Tell me your horror stories about so called "friends"

[leftout1]

I seem to have real bad luck when it comes to female friends. I had 3 close friends of 20+ years, who didn't so much as phone me when my first marriage broke down. I lived a long way from them at this point, so didn't expect a visit, but to not even phone me really shocked me, and I have found it hard to feel as close to them ever since. The same 3 ladies all knew that my H was cheating on me, and no one told me.

When I moved areas, I made friends with 3 new ladies, mainly through school.

One of them turned out to be a raging alcoholic, and I ended up having to rescue her from so many precarious situations, often caring for her child.

One of them had an affair with my husband, whilst still being friendly with me . He is now obviously an ExH.

One of them attacked me on a night out, because a man she fancied chatted me up, and not her.

I left all those friendships behind when I moved to another area. In new area, I have made some friends. One of them can be a bit moody, and one day a few months ago she was quite rude to me and we haven't spoken since. Then, I see from FB that they've all been out last night and left me out. Also, they will have known I will see the photo's, so that's a bit shit, isn't it?

I'm starting to think that female friendships are a bit shit!

Anyone else got any similar stories, to make me feel that I'm not the only one?

Friend made up a completely bullshit story that my best friend and my fiancé were messaging each other.. and that I’d found out about it - that’s how I knew it was bullshit because this never happened 😂 pretty stupid including me in the story when obviously I’d confirm it wasn’t true!

Wow these women are dreadful!

I've certainly noticed a change in how women seem to behave now that I'm of an age where many of my friends are married and having babies...It's so strange to me, but maybe I'm naive

I have some great friends but I have definitely been surprised by the jealousy and unkindness of some women towards eachother.

I am careful to not get too involved so car pull back very easily if I see behaviour I don't like.

A huge flag for me is repeating a confidence, any confidence and making a sharp remark about someone they are friendly with.

Both of those are deal breakers and would have your card marked for me.

But I have been blessed with great friends whilst not being someone who needs to be around women constantly, thankfully.

I hope things get easier for you OP.
I think activities like hill walking/tennis/golf can be great ways to meet a good mix of women.

My now ex friend introduced me to my husband. Was the first person I called after my Dad died. She became jealous after I went shopping with a mutual friend without her, despite the fact she was invited but couldn’t make. So she told mutual friend a lie about me. Which she believed. They are both out of my life and I’m much better off for it.

I made a friend at work back along. We used to meet up as had shared hobby most weekends. She was notoriously moody but since I had dc and wasn't that available I didn't see the worst of it until she screamed at me until I cried in public at work....I never spoke to her again.

Girl at school told everyone I was bitching about them whilst telling them the same about me to isolate me. Came out when one of them confronted about someone the things I'd supposedly said.

Flatmate/best friend in twenties threatened to put a cigarette out in my eyes because, after sending over to tell a boy she liked the look of he coupdnjoin us for a drink, he revealed he'd been looking over at me.

30s - no female friends

40s - 2 women spread rumours that I was having an affair with a married man. I wasn't.

There have been others, they're just the notable ones. I have very few friends now. Just not worth the bother.

I agree that it's harder to find a good female friend than a boyfriend.

When I went in for a radical hysterectomy (mid thirties so very traumatic) a very old friend didn’t contact me after to see how I was, the first day I went out after my (long and traumatic) recovery I bumped into her and asked her if she had time to come back to mine for a coffee and a catch up... she said no she couldn’t as a friend had just given birth and she was going to visit them in hospital. Made me feel like shit and I’ve not spoke to her since.

Two friends decided to set up a business and one of them invited me to join them. I have not agreed yet but the second friend started being very rude to me and rejected working with me. They have since stopped working together but this second friend has told something bad to other couple of friends, and they stopped responding to my messages. Often I saw them on social media hanging out together. Thankfully I have lots of other friends but as someone said earlier I have noticed this happens to me often and I have tolerated a jealous angry behavior of the second friend for too long. I am more successful than her in many ways and I guess that bugged her.

I’ve had a few friends over the years that have deliberately not invited me to things, knowing that I would find out about it later. Just silly thinks like going for drinks or a birthday meal. I never really understood why they do it.

Fortunately I’ve got a lot of hobbies and other social things that keep me busy so I’m never at home wishing I was there with them. But it hurts me that they must take pleasure in knowing I’ll find out that they didn’t invite me.

Thankfully I don’t see them anymore. I know the sort of like a couple of them are living now and I can feel smug how thing turned out for me.

One person was very close- then she blanked me for 2 years, even returning the unopened birthday card I sent her, scrunched up in an envelope to make sure I got the point.
We eventually reconnected because I am soft, she blanked me again for a year, over who knows what.
Did not invite me to her wedding even though 2 days later we were arriving from overseas where we lived.
Then has accused me of all sorts of weird shit.

Why did I bother trying to keep in touch? Well people tell me that sisters are great. She is the only one I have. I realise she only likes me when I am subservient to her. (she is 10 years older than me).

I have now cut her off. She is definitely narcissistic. And she is foul to her son, who is an amazing human being.

A friend at secondary school one day wouldn’t speak to me again and turned a whole group of friends against me by making up stuff about me that still to this day I don’t know what it was because the other ‘friends’ wouldn’t tell me.

Years later one of these friends was someone I thought of as a best friend, she had been my bridesmaid.
When I eventually found the strength to leave the abusive exh I called her first as I felt scared and didn’t know where to stay first and she just wasn’t bothered in helping me in the slightest.
She didn’t speak to me throughout the whole process of the divorce and then I found out through another friend that she was moaning about me behind my back because I hadn’t spoken to her enough!
I haven’t heard from her since .

I had a baby at the start of lockdown last year. I tried to contact a close friend a few times over the rest of the year to meet up outside.
I’d been stuck at home with no where to go with a baby for the first 6 months of its life.
Baby is now a year old and friend hasn’t messaged me back now for 6 months so assume that’s over with too

Friend who was going through ivf. Told everyone I was a sh*t mother & didn't deserve my DS behind my back because I struggled with PND. also I begged her to visit for coffee because I was alone, exhausted & desperately needed a little company. Found out she was at home on her day off doing craft, because, you know, that's more important. She lives 2 min drive away. This was just the tip of her nastiness, I discovered.

Friend 2. Constantly whinges, btches about her kids & H and 'FML' texts, or texts questions about school etc. she can find out herself. Asks for help which puts me out massively & promises coffee as thanks - But is always too busy to meet for said coffee or catch up. But then tells me about what tv show she's watching during the day because she's bored. Is also wanting to make more friends, so chats like she's happy & social to ones I've made at school gate & was gushing about the wonderful person she met & basically shtting on me. They'll invite them over & ignore us until they need propping up again.

I've one friend, who although can be self centered when talking to her is awesome. Another I'm trying to make friends with but can't catch up with often. I'm learning to move on & not invest in friendships. There's no point.

If there is even one red flag, I end a budding friendship.

Those boundaries mean I don't have any dramatic stories to share. I have always had amazing women around me, people I know I can call at a moment's notice for help.

In secondary school my 2 best friends went behind my back and tried to ditch me at a concert and leave me stranded, since then females have been even worse , sleeping with my boyfriends, being bitchy or obsessive no in-between , can't stand most female friendships

From my experience, I feel it was easier to develop and maintain female friendships in my late teens and 20s. Once I became part of the workforce, competition and pettiness really ramped up. I once had a "friend" at work leave me a drunken, angry voice-mail because I raised more money than she did...for an animal rescue. She basically told me that I was nobody,, she was much better than me and had a much better life...all because of charity proceeds. So I promptly forwarded her VM to everyone in the firm...and quit.

I have encountered my fair share of jealousy which always confuses me. If people knew how little I think of myself, they would likely back right off. No one would be jealous of me if they knew what my life is really like.

I have retained just a few precious female friends over the years, and my very best friend is a flamboyant gay man who has the same morals and sense of humor that I do. And although he has, at times, infuriated me, we have it out like an old married couple, and are soon beasties again.

Unlike many of my female friends, he is ALWAYS there and I can tell him anything. He will literally hop on a plane to get to me, as I will for him.

When my husband found a 20 something OW at the dog park, he flew into town and demanded to "see the bitch" right away.

So we took my old dog to the park and hid in the woods to spy on OW. We were just feet away, relentlessly scrutinizing her when I looked down...and saw a big, ugly, squiggly snake. I started screaming, and when BFF saw, he started screaming, and then my dog started barking. We all came running out of the woods, completely hysterical, our cover completely blown. I'll never forget the look on OWs face.

That's when you know you have a best friend OP. They turn even your worst times into an absolute riot and an adventure. He has done this many times.

@GammyLeg

If there is even one red flag, I end a budding friendship.

Those boundaries mean I don't have any dramatic stories to share. I have always had amazing women around me, people I know I can call at a moment's notice for help.

What are your red flags early on?

My best friend from school cut me out of her life when we were 25 because I started going out with a new boyfriend and she didn't like it. A few years later she got back in touch and we went for dinner. It was fine, a bit awkward but I thought we were on the road to repairing our friendship. Afterwards she messaged me angling for a place to stay (I was living in London at the time and she was on a placement elsewhere in the country). I fobbed her off as I didn't really have space for guests. She sent me a shitty reply and immediately blocked me on all social media. That was the last I heard of her.

I feel sad about it sometimes as she was a dear friend for years, but I don't need that kind of drama in my life so she probably did me a favour.

I have a good number of people I’m friendly with. Then a large handful of close friends who are like family. We’ve been through a lot together over 16 years. Miscarriage, divorce, house moves, job changes, operations, illness. We are all imperfect and have our quirks but we are also very accepting of each other. However there are no affairs with partners or friends hitting the bottle to cope.

There are spats but sometimes but everyone is kind and with a good degree of compassion

I agree, a lot of these women aren't stable. TBH I think we all know people like this, dishonest, manipulative, always trying to prove they are better, when they are actually much, much worse. I find it very depressing.

@leftout1

Thanks for these stories. I'm starting to think that a lot of people aren't very stable. The friend who slept with my (then) husband, has actually slept with another friends husband as well. That wife still doesn't know, and they are still super friendly. I mean, this isn't normal is it? Out of all the female friends I've had over the years, this woman was my favourite. We were so close and so alike. And we've lost it all now, just for one shag.

Are you not going to tell your friend that her friend is shagging her husband?!

My female friends are my rock!

Been friends with someone since school (13 years) we drifted apart when they moved away for a couple of years but still kept in touch (saw each other once every 6 months or so) and when they moved back we became super close!
I should of seen the warning signs then as she moved away to be with her (then) boyfriend (now husband) who had a massive group of friends, in which she managed to fall out with every single one of them (always their fault) apart from one!
She has always been quite demanding and bossy, (on my wedding day she actually made my sister-in-law and 2 of my other bridesmaids cry with how rude she was being to them!) if I wouldn't do something she wanted or hung out with someone else would sulk or make snide comments so I would distance myself from her, she would calm down a little and the cycle would repeat.
Fast forward to me being pregnant with DS1 just as I announced it to our friends and family, she announced she was pregnant (had literally just taken the test) first thing she said to me was "sorry for stealing your thunder" which wasn't even something I was thinking of was just happy for her! She then proceeded to have a miscarriage, my husband was the only one around to take her to the hospital and they told her she wasn't have a miscarriage she wasn't pregnant. In the car on the way home she had a big rant to my husband about how rude they were and how dare they not believe her. This happened another 5 times all during my pregnancy where various friends would end up taking her and the midwives at the hospital would all say the same thing. No miscarriage not been pregnant.
Fast forward to now my mum is terminally ill with cancer, which has been very fast and very sudden. She got her husband to message to ask if I was annoyed at her because I hadn't replied to an emoji that she sent when I confronted her about it she said "oh gosh he shouldn't of said anything I had a dream you were mad at me his taken it out of context"
Found out my mum has 2 weeks to live, texted her to tell her she said "thanks for the update" hasn't bothered to text me to see if she is okay or how I am or anything! Then the next day announces her baby shower for 2 weeks time. (Yes she is actually pregnant this time) then gets annoyed because hardly anyone can go because she's given no one any notice! And I'm not even sure if I'm still going to have a mum by then or not!
So that was the final straw and finally cut her out of my life and feel so much better for it!

@sweetiepie1 phew, happy to read your last line! Don’t let her work her way back in.

I've had some good female friends over the years. However my early teens were miserable and my only friend told me I was a reject.

I've had work friends who have gone silent on me over the pandemic. One left the company and didn't tell me she was leaving.