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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh god

149 replies

lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 17:43

I know I have posted loads.

So I wanted closure and yes mistakenly went to the boyfriends house to see what was going on.

I went in I stayed at the door bit and I asked what was happening.

"Nothing I am just tired" "thought I was seeing you tomorrow"

This has happened after a full day of ignoring my calls and texts.

I said I just wanted to know what was going on. Just wanted to know if he still wanted to be together. Then again "I thought I was seeing you tomorrow"

It's like he has me clinging on. Me feeling hopeless as I don't know what I have done.

This has happened since last week and going to bed drunk. When everyone there said I was fine.

Once again I am left in limbo. I can't even cry. Maybe it would be better if I could.

I don't even know what to do. My ex is getting married and seems to have the perfect life, where as me just seems to fuck everything up.

OP posts:
Supernova18 · 22/05/2021 17:46

You need to give him space. Going around will push him away more

thecatwithnoeyes · 22/05/2021 17:47

I haven't read your other posts but why would you go to your boyfriends house for closure of you had an arranged meeting the next night?

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 22/05/2021 17:47

Is this the bloke you’ve had multiple threads about and people keep telling you to end it and you don’t want to hear it?

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 17:48

I would certainly do that if I just knew what was going on.

It just seems very unfair.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 17:48

@SimonedeBeauvoirscat

Is this the bloke you’ve had multiple threads about and people keep telling you to end it and you don’t want to hear it?
Yeah I only want to know what I have done. That is all.
OP posts:
thecatwithnoeyes · 22/05/2021 17:48

@lostsoul1989

I would certainly do that if I just knew what was going on.

It just seems very unfair.

Why don't you know what's going on?

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 17:49

@thecatwithnoeyes

I haven't read your other posts but why would you go to your boyfriends house for closure of you had an arranged meeting the next night?
He's ignored me, it's been going on all week, I'm just sick of not knowing anything.
OP posts:
seensome · 22/05/2021 17:50

Leave him, anyone that wants to be with you will make an effort to be available and see you without you having to do all the chasing. Some won't give you closure and have the bottle to tell you but being left out in cold and not knowing is the biggest hint.
Look for someone else that does want you.

CheshireCats · 22/05/2021 17:50

Well, now you know he's a twat, so you can dump him.

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 17:51

I don't know what's going on as he is so off with me, won't talk and doesn't seem to like confrontation.

From being text everyday, from things being good to just the silent treatment.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/05/2021 17:51

OP you have kids, have recently had a medical procedure and you don't sound very well.

You need to focus on your kids and your mental health instead of going to his house (presumably with them in the car or something) feeling entitled to answers when he had been clear he didn't want to see you until tomorrow.

You sound like you've spiralled but you need to be focused on your children and wellness instead of a relationship that sounds increasingly fragile and toxic.

Templetreebreeze · 22/05/2021 17:51

Op
You havent done anything wrong.
Hes the wrong one.
He treats you like shit because he can.
Stop him treating you like shit by dumping him.
You wont get an explanation because the only explanation is that he is abusive and only cares about himself.

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 22/05/2021 17:53

You need to let it go.

It doesn't matter why he's ignoring you. His behaviour is upsetting you which is the only important thing. You deserve to be treated well. Some people (like him) can't express their feelings or are shady and don't want to admit that you're an ego boost until The One turns up.

Run and block. You are embarrassing yourself by behaving like this. You shouldn't have to beg anyone to be your friend- especially when they have a history of treating you badly. You need to protect yourself and realise that enough is enough.

You can't be friends and are torturing yourself with the messages and meet ups. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. He has every right to feel that way.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/05/2021 17:53

@lostsoul1989

I don't know what's going on as he is so off with me, won't talk and doesn't seem to like confrontation.

From being text everyday, from things being good to just the silent treatment.

I know this is hard to hear but nobody is obliged to give anyone answers on demand. Of course he should finish with you and / or tell you what the problem is, but you can't demand he does so, keep asking him, show up unannounced at his house etc just because you aren't getting an answer you think is 'enough'. If his behaviour is making you this anxious and unwell then you need to end the relationship, not keep pushing him to talk when he very clearly doesn't want to do so.
Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 17:54

@youvegottenminuteslynn

OP you have kids, have recently had a medical procedure and you don't sound very well.

You need to focus on your kids and your mental health instead of going to his house (presumably with them in the car or something) feeling entitled to answers when he had been clear he didn't want to see you until tomorrow.

You sound like you've spiralled but you need to be focused on your children and wellness instead of a relationship that sounds increasingly fragile and toxic.

No children were with me, I wouldn't do that.

I'm just so sore and tired.

I feel like just blocking him, and leaving it be.

But then I don't.

OP posts:
ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 22/05/2021 17:55

Why don't you block him?

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 17:55

Scared I think. Not sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 17:56

Thank you all for your messages tho.

It is really appreciated and seems to be the only thing that keeps me grounded.

OP posts:
Notagain20 · 22/05/2021 17:57

What are you scared of?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/05/2021 17:57

Sorry I thought from your other thread you had a nine year old so assumed they must have been with you as couldn't be home alone?

You sound exhausted and you need to try to let this go. He doesn't want to talk, or fix things, or make you feel better. Which in a way is good because there's your answer - he's not invested in the way you are so there's no way you can have a healthy relationship and you need to let it go.

It sounds like you could do with some counselling to help your anxiety and to work on some coping mechanisms to stop you spiralling when things get on top of you, which (as someone who used to do so too) it sounds like you have a tendency to do?

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 18:00

@Notagain20

What are you scared of?
I think lonely and being alone forever. Also upsetting him, I hate upsetting people.

I'm a nice person, would just hate to think I have hurt him.

OP posts:
Notagain20 · 22/05/2021 18:00

It sounds like you are clinging on to something that isn't there, I'm afraid. Areyou scaredof being alone? Have you readthe Baggage Reclaim blog? It's got great stuff about how to recognise and detach yourself from this kind of guy.

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 18:01

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Sorry I thought from your other thread you had a nine year old so assumed they must have been with you as couldn't be home alone?

You sound exhausted and you need to try to let this go. He doesn't want to talk, or fix things, or make you feel better. Which in a way is good because there's your answer - he's not invested in the way you are so there's no way you can have a healthy relationship and you need to let it go.

It sounds like you could do with some counselling to help your anxiety and to work on some coping mechanisms to stop you spiralling when things get on top of you, which (as someone who used to do so too) it sounds like you have a tendency to do?

Yeah they are with their Dad today.

I wouldn't let my children see me upset.

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 22/05/2021 18:02

Block him.

He's not into you at all and this obsessive search for closure is borderline harassment and stalking.

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 22/05/2021 18:03

I know things are scary right now but you'll start to feel better when you take control and create some certainty in your life.

You can't make someone love you. He's not going to change his mind just because you plead and beg. Thanks You need to start detaching from him which is hard but you deserve to be happy. Him giving an answer won't magically make you feel better but realising that you need to look out for yourself is really important ThanksThanks