Tell me your horror stories about so called "friends"

[leftout1]

I seem to have real bad luck when it comes to female friends. I had 3 close friends of 20+ years, who didn't so much as phone me when my first marriage broke down. I lived a long way from them at this point, so didn't expect a visit, but to not even phone me really shocked me, and I have found it hard to feel as close to them ever since. The same 3 ladies all knew that my H was cheating on me, and no one told me.

When I moved areas, I made friends with 3 new ladies, mainly through school.

One of them turned out to be a raging alcoholic, and I ended up having to rescue her from so many precarious situations, often caring for her child.

One of them had an affair with my husband, whilst still being friendly with me . He is now obviously an ExH.

One of them attacked me on a night out, because a man she fancied chatted me up, and not her.

I left all those friendships behind when I moved to another area. In new area, I have made some friends. One of them can be a bit moody, and one day a few months ago she was quite rude to me and we haven't spoken since. Then, I see from FB that they've all been out last night and left me out. Also, they will have known I will see the photo's, so that's a bit shit, isn't it?

I'm starting to think that female friendships are a bit shit!

Anyone else got any similar stories, to make me feel that I'm not the only one?

Oh no!!! Just realised I mixed up the characters halfway through! Oops! Changing names is so confusing. Here it is without the mixed up characters, in case anyone is bored enough to actually read it 😂

I had four close friends growing up - let's call them Lucy, Claire, Flora and Vicky.

Lucy and Claire fell out because Lucy asked Claire if she could repay her the money she owed her. Lucy didn't have much money, but had lent to Claire as a favour, but Claire never repaid her despite paying for regular nights out/meals/holidays for her and new boyfriend and his friends.

Lucy was hurt as Claire had essentially ditched her for her new boyfriend and his friends, doing things like not turning up to her birthday party without warning to go out with his friends instead, etc, and so asked when she might expect repayment as she was broke and worried that she wasn't going to see it again (as Claire seemed to be distancing herself).

Anyway, Claire went ballistic and her boyfriend and his friends all acted like Lucy was pure evil for asking. Huge fallout which Lucy is still confused and bemused by.

I went to Claire's birthday party a while later and she brought up Lucy in conversation in a sort of sad, nostalgic way, so (thinking it would cheer her up) I told her not to worry, that Lucy missed her too and would definitely want to sort this fallout out/put it behind them.

Claire's boyfriend and his friend overheard, went absolutely mad at me, Claire burst into tears and ran off when I tried to defend myself, they told me to leave, so I did. That was the end of mine and Claire's many-years-long friendship. So bizarre. Neither Lucy or I have spoken to her since.

Vicky, a very close friend of mine (but not close to the other girls, especially Claire, who she didn't really like ) suddenly ghosted me one day - I didn't notice until Lucy asked if I knew why Vicky had blocked her on social media and I noticed she'd blocked me too! She, too, never spoke to me again. Next thing I hear is that Vicky was a bridesmaid at Claire's wedding and they're now very good friends. To this day, I have no clue how a) they even started speaking or b) what Claire could have told her to make her suddenly stop disliking her to the extent that she suddenly decided she didn't like us anymore because we'd annoyed her 😂

The last friend, Flora, also wasn't friends with the others but knew them to say hi/chat to (small town). Again, Flora didn't really like Claire.

After all the previous drama, I'd moved abroad where I'd met my now husband and had my first baby. I was a bit shocked to hear from a mutual friend that Flora had become friends with Claire and her friends, and had been updating them on my life and showing them photos of my new baby etc, but didn't say anything to her or let on I knew. Felt a bit weird - I felt like after all this time I should be sort of... Irrelevent to Claire? And it gave me a weird sort of worried feeling that they'd been discussing me. But also not a big deal so I didn't say anything about it.

So I hadn't seen Flora for a while when I went home to get married. The first time I was going to see her in a a couple of years was at the (tiny) wedding where I was having less than 10 guests, just very closest friends. I spoke to her the day before to double check plans and she confirmed she'd meet me at mine and we would travel to the venue together. Called her that morning and said she was leaving soon.

She never called or text again and never turned up. I almost missed the wedding waiting for her! Called her directly after the ceremony to see if she was okay and could she join us for the meal/drinks? She never answered or replied to my text.

I sent her a final message a few days later saying I'm not angry that she couldn't make it, but just wanted to check she was okay! I was worried about her.

She never replied. I never saw or spoke to her again!

(She was fine, by the way, as I had her on social media and she was regularly posting/getting on with her life until I deleted her).

I can only assume that this was Claire's doing as well! Honestly, I'm not a bad person, I have no idea what she could have said to turn two of my oldest and best friends against me to the point that they both never spoke to me again, especially weird as they'd not like each other previously!

So there you are. A very long and boring account of the most bizarre and uncalled for falling-outs of my life. Sad really as we were all really close as teenagers and well into our twenties - so many memories with them all! I never will understand what possessed Claire to fall out with us so dramatically (seemed like she was sort of trying to get rid of us so she could spend all her time with her BF and his friends, but that doesn't explain why she turned the others against us, or what she said to acheive this!) Still got Lucy though and she was my favourite anyway

I've dropped her now but for years I had this 'friend' who was just rude and such a user.

She would go on the 'phone to other friends when I was there. For up to 30 mins.

She would use me for childcare whenever possible and get one of her other friends to do the same. I'll never forget their irritation when I turned up and they wanted to spring childcare on me but my car wasn't big enough.

Her frothing rage when I told her her son aged 8 had behaved badly by spitting and biting my son.

Actively excluding me from birthday events lisle spa days (I hate spa days but that's beside the point! ) and posting them all over social media.

I'm pretty sure she's contributed to the sabotaging of a couple of other friendships too. But I can't be certain.

A beautiful looking woman but incredibly rude, mercenary and manipulative.

So glad I've dropped her.

jemimajoy blimey, that Claire's a proper nut job isn't she! It's almost like the those episodes you hear about from the olden days where the whole village eats mouldy wheat and go mad together, then one comes home and finds all the dead bodies strewn about. 😆😆

@Novelusername and @billy1966 I agree with what you both said about friendships,upbringing and building resiliance in kids from early age.

Brought up in dysfunctional family so didn’t have a clue about ins and outs of normal relationship.I had to learn myself (still learning) putting myself always last because that’s the way I have been taught. I just didn’t matter.

Similar to you I grew up a backbone and stood up for myself later in life.
I don’t agree with this kindness and false pretences of friendships.

Look at MN how many times people are told “keep the moral high ground” or “rise above it” “be the bigger person”.

I hate it. Whether it comes to a partner or a friends if somebody wants to screw you over it’s not the time to play fair. You have to protect yourself and your best interests.

People change,circumstances change, some people will be lucky to have lifelong friends,some will not,life goes on.
I had some good people in my life (bad ones as well).All relationships have taught me something.

I went from being a total doormat and people pleaser to a person who is comfortable to say “no” to some demands. I don’t have to justify it. I will not tolerate anybody screaming in my face or being nasty openly or not. I can walk away anytime and I’m teaching the same my kids.
Zero tolerance to abuse or nastiness. Walk away and keep good people in your life.

@Novelusername

I'm just wondering if the women on here reporting narcissistic friends also had a narcissistic mother, as I did and I think that has unfortunately created my low boundaries and people pleasing.

I definitely feel that's true in my case. 100%. Unfortunately.

@MargotandJerrywerehot

My two friends of 12 years ghosted me after I became mentally ill. They said I was 'too much'.

Ugh, sorry you went through that too. The 'friends' I mentioned who abandoned me cited this as part of their reason too, as my MH took a downturn when my father was dying.

@leftout1

Thanks for these stories. I'm starting to think that a lot of people aren't very stable. The friend who slept with my (then) husband, has actually slept with another friends husband as well. That wife still doesn't know, and they are still super friendly. I mean, this isn't normal is it? Out of all the female friends I've had over the years, this woman was my favourite. We were so close and so alike. And we've lost it all now, just for one shag.

Wait....what? You know she has slept with another friend's husband, and you haven't told that friend? You should know what it feels like so how can you keep this from her?

Wait....what? You know she has slept with another friend's husband, and you haven't told that friend? You should know what it feels like so how can you keep this from her?

My "friend" Lisa was sleeping with Nikki's husband (Matt). I am not a friend of Nikki. In order for me to tell Nikki, I would have to have gone to her front door (I have no phone no for her), and walk past Lisa's house to get there (cul-de-sac). I probably would have been seen by Lisa (lounge faces onto the road) and in any case, Lisa only told me about this affair, so it would be obvious who had spilled the beans.

Lisa was not the only woman that Matt was shagging either. And Lisa was sleeping with several men at the time. Not that that matters, but I just couldn't see a way of telling her.

@RealisticSketch

jemimajoy blimey, that Claire's a proper nut job isn't she! It's almost like the those episodes you hear about from the olden days where the whole village eats mouldy wheat and go mad together, then one comes home and finds all the dead bodies strewn about. 😆😆

Hahaha it's almost sort of impressive how manipulative or persuasive she must be 😂 reminds me if a cult leader or something who like totally changes people beyond recognition and nobody can understand why the people fell for it but they all do! Haha

I had this ‘friend’ who was such a user.
Had the guts to ask me to lend her money for a ticket so she could pay for her flight to a holiday that I was providing for her (free holiday, she only had to pay for the ticket).
Would never pay for anything, rude and entitled behavior, bragging about all the naice stuff she had though she was nearly drowning in debt. The last time I saw her, she couldn’t even be bothered to offer me a sandwich during lunch time at her house even though I paid and did so much for her.
I have learned to stop giving so much to people when they give nothing in return.
It weeds out the users.

Wow, amazing stories on here.
I have no real horror stories - just things like betraying confidence, talked about behind my back, etc.
I never had a really close female friend, and I have never had any sense of "sisterhood" or female support network which I often read about on MN.
I have never had a female friend I could confide in, and be sure they wouldn't gossip about it.
It started at school with other girls, and most recently the school gate politics, with women who I had been friendly with huddled together, turning their back when I approach. No idea what I did, and never found out.
Can't be bothered with them all, DH is my closest friend.

I haven't had a lot of luck with female friends either.

When I was at secondary school I was part of a group of friends who had been close for several years. A new girl came in and turned them against me with lies about things I'd apparently been saying (I hadn't.)

None of them spoke to me again after years of friendship. It felt really unfair and honestly I've been wary of female friends ever since.

Now most of my female friends are at least 20 years older than me - I get on much better with older women. Friendships with women my own age have been problematic and I've encountered a lot of jealousy about my career that I worked hard to build.

@jemimajoy it's true there are people like that who are charming, charismatic etc. My ex friend has people wrapped around her little finger.

Obviously she seriously pisses people off too because she's such a blatant using cow but then that just generates drama that she uses to create herself victim status.

Nikki - she was awful to me 2004
Kimberley - she was awful to me 2015
Becky - she was awful to me - 2018

All people I’d known since 1997/98 and all in very different ways

I’ve still no idea what Nikki had against me to do what she did. No one would tell me!

My lovely grandad used the three strikes approach in the village where he lived. He'd try to greet someone three times and be ignored before giving up. I'm kind of the same. But possibly less patient as I generally give 1 or 2 strikes.

I sometimes give people a second chance in case it's a really bad day, and if they're rude again, without explanation, we're done. Happened at the weekend with an acquaintance who snubbed me when I bumped into her in town. I know I've done nothing to offend her as I so rarely see her, other than via social media. I'm pretty certain she recognised me. It was just bloody rude and made me feel a bit of a dick for greeting her warmly and being blanked.

I'll likely give it a couple of days and quietly unfriend her. No drama, but she's clearly not my tribe.

Not your tribe? She's clearly a knobber. That is all.

This thread is why I keep reminding people on here that women aren't always so great. We can be just as bad as men, worse in some ways to be honest. But some women think all women are fantastic and would do nothing wrong, that's everything is the fault of a man. Not always so.

But some women think all women are fantastic and would do nothing wrong

From time to time I have seen threads on here with people wishing for an island with only women on, and everyone gushing about how fantastic it would be.
Pretty sure that would be my own personal hell, but I generally stay out of those threads.

I have major trust issues with women.
I blame the all girls school I went to.
The backstabbing, competitive behaviour etc as generally not pleasant.

I wonder if we have the same 'friend' op. The one who sleeps with friends husbands?

I'd known mine since childhood. She was one of the only women I actually trusted! She had an affair with my husband, she was our bridesmaid, godmother etc.she waited until the shittiest time ever to drop the bombshell nearly a decade after the affair.
She has had affairs with at least 3 other husband of women she actively worked at being friends with.

The supposed group of close college friends, not one of them showed up for my 18th birthday night out. Only one person turned up, a lad who I barely knew but was part of the extended group who had managed to realise that no one was planning to come, so he got the bus into town and brought me a bar of chocolate bless him. He was unable to stay, as he was meant to be working that night but had gone out of his way to make sure that I wasn't left standing in my best clothes on a saturday night at the bus station by myself. They had all let me talk about it at college the day before, it had been planned for weeks, and no one said a word. I had turned up to everyone else's 18th's and bought them a gift and a birthday drink .
Also, the ex boyfriend who I had lived with at for two years at Uni who decided that he had to travel home to see his mum because she missed him was more important than my 21st birthday. That time though my then friends realised, and rallied round and came to my student flat to throw a bit of a party. When I saw him the following week, he didn't even acknowledge my birthday, but wanted to talk about our 'long term plan' which in his eyes was us both working hard for three years to get a mortgage and then me giving up my career to be a stay at home girlfriend/wife so he could fully focus on HIS career. Needless to say, I dumped him!!

@dancinfeet your 18th birthday experience was my 21st. It hurt so much, for years afterwards.

Another friend...who I am still friends with (not worth the hassle) turned into the bridezilla from hell.
She said she didn't care about getting married, finally after 10 years together he proposed (ultimatum) and boy she turned crazy.
She invited 40 'friends' to her hen do. I couldn't afford it and there was no guarantee of a bed! Her friends who organised it bullied me so much because I said I couldn't come. Is as left in tears and my anxiety went through the roof.
One of my close friends also said she couldn't go because again it was over 500 quid and no bed.
The bride proceeded to send us both really nasty long emails being absolutely horrendous to us both.
She then posted all the activities they'd done on her hen do which looked pretty shit tbh
We didn't hear anything from the bride and both of us didn't know whether we were still welcome at her wedding.
We went to the wedding really scared to show up.
The bride acted like nothing had happened. She is the kinda person who causeds fights all the time at work in her personal life and always big drama with her husband.
So doesn't seem to care

[quote DeusEx]@dancinfeet your 18th birthday experience was my 21st. It hurt so much, for years afterwards.[/quote]
How awful!! So sorry to hear that happened to you, how utterly devoid of any empathy must you be to accept an invitation and know in advance you have no intention of going. What God awful wastes of oxygen some people are. Hope you have found better people since.

I've found this thread rather cathartic to be honest. A part of me thought that it was just me who struggled with female friendships and maybe there was something up with me; it has been a relief to see the same experiences I've had reported by others.

Thanks so much @RealisticSketch. To be honest, it took moving to a different country to really get free of the feeling of obligation to be friends with those people. Moving a few thousand miles away is very instructive on who your real friends are.

Thanks again for your empathy