did, no one at the time believed she was capable of it :/

She asked out anyone I liked (including someone I had just had a date with) Got a tattoo I had mentioned wanting. Told everyone ideas I had were hers first ect... just creepy stuff. And it kept up on me so slow at first that it was really hard to get my head round when everything started to become more obvious.

Lots of women have narcissistic personality disorder and similar too unfortunately. You gotta know the signs for spotting it in friendships.

Eg: need to one up you, you catch them smirking when you fail, stealing your hobbies and turning them into a competition, imitation, neediness alternating with icy coldness, flirting with anyone you like, wanting to be fully involved in your life but keeping their other friends very separate from you, bragging and vastly exaggerating their own achievements and kicking you/vanishing when you are down rather than having your back ect...

No we're not really friends anymore. All my texts to her go unanswered for weeks and then she'll randomly get in touch over something else so I don't bother anymore. I prefer to just keep her at arms length.

@leftout1

cookiecreampie Wow, she sounds crazy! Are you still friends now?

Sideorderofchips OMG, that's terrible. She sounds very much like my former "friend". Are you still with your H?

No once I found out he was shagging her it was over

We are friends for the sake of the kids but his slut still likes bad mouthing me to everyone about how I ruined her life

You notice people aren’t your real friends when you have actual emergencies. DH was very poorly in hospital and getting people to look after DD for a few hours was a nightmare. She wasn’t small and no bother but lots of them were like ‘I’m having a relaxing day in my PJs so can’t be bothered etc’. One of them pulled a face about me not inviting her DD round to play when I was going to the hospital. Never even asked how he was.

I’ve stepped away from one as she was constantly moaning to me she didn’t have someone to take her 2 kids so her and her husband could go out (hint to me). Her DD has been round mine hundreds of times, mine has been round hers twice. Reap what you sow.

Have you ever had counselling to look into why you are choosing these types of friends / they are choosing you?

No judgement from me, I have lovely friends but horrendous taste in men - but counselling has helped me understand why what seemed like shocking luck was actually down to some patterns I kept repeating, it's been very helpful for me, and really empowering to know that my life can be better.

I think when you are a parent you often end up with friends through your kids you wouldn’t necessarily choose.

@Sideorderofchips

Best mate took as advantage of my husband having a mental breakdown, convinced him all his family wanted him to be depressed and suicidal. Flirted with him and was all over him in front of the kids.

Then was shagging him behind my back. And told me I was paranoid and making it up.

Turns out 8 was right all along.

Now she's training as a secondary school teacher, has wrecked our lives completely.

Funnily enough me and the kids and his family hate her.

Are you still with you husband?

My best friend (at the time) who was my only bridesmaid at my small wedding, completely vanished off the face of the earth in the run up the wedding. This was before Facebook existed, and a lot of people didn’t use the internet (dial up!), and she didn’t have a mobile. I had no way of finding her at all.

She just disappeared and left me high and dry with only months to go (before anyone asks, she wasn’t dead or ill or anything - she just left me in limbo, moved house, changed job, didn’t bother contacting me or anything).

That’s just one example of shiteness that have me firmly in the camp of ‘it’s more trouble than it’s worth’.

Well, the one who was one of our group who methodically tried to shag each one of our husbands. Successfully in two cases as they had the morals of Tom cats. Asked why, she shrugged and said to prove to us all that our lives weren’t perfect (er, we know) and because she could. But you didn’t love, most of the men were simply bemused by the siren act.

@FakeColinCaterpillar so true. Luckily for me I keep the “school mums” at arms length I have absolutely no interest. However I’ve seen many a horror story on here about school mum “friends”. Just a shame when they probably wouldn’t have even been friends in the first place and op could avoid all the grief!

I have one - he said I had PND because I don't love my children enough.

My close friend (but not anymore) introduced me to her friends fiance, telling me he was single. I didn’t know them, they were her work friends.
Anyway, we started seeing each other, until I got a phone call from his fiancee asking if I know X. Turns out I was the last fling before he got married, in 3 months. And ex friend went to their wedding.
Another ‘friend’ would ask me constantly to have her toddler from Friday night to Monday morning, so she could ‘have a good time with her friends’. Oh ok, what am I then?
And another friend, we had been friends for 20 years, another couple of friends warned me she is not the friend I think she is. I took no notice, turns out she had been slagging me off for all that time. My house, my car, my holidays, everything I bought/did she would bitch about.
When I got married a few weeks later she had exactly the same engagement and wedding rings I had but on her right hand.
Then she made a play for my husband. That was it, friendship over.

Thanks for these stories. I'm starting to think that a lot of people aren't very stable. The friend who slept with my (then) husband, has actually slept with another friends husband as well. That wife still doesn't know, and they are still super friendly. I mean, this isn't normal is it? Out of all the female friends I've had over the years, this woman was my favourite. We were so close and so alike. And we've lost it all now, just for one shag.

No funnily enough I'm not with him anymore and she can go fuck herself (although she's still fucking him 🤷‍♀️)

Best friend from high school stole my boyfriend and lost her virginity to him, she then tracked me down the next day at my Nans house to tell me she was a “woman”, she also got into the conversation she was wearing my favourite very expensive top that I’d lent her while shagging him. Apparently I was frigid and if I wanted to keep him I should have put out 🤔

A few years later the same girl shagged my fiancé behind my back, i only found out after we broke up. Apparently all our original school group of friends knew but it took a friend of a friend to tell me.

Many years later after reconnecting online, she had the nerve to bitch and moan to me that one of our other friends from the same high school friendship group was seeing her brother and that she felt it crossed a line as you don’t sleep with your friends brothers. Never mind she’d had an affair with her friends married brother 🤔. I think she was just annoyed she couldn’t take this boyfriend off our friend.

I take solace in the fact she’s now 45, single, lives with her mum, never had a relationship with anyone who was actually available to have a relationship with and can’t keep female friends.

I've never had any of these problems but I do tend to keep people at arms length until I get a feel for the type of person they are. I tend to befriend one person rather than join a "group".

I'm really sorry you've had to go through all this - hopefully you have other support too (family?) Almost all the things you've described happened to a lady I knew where I used to live. So it's probably fairly common sadly.

Not sure how to avoid it in the future apart from turning up the dial on your bullshit detector 😆

Blimey, there are some terrible stories here, what is wrong with people.

I feel really sad today. Like there are so few people that I can trust.

My Mum was one of my closest friends, and she died last year - it will be the anniversary soon. My sister and I no longer speak, as after decades of narcissistic abuse from her, I have had to go NC.

I am lucky, in that I have a lovely DH, and I'm very close to my adult DD who lives at home. But she is possibly leaving to work abroad soon, so that's a bit upsetting. My adult DS is also lovely, but lives elsewhere and I haven't seen him since Christmas. Just feeling a bit lonely today, and seeing those photo's this morning feels really shit.

for everyone who has had similar horror stories to tell!

Wanttocryatthecost I almost hate that woman on your behalf! Please tell me you aren't friends, even on social media!

@leftout1

Wanttocryatthecost I almost hate that woman on your behalf! Please tell me you aren't friends, even on social media!

O no, definitely not, the reconnection through social media has been our only contact in about 25 years and that was very brief.

I learnt a very long time ago to cut toxic people out of my life, I have no problem doing it. I’ve got to a point where Im very matter of fact about friendships and relationships in general, the first sign of toxic behaviour I walk. If a new friendship works out that’s great but I’m not going to beat myself up or stew on it if it dosnt. I also don’t go out of my way anymore unless I know the person is worth it. It’s hard as my nature is to give without thinking but I’ve got better at holding myself back.

For many years I didn’t really have women friends , mainly because 2 people who worked in our business a good few years ago and who I would say I was very friendly with - both it came out were flirting with my H behind my back. I became very wary. There are lots of women it seems who if you are doing pretty ok want a slice of that life too even if it ruins friendships . Since then I met a lovely group of 4 women— none of whom work with us — and my faith has been renewed— none of them would dream of disloyal behaviour to each other. I can’t tell you how much better I felt having a friend circle again

@DeciduousPerennial I have had a similar experience! My best friend came to my wedding with her new partner who I hadn't invited as we were having just 4 guests as witnesses.. after that day I never see her again! Totally vanished, tried to contact her several times then gave up. She apparently now lives with the guy miles away. I've since had two kids and moved away. Over 10 years have passed, never got an explanation! So sad, we were friends for many many years. I've never trusted anyone ever again. Pains me that she's in my wedding photos. 🥳

What @OverTheRubicon says, it can be a pattern of not having appropriate boundaries with other people and tolerating bad behaviour for too long. I always think back to the 'friend ' I went travelling with in my early twenties. When the bill arrived for any meal, me being a people pleaser would leap up and pay the bill expecting her to settle her share later. She never did and I was too embarrassed and fearful that she would reject me to ask. So toxic situation of me not asserting myself and she taking full advantage of my fearfulnlness. I held onto this 'friendship' for years and she completely walked over me. Constantly letting me down, using me etc. Had several 'friendships' like this. In hindsight should have nipped the behaviour in the bud rather than hoping they would notice how upset and resentful I was feeling but because they were exploitative and quite frankly nasty it didn't happen. It's okay to walk away from shitty people, it's okay if they dislike you for it. Your self esteem will soar.